Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.
"We're coming in hot with critical assets and we've got uninvited company—"
"—The worst kind!"
Kala "Say again, mayday! Mayday!"
>Copy your mayday, Resistance One. Reinforcements en route—ETA five minutes.<
Zak "Five minutes?! Are they kidding?"
Zak "Somebody wake that damn duck up!"
Michelangelo "Oh, dudes, I think I'm gonna be sick."
Donatello "Then think it in the other direction, Mikey!"
Raphael "Yo, Ace! Rise and shine. Beauty sleep's over."
Ace Duck "Wha-huh? Are we... Are we there yet?"
Zak "Yeah, we're there—"
Zak "—But we won't be for long if we don't get somebody on those tail guns!"
Kala "Hop to it, Mr. Duck of Action!"
Ace " "Hop to it?" What am I—Ace Rabbit?"
Ace "All right, you nasty bugs, get ready to be swatted Infantry X-5 style."
Ace "Skyborn, baby!"
Zak "Okay—looks like our fine-feathered friend bought us a little space."
Kala "Yeah. I just hope it's enough until help gets here, Zak."
Leo "I think it already has, Kala—"
Zom "—We'll take care of things out here."
Zom "King Zenter's waiting for you in Smada City."
>Roger that, Commander Zom. And thanks.<
>Resistance One out.<
Zom "All right, grunts, this isn't a pleasure cruise..."
Zom "...So get off my ship and get to work!"
"Whoa. Look at 'em go..."
Donnie "...You ever seen anything like that?"
Ace "The Triceratons? Yeah, more times than I can count..."
Ace "...Just never on my side."
Ace "They were the Utrom Empire's favorite cannon fodder before they rebelled. Tough suckers."
Stump "Ol' Sling and me were raking in some serious dough off of one of those Tri-tips back in the day—"
Stump "—Before Krang up and conscripted him into his army."
Stump "I forget his real name but we promoted him as Terror Times Three. What a grappler!"
Leo "Except the fighting there wasn't fake."
Mikey "What do you mean, fake?"
Ace "All I know is, I'd rather be fighting with them than against them."
Ace "Especially if Maligna sends her whole army against Neutrino."
Raph "What? That ain't all of them back there?"
Ace "No way, man. Those were just advance scouts..."
Raph "...When it comes to those bugs, you ain't seen nothing yet, trust me."
Raph "Friggin' great."
Zak "Yeah, well, we can worry about Maligna and her Mob later."
Zak " 'Cause right now..."
Dask "Initiate shield formation!"
Zak "Talk about witness protection, hey?"
Dask "Nice job getting the witnesses here safe and sound, Zak and Kala."
Kala "Thanks, Commander Dask, but we had plenty of help."
Zak "Yeah—between Hakk-R and those damn bugs making troubel for us, no way we could've pulled this off without the turtles."
Dask "Roger that. And speaking of the turtles, they're wanted back at the castle. You two escort them there..."
"...The rest of us will get our guests securely sequestered."
Hakk-R "How convenient."
Hakk-R "Well, consider that a hard lesson learned, I suppose."
Hakk-R "Time to start giving a few of my own."
"I'm so happy you made it back safely..."
Trib "...I was worried for all of you the entire time you were away."
Mikey "Aww... It was nothing, Princess. Easy peasey."
Raph "Easy? Speak for yourself, Mike."
Leo "Uh, what Raph and Mikey mean to say is we were happy to help, Princess Trib.*"
[*See TMNT: Dimension X # 1-5 - B.C.]
Zayton Honeycutt "And I've just received an update from Commander Dask that all the witnesses are secure now and waiting to testify."
Honeycutt "Truly impressive work, my friends."
Donnie "Thanks, Professor, though for a little bit there I thought it was gonna be all for nothing."
Donnie "We might not have survived re-entry if it weren't for those reinforcement ships that came to fight the Maligna Swarm."
Trib "Ah, yes, the Triceratons—fierce warriors one and all."
Trib "They suffered greatly under the Utrom Empire at the hands of General Krang and his despotic father, and for that reason we are fortunate to call them allies..."
"...At least for now."
Zom >This is Commander Zom.<
Zom >We've successfully repelled Maligna's probing forces and will commence overwatch operations per your request.<
Zenter "That is good to hear, Commander..."
Zenter "...We are grateful for your continued professionalism in the face of such grim dangers."
Gizzla "Did you suffer any losses?"
Zom >Yes. One ship and three soldiers.<
Gizzla "I... I am truly sorry to hear that."
Zenter "As am I."
Zom >Don't be sorry...<
Zom >...They each died a warrior's death. It's what we Triceratons live and fight for.<
Zom >However, we grow tired of fighting others' battles for them, including your conflict with Maligna and her Swarm.<
Zom >Which brings me to my own request to you earlier, King Zenter—<
Zom >—Have you made a decision?<
Zenter "I have."
Zenter "If your forces continue to provide us assistance against the Malignoid Swarm, I will ensure the Triceraton race is awarded a new home planet of its very own upon completion of the trial against General Krang."
Zom >That's good to hear.<
Zom >We've more than earned the right to autonomy through our spilled blood and ultimate sacrifice.<
Zom >Just know, I consider this decision binding, Your Majesty. If you do not honor the promise you've made to me today—to my people—<
Zom >—Imprisoning General Krang will be the least of your worries.<
Donnie "So, what do you say, Professor Honeycutt..."
Donnie "...You ready to win this thing and put Krang away for good?"
Honeycutt "As ready as I can be, I suppose. We have our witnesses and we have our evidence."
Honeycutt "Now we can only hope I'm a competent substitute for poor Councilor Apap.*"
[*See TMNT #73 - B.C.]
Donnie "Come on, Professor—competency's your middle name. You've got this."
Honeycutt "Thank you, Donatello—for your confidence and for agreeing to assist me during the trial. It's reassuring to know I'm not all alone in this matter..."
Honeycutt "Especially with the entire dimension watching."
Mikey "Whoa, check out Donnie. He's a legit reality TV star now. Sweet!"
Raph "Hate to burst your bubble, kid, but Donnie can't be the star 'cause this ain't a nerd documentary—"
TRIAL OF THE CENTURY
Raph "—It's more like a freak show."
Mikey "Yeesh. Krang's even uglier on live TV."
Leo "Quiet down, guys..."
"...It looks like Commander Dask's getting things started."
Dask "Order in the court!"
Dask "Department One of the Smada City Interplanetary Court is now in session for the case of Dimension X versus General Krang of Utrominon."
Dask "All rise for the honorable Judge Gorath of the 4th Judicial Council."
JUDGE GORATH PRESIDING
Raph "That's the judge? He's uglier than Krang."
Trib "Oh, but this is a good thing, Raph."
Trib "Judge Gorath is a bit uncouth, but he's also a decorated veteran and has the reputation for being tough, especially against war criminals."
Mikey "Wait... He's allowed to eat during the trial?"
Leo "Look at him, Mike..."
"...Who's gonna tell him no?"
Gorath "Thank you, Commander Dask."
Gorath "Everyone sit down and let's get this circus started."
Gorath "Prosecution, you're up."
Honeycutt "Thank you, in truth I have little to say, Your Honor."
Honeycutt "General Krang, through his own nefarious deeds, has become infamous throughout much of Dimension X and beyond."
Honeycutt "His selfish all-too-often violent campaigns against his cosmic neighbors are well documented and there is very little I can share today that is not already general knowledge."
Honeycutt "In short, the defendant's reputation precedes him, and not in any good way."
Honeycutt "But crimes are not prosecuted on reputation--they are prosecuted on identifiable and, more importantly, provable illegal actions."
Honeycutt "For that reason, we will call forth a number of important witnesses during this trial, all of whom will testify to those very actions I have just described--despicable crimes committed against them, or in their presence, by the defendant."
Honeycutt "War crimes, to be exact."
Honeycutt "In the end, we are confident the evidence will speak for itself, Your Honor, and the truth will be revealed to all..."
Honeycutt "...And the truth is, General Krang of Utrominon is guilty as charged."
Krang "Bah. Sheer idiocy."
Gorath "All right, defense... Your turn."
Vin-Bini "Thank you, Your Honor. I, too, will try to keep my remarks succinct."
Vin-Bini "Our esteemed prosecutor has stated that he will be able to prove alleged crimes committed by my client based upon evidence and witnesses he has gathered for this trial. However, he failed to mention two important facts—"
Vin-Bini "—The evidence is circumstantial and the witnesses are, at best, questionable."
Vin-Bini "Now, understand, there are none here, including myself, who believe my client to be compassionate. On the contrary, I agree with my opponent that the general's reputation is one of a hard and, at times, reckless leader. But I also believe there is a defensible reason for that."
Vin-Bini "In the dying days of Utrominon, my client did all in his power to save the lives of as many Utroms as he could before it was too late. And, in the end, he was successful."
Vin-Bini "Now, were his methods extreme? Perhaps."
Vin-Bini "But they were those of a leader who refused to let his people go extinct—through no fault of his own but that of his tyrannical father—without a fight."
Vin-Bini "The prosecution calls my client a criminal, forgetting that there are others who would call him savior."
Vin-Bini "Furthermore, despite their extremism, General Krang's actions were in accordance with the interplanetary laws of Dimension X at the time."
Vin-Bini "Yes, those laws were written by the Utrom Empire and have since been amended, but that was not the case then, which makes my client innocent and makes this trial, as the general so crudely describes it..."
Vin-Bini "...The farce of the century."
Krang "That's not all I call it."
Gorath "Farce, eh? We'll see about that."
Gorath "Prosecution, call your first witness."
Honeycutt "Gladly, Your Honor. The prosecution calls..."
Honeycutt "...B'een Go of the planet Go'mo."
Krang "Why, you little dirty ball of—"
Honeycutt "It's okay, B'een Go..."
Honeycutt "...The general cannot harm you while you are in the witness capsule."
B'een "Oh... Okay. I believe you."
Honeycutt "Good. Now, I'd like to ask you a few brief questions for the record, if you don't mind?"
B'een "No. I don't mind."
Honeycutt "Would I be correct in describing you as an empath?"
B'een "Yes. My entire race are empaths, able to sense emotions in other beings. It's how I knew you were telling the truth when you said I was safe here."
Honeycutt "Indeed. And it was your people's capacity as empaths that drew the defendant's attention to your planet, correct?"
B'een "General Krang? Yes—"
"—He enslaved many of us and forced us to evaluate prisoners' emotional states while he tortured them."
Honeycutt "Including yourself?"
B'een "Yes. It was awful. All that pain and emotional trauma, it..."
B'een "...It nearly broke me."
Honeycutt "No more questions, Your Honor."
Vin-Bini "Good—because I have a few."
Vin-Bini "Sir, you claim to have been kidnapped by my client, but is it not true that General Krang was not present on the transport vessel that took you away from your home planet?"
B'een "Um... He wasn't on the ship, no. But he must have given the ord--"
Vin-Bini "And is it true that during your time in the general's service, the examination methods you were witness to were officially deemed "advanced interrogation techniques" per dimensional law?"
B'een "Yes, but... You weren't there. What I saw was tor--"
Vin-Bini "No further questions."
B'een "I'm sorry."
Honeycutt "The prosecution calls Anemon of Akebono."
Anemon & Eymo "Formerly of Akebono."
Honeycutt "Yes, I'm sorry--formerly of Akebono. And why is that, sir?"
Anemon & Eymo "Why? Krang is why."
Anemon & Eymo "He tricked me into serving him—let me to believe that if I acted as his glorified goon, he'd leave my planet and my people in peace."
Anemon & Eymo "He lied."
"And I lost everything I ever loved to a fiery death as a result."
Anemon & Eymo "It was my fault. I believed him and his false promises."
Anemon & Eymo "I was a fool."
Honeycutt "I am truly sorry for your loss, sir."
Honeycutt "No further questions."
Vin-Bini "Sir, would you kindly read the bottom line of this contractual document for the court?"
Anemon & Eymo "Um... The writing's pretty small. I can't really see it too well."
Vin-Bini "Hm. Yes—fine print does tend to be rather difficult to read. And often overlooked as a result."
Vin-Bini "Perhaps you... "Friend" would like to come closer for a better view?"
Anemon "Go ahead, Eymo."
Eymo "Okay... I can see it now. It says, "in any or all legal actions levied against General Krang, I, Anemon of Akebono, hereby declare any testimony I may be required to give regarding said actions as null, void, and invalid."
Vin-Bini "Interesting. And do you recognize the signature below this declaration?"
Eymo "It's yours, pal."
Anemon "Oh, no."
Krang "Oh, yes."
Vin-Bini "I have no more questions for the witness... Er, witnesses."
Honeycutt "The prosecution calls... Stump of Stump Asteroid."
Stump "Hey, Superstar Donnie! How's it hangin', Stump Thumper!"
Honeycutt "Stump Thumper...?"
Donnie "Heh. Hi."
Honeycutt "Sir, I realize you have a past, uh... Relationship with my associate, but for now, please limit your attention to answering my questions truthfully."
Stump "Yeah, sur, no problem. Ask away."
Honeycutt "Thank you--I will."
Honeycutt "Is it not true that your home planet was decimated my General Krang?"
Honeycutt "Clear-cut, as it were, with nothing left in the defendant's destructive wake but uninhabitable desolation?"
Stump "Yes, that's true. It was all very sad."
Honeycutt "Please elaborate, sir."
Stump "Well, thing is, when we first made the deal with Krang, interstellar real estate values were peaking."
Stump "But by the time we got paid, that bubble had burst and we ended settling for way less than we were wasking for."
Honeycutt "Did you say... Deal?"
Stump "Yeah—between Krang and me and my partner Sling, for my planet's lumber rights."
Stump "I mean, we still made a pretty penny when all was said and done... We were just hoping it was gonna be a lot prettier."
Honeycutt "By the creator."
Honeycutt "No more questions."
Vin-Bini "Um... We're satisfied, Your Honor."
Donnie "This isn't going so good, is it, Professor?"
Honeycutt "Unfortunately, no, Donatello."
Honeycutt "Which means it's time for my secret weapon."
Honeycutt "Your Honor, the prosecution would like to call its next witness."
Honeycutt "Leatherhead of Planet Earth."
Honeycutt "Hello, sir. And thank you for coming."
Honeycutt "Are you prepared to answer my questions?"
Leatherhead "...Each and every one."
Krang "Blast you, Vin-Bini! How did you not know about this?"
Vin-Bini "The Earthling was not on the witness list, General. I—"
>Alert! Alert! Planet Neutrino is under attack!<
>Take shelter immediately!<
Gorath "All right, Commander Dask, you heard 'em. Get everyone out of here and get to your troops—"
Gorath "—Sounds like you've got some work to do."
Dask "Understood, Your Honor."
"Well, looks like the trial of the century's gonna have to wait..."
Zak "...At least while we've got a Swarm to fight."
Kala "Your Majesties, with your permission..."
Zenter "Of course, Kala. Report to your battle stations."
Trib "And may the creator protect you all."
Kala "Commander Dask, this is Kala. Zak and I are on our way. Don't start the war without us."
Raph "Yo! What about us?"
Raph "You ain't plannin' on leavin' us outta the fight, are ya?"
Leo "Raph's right. We're ready to do our part."
Zak "Well, then quit standin' around and let's get moving, daddy-o's."
Zak "Time to get busy smashing some bugs."
Trib "Mikey, please be careful. Maligna and her Swarm are not to be underestimated."
Mikey "Don't worry, Princess. We're the glorious heroes of the Krang War, remember?"
Mikey "We've totally got this."
4TH JUDICIAL COUNCIL
Gorath "Ah, there you are..."
Gorath "...I hope you didn't get too cold while I was away."
Gorath "Mmmm... Smells so good."
Hakk-R "Oh, I agree. But be careful of the bone, Judge."
Hakk-R "You wouldn't want to choke to death."
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