Turtles of the Jungle (episode)/Transcript

[Opening sequence and theme song.]

[Episode opens inside the turtles’ lair. Donatello is about to unveil his latest invention.]

Donatello "A final adjustment. There, it's ready."

Michelangelo "Righteous, dude. But the question is, what is it?"

Donatello "Well, you've heard of the jet age, the electronic age and the computer age.

[dramatic introduction]

Da da di da da da da

[Pulls the sheet off of his invention.]

And now—"

Raphael "Make way for the "Garb-age”."

Donatello "Ho, ho. Very funny, Raphael."

Splinter "Perhaps if you explain your--

[clears throat]

invention, Donatello. Things fully understood are not objects of ridicule."

Donatello "Well, it takes a great scientific mind like Professor Willard W. Willard

[gestures towards a picture of the Professor]

to fully understand the complexity of it, but, well, I'll give it a shot."

Raphael "How modest can one get?"

Donatello "You are gazing at the cutting edge state-of-the-art, brand new hot dog fixer-upper, that phenomenal kitchen helper, the sniff and squirt."

[He turns the machine on and places a hot dog in a bun under the machines’ artificial nose. It sniffs the hot dog and then squirts condiments onto it. Donatello’s self-satisfied expression changes when the machine malfunctions and he gets splattered by those same condiments.]

Raphael "A trifle heavy on the mustard, wouldn't you say?"

[Michelangelo yanks the plug from the wall socket and stops the machine. Donatello’s brothers start laughing. Splinter attempts to reassure Donatello.]

Splinter "Do not be discouraged, my student. We must fall many times before we learn to stand."

[Donatello’s turtlecom beeps.]

Donatello "Donatello here."

April O'Neil "Donatello? Is that you?"

Donatello "Yes, April, it's me."

April "What happened to your face?"

Donatello "It's a long story and I don't think you'd relish hearing it."

April "I'm calling because your idol, Professor Willard W. Willard, will be at the International Science Conference today."

Donatello "Professor Willard? Are you serious?"

April "Uh-huh. He's unveiling his newest invention; a molecular intensifier."

Donatello "Where's it taking place?"

April "At the Park Central hotel. Can you make it?"

Donatello "Are you kidding? I'll be there with bells on."

Raphael "Also with mustard, chili and ketchup on."

[Everyone, including Splinter, laughs. In Dimension X, the Technodrome is still stranded on an asteroid.]

Shredder "Hang on, Krang. Here comes some more space junk!"

[Debris hits the Technodrome and knocks Krang out of his chair and onto Shredder.]

Krang "I hate living on this floating junk pile. We're going to get the Technodrome back to Earth if it's the last thing I do."

Shredder "

[groaning]

Or the last thing I do."

[The turtles walk through the sewers with Donatello in the lead. He stops at a ladder.]

Donatello "Well, let's see. The Park Central hotel oughta be right about here. It'll be great to be with serious scientists instead of laughing turtles."

[Inside the International Science Conference, Professor Willard W. Willard stands onstage at a podium. Scientists in the audience are laughing. The only person not laughing is April.]

Professor Willard "You dare laugh at me? Professor Willard W. Willard? The only true genius in this entire room?

[He trips over a power cord and falls down. Donatello enters through an air vent.]

And you call yourselves scientists."

[A member of the audience throws a tomato at the professor, but Donatello runs in front of it and it splatters on his shell.]

Donatello "Uh, guys, getting a little hostile, aren't we?

[The laughter continues.]

Come on, Professor. We're getting out of here."

[The pair walk off the stage. Back in Dimension X, Shredder and Krang watch April’s broadcast on the Technodrome’s monitor.]

April "Although Professor Willard admits his molecular intensifier isn't quite perfected, he's confident he's learned to control the growth rate of all living things."

Krang "What an incredible concept! I must have that invention."

Shredder "But why, Krang? It doesn't even work."

Krang "I can make it work! I'm handy."

Shredder "Wonderful. What's in it for me?"

Krang "Why, with that kind of power, you can take control of the planet Earth and crush those pesky turtles."

Shredder "And we can finally move off this low-rent asteroid."

Krang "Exactly! Now, into the portal, and hurry."

Shredder "You're sure that Professor's device will work?"

Krang "Of course! Trust me!"

[Shredder enters the portal. Meanwhile, Donatello and April have joined the Professor in his lab.]

April "And Donatello has one of the finest scientific minds I've ever seen on a turtle, Professor Willard."

Donatello "And I'm your biggest fan, Professor."

Professor Willard "Well, all right. I will allow you to assist me."

Donatello "It's just a minor setback, Professor. Don't let those stuffed shirts get you down."

Professor Willard "They will be sorry they laughed at me, Donatello."

[He is looking at his pet monkey, Jocko.]

Donatello "Uh, Professor? I'm over here."

Professor Willard "Here, Jocko, have a banana."

[He hands the banana to Donatello. Jocko bounces over and grabs it out of his hand.]

Donatello "Oh, whoa, hey! I was just peeling it for ya!"

Professor Willard "And now for a private demonstration of my molecular intensifier. Stand back, Jocko, this could be dangerous. Now, keep your eye on that tiny plant."

[He throws a switch, but the machine starts shooting its rays all over the room.]

Donatello "Yikes! Look out, professor!"

[Donatello’s shouting, the monkey Jocko is screaming, and the machine is spinning wildly. Donatello ducks behind another machine to escape the rays. Jocko is knocked off the filing cabinet he’s hopped onto, and then jumps, rolls and flips to avoid being hit. The laser finally points down at the floor and stops moving.]

Donatello "Phew. Well, at least it stopped swinging around."

Professor Willard "Oh, I only hope the molecular intensifier wasn't damaged."

[The laser continues to fire, going deep underground and hitting the roots of a tree. Donatello has rejoined his brothers at the lair.]

Raphael "Face it, the Professor's a wacko. A pistachio nut."

Donatello "And I thought he was a genius. How could I have been so wrong?"

Leonardo "Heroes fall hard, Donatello."

Donatello "You know, actually, we're lucky that growth ray of his didn't work."

[In the sewers, there is a creaking noise, and then the roots push through the brick walls and up through the ground.]

Leonardo "Right. No telling what kind of damage that contraption could cause!"

[The roots push up into the city streets, sending people screaming for cover. The roots are soon covering everything and sprouting leaves. A portal opens and Shredder steps through. He encounters a veritable wall of plants.]

Shredder "Hmm. They've really let this city go to seed since I was here last. Heh. Well, now to find that professor and his molecular intensifier."

[Using the blades on his wrist guards, Shredder begins cutting a path through the plant material. At Channel 6, plants cover the building. Burne Thompson is in his car.]

Burne Thompson "Gyah! What's happening? Whoooa!"

[Plants cover his car and lift it off the street.]

April "I've never seen anything grow like this. What could be causing it?"

[The plants lift Thompson’s car up towards the window that April, Irma, and Vernon are peering through.]

Thompson "Whoa! Help!"

April "It's Mr. Thompson!"

Thompson "Let me out of here! Don't just stand there, find out what's happening with these plants.

[He opens his car door, jumping out of it and through the building’s window.]

I want Channel 6 on the air with this story first."

April "I'm on my way, chief!"

Thompson "You too, Vernon. Go, go, go!"

[At the lair, the turtles continue to discuss the Professor.]

Donatello "A molecular intensifier's a stupid idea, anyway. I mean, if it was any good, I would have already invented it."

[Vines push into the lair and lift both the couch and chair.]

Raphael "Okay, who's the joker?"

Donatello "Whoa!"

Leonardo "We're being invaded by giant vines!"

Donatello "Do you realize what this means?"

Raphael "Somebody traded our cow for a handful of beans?"

[They all start shouting as the vines tangle around them.]

Donatello "It's the rays from the Professor's molecular intensifier! It actually works!"

[Back at the Professor’s lab, he is studying paperwork, while Jocko sits in his cage nearby.]

Professor Willard "No, I don't understand it either, Jocko. My calculations were correct. It shoulda worked. Now, let's see. Jocko was struck by the growth ray.

[As he’s talking, Jocko starts to grow and bursts out of the cage.]

According to my calculations, divided by six, carry the five, he should now be exactly about thirty feet tall."

[He looks up, suddenly noticing that Jocko has grown. The monkey punches through the wall and goes outside.]

Professor Willard "My molecular intensifier works! I'm a genius after all!"

[He laughs triumphantly. Outside, April is reporting while Vernon acts as her cameraman.]

April "Traffic is at a stand-still and the entire city has become an overgrown jungle. This mutant vegetation continues to grow at an incredible rate. Um, do you mind, sir?

[Thumping footsteps approach.]

Please move, we're trying to do a telecast!

[A giant shadow hits her and April looks up to see a growling Jocko.]

Uh, forget I said anything."

[The turtles, still seated on the couch and chair, are pushed up through a manhole into the city. They are right in front of Jocko, but don’t see him as they hop down.]

Michelangelo "Whoa! Tubuloso mode of transportation."

April "Hi, fellas. Uh, don't look now, but, uh—"

[She points and they all turn around.]

Leonardo "Tell me it's a trick done with mirrors."

Donatello "I'm afraid it's no trick. That's Jocko, the professor's pet monkey."

Raphael "I sure hope he's house-trained."

[Jocko growls and begins walking towards the turtles. They back up.]

Michelangelo "The professor's growth ray really went ape."

Donatello "We've gotta stop him!"

Raphael "Any suggestions?"

[Jocko growls and menaces them.]

Leonardo "Okay, so maybe he's bigger than us, but we've got—"

All "Turtle Power!"

Leonardo "Watch it, guys! Size eighty-eight’s headed this way."

[Raphael tickles Jocko’s foot with his sai.]

Raphael "Gitchy-gitchy goo!"

[The monkey starts laughing and pulls his foot back. The turtles run.]

Leonardo "For a minute there, I thought we were goners."

[Krang communicates with Shredder on his comlink.]

Krang "Well, Shredder? Have you found the Professor yet?"

Shredder "Not exactly, Krang. You see, I ran into this teeny problem.

[He watches as Jocko walks by.]

That asteroid we're stuck on is beginning to look better every moment."

Krang "Cry me a river. Don't come back until you have that molecular intensifier!"

[Jocko walks towards April, who backs away. He bends down to look at her.]

April "Get back! Stay away from me, you, you big ape! Roll the camera, Vernon. We've gotta get this on tape!"

[Jocko plucks a cluster of flowers. Vernon is clinging to the roots.]

Vernon "Oh, no! Help!"

[He screams as Jocko shakes him loose. Vernon lands in a fountain. Jocko presents the bouquet to April.]

April "Thank you.

[She giggles.]

But I don't accept gifts from strangers."

[Jocko places the flowers on the ground in front of April.]

Raphael "Hey, looks like he's got a thing for April."

Donatello "What a time to develop a crush.

[Jocko chases April, stomping on cars as he does so.]

And I do mean, "crush!""

Leonardo "We've got to stop that ape before it tears up the entire city!"

[The turtles climb onto the satellite dish tower atop the news building.]

Raphael "Leonardo, why are we climbing this tower?"

Leonardo "So when that ape gets close enough, we can jump him."

Michelangelo "Whoa! Primo notion, dude! Uh, then what?"

Leonardo "Then we'll, uh, think of something!"

[Jocko climbs up after them. He grabs the satellite dish and bends it towards him.]

Michelangelo "What now, fearless leader?"

[Jocko releases the dish and it snaps back, throwing the turtles into the air.]

All "Whoa!"

Raphael "Do you suppose this’ll count on my frequent flier mileage?"

[April drives away in the Channel 6 news van.]

April "This is one date I'm standing up."

[Shredder leaps down from an overhanging branch and lands atop the news van. He opens the back door and jumps inside.]

Shredder "I have a feeling you'll lead me straight to that Professor and his invention."

[The tires start squealing and the van rocks as it rolls over debris. Looking through the back window, he sees Jocko chasing them.]

Shredder "Oh, no."

[The turtles follow the van by moving hand-over-hand on the vines.]

Donatello "We've got to get his attention away from April."

[Michelangelo swings from a vine, doing his Tarzan yell impression.]

Michelangelo "I've always wanted to do that."

[The van comes to a screeching stop.]

Vernon "Well, don't stop now!"

April "I didn't stop!"

[Shredder peeks over the back seat. April steps on the gas pedal but instead of going forward, the van goes up.]

All "Whoa!"

April "It's that overgrown ape, again! We're about to get the story of a lifetime. Persistent little guy, isn't he? Look, buster, you put us down right now. This is Channel 6 property!"

Leonardo "He's taking the news van to the East river!"

[The turtles run onto the dock and spot a boat loaded with bananas.]

Michelangelo "Hey, dudes! That banana boat gives me an awesome idea!"

Raphael "Daylight come and you wan' go home."

Michelangelo "Huh? Uh, no, like, ordering a banana pizza!"

[He throws his grappling hook onto the boat and the turtles slide across the rope.]

Raphael "Great! But first, let's do a little monkey business."

[Once they’re on the boat, all four turtles begin imitating monkeys.]

Leonardo "I feel so ridiculous."

Donatello "Keep it up. I think he's convinced we're monkeys."

Michelangelo "Hey, hairy dude! Look what we've got."

Donatello "Free bananas! Come and get 'em!"

[Jocko jumps into the water and approaches the boat. He’s still holding he news van. The turtles crawl across the grappling hook rope and away from the boat.]

Michelangelo "Woop, time for the banana split."

[Jocko tosses the van over his shoulder as he goes for the banana. The van’s occupants scream as it flies through the air and lands on a garbage barge and then rolls onto the pier. Shredder has fallen out and is sitting atop the garbage.]

Shredder "I know it's a dirty job and someone has to do it, but why me? Oh!"

[The turtles along with April and Vernon, are with the Professor in his lab. She is reporting live from that location.]

April "The only hope for the city is to reverse the molecular intensifier's rays. But can Professor Willard do it in time?"

Donatello "Think, Professor. The formula for reversing the rays. What is it?"

Professor Willard "The formula, yes! Ah, let's see now. Oh, oh, I believe it's MC squared equals the root of the hypotenuse."

Shredder "I'll take that!"

Donatello "Shredder!"

Raphael "I just knew old tin grin would show up sooner or later."

[Shredder grabs the intensifier and runs.]

Leonardo "Oh, no you don't, Shredder."

[He leaps into the air and does a flip, coming down right behind Shredder. He uses one of his swords to pin Shredder’s cape to the floor, pulling Shredder off his feet and making him toss the intensifier.]

Shredder "Agh!"

Professor Willard "My precious intensifier!"

Donatello "Don't worry, Professor, I've got it!"

[Donatello catches the device. Shredder runs out of the lab.]

Shredder "This isn't over yet, turtles."

Leonardo "We mustn't let him escape!"

[Three of the turtles chase him into the street but stop when Jocko suddenly appears.]

Raphael "Uh-oh, it's King Klutz again."

Leonardo "I say we jump him."

[They all shout and jump on Jocko, clinging to his leg. The monkey grabs Michelangelo and sets him down on his shell before spinning him.]

Michelangelo "Whoa~ooa!"

Raphael "Looks like he's into spin the turtle."

[Jocko kicks his leg and dislodges Raphael and Leonardo. They fly off and into a garbage dumpster.]

Leonardo "Ha. I guess this is our day for garbage."

Raphael "I thought that was Thursday."

[Jocko leans down to peek into the lab through the hole in the wall.]

Professor Willard "You naughty boy! Where were you?"

Donatello "Uh, you're not planning on spanking him, are you?"

April "Now, listen here. Aren't you ashamed of yourself, going around scaring people like that?"

Jocko "Uh-uh."

[He reaches in and grabs April.]

April "Put me down, banana breath."

Donatello "You've really done it this time, Professor. There's nobody big enough to stop that big gorilla."

Professor Willard "Oh, no? Well, we'll see about that."

[He grabs the intensifier out of Donatello’s arms.]

Donatello "No, no, Professor! No, wait!

[The Professor shoots Donatello with the growth ray.]

What-- What are you doing?"

[Donatello grows to a humongous size. Jocko stomps back towards the Channel 6 building. He starts grunting and petting April’s hair.]

April "Will you grow up?"

[Thompson and Irma watch through a window as Jocko walks past.]

Thompson "First giant plants, and now giant apes! And my star reporter, right in the thick of it."

Donatello "How do I get into these messes? Professor Willard makes me thirty feet tall and now I've gotta tackle that overgrown monkey."

Thompson "Look, look, look! Here comes another giant creature!"

Irma "Why, it's Donatello! I think."

Donatello "Hold it, Jocko."

Jocko "Huh?"

April "Donatello, I don't believe it. Why, you're—"

Donatello "Thirty feet tall, I know. You don't have to rub it in."

April "I kind of like you tall."

Donatello "Oh, you're just trying to be nice. Look, if the Professor can't reverse that ray, the lair could get a little cramped."

[Jocko roars and beats his chest.]

Donatello "I don't know monkey talk, but I think he's challenging me to a fight.

[He grabs a telephone pole, snaps it loose, and holds it like a bō.]

Okay, big guy, let's get it on."

[Growling, Jocko hangs April by her belt from a nearby flag pole.]

April "Ah, let me down from here!"

[Jocko breaks off several traffic light poles and throws them at Donatello, who blocks them with his makeshift staff. Jocko then leaps on him, knocking Donatello down. Donatello rocks back on his shell and kicks Jocko off of him. Jocko gets up and grabs Donatello, lifting him and spinning him overhead.]

Donatello "Whoa! What color do you turn if you're already green?"

[Jocko throws him into a building. The building collapses under the turtle’s bulk. He slides into another building and demolishes that one as well.]

Donatello "Wow, they must have spent their entire budget on this one episode."

[Donatello gets up and charges Jocko, plowing into him. Both of them smash through another building. Jocko stands up and Donatello leaps on his shoulders.]

Donatello "Surprise!"

[Jocko shrugs him loose and throws him into a bunch of vines. Donatello struggles to get free.]

Donatello "Oof! Whoa! Oh, oh! When I get loose, you're gonna be in big trouble."

[Jocko grabs April off the flag pole.]

April "Ahh!

[Jocko climbs some vines and then scales a building with April in his clutches.]

Either giants apes like to hold women and climb tall buildings, or he's seen the movie."

[Donatello manages to free himself of the vines.]

Donatello "I sure hope the guys are on their way with that intensifier."

[Meanwhile, at the Professor’s lab, Shredder has captured the other three turtles and Professor Willard.]

Shredder "Are those ropes too tight, I hope?"

Leonardo "How could we let that tin-can head get the jump on us?"

Raphael "Hey, stuff happens, all right?"

Krang "Shredder, you might have actually pulled this one off."

Shredder "Are you surprised, Krang?"

Krang "Not surprised. Amazed! Now, get that molecular intensifier into the portal."

[The portal opens as the turtles struggle against the ropes binding them.]

Michelangelo "Hurry it up, dudes. We're about to say adios to the intensifier."

[The turtles rub the edges of their shells against the rope.]

Raphael "We're rubbing as fast as we can!"

Shredder "Soon, all this power will be ours!"

Leonardo "That's it! Just a little more!"

[The rope snaps and the turtles leap up, drawing their weapons.]

All "Ha, ha! All right! Yeah! Whoo!"

Shredder "What in blazes? Oh!"

[Leonardo and Raphael pull the intensifier back from the portal and Michelangelo kicks Shredder through. The portal closes behind him.]

Michelangelo "Have a nice trip, dude. The awesome foursome strikes again!"

Raphael "Yeah, minus one."

All "Donatello!"

[Donatello is climbing up the side of the building after Jocko.]

Donatello "Where's my air support?"

[Michelangelo flies overhead in the turtle blimp. He uses his turtlecom to talk to Donatello.]

Michelangelo "Right here, dude! I've got a remote molecular intensifier that the Professor rigged up, and I'm ready to zap that hairy hulk."

Donatello "Are you sure the intensifier's been reversed? I mean, we wouldn't want him to get any bigger."

Michelangelo "No duh! We don't want to create a banana famine."

[A cable runs from the remote intensifier in the blimp down into the turtle van below. The Professor is working on the intensifier, which is inside.]

Raphael "Okay, Michelangelo's right above us, Professor. How long before you can reverse the intensifier?"

Professor Willard "Hey, don't bother me now, turtle. Can't you see I'm busy? Okay, R to the third power divided by the square root of six cubed—"

[Donatello grabs onto Jocko’s ankle, but the monkey slips free. Donatello begins sliding down the side of the building.]

Donatello "Woops. Oh, I keep forgetting; turtles don't have prehensile toes."

[Michelangelo swings the turtle blimp around next to Jocko and Michelangelo aims the remote intensifier at him.]

Michelangelo "Yo, fur face! You want to chill and hold still?"

[Jocko sets April down on a high ledge and then takes a swipe at the blimp. Michelangelo pulls it back just in time.]

Michelangelo "Whoa! Mondo close!"

[The van comes to a brake squealing stop.]

Professor Willard "I have done it! The molecular intensifier's energy is reversed!"

Raphael "Everything's go in the turtle van. Good luck, Michelangelo."

Michelangelo "All right! A few more steps, and this is one shrunken monkey."

[He fires the ray but misses Jocko. The ray bounces off a building and hits Donatello instead.]

Donatello "Uh-oh.

[He shrinks and falls.]

Wha!

[He lands atop the blimp and then bounces onto a wing.]

Oof! Thanks for the lift."

Michelangelo "Hey, no prob, dude. Drop in anytime. Okay, here goes!

[He once more aims at Jocko, but the ray fizzles out.]

Nothing. The intensifier's not intensifying!"

Donatello "Oh, I guess it needs the Donatello touch.

[He karate chops the device.]

Hi-ya!"

[The ray hits Jocko and he shrinks. Chattering, the now small monkey hops down to April’s ledge and jumps into her arms.]

April "Don't be scared, little guy. You're in good hands, now."

[Cut to the turtles’ lair, where the guys sit in front of the television, eating pizza and watching April’s news broadcast.]

April "Thanks to four fearless heroes, the city is back to normal, and for his personal heroism, I especially want to thank—"

[The TV suddenly fritzes out.]

Michelangelo "Oh, bummer."

Raphael "Donatello, can't you fix this thing?"

Leonardo "After that molecular intensifier, the TV oughta be a cinch."

Michelangelo "Yeah, dude. How'd you do that, anyway?"

Donatello "Are you sure you want to know? I mean, it might be a trifle complicated for unscientific minds like yours."

Raphael "Try us."

Donatello "Well, first I adjusted the potentiometer and then I reset the electro-galvanic rectifier and then, when that didn't work, I did this.

[He kicks the TV.]

Hi-ya!"

[It comes back into focus and the other turtles start laughing.]

Michelangelo "Excellent!"

Raphael "Perfect!"

[End Credits]