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Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids. |
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FUGITOID PETER LAIRD and KEVIN EASTMAN CO-CREATORS/WRITERS/ARTISTS CHAPTER 1 BZZZT! BZZZT! Honeycutt "Eh? What's that blasted noise?!" |
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Honeycutt "Oh, it's that bloody communicator again!" Honeycutt "Yes, what is it now?" Blanque >Dr. Honeycut! General Blanque here. Just wanted to remind you of our appointment at 1500 hours today.< Honeycutt "I haven't forgotten, General..." Honeycutt "...And I told you before, the transmat is not ready yet!" Blanque >Listen, Honeycut you've been working on this transmat idea for two years now... And I want to see some tangible results!< Honeycutt "But...I don't even have a prototype..." Blanque >Professor, I've been taking flak from all sides because of your slowness. You don't even fill out your annual reports anymore!< Blanque >Now, I'm coming out there today and I expect you to have something substantial to show for all the money we've been spending✺< Honeycutt (Blast him!!) Honeycutt (Like all military types, Blanque only appreciates new ideas when they can be used as weapons!) Honeycutt (My transmat could be a useful tool...) Honeycutt (...The instantaneous transmittal of matter over vast distances would be a boon to the galaxy!) Honeycutt (But it could just as easily become a fearsome weapon of mass destruction!) Honeycutt (Sigh...) Honeycutt (Sometimes I wish I could be like Sal....just a relatively mindless worker robot!) Honeycutt (Of course, then I wouldn't be able to invent something like this mentawave device....) |
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Honeycutt (With the mentawave, I'm finally close to acheiving the capacity of mind-over-matter!) Honeycutt (This last test will show if I can actually move a physical object by the force of my own mind!!) Honeycutt "Eureka!!" Honeycutt "It works!" Honeycutt (What? I'm receiving some kind of mental impulse... Through the head set!) Honeycutt (Can it be..? Yes...Yes!!) Honeycutt (It's amazing! I'm picking up Sal's thought patterns! He's in distress of some sort!!!) Honeycutt "Sal! Sal, old buddy, what's wrong?" Sal "This unit requires assistance, sir..." Honeycutt "What are you all tangled up with, Sal?!" |
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Sal "They appear to be underground cables, sir." Honeycutt "It's fantastic, Sal! I hear both your voice and your thoughts!" Honeycutt "It's like we're conversing in stereo!" Sal "That's very interesting, sir." Honeycutt "Hmm... Looks like rain! Another one of those blasted electrical storms!" Sal "Yes, sir." Honeycutt "We'd better get you inside, Sal... Don't want you to rust! Heh, heh!" Sal "I appreciate that, sir." Honeycutt "It's really starting to pour now. Can you get up?" Sal "I think so, sir." Honeycutt "Let me help you back to the house... You may have strained some servos in that leg." Sal "Thank you, sir." |
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(Honeycutt and Sal struck by lightning) End of Chapter One |
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FUGITOID CHAPTER 2 Honeycutt "Ungh..." Honeycutt "...Sal?... Where are you, buddy?" Honeycutt "Too much....rain! I.. I can't see a thing. ...Must get inside..." Honeycutt "Get back to the lab..." Honeycutt "Light.. Need some light. Where is that switch?" |
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NOOOOOO Honeycutt (Sal) "T-The mentawave helmet... I..I was wearing it when the... The lightning struck!... I was... In telepathic contact with Sal... The overload... The power surge..." Honeycutt "My God!!! My mind was fused with Sal's electronic brain! I'm trapped... ...In this metal body!!!" |
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[Later... Outside the lab, a government transport touches down.] 21 Human Soldier "General Blanque! Over here, sir!" Human Soldier A "Look, sir—a body! A charred human body! Looks like blaster burns!!" Blanque "Good God! It's Honeycut!!" Human Soldier B "General, look! These footprints.... Leading away from the body.... They're robot tracks!" Human Soldier B "Sir, do you think we have a rogue here?" Honeycutt (Got to get myself together... ...Can't let my mind go!!) Honeycutt (I'm a scientist... ..And I can learn how to deal with this bizarre accident!!) Honeycutt (Eh?) Honeycutt (What's that noise? Voices... Oh, no! It's General Blanque... I... Can't let him see me now!) Honeycutt (I-I'm still too confused... ..Don't know what to do!) Honeycutt (What would I say to him?) Honeycutt (Got to hide.... Find some place where I can sort all of this out!!!) Human Soldier A "Hey! Look—!" Human Soldier B "A robot! Hold it right there!" Blanque "That must be the rogue that killed Honeycut!" Blanque "It's not stopping! Shoot it!!" |
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Honeycutt (Wha—?! They think I killed Honeycut--?!) Honeycutt "B-But... I'm Honeycut!!!" SPANNG! Honeycutt "Ouch!!!" Honeycutt (They're not listening!) Honeycutt (Those guys mean to shoot first...) Honeycutt (And ask questions later!) Blanque "One hundred credits to the man who brings that robot down!" Honeycutt (This is a nightmare!) Honeycutt (I'm doomed unless...) Honeycutt (The woods!) Honeycutt (It's my only chance!) Honeycutt (If I can just make it to the trees!) |
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Honeycutt (I made it! But--now what?) Honeycutt (How can I ever explain... Who I really am? Who would listen--who would believe?) End of Chapter Two |
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FUGITOID CHAPTER 3 Blanque "There—! Through those trees!" Blanque "—It's the killer robot! Shoot it!!!" |
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Mapes "It's getting away sir.. Shall we go after it?" Blanque "You and Johnson..." Blanque "...Find that robot and destroy it! Fredericks will stay here to guard the shuttle!" Blanque "If that droid comes back here, Fredericks, don't hesitate... ...Blast it!!!" Fredericks "Yes sir! You can depend on me." Blanque "I'm going inside..." "...To check out the professor's lab." Blanque "Good Lord... What a mess!" Blanque "Something must have really scrambled that robot's circuits..." Blanque "...To make it smash things up like this!" Blanque "Hmmm... What's that blinking light?" Blanque "This looks like an omni-recordex.... Standard lab equipment for making records of on-going experiments!" Blanque "I wonder... Could this have been on all this time... Recording everything?" Blanque "This could be hard evidence as to how Honeycut was killed!" Blanque "I'll play it back a bit..." |
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Blanque (There....! It's set to play back what happened here three hours ago... Hmmm... It's that robot! What's it saying!?) Honeycutt (recording) >The mentawave helmet... I.. Was wearing it when the lightning struck! I was in telepathic contact with Sal... The... Overlord... The power surge...< Honeycutt (r) >My God!!! My mind was fused with Sal's electronic brain! I'm trapped... In this metal body!!< Blanque (It's incredible! By some freak accident Honeycut's mind is now trapped in that robot's body!) Blanque (Maybe I haven't lost my transmat after all!) Blanque (If Honeycut's mind still exists, it doesn't matter to me what body it's in...) Blanque (...He can still think! He can still create the transmat for me!) Blanque (What fantastic luck!! Now I can force the professor to create the ultimate weapon for me... And no one will object!) Blanque (After all, robots have no rights!) Mapes "Cripes, Johnson, I thought guarding Gen. Blanque was suppose to be easy!" Mapes "I didn't expect to go stomping around this stinkin' forest after some crazy robot today!" Johnson "Ah, quit your grousin', Mapes! Let's just find this damn droid, blast it, and get out of here!" BEEP BEEP Mapes "But I..." Johnson "Hey, shut up! My comlink's beepin'. Must be the general!" Johnson "Corporal Johnson here, sir!" Blanque >Alright Johnson, listen carefully! That robot must be captured... ...Not destroyed!< Johnson "Captured, sir? That isn't S.O.P. for rogues is it, sir?" Blanque >As of now, Corporal, that rogue is classified as a fugitoid!! If you have to shoot, shoot to disable. Got that!?< Johnson "Got it, sir! Johnson, out!" Mapes "Damn! Now our job's twice as hard!" Johnson "Ah, shut up Mapes! Move out!" |
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Johnson "Let's get that 'toid!" [Meanwhile, "that 'toid" is still fleeing through the dense forest, until...] Honeycutt (Up ahead--a clearing!) Honeycutt (What are these things? They look like giant shells!) Honeycutt (Well, whatever they are, maybe I can hide among them for awhile!) Honeycutt (Whew! I feel like I've strained every servo-mechanism in these legs!) Honeycutt (I must be careful... This body's strong--) Honeycutt (--But not designed for running!) Honeycutt (Eh? What's that sound... Behind me--!) |
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(a Varlesh) End of Chapter 3 |
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FUGITOID CHAPTER 4 Mapes "No sight of the 'toid, man." Mapes "The only thing around here are these weird rocks!" Mapes "Damn! I'm tired of jumping around in these woods after some nutso robot!" Johnson "Yeah, I know what you mean, Mapes!" Johnson "What do you say we cool this search bit, and have a butt?" Mapes "Good idea, Johnson. Hey, you got any of those Sirian throat-scrapers?" Johnson "Here ya go... Relax and enjoy it." Johnson "We can report back to General Blanque in a little while..." |
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Johnson "Right now, let's give our feet a rest, and forget about that 'toid for a minute!" Mapes "We can find it later..." Johnson "..Bring in a couple of "heath/niven" scanners and we'll have that 'toid in ten minutes!" Mapes "Robots make my skin crawl..." Johnson "Mine too!" Mapes "Well, we'd better be getting back." Mapes "I'm glad you'll be telling Blanque we lost the 'toid, Johnson..." Johnson "Aww, shut up Mapes..." Honeycutt "Are they gone?" Varlesh "the aliens have left.. we no longer sense their hostile thoughts..." |
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Honeycutt "Thank you for hiding me under your shell... If you hadn't they probably would have caught me!" Varlesh "you are entirely welcome." Varlesh "once we sensed your distress, it was the least we could do!" Honeycutt "Then... You really can read my mind?" Varlesh "we can... and we know that you are like no other robot... your mind is that of a human! this is very strange..." Honeycutt "Indeed it is..." Honeycutt "...And I haven't entirely adjusted to it yet! But I do know that I can't stay here..." Honeycutt "...If Blanque and his soldiers come back with more sophisticated sensing equipment they'll find me easily!" Varlesh "then you must go somewhere else..." Honeycutt "You mean to the city?" Varlesh "yes..." Varlesh "the city of PEBLAK lies in that direction... if you walk swiftly, you should reach it before sunset..." Honeycutt "But.... What if I don't get there before Blanque comes back with more ships and sensors?" Varlesh "do not worry.. there is a large junkyard extending outward from the city. once you reach it, the scanners will be unable to distinguish your body from the rest of the METAL JUNK!! no offense, of course." |
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Honeycutt "No offense taken, I assure you! I suppose I should move along. Thanks again for your help!" Varlesh "go in peace..." Honeycutt "I'll try to return some day, and we can talk more!" Varlesh "yes... i feel that we will meet again... in some form!" [Meanwhile.] Blanque "You men stay here and guard the lab... And if the fugitoid comes back..." Blanque "Catch it!" Human Soldier "Yes sir!" Blanque "I'm taking this shuttle back to headquarters... I'll send reinforcements right away! Carry on!" Blanque (I've got to capture that 'toid...!) Blanque (If I can force Honeycut to build that transmat for me... ..I will have almost unlimited power!) Blanque (To be able to transmit ships and troops across interstellar distances... Instantly!) Blanque (..Or to beam a fission weapon inside a foe's ship or fortress...) Blanque (...What enemy could stand against that!) Blanque (The transmat could even open a path to victory over the cursed Triceratron Republic...) |
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Blanque (...And open the path to power and glory...) Blanque (...For me!!!) End of Chapter 4 |
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FUGITOID CHAPTER 5 Honeycutt (Who would think that there is this much junk in the universe?) |
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Honeycutt (I've already walked three miles through this endless trash heap and I still can't see Peblak!) Honeycutt (Even though it's an incredible eyesore, at least all the metal in this junkyard is sheilding me from General Blanque's scanning patrols...) Honeycutt (...Until I can reach Peblak.) Honeycutt (Maybe there my luck will change!) |
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Hunter A "Should I snare him now?" Hunter B "No... Wait a minute..." Hunter B "...Let's make sure we've got him surrounded" [Meanwhile, in General Blanque's headquarters on Atkins Island, in the Bay of Peblak...] Blanque "Any sign of the fugitoid yet, Pilot Smith?" Smith >No, sir. We're still scanning the area in a widening spiral...< Smith >...But no sign of any robots so far.< |
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Blanque "Very well... Continue the search, and report to me every hour!" Blanque "Blast it! I've got to find that fugitoid!!" Smith >Yes sir, General, Blanque. Smith out✺< Lonae "Excuse me for saying this sir, but..." Lonae "Why?" Blanque "Hmmm... I suppose that I have to tell at least one person...." Blanque "It might as well be my most trusted aide... You, Lonae." Blanque "But, I must impress upon you that this information could shift the entire balance of power..." Blanque "..In the known galaxy!" [Mean while.] Honeycutt (I'm getting there, slowly but surely... It won't be long now.) Honeycutt (I think I can make out some buildings a mile or so ahead.) Hunter B "O.K.... Hit him!" Hunter A "Yeah... I got him right in my sights! What a catch!" Honeycutt "Wha...! My legs!" |
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End of Chapter 5 |
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FUGITOID CHAPTER 6 Honeycutt (I must say I never expected to be touring Peblak in quite this way... ...Shackled in the back of a scrap robot transport!) Honeycutt (Hmm... This part of the city I've never seen before. The few times I, as Professor Honeycut, had been here, I spent most of my time at the Science Center on Atkins Island.) Honeycutt (Eh? We seem to be stopping... In some kind of marketplace!) |
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KNOW YOUR ENEMY! THE TRICERATRON BUY BONDS CHET'S DUNG SHOP Hunter B "Alright you... On your feet! Move it!!" HONEST USED RO[...] LET[...] Hunter B "G'wan, get up on the platform, robot!" Honeycutt (This is embarassing!) Auctioneer "Ah, gentle beings..." Auctioneer "...Please to observe our next fine specimen!" |
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Auctioneer "Wow! An almost unblemished fully ambulatery worker robot!" Auctioneer "Why just look at that plasteel carapace!" Auctioneer "For such a valuable and useful 'droid, bidding will start at 1000 credits!" Auctioneer "Do I hear 1000...?" Human Bidder "1000!" Bidder B "1150!" [The bidding continues briskly for several minutes...] [Until finally...] Auctioneer "Sold to the human in the red hat, for 3100 credits!" Human Bidder "Now you just c'mon along with me little fella... When I get cha home there'll be plenty of chores for ya... Hope you do windows! Haw, haw!!" [Nearby...] Taxicab Driver "Lady... Are you sure you want to get out here? This neighborhood is pretty tough!" Lonae "S-So am I..." |
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Guard "O.K. you're clean, go in." Mozar "Greetings, Lonae. I assume you are here because you have some thing I want..." Lonae "Y-Yes!" Mozar "We can do business then... For I have some thing that you need!!" Mozar "In fact, I sense that your special need is very strong!" Lonae "Damn you! You know I need the drug!" Lonae "Or I wouldn't be selling out my government to you!!" Mozar "Ah, yes, xemorene... The wonder drug! A pity it's found only on my home planet!" Lonae "Stop it! Stop it! I-I can't think straight... I... Need it now! Please!!" Mozar "Gladly will I give you the needed dosage..." Mozar "...But first, the information!" Lonae "No...No! I can't be a traitor to my people any longer! This has to stop!" Mozar "You fool! Do not delude yourself... This can never stop! For you to go without the drug would mean..." |
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Mozar "...Your death!" End of Chapter 6 |
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FUGITOID CHAPTER 7 Human Bidder "C'mon, lil' robot! We're going home!" Honeycutt (If I stay with this fool, I'll be spotted by the police--) Honeycutt (I've got to get away!) |
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Z-52 TURBO Human Bidder "Here's my car, boy—get in." Honeycutt "No--" Human Bidder "Huh?" YANK Honeycutt "That wouldn't be polite--" Human Bidder "What!" Human Bidder "Gah!" Honeycutt "You first!" Human Bidder "Yaaa" [Meanwhile.] Alien "Look, sir... She's injecting herself with the drug." Mozar "Yes,—it won't be long now." |
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Mozar "Lonae was a good source of data... But now her existence is unnecessary." Alien "What she told you about this "transmat" device—and the fugitoid which holds its secret—is it that important?" Mozar "The transmat is merely the ultimate weapon..." Mozar "...And the way to final defeat of the Federation!" Mozar "Therefore, it is vital that the Federation not be aware of my knowledge of this fugitoid. As a loyal Triceraton I can be trusted." Mozar "Only two others know of our secret: Lonae, who is now dying of a drug overdose..." Mozar "And you!" Alien "No..." Alien "Nooooo please!!!" FAZZZT! Mozar "Now, all that remains is to program the data about the fugitoid into this supra-lightspeed micro-probe." Mozar "Where sub-space radio would be intercepted, this probe will have a 99.999% probability of slipping through Federation lines into Triceraton space." |
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Triceraton "And once we find this robot—and from it wrest the secret of the transmat—" Mozar "The universe will be ours!" [Meanwhile, despite Dr. Honeycut's quick thinking and fast action, far too many eyes search the crowded streets of Peblak for his metal form.] Honeycutt "I knew my luck wouldn't last!" Human Soldier A "Hey! Hold it, you—!" Human Soldier B "Stop that robot!" Honeycutt "Aww, no--it's a dead end!" Human Soldier "Alright, that's far enough robot!" |
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Human Soldier A "One false move and you're scrap metal, boy!" Human Soldier B "I don't know why your hide's so valuable, but we got orders from General Blanque to bring you in relatively undamaged, so—" FWAAA APPP |
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Human Soldier A "What the hell—?!" Human Soldier C "Call for reinforcements—" Human Soldier C "—That fugitoid just beamed in some muscle!" Honeycutt "Oh, my goodness!" [Yow! What's going to happen now? Find out in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #5, on sale Oct. 1st!] |