[Opening sequence and theme song.]
[Episode opens on a view of city buildings. Rain is falling. The turtles, in coats and hats, walk through an alleyway.]
Donatello "Another rainy night, but who had time to worry about the weather. There was trouble in town. The city was under a reign of mob terror, and my three partners and I were the only ones who could stop it—because we were the teenage mutant ninja turtles."
Raphael "Oh, that's it, Donatello. Tell every crank in town we're here, why don't ya?"
Donatello "I can't help it, Raphael. It's these trench coats. We were hot on the case now. I felt my nerve ends tingling. A strange sixth sense told me we were nearing the scene of the crime. Somebody had broken the law. And somebody was gonna take a fall."
Raphael "Uh, you wanna try being a little more discreet, Sam spudhead?"
Donatello "In the thick of the crowd was April O'Neil, a tough cookie. She was already on top of the story."
April "And you actually saw the burglary take place?"
Man "Oh, well, did I ever. They had all these Martian rays and things. They sliced open the store like it was a-- a chocolate cream pie. I mean, what kind of crooks use heat rays? I think they were from Venus or somethin'."
[As Donatello narrates, noir style, scenes play depicting mobsters committing all types of thefts throughout the city.]
Donatello "It was the same story in banks all over town. The city was being sucked dry by the mob. They took anything that wasn't nailed down, and even a few that were. They were using gear so advanced it was straight out of Star Wars. We knew the mob couldn't get those state-of-the art weapons on their own. We smelled a rat, a rat named Shredder. But what mobster was gutsy enough to deal with a creep like Shredder? Who was this mystery man?"
April "Tony Vivaldi, that's who."
Donatello "Who said that?"
April "I did. I said, the guy behind all these crimes is Tony Vivaldi."
Donatello "You mean, Tony "the Butcher" Vivaldi?"
April "Exactly. The police I.D.’d some of his men at the bank robbery this morning."
Leonardo "So the Butcher is in league with Shredder."
Donatello "Oh, I always knew something about the Butcher wasn't kosher."
Michelangelo "So, like, where do we find this sleazoid?"
April "I've heard his favorite hangout is a nightclub called ‘The Meat Rack’."
Leonardo "We'll check it out, April."
April "Meanwhile, I've got a story to file in twenty minutes. Ahh. Look!"
Leonardo "What is it, April?"
Raphael "A lead to the gangster's hideout?"
Donatello "A vital clue that will establish a link between the Butcher and Shredder?"
Michelangelo "A new kind of pizza I haven't tried yet?"
April "Even better! A little hamster statue. Isn't it the cutest thing?"
Donatello "Gimme a break."
Raphael "Oy vey."
Michelangelo "Gag me with a pizza ladle."
April "I've always wanted one. It'll just take a sec."
Mr. Shlavotny "Welcome to Shlavotny’s All-Night Antiques. Can I help you?"
April "How much is that hamster in the window?"
Raphael "Why do I have a feeling that song won't make the top ten?"
Michelangelo "Wow! Check it out! A genuine Louis the Fourteenth antique pizza-maker."
Raphael "A must-have item for any turtle lair."
April "Could you have it delivered?"
Mr. Shlavotny "But of course, little lady. Hey, Chester!"
Chester "Mm, mm, huh? Mm."
Mr. Shlavotny "Take this to one-ten West thirteenth, and make it snappy."
Chester "Oh, sure, Mr. Shlavotny."
April "How much do I owe you?"
Mr. Shlavotny "For you, doll, a mere ten spot."
Michelangelo "Oh, how about giving me the same deal on this gizmo?"
Mr. Shlavotny "No way. Twelve dollars and sixty-five cents. That's the price."
Michelangelo "Oh, but all I got in my turtle bank is twelve dollars and forty cents."
Mr. Shlavotny "Tough noogies, frog-face. Now scram before your puss breaks some valuable antique mirrors."
Michelangelo "Sheesh, what a geek! I really wanted that pizza-maker."
Lefty "This is the place, Butcher."
Tony 'the Butcher' Vivaldi "Leave us to it."
Mr. Shlavotny "Yes, gentlemen, how may I be of service?"
Butcher "I was wondering if you'd be interested in this fine Stradivarius? I was hopin' to trade it for a statue."
Mr. Shlavotny "A--a--a statue?"
Butcher "That's right, of a hamster."
Mr. Shlavotny "I--I--I had one, but I--I just sold it."
Butcher "Don't yank my chain, pops. Where you hidin' it?"
Mr. Shlavotny "N-n-n-n-n-nowhere. It's gone. Honest."
Butcher "Okay, Lefty, leave us waste this place."
Lefty "With the utmost pleasure, boss."
April "Catch you outside Channel 6."
Leonardo "We'll be there."
Michelangelo "Whoa! A quarter! That gives me just enough for that antique pizza-maker. Uh, wait here, dudes."
Mr. Shlavotny "Not my collection of ancient Egyptian pocket calculators!"
Michelangelo "Hello, mister! I just found an entire quar-- uh, what the heck's going on?"
Lefty "Hey, Butcher, ain't that one of them turtles we was supposed to nab?"
Butcher "It sure is."
Michelangelo "No fair! You turkeys won't get away with this."
Butcher "Snap it up. Those other turtles must be lurking nearby. We'll nab them, too."
Leonardo "I'm worried about Michelangelo."
Raphael "So what else is new? I've been worried about him for years."
Leonardo "Let's make sure he's all right."
Raphael "What a mess."
Donatello "Yeah, looks like our bedroom."
Raphael "See? This is what you get for being crabby with the customers."
Leonardo "Michelangelo's hat!"
Donatello "What happened to our friend? Answer me, or I'll use my tough-guy voice."
Mr. Shlavotny "T-t-they--they-- they took him."
Donatello "Who took him?"
Mr. Shlavotny "The Butcher. Unh."
Leonardo "We've got to find him."
Donatello "But how?"
Raphael "Well, we could take out an ad in the newspaper, asking if anyone's seen him, but offhand, I'd say we split up and search."
Leonardo "All right, but be careful."
Raphael "Oh, Michelangelo!
What are you gawkin' at? Haven't you ever seen a turtle in a raincoat before? I gotta learn to keep my beak shut."
[A limousine pulls up alongside him and stops.]
What are you gawkin' at? Haven't you ever seen a turtle in a raincoat before? I gotta learn to keep my beak shut."
[Raphael runs from the limousine. It chases him and stops when he dives behind a pile of boxes. The Butcher rolls down a window and uses an energy beam from a remote-control device to capture Raphael.]
Leonardo "I couldn't find a trace of Michelangelo."
Donatello "Me, neither."
Leonardo "Where's Raphael?"
Donatello "Oh, no. Don't tell me he's missing, too."
Leonardo "We can't afford to get trapped ourselves. We must seek Master Splinter's help."
Lefty "There's no sign of those other two turtles."
Butcher "Forget them. Right now let's just find that hamster."
Splinter "If those criminals did take Raphael and Michelangelo it would certainly indicate that they're in league with Shredder."
Leonardo "But why, Master? True, the Butcher gets to rob the city blind, but what's in it for Shredder?"
Splinter "What, indeed? My ancient enemy does not share power easily."
Donatello "Wait, maybe it has to do with that antique shop they tore apart. They were probably searching for something."
Splinter "Excellent reasoning, Donatello. You may make a good detective yet."
Donatello "With my partners vanishing like pepperonis in a pizza baking contest, Splinter, our head honcho, decided to join us. We were looking for trouble in the antique district, and it wasn't long before we found it. The Butcher!"
Butcher "The turtles! And the guy they take orders from. Get 'em, boys."
Splinter "We cannot fight these weapons. Get to safety. I will draw their fire. Unh!"
[Lefty traps Splinter in an energy beam.]
Leonardo "Our Master Splinter!"
[His attempt to rescue Splinter is thwarted when the energy beam entraps him as well.]
Lefty "Yeah, you dirty rat, it's curtains for you. Heh. All my life, I've wanted to say that."
Splinter "You cannot help us, Donatello. Save yourself. Run."
Donatello "But Sensei—"
Splinter "Run! That is an order."
Butcher "This'll stop him.
Chalk off that turtle. He's finished."
[Shoots his laser at a building that Donatello is running past. The building collapses on the turtle.]
Chalk off that turtle. He's finished."
[Pan into Donatello’s hand sticking up from the rubble.]
Donatello "What a feeling. It was like I'd eaten liverwurst pizzas on an empty stomach. Splinter was gone. The other turtles were gone.
I was all alone, and I was hurting bad. There was only one place I could go."
[He digs himself out of the debris.]
I was all alone, and I was hurting bad. There was only one place I could go."
[Cut to April’s office in the Channel 6 news station building.]
Burne Thompson "But, April, you've got to do it. You're the only one who can crack this story on this bizarre crime wave."
April "But why me?"
Mr. Thompson "Because only you have the street smarts, the contacts, the just plain guts, to uncover the truth about this menace."
April "Really?"
Mr. Thompson "Besides, there's a very simple reason why it has to be you."
April "Which is?"
Vernon "Everyone else is just too darn scared."
[Cut to the outer office where Irma is on the phone.]
Irma "So what about tomorrow night, you great big hunk of man, you? Oh, okay. How about next week? Next year?
Excuse me. Sounds like somebody just passed out in front of my office. You? Oh, uh, which one are you?"
[A loud thump sounds nearby.]
Excuse me. Sounds like somebody just passed out in front of my office. You? Oh, uh, which one are you?"
Donatello "Donatello. Got to find April."
Irma "Oh, I'll get her for you. You just stay put before somebody makes a news story out of you."
Donatello "So that's the story, April."
April "The Butcher got everybody?"
Donatello "Even Master Splinter. We've gotta find them."
Irma "Where could he have taken them?"
Donatello "Only one place I can think of-- the ‘Meat Rack’."
[Scene shifts to the Butcher’s hide-out at the ‘Meat Rack’.]
Butcher "I grabbed three of the turtles and knocked off the fourth. And I got that giant rat also."
Shredder "You have done well, Butcher, but you still have not gotten me the Maltese hamster. I have given you weapons which have made you master of the city, yet you are incapable of finding a simple little statue."
Butcher "Leave us not blow our corks, Shredder. My boys can't go through every antique store in town."
Shredder "They don't have to. One of the devices I so generously gave you is a superconducting magnet. Just set it to "antiques," and it will electromagnetically empty out every antique shop within a fifty-mile radius and pull the antiques straight to your headquarters. Now quit gaping and do it."
Butcher "Gee, what a handy little gadget. Hmm, let me see. ‘Toys’, ‘Home Furnishings’, ‘Men's Underwear’. Aha! ‘Antiques’."
[After the Butcher sets the dial to ‘antiques’ he presses a button to activate the machine. Antiques are shown flying out of shops. Donatello and April are seen walking through the city.]
Donatello "We were headed for the butcher's hangout, but I didn't have a clue. What was he up to? What was his plan? And then it struck me.
It's raining knickknacks."
[An antique hits him on the head.]
It's raining knickknacks."
April "This must be the Butcher's doing."
Donatello "Yeah. With Shredder's help."
April "All we have to do is follow these antiques, and they'll lead us straight to his hideout."
Donatello "Sweetheart, you read my mind. It was happening all over town. Even the police were baffled."
Police Detective "Just where do you think you’re goin'?"
Donatello "Uh, just out for a stroll, copper."
Police Detective "Go home, you two. Finding the Butcher is a job for us pros."
Donatello "Huh! All you flatfoots can find is a doughnut shop."
Police Detective "Now, listen, gumshoe. Don't go stickin' your green nose in police business. Green nose? Heh heh heh. Uh, n-nice outfit."
April "May we go now, officer?"
Police Detective "All right, all right. But let me give you a piece of advice, stay off of my beat."
Donatello "Okay."
Police Detective "And don't talk to strangers."
Donatello "Sure, sure. Okay."
Police Detective "And don't eat candy without a wrapper."
Donatello "All right, already!"
Police Detective "And look both ways before crossing the street."
Donatello "We finally made it to the ‘Meat Rack’. The place was a zoo. Well, more like a butcher shop. Anyway, it was crowded."
Meat Rack Clubgoer "Hey. Where you going, short, green, and handsome?"
Donatello "Heh. Excuse me, but we're in a hurry. We headed for the back of the club. That's where the Butcher would be. And we had to find out what he was up to."
Lefty "Oh, forget it, boss. There ain't a single Maltese hamster in this whole pile of junk."
Butcher "No luck, Mr. Shredder. We've got every antique in town, and not a trace of that statue."
Shredder "What? Impossible! You ignoramuses have slipped up somewhere."
Butcher "Hey! Don't go blaming us, metal mouth."
Shredder "Now you listen to me. I'm going to be on the docks at midnight, and you better be there with the statue, or else!"
April "You were right. Shredder is behind this whole thing."
Donatello "We've gotta find Splinter and the others."
[Donatello knocks over a stack of boxes.]
April "I can't take you anywhere."
Butcher "Well, lookie what we got here. Boys, grab 'em!"
Donatello "This was it. I knew it was curtains. I knew we were finished, but most of all, I knew it was time for a break."
Butcher "Get 'em, boys!"
April "How are we gonna get out of this?"
Donatello "Simple, sweetheart. We run for it!"
[They run out into the club, where dance music is playing. Donatello knocks down a disco ball, batting it at the mobsters. He and April begin throwing food.]
Donatello "Hah! Food fight!"
April "No fair. They're making a bigger mess than we are."
Butcher "You'll pay for this."
April "Come on. Let's get outta here."
Donatello "We headed for April's place. I was afraid the Butcher's goons might have already beaten us there, so we took the side entrance."
April "Oh, really! This is ridiculous."
Donatello "Look, sweetheart, I don't want the Butcher's boys to have the drop on us."
April "I could've just asked the super if anyone suspicious had come in, you know. Now, do you mind telling me what we're doing in my apartment?"
Donatello "Whatever the Butcher is looking for has to be something major 'cause Shredder wants it. And if my hunch is correct, it's—"
[There’s a knock on the door. April opens it to find Chester standing there.]
Chester "Uh, the package."
Donatello "This is it-- the thing they're all looking for."
April "My hamster statue?"
Donatello "That's right, sweetheart. Meet me at the docks at midnight and bring it with you."
April "You're not gonna give this to Shredder, are you?"
Donatello "Of course not, but it's my only bargaining chip to get Splinter and the others back. I had to find out just what made that statue so important. And to do that, I needed one simple piece of equipment."
Lefty "What do we do, boss? It's nearly midnight, and we still don't got that statue."
Butcher "I don't know. But that guy Shredder's gonna be real ticked off."
Donatello "Welcome to another edition of Donatello! The show for couch potatoes who don't know beans."
[Donatello’s face appears on a television screen inside their hideout.]
Lefty "It's the turtle again."
Butcher "He must've come back to life. I should've finished you off when I had the chance."
Donatello "Then you'd never get the statue everybody wants, but that I have."
Butcher "You got it? Give it to me!"
Donatello "Not so fast. First you're gonna tell me why Shredder wants it so bad."
Butcher "Okay."
[There is a flashback to a scientist as the Butcher tells the story.]
Butcher "There was once this evil scientist who lived on the island of Malta. He was the greatest scientist in all of Malta. He was also the only scientist in all of Malta. One day, he invented a formula for a new super fuel, more powerful than anything ever known."
[The scientist pours liquid into a bowl and it explodes.]
Butcher "It was the same day he passed away. But he'd written down the formula inside this statue of a cute little hamster."
Donatello "So that's why Shredder wants the Maltese hamster."
Butcher "Right. With that super fuel, he can repower his Technodrome and rule the world. And I get dibs on Detroit. Now where are you hiding that hamster?"
Donatello "Hold your horses. You'll get it. Just bring Splinter and the other turtles to the docks at midnight. We'll swap then."
Butcher "It's a deal."
Donatello "And I don't want to see any weapons, not even spitballs."
Lefty "What a spoilsport."
Donatello "Thanks, fellas. It's been a pleasure doing business with you."
[He tosses the television aside, showing that he was behind it, not on it.]
Lefty "The turtle! He's really here!"
Butcher "Get him!"
Donatello "Just what I was looking for. See you at midnight."
[At midnight, on the docks.]
Lefty "Hey, remember, he said he didn't want to see any weapons."
Butcher "Quiet, you mugs. Shredder will be here any—"
[The transport module drills up through the docks.]
Shredder "You incompetent slugs. Can't you do anything right?"
Rocksteady "It was his fault."
Bebop "Oh, my fault? You was steering."
Shredder "Oh, shut up, shut up, shut up, both of you! Well, do you have the Maltese hamster?"
Butcher "Well, uh, no. But, you see—"
Shredder "What?! Butcher, I warned you."
Donatello "Uh, excuse me. Is this what you're looking for?"
Shredder "The statue! Give it to me!"
Donatello "Not until you release my friends."
Shredder "The package first, now! Or else I'll finish them myself."
Donatello "Okay. I guess you hold all the cards."
Shredder "Aah, mine at last. Ha, ha, ha! It's the formula. The Technodrome will roll again!"
Donatello "All right, shredhead, you got what you wanted. Now release the others."
Shredder "Ha, ha! But the destruction of you and your friends is also what I wanted. Finish them!"
[Don turns and snaps his fingers. April uses the ray gun Donatello stole to shoot the hamster statue, melting it in the process.]
Shredder "Aah! My formula! The turtles have no such ray guns. You must have done it."
Butcher "Me? No way. I'm innocent, I tell ya."
Donatello "Hi, guys. Did you miss me?"
Michelangelo "To the max, dude."
Shredder "Just for that, I'm taking my weapons back. Bebop, a teleportational ray."
Bebop "Right, boss."
Butcher "Hey! What did you do?"
Shredder "I teleported my weapons back to the Technodrome."
Butcher "Hey, well, what about us?"
Shredder "You cheap crooks are finished."
Donatello "Wrong, Shredder. You're the one who's finished."
Bebop "The turtles are loose."
Rocksteady "And we don't have any weapons."
Shredder "To the Technodrome. We shall meet again, turtles."
Raphael "When it comes to exit lines, nobody beats ol' Shredder."
Leonardo "He got away again."
Splinter "Perhaps, but his associates have not."
Leonardo "Master Splinter is right. Let's do it!"
Butcher "Now, boys, leave us be reasonable."
Lefty "We was just foolin'. Can't you take a joke?"
Leonardo "In a word--no."
Turtles "Go green machine! Hyah!"
Donatello "We made quick work of the butcher and his mob and left them for the police. They were given a collective sentence of eight hundred and forty-three years for robbery, racketeering, and tearing those little tags off of mattresses. As for Shredder, we knew we'd see him again. He's the bad penny that keeps turning up, the rotten apple that spoils the bunch, the moldy anchovy that ruins the pizza."
Raphael "Hey, Donatello?"
Donatello "Yeah?"
Raphael "Put a sock in it!"
[End Credits]