Zen Million Years to Birth is a story in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures Special issue 10, published in the fall of 1994 by Archie Comics.
Appearing in Zen Million Years to Birth[]
Major Characters[]
- April O'Neil
- Cid
- Donatello
- Grog-Cid
- Kak-Ti
- Leonardo
- Michaelangelo
- Raphael
- Splinter
Locations[]
- Southeast Arizona
- Town of Birth
Synopsis[]
Using a bow and arrow, Master Splinter begins a lesson on Zen, the art of letting go, of becoming one with the bow and the target. His pupils watch as he fires an arrow dead center into a target which has been set up in their sewer home. Michaelangelo equates the lesson to how his surf board feels like part of his body when he’s hanging ten and Splinter agrees it is something like that, but more.
Splinter then tells his sons to draw their bows. Unfortunately, there is not much space so when Donatello's string snaps, his elbow hits Raphael in the face. At that point, Splinter decides that a more intensive lesson is in order, but not in the city.
Mike grows excited at their destination possibilities as Splinter lowers a large map of the United States. Splinter states that they will begin in a place of nothingness, for that is where all things begin. This sets Mike to chanting about big waves, but then Splinter points to a spot in Southeast Arizona. Mike laments that there are no waves in the desert, but Splinter ignores him as he says that they will need a driver.
This turns out to be April O'Neil, who graciously drives the small mutant family out to the desert. The turtles begin bickering with each other and April says they lured her out with promises of escaping the clamor of New York City. When Leonardo offers her a bottle of water, April declines, saying she’s already had five bottles. A close up of the back of the vehicle shows that it is full of water bottles.
Leo pulls out a map, finding that they are near Tombstone and then talks about the historical landmark that is the O.K. Corral. Mikey draws a frown from his brother by saying it’s a tourist trap and that they should swing by Big Sur and catch some waves. Splinter points out that they are not on vacation and they should think of this as a field trip.
April then notices a man off on the side of the road messing with a Saguaro Cacti. She comes to a screeching stop and demands to know what the man is doing. He tries telling the group that he’s a cactus doctor scientist, but they don’t buy that story. April proceeds to scold him for being greedy and that Saguaro are endangered because people like him dig them up and sell them.
The man admits that people will pay many dollars just to have a Saguaro cactus in their backyard and Raph replies that it’s selfish. The man drops to his knees then and admits he’s a cactus poacher. He begs them not to turn him in, saying he will change his crooked ways, but he has his fingers crossed behind his back.
Splinter tells him to return the Saguaro to the Earth and they’ll consider not turning him in. The man thanks him profusely, but it’s obvious that he’s being disingenuous.
Rather than moving on, Splinter decides they are in a good place to pitch camp and begin their first lesson. Once they have unloaded the vehicle, the turtles don heavy suits of samurai armor and then Raph says they are ready for their first lesson. Splinter tells them to lay down their weapons and asks if they know what a Japanese rock garden is. He is satisfied when Raph replies that it’s a combination of rocks and sand drawings arranged in a pleasing manner.
Splinter tells them to create their own rock gardens and that when they have completed one, to begin another, and another, and that he will return periodically to check on their progress. As he walks away with April, she asks about the lesson and Splinter tells her the exercise will lead them to a detached state of mind; that they will think of nothing but the garden until they have become the garden itself.
Hours later the turtles have created multiple rock gardens. Nearby, the cactus poacher, whose name is Cid, has donned some of the samurai armor and is slashing the air with swords. Raph yells at him to stop before his loses a finger. Then Raph discovers a partially buried plaque bearing the words “Birth, Arizona. Founded 1876. Population 12.”
In the same spot is a curved spike sticking up from the ground and Raph decides to yank on it. When he does, a large spaceship rises up. The turtles and Cid enter and discover a sort of control station with jagged shards of crystals sticking up from its center. When they touch one of the panels, they can hear words in their mind.
Cid hears that the ship contains all of the knowledge and memories of the Grog, a super intelligent alien lifeform, whose world was wiped out by disease. Raph hears that the ship is damaged, but if they return a certain power crystal to the receptacle, the ship will repair itself and then they’ll be able to receive all of the knowledge of the Grog.
Donatello tells him to hold up because he is suspicious, but Cid grabs the power crystal out of Raph’s hands and places it into the receptacle. He is immediately possessed by the Grog and turned into a crystal samurai. The Grog states that it has waited ten million years for someone to come along who they could possess and that they will take over their bodies and brains as well.
The ship begins blasting away at the turtles, who dodge. Mikey notices a readout that says “Automated Ship Repair – 15:00” as he and the turtles run outside. When Raph taunts the Grog for missing them, the Grog replies that any living tissue will suffice and blasts the cactus and a coyote, turning them into Grogs.
Mike points out that they’ve got about 10 minutes left before the ship becomes fully operational and that they have to stop it before it reaches civilization. Raph throws a sai at the firing mechanism on the ship making it explode, and then proceeds to taunt the Grog.
As they start to fight the Grog, Don notes that they seem to know every move before the turtles make it, and Splinter says it’s because they have telepathic powers. He then ducks below Grog-Cid’s punch and flips him over, reminding his sons that Zen is the art of not thinking. They need to clear their minds and simply act.
This plan works as they attack Grog-Cid. Leo tells Don to take on the cactus, who says its name is Kak-Ti. The Grog cactus knocks him down and runs for the ship. Don follows it inside as Kak-Ti begins working the ship’s controls and leaps on the cactus.
Outside, April reminds the turtles that Cid is still inside the crystal Grog and they have to take care not to hurt him. In the ship, Kak-Ti throws Don across the room and then grabs a weapon it calls a Dehydration Gun that will suck every drop of water of him, transferring it to the Grog.
Kak-Ti aims a blast at Don, but the turtle ducks and the dehydration strikes another Grog, shriveling it up. Don laughs because he realizes that the Grog cacti have only one eye – therefore no depth perception. The Grog laughs as well, because now all of the Grog are arming up.
As the turtles argue about what to do, Don tells his brothers to draw their fire. Leo wants to know who taught him combat strategy and sarcastically asks if it was General Custard. Don ignores the jibe and tells the other turtles to leap into the fray and not get hit. Leo acknowledges that he is supposed to be the smart one and with that, they attack.
The turtles manage to make the Grog shoot each other with their dehydration weapons and Splinter shouts the encouragement that they follow their instincts. Leo runs to the back of their car and taunts the Grog into shooting – but the blast hits all of the water bottles instead of the turtle. So much water enters the Grog and it explodes.
Don and Mikey jump backwards at Grog-Cid at the same time and their shells break apart the crystal shell. Cid emerges and when a cactus Grog asks if he would like to take it with him, Cid screams and runs away.
Returning to their ship, the Grog tunnel back into the ground and vanish. The turtles return to their training and Mike says that after a couple more lessons, they’ll have the Zen thing down cold.
Notes and Trivia[]
- Due to the lack of Ninjara, "Zen Million Years to Birth" has to take place before TMNT Adventure #28.
See also[]
- Zen Million Years to Birth/Gallery
- Zen Million Years to Birth/Transcript