[Opening sequence and theme song.]
[Enter the Turtle Lair, where Donatello is working in his lab on an invention. Master Splinter enters.]
Donatello "There. It's finished."
Splinter "Congratulations, Donatello. Exactly what is finished?"
Donatello "My latest invention, Master Splinter. I call it a Healthometer. You just stick your finger in this hole, and voilà.
It gives an instant reading of your present condition."
[He demonstrates.]
It gives an instant reading of your present condition."
Splinter "I see you're in excellent health."
Donatello "It's as accurate as a medical exam, and a whole lot less embarrassing."
Splinter "You are to be commended, my student. But remember, no machine will ever replace the healing powers of a caring, sympathetic physician."
Donatello "I know. That's my next invention."
[Cut to Channel 6 news, Thompson’s office.]
Burne Thompson "Now, listen up, you two. These are your assignments. Vernon, I'm sending you to the Island of Poppalua. The famous Toppapoppalua Volcano is about to erupt!"
Vernon Fenwick "Wh-- Erupt? I absolutely refuse."
Thompson "Would you rather the volcano explode, or me?"
Vernon "I'm practically packed."
April O'Neil "What about me, Chief? What's my dangerously exciting assignment?"
Thompson "Right, April. You're covering the story at the Botanical Gardens. It seems a new species of lily has been discovered by the famed botanist Professor Wilhelm Vanilli."
April "A wimpy flower exhibit?"
Vernon "Chin up, O'Neil. You might luck out and get bitten by a snapdragon. Ha ha ha ha!"
April "It just isn't fair. What if Vernon and I switched assignments?"
Vernon "Oh! Oh, could we, Chief? That would make me happy."
Thompson "Forget it! I'm paying you to work, not to be happy. Now get cracking!"
[At the lair, three of the Turtles are playing a video game.]
Michelangelo "All right!"
Leonardo "Get him!"
Raphael "Look out!"
[The television goes black. Splinter stands next to it, holding the power cord as the Turtles groan with dismay.]
Turtles "Oh! What? Oh, no, babe!"
Michelangelo "Oh, Sensei, what'd you do that for?"
Splinter "Recreation time is over. It is time to assess your physical well-being with Donatello's latest invention, the Healthometer."
[Donatello pushes his machine into the room.]
Donatello "Okay, who'll be the first guinea turtle?"
Raphael "Don't look at me. If I'm sick, I'd rather not know about it."
Splinter "Do not forget the secret of a well-balanced life, Raphael. A healthy mind in a healthy body."
Leonardo "I'll volunteer. What do I have to do? Just put your finger in that hole."
[Leonardo does so. The machine whirls and the pointer sweeps over to “A-1 specimen.”]
Leonardo "All right!"
Michelangelo "Me next!"