Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.

Page 1

[Dimension X. Obviously.]

Donatello "Anything you can tell us about the next witness, Professor Honeycutt?"

Zayton Honeycutt >He's a little... Unusual. Even by Dimension X standards.<

Donnie "Wait... Is he a—"

Honeycutt >Yes, as a matter of fact.<

Honeycutt >He's the co-owner of a business that's... Rather violent.<

Donnie "But... How does his body even...?"

Leonardo "How far out are we?"

Dask "We're all totally far out, daddy-o. But it's right up ahead."

Raphael "Aw, man..."

Raph "Are you kidding me?"

Michelangelo "Dude, are you kidding me?! This is totally awesome!"

Mikey "This is the best day of my life..."

Page 2






Mikey "...We're going to see wrestling!"

Page 3

Mikey "Whoah! What's your ring name?"

Manager "Pardon me?"

Mikey "Your ring name. You're a wrestler, right?"

Manager "Oh, heavens no. I'm a manager. Please meet my client:"

Manager "Manfred Manos III!"

Manfred Manos III "Ninja gimmick's a little tired, but you've got great hands."

Manfred "Wanna spar?"

Mikey "Naw, dude, I'm... I'm cool."

Donnie "Mikey, stick with us."

Raph "Look at 'em. Getting ready to go play pretend."

Mikey "What do you mean, "pretend?""

Leo "We need to find out witness. Before Hakk-R does."

Donnie "Looks like our witness has found us."

Stump "Greetings! And welcome..."

Page 4

Stump "...To Stump Asteroid!"

Stump "You must be journalists! Here to do a story on me, Stump, IWF's proud owner!"

Sling "Co-owner. I'm his partner, Sling."

Leo "What? No. We're here to escort you to Planet Neutrino."

Donnie "For a trial."

Stump "What?! I was acquitted!"

Sling "We paid that lawyer a fortune!"

Leo "You're not on trial. Krang is. And we need your testimony."

Stump "Why would I testify?"

Stump "I've got nothing against Krang."

Leo "But he clear-cut your entire planet!"

Leo "It's nothing but uninhabitable desert now!"

Sling "Why do you think we built the stadium here?"

Stump "Exactly! And it was Krang's very generous offer for our planet's lumber rights that financed it all!"

Raph "Waitaminute..."

Raph "...Are you telling me that you were in on it?!"

Raph "You let brains-for-brains destroy your entire planet?"

Stump "Well, I got paid of course."

Page 5

Raph "Are you sure we need all five witnesses?"

Raph "Can't we let Hakk-R have this one?"

Stump "What's a Hakk-R?"

Donnie "Hakk-R is Krang's cybernetic assassin. He has designs on clear-cutting you..."

Donnie "...Unless you allow us to escort you to Planet Neutrino."

Stump "But... It's Grappleganza! I can't leave now! I'm the color commentator!"

Raph "You see?! He was in on it! And he doesn't even want to get saved!"

Leo "Raph..."

Raph "I should turn him into mulch myself!"

Stump "You know..."

Stump "...You have a dark... Angry charisma."

Sling "Perhaps we can help each other?"

Sling "And Stump could leave after Grappeganza."

Stump "You'd face our challenger in the opening match. You'd lose, but everyone starts somewhere."

Donnie "I don't think it's a bad deal."

Raph "Because I'm the one that has to play-fight some freak!"

Leo "It's just one match. I need you to be a team player."

Mikey "Can I be your manager?! Please?!"

Stump "Just sign and initial and we'll find you a better outfit!"

Raph "Ugh... Fine."

Mikey "Wait... How do they know you're going to lose?"

Raph "Mikey..."

Page 6

Mikey "I dunno, Raph. I think it looks cool!"

Mikey "Mysterious, you know?"

Raph "Well, at least I'm not the dumbest-looking guy in the ring."

Antrax "You dare to insult... Antrax?!"

Raph "Hey... Nnngh... Go easy, wouldja?"

Mikey "Raph! Watch out for his other arms!"

Raph "Mikey, would you relax?"

Raph "The whole thing's fake!"

Antrax "Fake...?"

Antrax "Fake?"

Antrax "Fake?!"

Page 7

Antrax "You think this is fake? A joke?"

Raph "Hey... Antrax! Hold on, I thought we were—"

Antrax "Let's see who's laughing after you suffer the fall of..."

Antrax "...Antrax the Executioner's Burning Axe!"

Stump "The Burning Axe! No one's ever come back from it!"

Sling "Antrax will go into his IWF championship as an undefeated competitor!"


Raph "Must... Have been a fluke..."

Mikey "Raph, wake up! You have to do something!"

Antrax "Raphaeeel...!"

Page 8


Raph "Count him!"

Referee "But... But... The finish..."

Raph "Do it!"

Stump "See? Didn't I tell you?"

Referee "One... Two... Three!"

Page 9

Stump "Didn't I tell you that you were supposed to lose?! All you had to do was lay there!"

Raph "He got rough with me! And I barely even touched him!"

Leo "Hey! Everyone just calm down for a second!"

Stump "Calm down? Calm down?! How can I calm down when you've ruined Grappleganza!"

Stump "Antrax was undefeated! He was supposed to face Cryin' Houn' in the main event!"

Mikey "What the..."

Stump "But you knocked him clean out! Who knows when he'll wake up!"

Stump "And even when he does..."

Stump "...He'll be a nobody! Because he lost to a nobody!"

Raph "A nobody?! I'm gonna carve him into a—"

Mikey "Uhm, guys...?"

Leo "Later, Mikey!"

Page 10

Leo "Listen... Stump. I'm sorry about the opening match, but what's done is done."

Leo "We'll need to leave immediately after Grappleganza."

Stump "Not a chance!"

Donnie "But if you don't come with us, there's no way for us to protect you."

Stump "You've ruined Grappleganza. I feel like I've already died."

Donnie "How can we fix it? We'll do whatever we can."

Stump "Well, in that case... I could use you two in our new Grappleganza main event!"

Donnie "Well, I really don't think—"

Stump "Houn', you got those contracts?"

Cryin' Houn' "Right here, bossman."

Stump "Perfect! You two will challenge for the tag team titles against Cryin' Houn' and a rookie he'll... "Pick" out of the audience."

Stump "With Houn' and our new star getting to win, of course!"

Raph "I don't think it's a bad deal, guys."

Mikey "But wait... How do they know you'll lose?"

Leo "Mikey..."

Page 11

>It's time for our main event, and we've got something special for you folks!<

>Due to Antrax's shocking defeat at the hands of that mysterious and irritable black-clad warrior...<

>...IWF champion Cryin' Houn' will defend the tag titles in an anything goes tag match against the debuting team of...<

>El Samurai and Superstar Donny!<

Leo "I don't like this..."

Donnie "I think we look pretty spiffy!"

>But of course,' he won't be facing them alone, will he, Stump?<


>Absolutely not! In fact, the champ is already searching for his partner!<

Houn' "So many good lookin' fans out there... It brings a tear to my eye! But only one can step into the ring with Cryin' Houn'!"

Houn' "Why... I think I spy with my cryin' eye... The perfect specimen!"

Houn' "Son, if you're feeling up to it, why don't you—"


Houn' "What in tarnation?!"

Leo "We've wasted too much time!"

Donnie "Well, actually... The build-up and oratorical exercises are almost as important as the match—"

Leo "No, look! It's..."

Page 12

Leo "...Hakk-R!"

Hakk-R "Normally this would be beneath me, but I've made an exception..."

Hakk-R "...For you."

Stump "It's him! The assassin! Ring the bell! Start the match!"


Leo "They said anything goes, right?"

Donnie "Yes, that was the stipulation!"

Page 13

>El Samurai & Superstar Donnie have teamed up on the rookie!<

Hakk-R "Argh! Of course you turtles are here! But since you are..."

>But it looks like the rookie's got some tricks up his sleeve, Sling! Our champion sure knows how to pick 'em!<

Hakk-R "...Let's give these people a little show."

Mikey "Wait... Cryin' Houn' chose Hakk-R as his partner!? What are the odds?!"

Raph "Mikey..."

Houn' "Come on, now! Reach one of them little tentacles back here and tag me in!"

Houn' "The Cryin' Houn' don't take kindly to being left out."

Page 14

Houn' "Don't you know I'm the star of this here show, boy?"

Hakk-R "???"

Hakk-R "And what are you supposed to be?"

Houn' "I'm the doggone Intergalactic Wrestling Federation heavyweight—"

Hakk-R "You know what?"

Hakk-R "I don't care."


Houn' "Attack me?"

Houn' "You ain't been here for a cup of coffee, son!"


>Why... I can't believe my eyes! Cryin' Houn' has turned on his partner!<

>It doesn't look like the IWF fans can believe it either!<

Page 15

Leo "Raph! Mikey! Get in here and help us!"

Mikey "But it... It's just not fair!"

Mikey "Cryin' Houn' was supposed to be Hakk-R's partner!"

Raph "Yeah, but our partners are in trouble. And besides..."

Raph "...Don't you want to get in the ring?"

Mikey "Hey, Hakk-R!"

Hakk-R "Oh, come on..."

Page 16

Mikey "Cowabunga!"

>Now it looks like their manager is getting involved! It's chaos in there!<

Mikey "And you dupes thought that watching wrestling..."

Mikey "...Was a waste of time!"

Hakk-R "This is... Ridiculous!"

Page 17

Donnie "While Hakk-R's form is malleable, he always retains some core structure..."

Donnie "...If I can just find a way to target it..."

Hakk-R "What are you--"

Donnie "...Got it!"

Hakk-R "Grraaah!"

Hakk-R "I give up! I give up!"

>And that's it! The local competitor has tapped out to Superstar Donnie!<



Donnie "Whoa!"


>The IWF fans don't look pleased, Stump! They're demanding an explanation for Cryin' Houn's actions!<

Stump "Can you hear me? Is this thing on?"

Stump "Listen up, because I'm about to explain..."

Page 18

Stump "What you cretins and mouth-breathers are too stupid to understand!"

Stump "You're too simple to realize that you've witnessed something spectacular!"

Stump "The debut of the most dominant stable in IWF history..."


Stump "...My Stump-Thumpers!"

Stump "That's right! I'm sick of you people and your fickle affections! And you know who else is too?!"


Stump "Your precious champion Cryin' Houn'!"

Donnie "This... Doesn't look good."

Raph "Ya think?"

Stump "So I'm taking Cryin' Houn', my Stump-Thumpers, the tag titles and the heavyweight title to a more sophisticated asteroid!"

Stump "Okay! You said you had a way out of here, right?"


Page 19


Stump "That went great!"

Leo "Are you nuts? We were almost killed getting out of there!"

Stump "Exactly! That's how you know it's a hot angle!"

Stump "Cryin' Houn's merchandise sales were slowing down anyway. It was time for a change."

Stump "We'll keep him away while Sling builds Antrax back up as a recently humbled fan-favorite."

Stump "Then we'll bring Houn' back to drop the title in a massive main event!"

Leatherhead >Are you following this?<

Donnie "Not really."

Mikey "Uhm... Mr. Houn'? Are you really going to lose the title?"

Houn' "Don't listen to 'em, kid. Antrax could never beat the Cryin' Houn'."

Mikey "I knew it!"

Stump "You know... It just occurred to me..."

Page 20

Stump "...My new tag team champions will also need to come back and drop their titles!"

Leo "Yeah... I don't think we're interested."

Stump "You might not be interested, but..."

Stump "You're both contractually obligated."

Stump "Don't worry, it'll be a huge show. And you'll get a cut of the gate. After costs, of course."

Mikey "Stump, dude!"

Mikey "I think you're underestimating the Stump-Thumpers! How could we lose?!"

Raph "It's fake, Mikey! F-A-K-E! The whole thing's—"

Houn' "Hey!"

Houn' "What did you just say?"

Raph "Agggh! Get him away from me!"

Houn' "I'll show you fake, boy!"

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.