Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.

Page 1

Woman "I don't care what you think you can get done by Thursday, Bill, I need the project completed tomorrow."

Woman "Well, that's why we call them deadlines, Bill."

Woman "Oh, for—"


Woman "Not you. I think I just stepped in something."

Woman "Yes, Bill, I know there are scooper laws, I—"

Woman "Yeeeeeeee!"

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Ray Stantz "Well, that sounds like our cue..."


Woman "What—"

H₂Ghost "Hssssss!"


Peter Venkman "Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast, my friend! It's time to pay the check."







Page 3

Woman "What was that? I feel... So good..."

Ray "Just a little concentrated mood slime."

Ray "Nothing to be concerned about—I had to make sure that little bugger didn't attempt a forced possession, and—"

Bill >...Hello?<

Woman "Hang on, Bill."

Woman "Say! Ghostbuster! Can I buy some of that pink stuff?"

Ray "Nope. You have a nice day now, ma'am."

OSCAR Weenie

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The ORIGINAL [...]
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Cold [...]

Winston "Oh, man. I feel dead."

Peter "You do look a little rough."

Ray "I hear ya. As much as I love this city and all its charms, I could sure use a good change of pace."

Ray "Something like the Scandinavian warlock case, with all the globetrotting... That's just the right kind of thing for my money."

Peter "You need help, Ray—professional help—and I'm more than qualified to provide it. I'll even give you a discount on my rate. Y'know, as a friend."

Ray "Pass."

Peter "What? I have a legitimate degree. I miss using it."

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28 E 35TH ST

Winston "Oh, come on, another call? Already?"

Ray "What are you going to do?"

Ray "I mean, we all know that psychokinetic energy—and so then, ghosts—make up the insulation between dimensional planes."

Peter "Well you've sure told us enough."

Ray "Ahem. Some extra popped through when we uncoupled our own dimension from the one it was stuck to, resulting in a busier—we're going to Murray Hill, by the way—a busier period of work."

Peter "Can't help yourself, can you? Was your mother also into exposition?"

Ray "Stop it."

Winston "You know, you've been saying this "insulation between dimensions" stuff for years. Makes me wonder."

Peter "Don't you dare wind him up, Winston."

Winston "I'm serious. Could that insulation be purgatory? Or something like it?"

Ray "I don't know! I mean, there are maybe some pockets with enough of a consciousness to resemble that—"

Page 5

"—Wouldn't it be neat to find out?"

Darius "This... This cannot be allowed to stand. Look!"

Darius "That damned mutant rodent and his ninjas have taken over half the city! My city!"

Bronson "Darius, I'm really starting to regret showing you how to look in on your old stomping grounds."

Bronson "Most of us only watch over family and friends, you know?"

Darius "Don't patronize me, Bronson! That monstrosity had me killed and then stole everything I built."

Darius "He took my legacy."

Darius "That's more important than family."

Darius "I'd go to any length to even the score."

Darius "If I could just reach through these magic windows of yours, I'd... Bah!"

Page 6

Bronson "Well, I mean, I might know of a way to reach back out and get revenge, I guess, but—"

Darius "No! No buts, you infernal creature! Tell me."

Bronson "Look, I've been here a while... I've heard about beings who can travel through dimensions at will. They exist only to hunt and to capture, and they—"

Darius "Say no more. How do I contact them?"

Bronson "Darius, you don't want to rush into this."

Bronson "There's an awful cost to summoning them, even for ghosts."

Darius "Blast your cost. No price could be too high for this."

"He disrespected me. He ordered my death. He took over my life's work."

"I will strike him where it hurts the most, and I will watch him writhe and suffer until he begs for mercy..."

"...And then I will force him to suffer yet again."

Darius "Now, I'll only ask you once more..."

Darius "...How do I get in touch with these entities?"

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[Much later, and several dimensional planes away...]

Egon Spengler "How about now?"

Ray "Nah, that's no good. Hand me the pliers, wouldja? Uhhh... Needlenose."

Ray "I wish recalibrating this sensor array set-up to monitor emergent extra-dimensional incursions was as easy as finding a working security measure for our own trans-dimensional portal..."


Egon "I feel the level of difficulty is comparable."

Ray "I was being sarcastic!"

Egon "Still."


Enjoy Blody

Ray "Well, that's done. Now we just need to—"



Ray "Uh..."



Page 8


Ray "What was that?"

Egon "Something's trying to cross over—"


Egon "—Look!"

Donatello "I made it!"

Egon "Donatello?"

Ray "What are you doing here? What happened?"

Donnie "Hi, Ray... And, well, the short version is, my brothers and I were just attacked..."

Page 9

"We were about to return to our New York from Dimension X, this place that... Well, that's a long story. Point is, we were about to go home."

"That's when we heard this... Creepy laughter."

"We saw some kind of... I guess extra-dimensional entities floating in front of us."

"At first, they looked almost like people, and we wondered if they were a kind of Dimension X native that we hadn't met yet."

"Mikey wanted to hang back and say hello..."

"Until they morphed into... Well, scary versions of us!"

"We didn't even have time to process how weird this was—even for us—before we were attacked."

"They were clumsy, but it didn't matter—"

"—Because we couldn't touch them."

Page 10

Donnie "Didn't take much to realize we'd need help, so I reset the transporter's controls to point here."

Ray "You know our specific dimensional coordinates off the top of your head?"

Egon "Well, we have kept in touch."

Egon "But tell us more about these entities. They sound... Familiar."

Donnie "Well, I—"


Collectors "Found you."

Donnie "Oh no!"

Ray "The Collectors—?!"

Page 11

Ray "I thought they were gone!"

Egon "Our encounter with them ended without a final resolution, Ray."

Ray "That's right—you're right. They were just called back to their own plane of existence. Well, they can pay the piper now!"

Ray "Suck on modified particles, monochromatic menaces!"


Collectors "We remember you."

Donnie "Guys, help!"

Collectors "The mutants are ours..."

Collectors "...Stay out of this, or we will turn out attention back to you."

Ray "{Sigh} Better call the others."

Page 12

Winston "Are you messing with me right now?!"


Egon "No. The very same extra-dimensional entities that once abducted us have apparently targeted our ninja friends."

Ray "The question is why? I mean, who'd send that kind of firepower after the turtles? It's practically absurd!"

Peter "Teenage. Mutant. Ninja. Turtles, Ray. Why draw the absurdity line at demons? I mean, didn't they bring one with them when we met? Big bull lookin' fella?"

Winston "Back on point, Pete. How do we help? I don't want to see those kids stuck in limbo."

Egon "The Collectors left behind trace ectoplasm when they came for Donatello. A simple analysis should yield the dimensional frequency for their prison dimension... Though I admit, the thought of opening that door makes me, ah, uneasy."

Egon "Several muscle groups are currently contracting in a very uncomfortable manner."

Winston "Yours and mine both. We still got a problem, though."

Winston "Even if we get the turtles out, the Collectors are just gonna come after them again—and our gear didn't have much of an effect on them before."

Peter "This is on Ray. It's his fault. This is what happens when you ask the universe for more adventure, Ray."

Ray "Yeah, yeah—maybe. But don't worry—"

Page 13

"—I think I know just what needs to be done!"


Michelangelo "Donnie!"

Mikey "Dude! Did you get help?"

Raphael "Does it look like he got help, Mike?"

Mikey "Hey! He might have!"

Mikey "Did ya?"

Donnie "Well, I did get to the Ghostbusters, but..."

Raph "But nothin', right? I freakin' knew it!"

Leonardo "Relax, Raph."

Raph "Relax?! In case you missed it, we're stuck in some kinda ghost jail, Leo!"

Leo "Yes, we are. And we all need to remain calm, get our bearings, chart the territory, and start working on an escape plan."

Ghost "There isn't one."

Page 14

Ghost "You four won't be getting out of here. Ever."

Ghost "I'm going to break you and, in doing so, I will break your father's heart."

Mikey "Wait... What? Father?"

Mikey "Who even are you, dude?"

Ghost "I'm the man who refused to bow to the Foot Clan..."

Darius (Ghost) "...And I'm the man who died for it."

Leo "That's—it's Darius Dun!"

Mikey "No!"

Darius "Amazing, isn't it? I must admit, there are some definite advantages to my ghostly status."

Darius "I can watch the world of the living any time I want, all the while planning one hell of a revenge against my enemies."

Darius "Haha ha!"

Page 15

Darius "And you four—you're what that rat loves most."

Darius "More than anything in the world. You're his heart."

Darius "That's why you're here."

Darius "Your father will never see you again. Even if he scours the Earth, he won't find you."

Darius "Instead, he'll grow old and desperate, then wither and die without ever knowing what happened... And this will destroy him."

Darius "And I'll witness it all, each torturous moment... Every new pain inflicted, bringing me one step closer to vengeance."

Darius "When Splinter is dead at last—if you four last that long—perhaps I'll release you then."

Darius "Or... Perhaps not."


Donnie "He can't be serious—that could be decades!"

Mikey "He's not gonna leave us here for that long... Is he?"

Raph "Guy's a stinkin' nutjob."

Leo "He's angry, Raph. And after what happened with Father the last time we saw him, I can't say his anger isn't justified."

Leo "But that's the past, and it's not gonna help us now."

Leo "We need to find food, water, and shelter in case we're here for a while."

Ray "I've got a better idea—"

Page 16

Ray "—Why don't we get you guys out of here?"

Mikey "Yes! All right, Donnie! You totally came through!"

Raph "Yeah—nice work, nerd bro."

Donnie "Let's just get out of here and we can—huh?"

Ray "I'm afraid it's not gonna be quite that simple."

Ray "Put this on, and then step through."

Ray "Egon'll fill you in. The rest of you... Hang back a bit."

Leo "Hang back? What's going on, Winston?"

Winston "It's complicated, man. Those things that grabbed you? We've dealt with 'em before."

Winston "If we're gonna get you out of here permanently, it'll take some doing."

Winston "And wait'll I tell you just how much doing it's gonna take...!"

Page 17

Donnie "Egon! You did it! I—"

Donnie "Wait. All this stuff wasn't here before."

Egon "No. Let's go upstairs."

Donnie "What's going on with the helmet?"

Donnie "I'm assuming it keeps the glowing monsters from finding me, but why didn't you send more for the others?"

Egon "The helmets are part of a failed psychic communication system Ray and I repurposed."

Egon "Now, to the Collectors, you'll read as Winston, and vice versa—and they'll think you turtles are all still trapped."

Egon "But they'll figure out the switch sooner or later."

Page 18

Donnie "I see. It's temporary camouflage."

Egon "Correct. You'd all need stand-ins to keep the illusion alive, and even so, they'd see through the ruse eventually."

Egon "If we want to free you all from the threat of the Collectors, we need to take them out of the equation—permanently."

Egon "I have an idea on how to do that, but it involves questions about transdimensional mechanics that you're better equipped to answer than Ray. That's why we swapped you out."

Donnie "Hang on—if Winston is my stand-in so the Collectors think I'm there, what did Ray and Peter go over for?"

Egon "They're there as a distraction."

"As I said, given time, the Collectors would easily see through the crude ruse the helmets provide, so time is something we can't give them."

"The gauntlets provide a direct link to our own transdimensional portal—"

"—Allowing remotely accessed jumps. These jumps will further obscure your presence here."

Page 19

"—They work as a single unit."

"So, three different trails, randomly hopping through the dimensions..."

Donnie "...It makes things harder for them to track, and slows them down! I follow!"

Egon "If we're lucky, it keeps the Collectors from sensing your presence here, and gives us enough time to construct a means of containing them permanently."

Donnie "Hang on, remote portal access... These helmet mods... When did you—I was only here a few minutes ago!"

Egon "...It's been roughly three weeks."

Donnie "Man, sometimes I hate quantum physics."

Page 20

Egon "You can't mean that."

Donnie "{Sigh} Not really. It's just been about a month of long days, and I'm ready for them to be over."

Egon "Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news—"

Egon "—But I've had a simulation running to predict how long the others could successfully evade the Collectors."

Egon "I was hoping it would be finished sooner..."

Donnie "Hang on—"


Donnie "—This simulation gives them less than a day!"


Donnie "Can we warn them?"

Egon "We can communicate, but it's not instantaneous, and it takes a great deal of power. I'd rather wait until the last possible moment."

Egon "Which, as you noticed, won't be long."

Donnie "Well in that case..."

Donnie "...Let's get to work!"

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