Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.

Page 1

Hun "What? No welcomin' committee?!"

Zack Baniel's
No. 9
Distilled and bottled by
43% ALC. BY VOL. (86 PROOF)

Hun "Whaddya think, Link? Time to start knockin' on some doors to wake these losers up?"

Link "You said it, boss. Maybe knock some heads, too."

Malo "Yeah—startin' with that guey."

Casey Jones "What's wrong, Malo..."

Casey "...Didn't I break your face enough already tonight?*"

[*See TMNT #45 - B.C.]

Page 2

Elizabeth O'Neil "What is it, John... What's going on?"

John O'Neil "Call 9-1-1, Beth. Tell them..."

John "...Tell them to send everyone."

Casey "Go home, Dad—yet drunk as a skunk."

Link "Check it out, boys. Baby Jones needs a little girl to stick up for him."

Chun "Heh. Guess it's his guardian Angel, huh? Got himself a new puppy dog, too."

Hun "Weak. So stinkin' weak."

Casey "Yeah? Well, I learned from an expert, didn't I?"

Hun "Hey, what can I say—I was just a regular mook tryin' to do the best with what I had. But then my best got better."

Hun "Now I got all kinds of important lessons to teach ya. Like the one I learned a long time ago in Sunday school. It's real simple..."


Hun "Honor your father."

Page 3

Casey "Sorry, I already learned a lot about honor over the last year..."

Casey "...None of it from you!"

"My God, they're completely outnumbered..."

John "...They'll never survive without help!"

Beth "John! Where are you going?!"

John "To help!"

"I can't just stand by and watch..."

Arune "...It wouldn't be right, Priya."

Priya "But... What will you do, Arune?"

Arune "Return a favor."

Page 4

Hun "Stupid move, kid, steppin' up to us like that."

Casey "Stupid? You mean like leavin' my legs free?"


Hun "Grahh!"

Casey "Oops. Looks like you spilled again. No one likes a sloppy drunk."

Hun "Yer done, boy. Ain't no one comin' to rescue you this time. I'm gonna—"



Hun "Who the...?"

Casey "Arune? Mr. O'Neil?"

Casey "What the hell're you doin'?!"

Arune "N-No biggie. Just helping a neighbor."

John "With a toaster?"

John "It's all I had time to grab."

John "Besides..."

Page 5

John "...I never could get the damned thing to work properly, anyway!"


Punk "Uff!"


Link "Yahh!"

Nobody "Don't look now, boys, but you just got owned by a "little girl." "

Nobody "Oh, and the "puppy dog?" "

Nobody "She bites."

Alopex "Grrarr!"

Malo "Aaaahh!"

John "Uhh... What now, Casey?"

Casey "Well, unless you got another kitchen appliance handy, batter up."

Arune "Oh, man, my wife's going to kill me if this beast doesn't first."

Jimmy "You, T-Boy, ain't that Arune from the corner store?"

T-Boy "Yeah, that's him, Jimmy. What's he doin' in the middle of alla that crazy, though?"

Jimmy "What we should be doin', bro..."

Jimmy "...Protectin' what's ours."

Jimmy "C'mon!"

Page 6

Hun "You made a mistake, Case, hookin' up with these wimps!"

Casey "Nah, Dad. I didn't."

Casey "Honestly, it's probably the smartest thing I ever done."


Hun "Unf!"

" 'Cause I finally figured out, the family yer born with..."

Woman A "What's happening?"

Jimmy "We backin' up our boy Arune, that's what!"

Woman A "The nice man from the store?"

"...Ain't necessarily the one that turns out to be your real family."

Woman A "We'll help, too!"

Casey "The kind that stands by you no matter what."

John "Get ready..."

John "Now!"

"Always there to help you even when things're tough."

"Always ready to prove that sometimes blood's just blood."

Page 7

Hun "Graahh!"

Hun "You think yer the only one with a new family?!"

Hun "Look around me, kid—I got me all the family I need to burn this block to the stinkin' ground!"

Casey "Yeah?"

"Looks like yer on your own to me."

Punk "Forget this!"

Woman B "You owe me some new groceries, you bully!"

Jimmy "That's right, punks—run away! This is our 'hood!"

Woman A "We did it!"

Hun "Ha hahaha haha!"

Casey "What the hell's so funny?"

Hun "Me and you, kid—that's what."

Hun "We both thought we was right and it turns out we was both wrong."

Hun "Them wimps hightailin' it outta here? They ain't my family. They're just dime-a-dozen street punks."

Hun "Replacin 'em's easy as flashin' around wads of dough and promisin' more where it came from."

Page 8

Hun "But that don't make 'em any different than these wimps. I mean, c'mon—one second I see you with those green freaks, the next with these stuck-up pencil necks."

Hun "Yer exchangin' family as fast as I'm recruitin' new gang bangers."

Hun "Doncha see, Case? The only constant in all of this is me... And you... And the way we both handle any problem that gets in our way—even if that problem happens to be each other."

Hun "The Jones way."

Hun "With fists and feet."

Hun "With blood and broken bones."

Hun "I was laughin' 'cause I thought I needed to teach you a lesson tonight when it turns out you been learnin' just fine all along."

Hun "Yer right, kid—sometimes blood's just blood."

Hun "...And no matter what, there ain't nothin' you can do to change it."

Johnson "Hands off the kid, dirtball!"

Page 9

Johnson "And don't move a muscle!"

Beth "That's him, officer—the big one! His group started all of this."

Kara Lewis "It's okay, ma'am, we know exactly who's responsible..."

Kara "...Don't we, Hun?"

Hun "Talk to my lawyer, cop. I already said what I needed to say."

Kara "Yeah? Well, that is your right."

Kara "Cuff the scumbag."

Kara "I'm Detective Kara Lewis, folks, and on behalf of the city, I wanna thank you."

Kara "You just helped us bag one of New York's most wanted."

Casey "Most wanted, huh?"

Casey "Not by me."

Johnson "Yo, Detective Lewis! I swear I just saw a giant white fox an—"

Kara "Nuh-uh. Nope. Stop right there, Johnson."

Kara "We got Hun—that's enough."

Kara "Anything else is more paperwork..."

Page 10

"...And I hate paperwork."

Splinter "This is as intriguing and mysterious as you told us, Miss O'Neil..."

Splinter "...And you say your professor believes the Foot have no idea they possessed it in their archives?"

April O'Neil "It literally hurts to see Donnie this way, Raph."

Raphael "Don't it, though? Wait 'till you see the robot version."

April "I... I still can't process it all."

Splinter "Miss O'Neil?"

April "Hm? I'm sorry, Master Splinter—what were you saying?"

Leonardo "He was asking if you're sure the Foot doesn't know this scroll exists, April."

Page 11

April "Sure? No."

April "But I genuinely believe Professor Miller is terrified of Shredder and would never have taken the scroll if he thought for a second they'd miss it."

Splinter "Indeed."

Leo "So, what do you think, Father?"

Leo "Do we destroy this one, too?"

Splinter "No, my son, we do not."

Splinter "Unlike Oroku Saki's Ashi no Himitsu*, this document not only speaks of threats from the ancient past, but of potential dangers to come as well."

Splinter "As mysterious as it is, it would be beneficial to maintain some forewarning of future jeopardy."

Michelangelo "Check out that rat dude, bro."

Mikey "Totally weird, huh?"

Leo "Yeah... Weird."

Splinter "It certainly begs further exploration. But we have more immediate concerns, I'm afraid."

Splinter "The future will have to wait."

April "Not necessarily."

Page 12

April "Casey and I've been talking and we'd like to do more to help out."

April "If you don't mind, I'd like to keep the scroll so he and I can continue the investigation."

Raph "Casey? We ran into his old man earlier after we brought Donnie's body here.*"

Mikey "Dude! It sounds totally creepy when you say it like that."

Raph "Maybe 'cause it is creepy, Mike."

Leo "Anyway... It looks like Hun's been cut loose from the Foot. And he may be drinking again."

Mikey "Yeah. Dude's a total mess."

April "Well, if Hun's running around causing trouble, then it's all the more reason for Casey to go with me."

Leo "Go with you? Where?"

April "Out west."

April "Break time's over for me..."

Page 13

"...Time to get back to work."

Oroku Karai "You're saying, they vanished?"

Bludgeon "Yes. When we found Hun, he wasn't alone—the turtle mutants were with him."

Bludgeon "We thought we should attack them first, but they fled."

Koya "They all... Escaped."

Karai "All? Mutants and the traitor human?"

Bebop "Talk about mega fail."

Rocksteady "Guess not everyone can handle special missions, hey, B?"

Karai "Silence, fools!"

Bludgeon "The turtles... They had a secret weapon, Karai."

Koya "An intelligent robot that could spray fire and—"

Karai "Repelled by a secret weapon? Again?"

Karai "Your excuses are becoming as uninspired as your fighting skills."

Shredder "And yet, they speak the truth."

Page 14

Shredder "Fortunately, secret weapons are not solely accessible to our enemies."

Karai "Master Shredder!"

Baxter Stockman "Quite the ofice space you have here, Shredder."

Baxter "It's so... You."

Page 15

Karai "Grandfather, we... We thought you dead."

Koya "It was out fault, Master."

Koya "We cravenly abandoned you on the island. We—"

Shredder "Enough. I will hear no more of this useless prattle."

Shredder "We have already spoken of secret weapons, and that was precisely what we faced on Burnow Island."

Shredder "But culpability for my near-death does not fall on that weapon, nor with any individual in this room."

Shredder "Betrayal is at the heart of the matter—a matter I fully intend to rectify in short order with the help of each and every one of you."

Shredder "Now, however, I wish only for Karai to remain present."

Karai "The master said for all to leave, scientist."

Shredder "No, Karai... Stockman stays."

Shredder "We have important business to conduct."

Karai "Important... Business?"

Page 16

Karai "But, Grandfather, the clan very nearly fell because of our trust in strangers."

Shredder "Doctor Stockman is no stranger to us, Karai."

Karai "An outsider, then."

Karai "We are the Foot—a family. We need no others but ourselves. We must purge those who do not belong."

Shredder "Must? You forget yourself, chunin."

Shredder "The only thing that must happen is that which I deem necessary."

Karai "I... I am sorry, Master. I have overstepped my authority."

Shredder "You cannot overstep what you do not possess, Granddaughter."

Shredder "But that is a discussion for another day."

Shredder "Get up."

Shredder "Your blame is misplaced, Karai. No outsider has caused the recent dangers faced by our clan."

Shredder "In truth, the foundation for our current dilemma was laid long ago, from within the very family you seek to defend."

Shredder "An ancient treachery."

Shredder "Brother against brother."

Karai "Hamato Yoshi."

Shredder "Indeed. And today we destroy the rat in our midst."

Shredder "Are you ready to begin, Doctor?"

Baxter "I was starting to think you'd never ask."

Page 17

Baxter "Just a few quick adjustments..."

Karai "But... We are the Foot Clan. We don't need this man's help to right any wrongs we've suffered. We..."

Karai "...We can do that for ourselves."

Shredder "And we will. When the doctor has completed his task, our forces will follow on to ensure the destruction I desire is complete."

Karai "But, Grandfather, is this... Is this honorable?"

Shredder "Honorable, Karai?"

Shredder "This is vengeance."

Baxter "Personalize it all you want, ninja. But for me, this—and all things—remains strictly business."

Baxter "And today's business happens to be..."

Baxter "...Extermination."

Page 18 & 19

Johnson "Uh, Detective Lewis..."

Johnson "...I know you told me to be quiet, but—"

Kara "Yeah, yeah... I see it, too, Johnson."

"Do you see that?"

Alopex "There... In the sky, Angel."

Nobody "What the hell?"

"Thanks for loaning me Casey on such short notice, Mom and Dad."

April "It's just a little road trip while I'm on break. I thought it'd be nice to get out and explore the desert."

April "Get some fresh air."

Beth "It's fine, kiddo."

Beth "After tonight, I think Casey could really use some time away."

John "And with his father in police custody now..."

John "...I think things will calm down around here."

"Um, gentlemen, I think we've got a big problem..."

Page 20

Donatello (Metalhead) "...If I'm interpreting these readings correctly, that is."

Zayton Honeycutt "Well, yes, Donatello. We've already discussed that this equipment will not be sufficient enough to solve your current problems."

Honeycutt "But once I retrieve more from Burno--"

Donnie "No, Professor Honeycutt--this isn't about me. It's about my family."

Harold Lillja "Of course it is."

Honeycutt "Your family?"

Donnie "When we moved my body to our lair, I set up monitoring stations throughout the place so I can stay remotely connected to my vital signs."

Donnie "While I was at it, I linked myself to the security systems I installed right after we moved in, too."

Donnie "Figured it couldn't hurt to keep an eye on things at home even when I'm not there."

Harold "So?"

Donnie "So, I was doing an interface test between my new body and the external monitors here when I got a ping from the lair's security system."

Donnie "And since I also have doppler radar set up around the church, I tapped into that to see what I could find out and..."

Donnie "...Well, look for yourself."

Harold "What is that?"

Donnie "I don't know. But whatever it is..."

Donnie "...It's extremely big and fast..."

Page 21

Donnie "...And it's heading straight for my house."

Mikey "Hey, anyone seen the remote?"

Raph "Did you check in the fridge, dork?"

Raph "That's where you left it last ti—"


Mikey "Gahh!"

Splinter "My sons! Are you okay?!"

Leo "Yes, Father, we're {koff} good."

Raph "Was that an earthquake or somethin'?"

Flyborg "Target located. Priority mission..."

Flyborg "...Kill the rat!"

Leo "It's Stockman's flyborgs!"

Mikey "And flying Mousers, too!"

Splinter "My sons! We must protect your brother!"

Raph "Uh, Sensei, somethin' tells me..."

Flyborg "Priority mission..."

Page 22

Raph "...It ain't Don they're after."

Flyborg A "Kill the rat."

Flyborg B "Kill the rat."

Flyborg C "Kill the rat."

Flyborg D "Kill the rat."

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