Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.

Page 1

[The Caribbean Sea, 1726.]

[Half a world away, and many years later...]

Stack "Are you sure you want to stay this course, Captain?"

Shirley's Revenge Captain "It's our best chance for profit, Mr. Stack, so yes, I do."

Stack "But these waters aren't safe, Captain. You know the Kraken's claimed them for himself."

Stack "And his men... Sir, there are rumors of an unholy ship at their disposal..."

SR Captain "I've heard the same rumors, and not once from a sober man."

Stack "As for the Kraken's men, if they want to expand their territories, they'll have to fight for it."

SR Crewman "Captain! You need to see this!"

SR Crewman "It's a ship, Captain, but it's moving so fast, that—"

SR Captain "That what? Give me that."

SR Captain "That can't be..."

SR Captain "...All hands, prepare! We've got—"

Page 2


Rhodes "Fair game, me hearties! Do what you will—for the Kraken!"

Kraken's Men "For the Kraken!"

Rhodes "We've heard of the Shirley's Revenge and its coward's code."

Rhodes "Your blood's almost not worth the effort of spilling... But we'll do it all the same!"

SR Captain "Stand fast, lads! Stand—"


Page 3

Donatello "—Way!"

Donnie "Wait. That is not an angry mob of ninjas."

Michelangelo "And hey—we're on a boat!"

Kraken's Man "Cap'n, those men—they appeared from out o' thin air."

Rhodes "Aye, they did. This—This has the feel of one of the Kraken's schemes to it... And we all know what happened the last time we mucked about with one of those..."

Kraken's Man "Aye... Poor Tommy Bones..."

Rhodes "So fall back, all of ye—we'll find other victims this day!"

Kraken's Man "But Captain, you said we could—"

Rhodes "I said fall back! Unless you'd rather wind up like poor Tommy Bones?"

Kraken's Man "No sir! I like my skin as it is!"

Leonardo "I... What just happened?"

Raphael "We... Must'a scared 'em off?"

Donnie "Unlikely. They said something about—"


Donnie "—Wait! Their ship!"

Donnie "It's moving like it has some serious horsepower!"

Donnie "What year is this?"

Page 4

SR Captain "The year is seventeen hundred and twenty-six."

SR Captain "I've answered your question, now you can answer one for me: Who are you four and how in the bloody hell did ye get onto this ship?"



Raph "Dumb luck is how we got here."

Raph "And you shouldn't point guns at people. Ya might put someone's eye out."

SR Crewman "Demons!"

SR Crewman "We're cursed! They're here to kill us!"

Leo "Raph, back off."

Leo "As for the rest of you—you are not cursed, and we are not here to kill you."

Page 5

Stack "You'll be forgivin' us if we don't just take your word about that."

Stack "We have a code—no lawlessness besides a bit o' light smugglin' and legal privateering, and no killing those who weren't trying to kill us first."

Stack "Our aim's freedom, not murder... And yet, we've been met with one misfortune after another—"

Stack "—Up to and includin' the sudden appearance of green men out of thin air."

Raph "A code? They think they're the good guys?"

Donnie "Honorable pirates weren't totally unheard of."

Michelangelo "Yeah, bro. Ninjas get a bad rap too, right?"

Mikey "Besides, they could've freaked out and started shooting when we popped in."

Mikey "I dunno, I get a good vibe from these guys."

Leo "We'll see about that."

Leo "What can you tell us about the other pirates? And their ship?"

Stack "Those were the Kraken's men, sir."

Stack "And they command a ship commissioned by the devil himself."

Donnie "I don't think the devil built it, but I am curious about who did. My bet is they're trouble."

Raph "So help us find 'em, and we'll help you sort 'em out. Whaddayasay?"

SR Captain "We say no!"

SR Captain "I thought the stories of the Kraken's men were madness, and was shown the arrogance o' that. I'll not go triflin' with them again."

SR Captain "No, we'll be leaving these waters. P'raps the Barbary Coast'll be kinder to us."

Page 6

Mikey "Dudes, don't think of it like that!"

Leo "Mikey, what—"

Mikey "If you guys go running now, you'll always be running! You'll be scared about what could happen and you'll never have control over your lives again! And that's not why you went to sea, is it?"

Mikey "You can't let fear rule you! You can't let it keep you from being free to say "arr" and drink grog or yodel or get scurvy or, y'know, whatever!"

Mikey "So I say to you—push back against fear! Face your problems head-on! Live your life without regrets! Be the heroes in your own story! My name is Michelangelo, and I approve this message!"

Raph "...The heck was that?"

Leo "He's been watching inspirational speeches online."

Donnie "Oh, we are so doomed."

SR Crewman "He's—He's right! The green man is right!"

SR Crewman "—Didn't sign on to be always running away—"

SR Crewman "—Maybe we can do this!"

SR Captain "Ye can't be serious! You lot are going to listen to this Mr. Angelo instead of me? What's next? Make him captain?"

Parrot "Make him captain. Make him captain. {SQUAAWK}"

Page 7

Mikey "...I can't believe they made me captain."

Stack "You spoke true, sir, and we'll gladly follow you and the other beasties. Even {gulp} against the Kraken's men."

Leo "Well, that's comforting. Now are you sure you know where we're going?"

Stack "Oh, aye. We all know where the Kraken's men are. They take to a nearby island for protection."

Mikey "This Kraken guy—what do you know about him? Besides the devil-ship thing?"

Stack "I know that none of the ships that dared hunt them down ever returned to tell the tale. Neither pirates, nor any navy in the seas. That's more'n enough to give them a wide berth."

Stack "If they hadn't turned tail when you lot appeared, I don't know if anything could've convinced the crew to set this course."

Leo "How long until we get to the island?"

Stack "This ship is as fast as they come, Cap'n, and we've a strong wind. I'd call it three days, no more."

Mikey "Aw geez—three days stuck on a boat?"

Mikey "What the heck are we gonna do?"

Page 8 & 9

[Time passes.]

Leo "If you straighten your back, Ox, you'll be close."

Leo "But you, Salty Pete, it's like you're not even trying."

Donnie "Okay, I think I fixed the problem. Let's load it up and see what happens."

SR Crewman "Well done! Ye aren't so bad for a talking sea-beast!"

Donnie "Gee, thanks."

Raph "Does it look like I wanna suck on a lime, buddy? C'mon! Now what else ya got?"

SR Crewman "Some sea bread? And maybe some cheese."

Raph "Oh yeah? Hook me up with those, cookie, and I'll show ya how to make somethin' everyone'll like."

Donnie "Oh sure, Mikey, swabbing the deck is just like practicing with my bo."

Donnie "Sigh."

SR Crewman "No, see, like this."

SR Crewman "Hah!"

SR Crewman "Oh, aye, I've heard of New York. Nice if you like the country."

Page 10

Former SR Captain "Well, we're not far now."

Mikey "Aw, dude, you said that yesterday."

Former SR Captain "I won't deny that I'm against these orders, sir, but I'm followin' 'em all the same."

Mikey "Y'know, you're right. You're not slowing us down on purpose. I mean, you're not, right?"

Former SR Captain "If I had that kind of power, I might indeed."

Former SR Captain "I don't understand why you're so calm about what we're heading towards. Even someone like you should fear the Kraken."

Mikey "No point in being scared yet. That's a putting the cart before the horse kinda deal, y'know?"

Former SR Captain "Beggin' your pardon, sir, but no. It makes far more sense to be afraid."

Mikey "Trust me, I've been in a lot of weird situations—heck, just in the last couple of months—and if they've taught me anything, it's that you gotta stay focused on what's in front of you."

Page 11

Mikey "Worrying too much means you're focusing on the future, y'know? I mean, there are a million things that could happen at any given time, right?"

Mikey "Good stuff or bad. Why stress about it before it even happens?"

Mikey "It's no better being stuck thinking about the past. Letting it weigh you down. That's no good. You miss a lot of life that way."

Mikey "You do either of those things, you'll wind up being scared, or worried, or angry."

Mikey "Can ya say "rock on", polly? C'mon. Just once. No?"

Mikey "Anyway. It's kinda like stealing time for yourself. And I just don't get that."

Mikey "Basically, dude, it boils down to this: Fear is like a cage."

Mikey "And pirates hate cages, right?"

Raph "Yo Mikey, heads up—we're seeing birds out here! You know what that means, right?"

Page 12

[We're close to the island!]


Rhodes "Mister Kraken, sir, that horrible sound, it's—"


Krang (Kraken) "It's a proximity alarm, you moron. It means a ship is approaching."

Krang "Do you remember when I said that you and your men may remain on this island so long as my privacy was ensured? That sound tells me you failed in your one job on this planet."

Rhodes "Ack— But sir... We can... We can still take care of it! Maybe if you let us have some of your fancy weapons..."

Krang "This is not a negotiation."

Krang "Bah. You're lucky I have pressing business elsewhere, Mr. Rhodes. It affords you one chance to correct your mistake."

Krang "I'll even allow you the use of a laser pistol. That should provide more than enough advantage against common men."

Krang "...But if I return to find you've failed me again, Mr. Rhodes... I promise you will regret it."

Page 13

SR Crewman "Mr. Nardo!"

Leo "What? Don't call me that."

SR Crewman "Sorry, sir, but I was told to tell you that—"

Leo "Wait. Do you hear that sound?"

SR Crewman "It's the Kraken's ship! Ship ahoy!"

Leo "Everybody, brace for—"


Page 14

Leo "You okay?"

SR Crewman "I don't rightly know, sir."

SR Crewman "W-What are you going to do with that sword?"

Leo "I'm going to go say hello."



Leo "Kiyaaaaai!"


Mikey "Man, I love when the bad guys take the work out of finding them!"

Raph "You love delivery on everything, buddy."

Mikey "You're not wrong!"

Page 15

Former SR Captain "Look at the cap'n go. Laughin' and fightin' like he doesn't even fear death."

Stack "I'm not sure he does."

Mikey "Attention bad guys! I wanna tell you a secret: You're not gonna win!"


Renet "Watch out!"

Mikey "Renet! Take about killer timing!"

Rhodes "Tryin' to bring in reinforcements, eh? Doesn't matter—this new hand cannon'll take the fight out of ye..."

Renet "Old fashioned laser gun! I haven't seen one of those since—"

Mikey "Heads up!"


Page 16

Mikey "Whoa!"

Renet "Michelangelo!"


Leo "Mikey!"

Leo "He didn't look hurt..."

Donnie "I think his shell protected him, but that gun—"

Raph "Doesn't matter! We can worry about the gun when we come back and cram it down that guy's throat!"


Rhodes "Listen up, you dogs of the Shirley's Revenge!"

Rhodes "You're trespassin' in the Kraken's territory, and the penalty for that is death."

Rhodes "But I'm a fair man, so I'm offerin' a choice—swear allegiance to the Kraken and survive as part of his crew, or be sent to Davy Jones' locker!"

Page 17

Stack "I know that look in your eye, sir, but think about what that man just did."

Stack "He's firing light from his hand! We can't stand up to that!"

Former SR Captain "Can't we? And what do you say, polly?"

Parrot "Rock on. {SQUAAWK}"

Former SR Captain "Indeed."

Rhodes "Time is running out, me hearties."

Rhodes "What say you?"

Former SR Captain "We say—no!"

Rhodes "What foolishness—"

Former SR Captain "Quite the opposite, bucko."


Page 18

Rhodes "I don't need the Kraken's pistol to deal with you gutless dogs. You're barely even real pirates!"

Former SR Captain "You say that about us, but without surprise and fear on your side, what are you?"

Rhodes "I'm the man who'll feed your carcass to a nest of bilge rats while yer heart's still beating, that's who I am!"

SR Crewman "He's puttin' on a good fight, lads."

SR Crewman "Maybe the Kraken's men aren't worth worrying about after all, eh?"

Kraken's Man "No one talks to us like that, ye thrice damned son of a—"


SR Crewman "Eh? I can't hear you over the sound of your janglin' teeth!"

Former SR Captain "You say we're not real pirates—but you've traded the freedom of the sea for a lord and master."

Rhodes "And you would do well to fear him—and us!"

Former SR Captain "I did, until I was reminded that fear was a cage—"

Page 19


Former SR Captain "—And I'll be damned before I'm caged by the likes of you!"


Former SR Captain "Avast ye lot!"

Former SR Captain "Avast I said!"

Former SR Captain "You men who sided with the Kraken—"

Former SR Captain "—Your captain's been bested, and we'll be turnin' him in to whichever governor offers the highest price for his hide."

Former SR Captain "You can share your captain's fate, and fatten the bounty we collect..."

Former SR Captain "...But I'll make you the same offer he made us. Sign on with this crew, and live by our code... And you can collect a share instead. Either way, your time with the Kraken's over."

SR Crewman "You heard the man!"

SR Crewman "Captain Angelo! You're alive!"

Mikey "Feel like I've gone ten rounds with a T-rex, but it's all good. Right guys?"

Donnie "Can't hear you over the water in my ears. Ptui."

Page 20

Kraken's Man "I'll stand with you."

Kraken's Man "I'm in."

Kraken's Man "Kraken never gave a fair share anyway."

Mikey "Looks like the fight's been sucked outta your minions, evil captain guy. That kinda thing happens, though. Don't take it personally."

Rhodes "You lot can't just quit! Stand fast and surge or the Kraken will—"

Former SR Captain "Shut yer hole, 'fore I decide to introduce you to those bilge rats you were talkin' about!"


Mikey "Don't hold too much of a grudge, dude."

Former SR Captain "Aye, I know. A grudge is clingin' to the past."

Mikey "You know it."

Mikey "At this point, the only order I want to think about is a large peppero"


Page 21

Stack "They're... They're gone."

SR Captain (Again) "And as quickly as they appeared. But they'll not be forgotten."

Stack "Should I crew the sloop?"

"We'll be scuttling her, Mr. Stack. I'll not tempt fate with such a ship, powerful though she may be... But do prepare a landing party. We're going to Burnow Island."

"Our new crew will take us to what he holds most dear. And then we'll make sure he thinks twice before threatenin' the seas again."

SR Captain "All right you lot, we've left our mark!"

SR Captain "Let's get scarce before the fires we set meet with the black powder upstairs!"


SR Captain "Well, we've made a right mess of the place—"

Page 22

SR Captain "—But the Kraken can count himself lucky we're not lingering long enough to do the same to him!"

SR Crewman "We're not staying to finish the job?"

SR Captain "We've done enough damage. If the Kraken presses us, we'll deal with him then, and not before."

SR Crewman "Captain!"

SR Crewman "I grabbed some of this before you set off the powder. We can get a good price in Caracas."

SR Captain "No."

SR Crewman "Sir?!"

"You're new to our code, so let me make it simple: We weren't here to raid, and even if we were, that goo reeks of the devil."

"I'll not willingly bring it elsewhere. Get rid of it."

"Throw it in a river, for all I care."

"Just make sure no one'll ever find it."

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