[Opening sequence and theme song.]
[Open on city skyline and pan down to the Turtle Lair. Three Turtles are waiting at the kitchen table, while on the table is a large, hot pizza.]
Raphael "Ah! Anchovies and bananas! I can't wait any longer! I want that pizza!"
Leonardo "Hold it, Raphael. We gotta wait for Michelangelo."
Donatello "Yeah. He should be back from the pet shop any minute."
Raphael "Oh, sure, if they haven't painted a palm tree on his shell and sold him to a tourist from Toledo."
Leonardo "How long can it take to pick out a goldfish or-- or maybe a little kitten?"
Michelangelo "Well, he's looking for a pet that matches his personality."
[Suddenly, a monkey drops down on top of the pizza.]
Clyde "Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Rawk! Rawk! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Ahkk!"
[He splatters the Turtles with pizza.]
Raphael "Looks like he found one."
[Michelangelo returns and hangs up his coat and hat.]
Michelangelo "Well, dudes, what do you think of Clyde?"
Clyde "Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Rawk! Rawk!"
Donatello "Well, he sure knows how to make an entrance."
Raphael "Swell. Now let's see him make an exit."
Clyde "Hoo! Hoo! Ahh! Awk! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Wah! Wah!"
[Clyde leaps up and swings from the hanging lamp.]
Donatello "Michelangelo, tell us you didn't buy this hairy horror."
Michelangelo "Oh, no way, compadres. I took him on approval from Ralph's Rent A Pet."
Raphael "Well, the votes are in."
All "We disapprove!"
[Clyde continues chattering as he hangs upside down. He grabs pizza and splatters it in Raphael’s face.]
Raphael "Huhh! What the—"
Michelangelo "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Clyde hates anchovies."
Raphael "That does it. That chimp goes back to the pet shop!"
Leonardo "Raphael's right. The lair's not big enough for us and that monkey."
[Michelangelo lures Clyde with a banana.]
Michelangelo "Come on, Clyde, old bud. Let's have a banana and spilt."
[Cut to the Channel 6 news building.]
April O'Neil "You wanted to see me, Chief?"
Burne Thompson "Right, April. They're releasing Mugsy McGuffin from the State Prison today."
April "The thief who stole the famous Galoobie Ruby?"
Burne "That's the guy. I want you to get over there and interview him. Try to find out where he hid it."
April "But if he wouldn't tell the police, what makes you think he'll tell me?"
Burne "Because you're a woman, something he hasn't seen in fifteen years."
[Neither realize that Vernon is spying on them.]
Vernon Fenwick "Hmm. A chance to scoop April O'Neil on her own story. But would I sink to a slimy trick like that? You bet I would."
[In the news building garage, April climbs behind the wheel of a Channel 6 newsvan.]
April "State Prison, here I come."
[As she starts the engine, Vernon climbs into the back of the van.]
Vernon "Correction. Here we come."
[Shift to a boarded up warehouse. Over the door is a sign reading “Welcome Home Mugsy. Inside, one of Mugsy’s henchmen is painting signs that say “Welcome Back Boss”. Watching him from a nearby perch is a parrot.]
Boris "Today's the big day! After fifteen years in the slammer, the boss is finally coming home. Boy, has his mail piled up."
Polly "Piled up! Awk! Piled up!"
Boris "Will you shut up, you birdbrain?"
Polly "Shut up, birdbrain."
[Boris snatches the parrot off its perch.]
Boris "Fifteen years of your nagging! If you didn't belong to Mugsy, I'd wring your neck!"
Polly "Rawwwkk!"
Boris "Ah…ah ah-choo!
Oh, no! Mugsy's gonna wring my neck!"
[He sneezes into a bucket of black paint, which splatter all over Polly.]
Oh, no! Mugsy's gonna wring my neck!"
[He sets the bird back on its perch.]
Polly "Ha ha ha ha ha! Wring your neck! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Wring your neck! Aahh!"
[Back at the lair, the Turtles are cleaning up the mess Clyde made.]
Donatello "You know, I feel sorry for Michelangelo having to return that monkey."
Raphael "Yeah? Well, I feel sorrier for us having to clean up the mess it made."
[The television begins showing April’s report.]
April "April O'Neil here, outside the State Prison."
Leonardo "Hold it, guys. It's April."
April "We're awaiting the release of the notorious Mugsy McGuffin after 15 long years.
And there's Mugsy now."
[The outer door of the prison opens and a prison guard steps outside with Mugsy.]
And there's Mugsy now."
Prison guard "Good luck, Mugsy. Keep your nose clean."
[April walks up to Mugsy and points her microphone at him.]
April "Inquiring minds want to know, Mugsy. Where did you hide the Galoobie Ruby?"
Mugsy McGuffin "Beat it, sister! No interviews!"
[He knocks the microphone away with an elbow and walks off. Vernon, holding a news camera, jumps in front of him.]
Vernon "Mr. Mugsy, how about a big smile?"
Mugsy "And definitely no pictures!"
[He picks up Vernon by the shirt front and flings him into a trash can.]
Vernon "Ooh!"
[Mugsy enters a waiting taxi and drives off. Vernon lifts the top off the trash can and peers out. He has a banana peel on his head.]
April "Vernon! It serves you right for trying to steal my story!"
Vernon "Oh, now, April, let's talk it over. Lunch is on me."
April "Yeah. I can see that."
[Cut to Ralph's Rent A Pet. Boris has brought Polly in for cleaning.]
Ralph "Goodness! You certainly made a mess of this bird. How did this happen?"
Boris "Uh, I spilled some paint on the stupid pest."
Polly "Stupid pest! Rawk! Stupid pest!"
[Boris shoves the bird’s cage into Ralph’s arms.]
Boris "No more questions! Just clean him off!"
Ralph "Uh, y-- All right. If you insist."
Boris "I'll be back in a half an hour, so make it snappy!"
Polly "Sappy! Sappy! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Rawk!"
[Soon, Ralph sets the cage holding a clean Polly on a counter next to an identical bird.]
Polly "Yeah, here we are, fella. All cleaned up."
[Michelangelo enters with Clyde.]
Michelangelo "Uh, sorry, man. This dude just isn't working out. I'd like to have my deposit back."
Ralph "Uh, sorry. No cash refunds. But you can trade him for another pet."
Michelangelo "Well, yeah? Like what kind of pet?"
Ralph "Well, um, like this, uh, rare, uh, one-of-a-kind parrot."
Michelangelo "One-of-a-kind?"
Ralph "Hmm? Oh. I meant two-of-a-kind."
Michelangelo "Well, gee. He is kinda cute."
Ralph "And smart, too."
Polly "And smart, too! Rawk!"
Michelangelo "Whoa! All right! You got yourself a deal!
Come on, little dude. I got some friends I want you to meet."
[He takes the cage holding Polly.]
Come on, little dude. I got some friends I want you to meet."
[He leaves the shop just before Boris arrives.]
Boris "Okay. Did you clean him up?"
Ralph "Here he is. I even shined up his beak."
Boris "Yeah, you shoulda put a muzzle on him."
[He leaves with the parrot.]
Ralph "Hmm. Come to think of it, I wonder if I gave him the right one. Huh. Oh, well. What's the difference? A parrot is a parrot."
[Return to the warehouse as a limo pulls up.]
Boris "It's the boss. It's the boss! I wonder if he's changed any.
Welcome back, boss! Ahem. On behalf—"
[Mugsy enters.]
Welcome back, boss! Ahem. On behalf—"
[Mugsy shoves Boris aside.]
Mugsy "Outta my way!"
Boris "Nope. He hasn't changed a bit."
Mugsy "Polly, baby, come to papa!
Hey! It ain't here!"
[He lifts the parrot from its perch and checks it.]
Hey! It ain't here!"
Boris "W-What ain't here, boss?"
Mugsy "The key, you nitwit! The key to the vault where I stashed the Galoobie Ruby! I kept it around his neck."
Parrot "Rawk! Rawk!"
Mugsy "Hey! This ain't Polly! Are you trying to pull a fast one on me? Where's my bird?"
Boris "Uh, I'll get him back, boss. I promise. I took him to be dry cleaned, and he musta got switched with this other bird."
Mugsy "I'm gonna have you dry cleaned if we don't find that key!"
[Mugsy grabs Boris by the jacket collar and drags him along.]
Boris "Aaah. . ."
[Michelangelo returns to the lair with his new pet.]
Michelangelo "Yo, compadres! Check out our new roommate!"
Leonardo "A parrot?"
Michelangelo "Yeah. The perfect house pet. He's clean, obedient, and he doesn't talk back."
[He takes Polly out of the cage and sets him on his finger.]
Polly "Talk back! Talk back! Rawk!"
Michelangelo "And I got the perfect name for him! Ditto."
Polly "Ditto! Ditto!"
Michelangelo "See? I think he likes it!"
Raphael "Well, I guess a parrot can't do too much damage."
[He scratches Polly’s chest.]
Polly "Rawk!"
[The parrot bites Raphael’s finger.]
Raphael "Woowww!"
[He jumps backwards into a pile of plates, which crash on the floor.]
Polly "Rawk! Rawk! Rawk!"
[Polly starts flying around the lair.]
Michelangelo "Wait! Come back, little Ditto!"
[Polly, aka Ditto, flies all over the lair wrecking things. Cut to Ralph’s pet shop. Ralph is being confronted by Mugsy and Boris.]
Ralph "Uh, uh, so I-- I-- I guess I mixed up the two parrots. It's easy to do. Eh, they all look alike, you know. Please don't hurt me, M-Mr. Mugsy."
Mugsy "Quit blubberin' and tell me who you sold it to!"
Ralph "I-- I-- I don't know his name. Uh, some weird-looking fellow with-- with a green face."
Mugsy "A green face, huh? Well, it's gonna be black and blue when I get through with him. Come on, Boris. We gotta find that bird!"
[Mugsy shoves Ralph onto the floor and he and Boris leave the pet shop. At the lair, the Turtles are once again cleaning up a mess. Michelangelo is standing to one side with Polly sitting on his shoulder.]
Raphael "Raise your hands if you feel this was a big mistake."
[Michelangelo’s brothers raise their hands, and Polly raises his wing.]
Polly "Big mistake! Rawk! Big mistake!"