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 YOU'RE NOT ON 
 NICKTOONS 
 ANYMORE! 

Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.

Page 1

Slash "All right. I think I have it figured out."

Slash "First, we'll secure the railroad car. Then we'll work to undo the couplings, and separate it from the rest of the train."

Slash "No casualties. Minimal violence."

Slash "We're heroes."

Slash "And we're going to act like it."

VRRRRMMMMM

Slash "That was fast! Mondo, where did you learn to"

Mondo Gecko "We're heroes, big man!"

Mondo "Just focus on that part."

Page 2

Sally Pride "Ray! Another one's waking up!"

Old Hob "Hey there. I've got good news and bad news."

Hob "The good news is... We're here to rescue you."

Sally "Don't worry about it. I'm working on a rescue plan myself."

Sally "I just need to make it to the locomotive, and then I can drive us all right on out of here."

Man Ray "I must apologize for my friend, Sally Pride. The scientists ran her through dozens of flight and driving simulators. Testing mutant reflexes, and learning abilities. Now she thinks she can drive anything."

Ray "But you can't drive a train to safety, Sally. It's on a track."

Sally "I can find a way."

Hob "Mutanimals! Are the rest of you all right?"

Page 3

Herman the Hermit Crab "Sir, yes sir. I did a headcount while you were still unconscious. Everyone here is intact and unharmed."

Herman "Well..."

Herman "Physically unharmed, sir."

Sally "Between you and me, your guy over there is right to be scared. They're taking him back to the lab. But they're done testing Ray and I."

Sally "They plan to sell us to some criminal mastermind. The Foot Club, or something like that. You're probably headed there too."

Sally "That's why you need to help me get to the locomotive. Then we can—"

Hob "...We're two short. Where are Mondo and Slash?"

Herman "Current whereabouts unknown. But I believe they escaped, sir."

Hob "Escaped."

Hob "Don't worry."

N RAIL

"We're gonna be okay."

Page 4

Slash "This is the one!"

Mondo "All right, Slash. So, like, how do we get from here to there?"

Slash "We jump!"

Mondo "That's... That's a pretty burly jump, bro. I don't see how—"

Mondo "—Hey! What are you—"

Slash "Yeeeeah!"

Slash "See? Plenty of room to spare."

FWIP

Page 5

Hob "Slash."

Hob "Mondo."

Hob "Glad you made it to the dance."

Slash "Wouldn't have missed it, Hob. And listen—"

Hob "Later. Just get us out of here."

Ray "I don't want to cause undue concern, but—does anybody else hear footsteps?"

FWOOM


Slash "Ahh!"

Page 6

Mondo "You think a couple of guards are enough to bust up the—"

Mondo "—Oh... Okay. Slash, we may need to do a one-eighty on that "minimal violence" thing!"

Sally "I thought we were going for "maximal violence!" "

Security Guard "Aaaaaah!"

Pigeon Pete "Hey! Come closer! Come closer, you guys! This isn't a fair fight!"

Mondo "Pete's {grrk} right! We'll take any of you dudes, one on one!"

Mondo "Or two on one! I'd settle for that!"

Slash "Mondo!"

Page 7

Security Guard A "Get him in!"

Security Guard B "We're {ngh} trying!"

Security Guard B "He must weigh a ton!"

Slash "It wasn't supposed to go this way. We're the good guys..."

Slash "We're..."

Page 8

Slash "Rrrrrrrrggggh!"

Security Guard A "Take him down! Take him down!"

Security Guard B "What the hell do you think we're trying to—"

Slash "No more pain! No more cage!"

Slash "No more!"

Security Guard "Ahh!"

KRRSH

TING

WHAM

Page 9

Slash "Stupid humans! No more stupid humans!"

Security Guard "Please! Please God, no!"

Mondo "Dude..."

Slash "Hhhhrrrrgh!"

CRASH

Page 10

Slash "No humans! No pain! No..."

Slash "...No time..."

Slash "...We don't have much time. Mondo, why don't you—"

Mondo "Whoa! Stay back, Slash. Just stay back."

Slash "What's wrong?"

Mondo "What's wrong? You were acting like a monster two seconds ago, dude! Don't you remember?"

Slash "Of course I do. And there's no cause for alarm. We already knew that my newfound intelligence might be unstable."

Slash "The stress of battle increased my adrenal output and altered my physiology."

Slash "But I'm fine, now."

Slash "..."

Slash "I'm fine."

Page 11


Null "They escaped before I even made it back here? I'd almost be impressed, if they weren't costing us so much money."

Security Guard "We're looking into it, ma'am. It appears we underestimated—"

Null "A mistake we won't be repeating. Where are my scientists?"

Jillian Amante "Like, right over here? Ma'am."

Null "As of now we officially have no remaining mutants. But we're not going to back down. We're going to speed up."

Null "I want our first hybrid prototypes by the next fiscal quarter. I want them on the market by—"

Lindsey Baker "Ma'am, I—I don't want to be a part of this. I've decided."

Jillian "Lindsey, don't. I told you—"

Lindsey "After hearing more about your experiments, about what you have planned... I'd like to think I have a healthy amount of amorality, but—"

Null "My God, you humans and your stupid sentimentality."

Page 12

Null "This technology exists. It's out there."

Null "And if a technology exists, it will be corrupted, and it will be monetized. Do you agree?"

Lindsey "Well..."

Null "Of course you do. And if that's the case—if it's going to happen, anyway -- Then it makes no sense to let someone else do it."

Null "Whatever ethical problems you have, whatever sins you perceive will still exist with or without your involvement. The only question is whether you benefit."

Null "And if that doesn't sway you... There are sixty floors between us and the street."

Null "Do you really want to argue with me right now?"

Lindsey "With all due respect, this routine of yours wears thin very quickly."

Null "Routine?"

Lindsey "Yes. You like to intimidate people. With your horns and your red skin, and all these little hints that you're some great evil. The devil. Metaphorically speaking."

Lindsey "But it's all bluster. And it's not going to work on me."

Page 13

Lindsey "What are you doing?"

Null "I don't know about you, Lindsey. You might actually be useful, with that big brain of yours."

Null "But even with that big brain, you still don't understand the situation you're in."

Null "If you try to run... If you try to betray me... Or if the time comes when I decide you're not useful..."

Null "Go back to the lab. Work with Jillian."

Null "Tell her everything you know about monsters and mutants."

Null "Tell her all your dirty little scientific secrets."

Null "Or I will crack your head open and pull them out myself."

Null "Metaphorically speaking."

Page 14

Lindsey "What in the hell did you get me into? What are we—"

Jillian "Shut up."

Jillian "Just stop the elevator. Do it now."

Lindsey "What floor? Where are we going?"

Jillian "It doesn't matter."

Jillian "They have, like, security cameras in the elevators. But not in here."

Jillian "Listen, I have never seen Null do anything like that. I had no idea what—"

Lindsey "Stop lying to me, Jillian. For thirty seconds. Okay? For thirty seasons, for the first time ever, just be honest with me."

Jillian "You want honesty? Okay."

Jillian "Baxter Stockman may have had Chet and all the rest of them fooled, but you knew what kind of man he was."

Lindsey "Baxter Stockman never killed anyone. At least not in front of me."

Jillian "Like that makes a difference?"

Lindsey "To me it does!"

Page 15

Lindsey "You grabbed me off the street. Talked to me about the amazing lab. The unlimited resources. The science."

Lindsey "You played me. You knew just how to play me. You always did."

Jillian "I didn't—"

Lindsey "Your thirty seconds of honesty aren't up, Jillian."

Jillian "Fine. Yeah, I played you. Totally. But only because I need you!"

Jillian "Do you think I like working for Beelzebabe? You've always been the one who knows what's right, who can figure things out."

Jillian "I thought once you were in, then together we could—"

Lindsey "So you dragged me into quicksand, knowing that I would be forced to help you get out."

Jillian "Yeah... Maybe. But now we're sinking."

Security Guard "Ma'ams?"

Security Guard "I've been asked to escort you to the lobby."

Security Guard "And then back to your lab."

Page 16

Slash "I just don't understand why my friends... Why everyone reacted that way."

Hob "Because they were scared, Slash. Simple as that."

Hob "What if we hadn't been behind those bars?"

Hob "There's a good chance one of us—maybe all of us—would've ended up getting shoved through the wall of that train car."

Hob "I've seen you scrape it up against some mighty big odds before."

Hob "But I ain't never seen you like that. Like you were out of control."

Slash "Out of control. I... I wish it was that simple, Hob."

Slash "When they were shoving that cage door closed, I felt something come over me. And I tried to fight it."

Slash "Then I looked at all of you, locked in your cages... And I let go. I let myself lose control."

Slash "I'm a monster. All that talk about how we need to be better than the people we're fighting. But in the end..."

Slash "...I'm as bad as them!"

Hob "You listen to me. I may not agree with you about how we should be fighting this war. But don't you dare say you're as bad as them."

Hob "That ain't true, brother. And it never will be."

Page 17

Pete "So, ah, that ends the tour! I'll go get your beds ready. And if you need anything else, just ask. I'm Pete! Not sure if I mentioned that."

Sally "Repeatedly."

Pete "Oh, and try not to poop on the floor. Hob starts to get pretty mad after the fifth or sixth time that happens."

Seymour Gutz "They're going to create more. Aren't they?"

Sally "What?"

Seymour "They're going to create more mutants. To replace us."

Seymour "And they'll go through what I—what we went through, all over again."

Ray "Yes, Seymour. I'm afraid that's a logical assumption."

Sally "So why are we sitting around here? We need to destroy that lab."

Hob "Agreed."

Hob "But it ain't like we can just waltz into the place."

Sally "Well. One of us could. One of their old lab rats."

Sally "They'd be so thrilled to have us back, we could walk right in the front door."

Sally "We just couldn't walk back out again."

Page 18

Ray "I'd like to offer what may be an unpopular opinion."

Sally "Nothing new, there."

Ray "We should ignore the lab. If we destroy it, they'll simply start their work again in a different facility."

Ray "If we want to cause permanent damage, we have to go higher. We have to go after Null herself."

Hob "I get your point. But that lady ain't got a lot of weaknesses. At least that I can see."

Ray "Of course she does."

Ray "Why was Null at the train yard? The plan would have gone just fine without her."

Ray "But the CEO of a multinational organization took the time to show up. Personally."

Hob "So, she don't trust her people to get the job done? That ain't exactly a lot to go on."

Ray "She wasn't there to micromanage, Hob."

Ray "She was there because for Null, it's not enough to win. She wants to watch you lose."

Ray "She wants to look you in the eye when you know you've been beat."

Hob "Yeah... Yeah, we can definitely use that."

Sally "All right. So what's the game plan?"

Sally "And do you need a driver?"

Page 19

Pete "Let's see... Where should it go, where should it go..."

Seymour "Pigeon Pete? Is that you?"

Pete "Yeah, it's me! Pete!"

Seymour "What are you... What are you doing in my room?"

Pete "I'm giving everyone night lights!"

Pete "Slash gave me one last week, and it really helps. You know, with nightmares!"

Seymour "But, Pete—you've never lived in a laboratory, have you? Never been experimented on?"

Pete "Nope! I've always been free as a... Whatever."

Seymour "Then... Then what are your nightmares about?"

Pete "Lots of different things."

Pete "Trolley cars, mostly. Weddings. Pretty much anything that has to do with rice."

Seymour "Oh."

Seymour "Mine are different."

Page 20

Mondo "What about, like, a laser? Could you hook me up with one of them?"

Herman "On your skateboard? For what purpose? How would that even work?"

Mondo "Beats me. I just think lasers are sick as hell."

Mondo "Hey, is that..."

Herman "Hey! Soldier! Are you going AWOL?"

Herman "Soldier!"

Mondo "Where the heck is he going? I mean..."

"Dude's got nowhere to go, right?"

Page 21

Jillian "He's dying? You're sure that's what he said? This is, like, super important."

Security Guard "Yes, ma'am. He said that his suit is damaged, and it's killing him."

Jillian "Wow, it's true. You totally came back."

Seymour "Yes. I had to come home. And finish my work."

Jillian "Our work, Mutagen Man."

Lindsey "Mutagen Man? This is—this is the hybrid experiment you were telling me about? You made it sound like he was practically brain-dead."

Jillian "Yes! I know! I lied to you a lot! Do we have to make a big deal out of it, like, every time you discover a new lie?"

Jillian "Let's find out what's wrong, Mutagen Man. I just need to take a look inside your—"

PLANG!

Seymour "Gaaah!"

Seymour "I didn't... Didn't know how much this would hurt. Like being fried alive."

Page 22

Jillian "But don't worry. No one knows your suit better than me. I just need to examine—"

Seymour "No! That's not why I'm here."

Jillian "Mutagen Man, what... What did you do?"

Seymour "What I had to do."

Seymour "And you're wrong. No one knows this suit better than me. So I fixed up my wiring. Made a few changes. And now I'm overheating."

Seymour "In a few more minutes, I'm going to explode."

Seymour "And then none of you will ever hurt another mutant again."

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