[Opening sequence and theme song.]
[Open inside the Turtle Lair.]
Donatello "I don't believe it. We just won a free European cruise from Greasy Eddie's Pizza."
All "All right, dudes. Yeah!"
Michelangelo "I just knew scarfing all that pizza would pay off someday."
Donatello "We just won a free ocean voyage to Europe for five."
Splinter "For five?"
Leonardo "That means you too, Master."
Splinter "Hm. I'm not sure of the advisability of such a journey. You're all so inexperienced in the ways of the world."
Raphael "All the more reason to go. It'll broaden us."
Michelangelo "Bingo. Even more than Greasy Eddie's pizzas."
Splinter "It is true, you have grown, my Turtles. And it is time you learned about the wide world beyond the sewers. We set sail for Europe immediately."
Raphael "All right! I'm ready for some heavy-duty shuffleboarding."
Michelangelo "Shuffleboarding? Is that anything like surfboarding? Radical notion, dude, I never rode a shuffleboard before."
Splinter "I believe their education cannot start soon enough."
[Soon, the disguised mutant family are on the docks. Nearby is the “Paradiso”, a luxury liner that is boarding.]
Donatello "I still can't believe it. We won first prize on this luxury liner."
Leonardo "Fellas, this isn't our ship. That is."
[He points farther down the dock to a rusty ship called “Maude”.]
Raphael "I wonder if it's too late to ask for second prize."
[As the Turtles board the ship, they pass two seamen.]
Short Seaman "Some sailors. We haven't even left the dock and already they're green."
Splinter "Gentlemen."
Tall Seaman "A giant rat?"
Short Seaman "If that guy jumps ship, we'll know it's sinking."
[In their room, Raphael reads from the prize notification.]
Raphael ""Enjoy spacious state rooms with all the latest amenities.""
Michelangelo "What's "amenities" mean?"
Raphael "It's a fancy name for cockroaches."
[The groaning Turtles line up on the side of the ship. Splinter walks up, eating from a bowl of food.]
Splinter "There you are, my Turtles. Is something wrong?"
Raphael "Maybe pizza for breakfast wasn't such a dynamite idea."
Michelangelo "Don't bring up pizza, dude."
Splinter "I hope you've regained your appetites by the time we reach Paris. What succulent dishes await you. Pheasant under glass, chocolate truffles, asparagus in a thick hollandaise sauce. Snails."
[The Turtles all groan again and drape themselves over the side of the ship. Cut to the Technodrome in Dimension X. Krang communicates with Shredder on Earth.]
Krang "Shredder, if I waited for you to transport the Technodrome to Earth, my brain matter would turn gray. Obviously you're a complete incompetent. But fortunately, I'm all brains. The Neutronic Generator I sent you will provide enough power to fuel an electromagnetic antenna. With it, I can pull the Technodrome through the dimensional portal to Earth."
Shredder "A waste of time, Krang. Just where will I find a mass of metal large enough to move the Technodrome?"
Krang "Must I think of everything? There's only one structure on Earth that will fill our needs - The Eiffel Tower."
[Now in Paris, the Turtles and Splinter have taken up residence in the sewers. They have the Turtle Van with them.]
Splinter "The sewers of Paris are the most famous in the world. They were built hundreds of years ago."
Leonardo "Excuse me, Master, but so far this isn't exactly what we had in mind for our vacation."
Donatello "I mean, it's okay down here, Sensei, but if you've seen one sewer, you've seen them all."
Splinter "You have not yet learned to appreciate a different culture."
Michelangelo "Culture is for yogurt lovers. We'd rather party hardy."
Splinter "You shall, my Turtles. But always remember that you are ninjas first and tourists second. Practice will keep your ninja skills from growing rusty."
Raphael "Let's show him we don't need any practice."
Leonardo "Come on, fellas. Turtle power!
Ah!"
[He charges Splinter, who throws him over his shoulder.]
Ah!"
[Donatello is next and receives the same treatment.]
Donatello "Whoa!"
[Raphael attempts kick, but is caught and thrown. Michelangelo tries, but Splinter rolls back and kicks Michelangelo away. Splinter looks around and finds his students on pipes, in the water, and in the van.]
Splinter "Already you fight like Teenage Mutant Ninja Tourists."
Leonardo "Sorry, Master, it appears we could use a little practice."
Michelangelo "Not to mention a ladder."
[Cut to the Eiffel Tower. Shredder looks down from the tower.]
Shredder "So those fools have brought the Channel 6 newsvan. I'll give them a story to cover; their own obituaries."
Rocksteady "This neutronic generator oughta make them stand up and say, "Yowch.""
[On the street below, Vernon sets up the camera while April and Irma wait in the newsvan.]
Irma Langenstein "Isn't this exciting, April? Here we are in Paris, the city of love and romance."
[One of the newsvan’s monitors comes on.]
Burne Thompson "April, are you there?"
April O'Neil "I sure am, Chief. All set to cover the Bastille Day ceremonies."
Thompson "There's been a change in the game plan. Vernon will anchor the live coverage instead of you."
April "Vernon? That egomaniac couldn't anchor a rowboat."
Vernon Fenwick "Now, now, jealous, jealous."
April "Just what am I supposed to do, make crêpes suzettes?"
Vernon "No. Taste them. [laughs] You'll be doing a feature on French restaurants."
April "Great, I went from feeding information to feeding my face."
Irma "Hey, look at the bright side. You may have lost the assignment, but you'll probably gain lots of weight."
April "Thanks a lump, Irma. See you later."
[A line of trumpeters play music. A sweating Vernon prepares to go on air, with Irma behind the camera.]
Irma "Okay, Vernon, you're on."
Vernon "Uh, bonjour. We're coming to you [gulps] live, from Paris, uh, that's in France, you know, where the Bastille Day ceremonies are about to start-- Uh, commence. [laughs nervously] Uh, begin. Uh, it's terrible when you know a lot of words."
Shredder "Bebop, Rocksteady, you're about the witness the most powerful tourist attraction in Paris."
[He pulls a lever on a machine. The trumpets are pulled from the musicians hands, then the metal buttons on their uniforms pop off, making their pants fall. Suddenly, other objects begin floating into the air. The spectators start screaming and running away.]
Vernon "Stop that, people. You can't run through here. We're on the air."
[The camera flies out of Irma’s hands.]
Irma "Not anymore, we're not.
Vernon, where are you going?"
[Vernon flees with the others.]
Vernon, where are you going?"
Vernon "It's every anchorman for himself."
[He tries to jump into the back of the newsvan, but it’s lifted off the ground and he falls.]
Irma "Vernon, what's going on?"
Vernon "I haven't the slightest idea."
[He screams when the microphone he’s holding is lifted and takes him with it. Irma grabs the microphone cable and tries to pull him back down.]
Irma "Vernon, come back with that microphone! It's Channel 6 property.
Aah! Vernon, do something."
[She is pulled off the ground as well.]
Aah! Vernon, do something."
[The microphone connects with the tower and sticks there.]
Vernon "Do what?"
Irma "You've got the microphone, call someone."
Vernon "You're right. Mama! Yow! Help!"
Irma "Stay calm, Vernon. Take deep breathes."
Vernon "I'll try."
[He inhales, and then exhales.]
Irma "There. Isn't that better?"
Vernon "You're right, Irma, I feel a whole lot calmer."
Irma "Good. Then in that case… help!"