Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.

Script: Jim Lawson

Pencils: Jim Lawson
Inks: Steve Lavigne
Lettering: Steve Lavigne


In an alley somewhere, an old man hears a cat meowing. He enters the alley to look for the cat, but is instead met by a couple of punks. One of the punks begins beating the old man senseless with a baseball bat, forcing the man to shoot him in the stomach with a concealed gun. The other punk runs away in terror.

The next day, at another part of town, the Turtles are observing a meeting of gang members. Suddenly, to their shock, Nobody appears and approaches one of the hoods. The hoods pull out their guns and open fire. Nobody flees and the Turtles circle around to meet him. Having lost the punks, Nobody asks the TMNT for their help. The old man involved in the shooting last night happened to be a friend of Nobody’s. And although the punk he shot will recover just fine, his fellow gang members want to kill the old man for shooting one of their own. Nobody wants to make sure that doesn’t happen.

That night, at the old man’s apartment, he and his wife, Eugena, are watching Jeopardy. Suddenly, several members of the gang kick the door in, swearing to kill the old man for what he did to Jacky (the punk). However, the “old man” and the “old lady” turn out to be Mike and Raph in disguise. They beat the punks senseless, sending one crashing through the window in horror. He tries to escape through the alley but is beaten by Nobody.

Later, the Turtles regroup with Nobody on the roof. Nobody is pleased with the results of their ruse, content that the punks will leave the old couple alone out of fear of them being “aliens”. Raph asks what will happen to the old man and Nobody says that, considering the circumstances, he’ll likely get off with probation. The Turtles and Nobody then declare the case “over” and go their separate ways.

Elsewhere, at a gun shop, a different old man asks to buy a .44 Magnum and the cycle of violence is doomed to continue.


  • This story is only printed as a back-up in the first (1989) printing of the Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 1) TPB, and is not present in the second printing. To date, it has never been reprinted anywhere else.
  • This story was partially adapted for the 2003 TMNT cartoon series for the episode “Still Nobody”. Due to this story being untitled, some fans refer to it as “Still Nobody” as a simpler means to identify it.
  • Nobody previously encountered the Turtles in Tales of the TMNT (Vol. 1) #2. He’ll meet them again in TMNT (Vol. 1) #48.
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.