[Opening sequence and theme song.]
[At the grocery store, we see Leonardo and Michelangelo in hats and trench coats doing the shopping.]
Leonardo "Let's see. Tofu and bean sprouts."
Michelangelo "Fudge."
Leonardo "Desiccated liver and . . . ."
Michelangelo "Peanut butter."
Leonardo ". . . wheat germ."
Michelangelo " And jelly."
Leonardo "Come on, Michelangelo. Think healthy for a change. You had peanut butter and jelly on your pizza last night."
Michelangelo "No way, bud. I had chocolate chips and caramel fudge."
[At the checkout counter, two thugs brandish bats.]
Thug 1 "Ok, lady, put all your money in a bag."
Cashier "Will that be paper or plastic?"
Thug 2 "Don't be a wise guy. Just do it."
Cashier "All right, only don’t hurt me."
Leonardo "Michelangelo, look. Check out the checkout counter."
Michelangelo "Those two scuzz buckets are holding up the place."
Leonardo "But not for long. Let's show 'em some turtle crime fighting tactics."
[The two turtles strip off their disguises, draw their weapons, and spring towards the store front.]
Together "Hai-yip-ta-da!"
Cashier "Who are you guys?"
Leonardo "We're here to take out the garbage."
Thug 1 "Play ball, creeps."
[The thugs throw their bats at the turtles, who turn so the bats bounce off their shells.]
Thug 1 "So you want to play dirty, huh?"
Michelangelo "Strike one, dude. Strike two."
Thug 1 "Ha, ha! You missed!"
Michelangelo "You think so?
Strike three. You're out!"
[Blows on the cans behind the thug and they fall on him.]
Strike three. You're out!"
Thug 2 "Back off, weirdo.
Yechhh! Eggs."
[Leonardo knocks him into cartons of eggs.]
Yechhh! Eggs."
[Sirens approach.]
Leonardo "Uh-oh, the boys in blue."
Michelangelo "We better book."
Leonardo "Right. But first . . . ."
[The turtles jump up and pull down a sign, dropping it on the thugs and wrapping them in it.]
Thugs "Hey, what happened? Let us out of here!"
Leonardo "Gift-wrapped for the police. Could you check us out fast, ma'am? We're in an awful big hurry."
Cashier "You're the ones who saved my life. It's on the house."
Michelangelo "Oh, radical!"
[Police cars are seen driving towards the store.]
Leonardo "Uh-oh, here they come."
Michelangelo "Cowabunga!"
[April in the store as the police cart off the thugs.]
April O'Neil "This is April O'Neil of channel 6."
Cashier "Oh, right, the happy hour news."
April "Exactly what took place here?"
Cashier "These hoodlums tried to rob me. Then suddenly these turtles showed up."
April "Did you say turtles?"
Cashier "Uh, maybe they were alligators. I didn't have my glasses on."
April "And so once again, a crime was prevented by a group of heroic turtles."
Cashier "Oh, then again, um, it could've been salamanders. Those things all look alike to me."
[Cut to Dimension X and the Technodrome.]
Shredder "I tell you, Krang, our defeat was an accident. Send me back to earth, and I'll prove what I can do. Krang, I implore you. Send me back."
Krang "Send me back. Send me back. I'm tired of your endless whining. I will send you back to earth."
Shredder "You will not regret this, Krang."
Krang "Take this communicator, and this time, put an end to this turtle business."
[Shredder leaps through the portal.]
Bebop "Earth, make way for Bebop and Rocksteady."
Rocksteady "And away we go."
[Portal doesn’t open for them.]
Rocksteady "Hey! Why'd you do that?"
Krang "Because I enjoy seeing both people and animals suffer. And you, my friends, are both."
[Cut to April, arriving at the Channel 6 TV station.]
Irma "April, thank heavens you're back. There's a terrible emergency."
April "What is it, Irma?"
Irma "I chipped one of my nails, and I'm all out of this color polish."
April "Please, Irma, I've got a problem."
Irma "You've got a problem? What if some hunky guy calls me for a date?"
Burne Thompson "Well, April, did you get the story?"
April "Not on film, Mr. Thompson. But I just know the turtles were there."
Burne "I'll bet they were. Probably holding up the place."
April "Wrong. They're heroes, I tell you."
Burne "Bushwa. Those turtles are the greatest threat our city's ever faced. You must help expose those mutants for what they really are. A menace to society."
April "But--but I couldn't do that."
Burne "Then I'll find someone else who can. Right, Vernon?"
Vernon "Oh, I agree, Mr. Thompson. Those turtles are nothing but a slimy green pestilence."
April "What brought that on?"
Irma "I think the answer is right there."
Tiffany "Ohh, Burnesie. You're so manly when you give orders like that."
Burne "Why, yes, I suppose I am."
Tiffany "I just hate turtles ever since my brother put one in my bed when I was five years old."
Burne "Don't worry, my dear. I'll protect you from this dreaded reptile menace."
April "So that's why he's on my case about the turtles."
Vernon "If you don't think you can handle it . . . ."
April "Don't sweat it, Vernon. If I had to, I'd do an interview with bigfoot."
Irma "If you do, find out if he's married."
[In the lair.]
Donatello "Hey, Michelangelo told us how you trashed those two punks in the supermarket."
Raphael "Just our luck to miss it. We could've used the workout."
Michelangelo "Aw, those dudes were easy. Not like taking on Shredder's foot ninjas."
Donatello "Kinda weird, you know? If it wasn't for Shredder, we'd still be four tiny pet turtles."
Michelangelo "For sure. That was pretty cool the way his mutating gel made us grow."
Raphael "Yeah, but that same gel left our Master Splinter trapped in the form of a rat. Boy, I'd like to go one on one with that shred head."
Donatello "Forget it, Raphael. Shredder's stuck in Dimension X along with that flipped-out brain creature, Krang."
Splinter "Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael!"
Leonardo "Master Splinter, what is it?"
Splinter "I have had a terrible premonition. My life-long enemy, Saki the Shredder, is about to return."
Donatello "Shredder? But that's impossible. We saw him sucked into Dimension X."
Splinter "Evil that strong cannot be so easily overcome. I sense terrible danger ahead."
[Cut to park, where two muggers are hanging out.]
Big Mugger "This sure is a slow day. We ain't mugged anybody for a whole half hour."
Thin Mugger "Relax, pal. Some poor sucker's bound to show up."
[Portal opens in the sky and Shredder drops out.]
Shredder "Aaahhh!"
Thin Mugger "Ha, ha. See? What did I tell ya?"
Shredder "Ohh, where am I?"
Big Mugger "I got a better question. Like how much money you got in that stupid costume of yours?"
Shredder "Of course. I'm in the big apple. Foot soldiers, Bebop, Rocksteady, destroy these fools!"
Big Mugger "That old trick? Forget it, pal, it won't work."
Shredder "Foot soldiers, did you not hear my command?"
Thin Mugger "Now just hand over your dough."
Shredder "I'll just have to handle this myself."
[Leaps up into a tree and slices off a limb with his claw blades. The muggers jump to escape the limb and fall down.]
Shredder "Now, what were you saying about money?"
Big Mugger "We were saying, here, if you don't have any, take ours."
[They throw cash at the Shredder before running off.]
Thin Mugger "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and have a nice day."
Shredder "Krang, where is my army and my Technodrome and all my weapons?"
Krang "You failed to defeat those miserable turtles and their teacher Splinter with my help. Now you must destroy them on your own. I will never give you another speck of aid until you prove worthy of it."
Shredder "I will show you, Krang. I will destroy my enemies, the turtles, and then the world will tremble before the Shredder."
[Scene shifts to Shredder standing before a building and reading the sign over the door.]
Shredder "Hmm, the Slash for Cash dojo, the perfect place to begin operation turtle destruction."
[Inside the dojo, students are practicing while their master, Slash, looks on.]
Smash "Oh, no, no, no! What a bunch of useless wimps."
Shredder "The master is responsible for the students."
Smash "Look, clown. Nobody talks like that to Smash, master of the Slash for Cash dojo."
Shredder "I am now master of this dojo, and you will obey my every command or else."
Smash "Or else what, tin face?"
Shredder "Yaaahh!"
[Rips a punching bag down from the ceiling, tosses it into the air, and slices it into pieces with his claw blades.]
Smash "Like I was saying, Master, you're the boss."
[Back at the news station.]
Irma "You got back just in time, April."
Burne "What about you, April? Anything on those turtles yet?"
April "Well, no, but you see, I . . . ."
Tiffany "Oh, Burnesie. It's lonely in there without you."
Burne "You heard me. Don't come back without proof of some insidious turtle conspiracy."
April "I'm trying to tell you. The turtles are not a threat. They just want to be left alone."
Tiffany "Oh! Oh! Don't let her near me. She's a nasty old turtle lover."
Burne "There, there. You're safe with me."
April "I'll get you a story, all right. One that proves the turtles are heroes."
[Back at the Slash for Cash dojo.]
Students "Hee-ya! Hi-ya!"
Shredder "Excellent. Under my tutelage, you are ready for action at last."
Smash "Ok, you former wimps now belong to the crooked ninja turtle gang. Each of you will be given one of these to wear when we strike."
[Holds up a turtle costume.]
Shredder "And strike we shall."
[Scene shifts to a bank. Three ninja turtle gang members and Smash burst through the door, all wearing turtle costumes.]
Smash "Don't anybody move! We're the crooked ninja turtle gang. And when you tell the cops, remember the turtle squad."
[Turtle gang robbing the cashier at the grocery store.]
Smash "If anybody asks, we're the crooked ninja turtle gang. Yaa!"
Cashier "And I thought they were such nice boys."
[Turtle gang robbing a jewelry store.]
Smash "Yaahhh! Remember, we're the crooked ninja turtle gang. Here's our card."
April "The jewelry store, it's just been burglarized! It's the robbers. Make sure you get 'em."
Vernon "Mr. Thompson will be thrilled. It was those awful teenage mutant ninja turtles."
April "Those weren't the turtles."
Vernon "They were teenagers, they were ninjas, and they were green. Now, what would you call them?"
[Cut to Shredder, who is placing a call to Krang.]
Krang "Well, Shredder, what have you to report?"
Shredder "Ha, ha. My mock turtle ninjas have been terrorizing the city with a glorious crime spree. With the citizens turned against them, soon the real turtles will be forced to the surface to clear their name."
Krang "You call that a plan? That will take forever. I want results now. Now! Now! Don't contact me until you have real progress to report. Good-bye."
Shredder "Ah, that leaves me just one place to turn."
[Scene shifts to Sunny Dale Home Of The Bewildered.]
Baxter Stockman "And then I said ‘loose a horde of robot rat catchers’. But unfortunately, we were defeated by a talking rat and some ninja turtles."
Napoleon Imposter "Sacre bleu! We never had such problems when I ruled France."
[Shredder pulls open the metal bars on the window.]
Shredder "Ahh, Baxter Stockman. I've come for you."
Napoleon "Ze peasants are revolting. Au revoir, mon ami."
Stockman "Oh, please don't hurt me, Master Shredder. I promise I'll never fail you again."
Shredder "Oh, stop sniveling. I need you to build the ultimate rat catcher."
Stockman "Yes, Master. I know just the thing. Look. [Points outside to an excavator with a drill attachment.] Every day, I watch them digging a tunnel with it."
Shredder "Good. It will serve us well."
Stockman "When I'm finished redesigning this thing, not a rat in this city will be safe. Hee, hee."
[Cut to news station.]
Burne "Aha, there's proof. And you call these turtles of yours heroes."
April "But I tell you, those weren't the ninja turtles."
Burne "We'll run it on the eleven o’clock news. And that's an order."
[April places a call.]
April "Leonardo, this is April. Come in, Leonardo."
Donatello "Hi, April, it's Donatello. What's up?"
April "Hurry down to the channel 6 offices. It's an emergency. You turtles are about to be declared public enemy number one!"
Michelangelo "Whoa, check it out. We're at the top of the charts."
Raphael "Yeah. Number one with a bullet."
Leonardo "Quit clowning, you guys. This is serious. We'll be right there."
[Turtle fly towards the Channel 6 news station in the Turtle Blimp.]
Donatello "Look, April's left the light on for us."
Michelangelo "Yo, April, grab on."
[Tosses a rope from the blimp through an open window. April grabs the end and the Turtles slide into the building.]
Leonardo "Now tell us about this big emergency."
Michelangelo "Yeah, like, what's the haps?"
April "Better yet, I'll show you. A group called the crooked ninja turtle gang has been committing robberies all over the city."
[Plays video of the robberies.]
Michelangelo "Whoa, scope out those awesome outfits."
Raphael "Hey, you gotta admit, they do know how to dress."
Leonardo "Hold on, there's something familiar about that guy's technique."
Donatello "You're right. I've seen it before someplace."
Leonardo "There are only two sensei who could've taught them that. Splinter or . . . ."
Donatello "You don't mean . . . ."
Leonardo "I'm afraid I do. Shredder."
[Suddenly there is a loud shriek from somewhere nearby.]
Donatello "We're under attack."
Raphael "It's a sonic death ray."
Tiffany "Aaaaahh! Turtles!"
Burne "It's them, the ninja crooks. Help! Somebody call security."
Raphael "Guys, it's time to make tracks."
Donatello "Let's stay in touch."
[The turtles leap from the window back into the Turtle Blimp.]
Burne "Just what were those green terrorists doing here?"
April "I, um, I lured them here in order to, uh, uh, expose them. And exactly what are you doing here?"
Tiffany "Tell her, snookums."
Burne "Well, I was I mean I--I never mind! Good work, April. Carry on."
[Back at the lair, Splinter’s meditation is interrupted.]
Splinter "What is that strange noise?"
[The wall behind him comes crashing down as a huge machine enters his room.]
Stockman "There’s no use running from the ultimate rat catching machine."
[Splinter becomes trapped in the machine’s jaws and struggles.]
Splinter "It seems there is no way out."
[Stockman laughs maniacally. A short time later, the turtles return to the lair.]
Leonardo "Master Splinter, we have some bad news to . . . ."
Raphael "He's gone."
Leonardo "Someone or something broke in."
Donatello "This has to be Shredder's work."
Michelangelo "Either that or some totally humongous termite."
Leonardo "Let's go."
[The turtles run through the tunnels and come up to surface level through a hole in the ground.]
Leonardo "Here's where the trail ends."
Smash "And here's where the trouble begins. You wimps are about to become turtle toe jam."
[A group of dojo students in turtle costumes jump out of hiding.]
Leonardo "We'll just see about that."
Smash "Ok, ninja punks. Get 'em!"
[Fighting begins. Turtles use various objects in the junkyard against the villains.]
Turtles "Hyah! Hyah!"
Leonardo "Come and get me, hot shots."
Raphael "Michelangelo, watch it."
Michelangelo "Don't forget to write, dudes."
Donatello "Come on, guys, you can do better than that. Here, try these on for size. What do you know? A perfect fit."
Raphael "Creep number two, comin' up."
Michelangelo "I've been working on the oil drums."
Smash "Ha, ha, no hard feelings? Uh, right, guys?"
Leonardo "Right. I'm only gonna ask you once. Where's Shredder?"
Smash "He left you a message. Right there."
[Points at message written on a brick wall. Donatello reads it aloud.]
Donatello "Meet me if you dare at the Slash for Cash Do Jo – Shredder."
Turtles "We dare."
[Cut to April, descending a ladder into the lair.]
April "Hi, guys. I got here as soon as I-- uh-oh, there's been trouble here. This probably isn't very smart, but they might need my help."
[April begins following the trail. Meanwhile, at the dojo, Splinter is tied to a wall and Shredder stands before him.]
Splinter "You do not truly believe your students can defeat mine."
Shredder "Those clumsy fools I trained? Ha ha ha ha. They were merely a way of delaying the turtles until I could complete my trap. Now I can destroy all of you."
Splinter "No matter what you do to me, my turtles will defeat you, Shredder."
Leonardo "That's telling him, Master. Shredder, if you dare touch a whisker on his head –"
[Cut to April, placing a call from a phone booth.]
April "Irma, send my news crew on the double. I've got a hot lead on the turtle story."
Shredder "Not another step, or your furry sensei will be crushed."
Donatello "That rope. It leads to a battering ram."
Michelangelo "It's gotta weigh megatons."
Raphael "None of us could stop that thing."
Shredder "That's right, turtles. Your master is about to become history."
[Stockman bursts through the wall on his rat catching machine.]
Michelangelo "Yo, bummer, guys. Looks like we've got us a massive problemo."
Stockman "Greetings from your friendly neighborhood rat catcher."
Donatello "Baxter?"
Raphael "Don't you just hate it when people drop in unannounced?"
Stockman "Talking turtles. Big green talking turtles."
Shredder "Say sayonara, Splinter. Heh heh heh."
[Leonardo runs past the rat catcher and slices the tires. The machine begins to spin out of control and the turtles leap on it, smashing off pieces. Stockman jumps out.]
Stockman "Aaahhhh!"
Michelangelo "Way to go, dudes!"
Stockman "Save me, master. Save me."
Shredder "Oh, useless jellyfish. I have to do everything myself. Yaaahh!"
[Cuts the rope to the battering ram.]
Raphael "Where are the brakes on this thing?"
Donatello "The battering ram."
[Leonardo leaps off the machine and slices through Splinter’s bindings.]
Leonardo "Raphael, jump!"
[Raphael jumps from the rat catcher while Leonardo grabs Splinter. The rat catcher drives in front of the battering ram and is demolished.]
Splinter "You have done well, my students."
Raphael "Well, we're not done yet. Where's the Shredder gone to?"
Shredder "You haven't seen the last of me, mutants. This is only the beginning."
[Shredder runs away with Stockman tossed over his shoulder. Sirens sound.]
Raphael "Uh-oh, that's our cue to exit."
[They jump down into the sewers just as the police and April’s news crew arrives.]
April "Oh, no, I don't believe it. It looks like world war eleven! Roll tape, fellas. We've got a story that's gonna knock the boss' socks off."
[Cut to Shredder in the park, talking on his communicator.]
Shredder "But I tell you the plan was working until that idiot Baxter messed things up."
Krang "No excuses. You were beaten once again."
Bebop "Bozo."
Rocksteady "Ha ha. Yeah. Bozo."
Krang "Until you prove yourself, you will not get one shred of help from me."
Shredder "I vow to destroy Splinter and his accursed turtles, and I will not rest until I do."
[At the news station, Burne and Tiffany watch April’s report on TV.]
April "This is April O'Neil of channel 6 news. Today the notorious crooked ninja turtle gang was captured and revealed for the hoax they are, proving once and for all that there's no such thing as the green turtle menace."
Tiffany "Burnesie, how dare you let her say such a thing!"
Burne "But, Tiffany, honey, it's the truth."
Tiffany "Admit it. You love turtles, don't you?"
Burne "No, no, baby. I hate turtles, honest."
Irma "Here's your lunch, boss. Let's see. Uh, you ordered the mock turtle soup."
Tiffany "What? I knew you were a lousy turtle lover. Good-bye!"
[She dumps the soup on his head and leaves.]
Irma "I guess she's not a soup lover either."
[At the lair, the turtles and Splinter watch April’s newscast.]
April "So far, no one knows the identity of the mysterious green heroes who stopped this crime spree. But whoever you are, thanks."
Michelangelo "Right on, babe."
Donatello "She was winking at me, you know."
Michelangelo "You're totally warped, dude. She was winking at me."
Raphael "Get real, you guys. It was meant for yours truly."
Leonardo "I hate to argue, fellas, but I think she meant it for me."
[They start to argue. On TV, April whistles to get their attention.]
April "Cool it, fellas. If you must know, I was winking at Splinter."
[All the turtles talk at once.]
Donatello "I don't believe that!"
Splinter "Age has its privileges."
[End Credits]