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Some TMNT stuff was always meant for grownups. |
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- Usagi Yojimbo crossovers
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Leonardo and Usagi Yojimbo in The Treaty [Carrying a pizza box, Leonardo runs across building rooftops.] Leonardo "The gang's waiting at April's. There's nothing better than a day spent munching down pizza and watching The Magnificent Seven on the tube!" [As he runs, he scares a cat.] Cat "Meroow!" Leonardo "I'd better hurry before this gets cold! We should have had it delivered!" |
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Leonardo "There's her apartment now! I'll surprise them by jumping in through the window!" [He leaps.] Leonardo "YAAHAAAAA-" POP! [He suddenly falls through a time slip into darkness.] Leonardo "-AAAH! Oh no! I've blundered into another one of those time/space portals!" POP! [He falls through into the light.] Leonardo "This just isn't my day!" POP! SPLUD! THUD! [He hits the ground hard and ends up with a slice of pizza on his head.] Leonardo "Oof! Where am I?" Unknown "Samurai!" Leonardo "What?!" |
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[Standing behind a tree trunk, Leonardo looks out and sees more than a dozen Neko Ninja facing off with Usagi.] Leonardo "I know that rabbit!* Usagi!" Neko 1 "We know you carry the secret Treaty! Give it to us and we'll leave you in the peace!" Neko 2 "You have no chance against all of us!" Neko 3 "Bah! Let's just slay him!" [Swords in hand, Leonardo peeks out from behind the tree.] Leonardo "Those ninja look like real tough guys! Usagi's in a heap of trouble!" [Leonardo leaps out of hiding.] Leonardo "But here comes the cavalry!" [Leonardo attacks.] Leonardo "HIIYAAAAA" Neko 1 "Beware! He has hidden companions!" Neko 2 "It's a trap!" Miyamoto Usagi "Leonardo!" |
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POOF! POOF! POOF! Leonardo "Ugh! Smoke bombs!" [The Neko Ninja vanish.] Leonardo "*cough cough* They're gone-- but your treaty is safe!" Usagi "Uh...yes. Thank you." Leonardo "Who were they?" Usagi "They were members of the Neko Ninja clan-- Agents of the Notorious Lord Hikiji who schemes to overthrow the shogunate!" [Leo retrieves his pizza box.] Usagi "You see, Lord Noriyuki of the Geishu clan and Lord Fujitako of the neighboring province have, for the past year, been negotiating an alliance treaty. Noriyuki hired me to deliver this final draft of the agreement for Fujitako's approval." [They begin walking. All around them are other inhabitants of Usagi's world who are going about their business.] Leonardo "Lord Hikiji wants to learn the terms of this treaty?" Usagi "Exactly. And because of the sensitive nature of this compact, Lord Noriyuki felt that the less who know of its existence, the better... so he sent out a lone courier." |
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Leonardo "Too bad the others aren't here! We'd get you through with no problem!" Usagi ""Others"? There are more like you?" Leonardo "There are four of us plus Master Splinter." Usagi "Oh? Where are they now?" Leonardo "Back in New York City." Usagi ""New York City"? I've never heard of such a town." Leonardo "It's a huge metropolis-- Millions of people--with buildings thousands of feet tall!" Usagi "Such grand castles! And surely warriors of your accomplishments must be from the grandest of them all!" [Leonardo blushes self-consciously and tugs on the lip of his plastron.] Leonardo "Well, *ahem* actually, we're originally from under the city--er--the sewers, really. Hee hee..." Usagi "?" |
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[Suddenly, numerous shuriken come flipping through the air straight at the pair.] WHIT! WHIT! WHIT! WHIT! WHIT! Leonardo "Look out! Shuriken!" [He and Usagi use their swords to bat the shuriken aside. Some of the shuriken puncture the pizza box, which Leonardo drops.] TANG TANG SPLUD SPLUD TANG [The pair look up to see dozens of Neko Ninja charging at them.] Neko "HIIIYAAAAAAAAAAA" [The fight begins - Leonardo and Usagi battle the ninja.] |
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Leonardo "Stay back or feel the wrath of a turtle enraged!" Neko 1 "Stop!" [The Neko Ninja is holding a sword to a girl's throat.] Neko 1 "Hand the document over or this girl dies!" Usagi "Not even a Neko Ninja would stoop to such cowardice! Release her!" Neko 1 "Her blood will be on your hands!" Girl "P-Please..." |
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Usagi "Grr... You win. Take it!" [He hands over the document and one of the ninja examines it.] Neko 2 "Yes, this looks like it!" Neko 3 "Ha! We've succeeded!" Neko 1 "You were wise to submit, samurai. I hope Lord Noriyuki will be lenient with your failure! Heh, heh, heh!" POOF! [Using smoke bombs, the Neko vanish.] Leonardo "They've disappeared! Come on! We might still catch them!" Usagi "Ha ha! No need to!" Tomoe Ame "They have your document as planned, Usagi!" [The "hostage" girl reveals herself.] Usagi "Leonardo-san meet Tomoe, chief retainer to Lord Noriyuki!" Leonardo "!" Tomoe "Glad to meet you. I've been following since you left the Geishu province. I'm carrying the real document!" Leonardo "Then Usagi was just a decoy! That's why he was so willing to give up the treaty! You tricked them!" |
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Usagi "It will take them a while before they discover it's a fake! By then, Lord Fujitako will have the authentic treaty!" Leonardo "That was a clever plan." [Tomoe picks up the pizza box and looks inside.] Tomoe "Is this your box, Leonardo? What the--?" Leonardo "Er... yeah. Thanks. I bet you're wondering what this is." Tomoe "As a matter of fact-- Yes." Leonardo "It's called a "pizza". It usually doesn't look this unappetizing but it was stepped on quite a bit during the fight and--" [He suddenly vanishes.] POP! Usagi "?" Tomoe "!" Usagi "I hate it when he does that!" Tomoe "You have strange friends, Usagi! I wonder where he is now." [Leonardo once more falls through a time slip.] Leonardo "YAAAAAAAAHHH" |
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Meanwhile, in New York... [Raphael closes the window in April's living room.] Raphael "Brr...It's a bit drafty. Hey, guys, save me some popcorn! It's bad enough the pizza's not here! Where is Leo anyway?" CRASH [Leonardo comes flying through the window.] Leonardo "Gang way!" Raphael "Wha-?" Donatello "Leonardo!" Leonardo "I'm...er...back. Hee hee..." Raphael "But you left hours ago!" Donatello "The pizza parlor is just a few blocks away!" Michelangelo "The show's ended!" April O'Neil "My window!" [Michelangelo opens the pizza box.] Michelangelo "This is a pizza?" Donatello "Almost makes you want to swear off these things doesn't it?" Raphael "Yuck! It looks like it's been trampled over by a horde of ninja!" [Meanwhile, Leonardo tries explaining his entrance to April.] Leonardo "Honest, April, there was this samurai rabbit, see, and..." April "Oh no! Not the killer bunny story again!" END |