[Opening sequence and theme song.]
[Episode opens on bumper-to-bumper traffic and then pans down to the sewers. Inside the turtle lair, three of the turtles are working on their starcruiser.]
Donatello "Boy, it feels good to be finally getting the old starcruiser in shape. I'm glad the Neutrinos left it behind when they went back to Dimension X."
Leonardo "It's a good thing they left the tool box in the trunk."
Donatello "Hand me a proton wrench, would ya?"
Leonardo "Uh, you mean this?"
Donatello "No! That's an antimatter spark plug."
Leonardo "Of course it is. Sorry."
[He tosses the spark plug over his shoulder. Donatello panics and leaps for it.]
Donatello "Oh, no! Hey! Be careful, would ya?"
Raphael "Yeah, I guess those imported parts are hard to come by."
Donatello "So are my body parts. Outside the starcruiser engine, a single antimatter spark could destroy the entire city."
Michelangelo "Hold on to your shells, amigos. I've got the primo sports car accessory-- fuzzy dice!"
[Raphael pops him on his rear with a rag.]
Michelangelo "Ow!"
Raphael "Hey, what took you so long? You promised to help polish all this chrome."
Michelangelo "Hey, lighten up, dude, I've got a good excuse for being late. I was checking out the latest models at Bellyboards-r-Us. They've got a new one that's perfectomundo for sewer surfing. So, uh, how about lending me a few bucks? I spent my last centava on these galloping dominos."
Leonardo "I wish I could help. But I spent all my money on new seat belts."
Raphael "And I sprung for the new gas pedal."
Donatello "I blew all my money on a new horn."
Michelangelo "Whoa, I guess I'll just have to get a job."
Leonardo "You can't! Just being a ninja turtle is a full-time job."
Donatello "And you can't take the risk. Even with a disguise, someone might recognize you."
Raphael "Besides, you don't know how to do anything."
Michelangelo "Ultimo bummer, dudes. I had my belly set on that heart board."
Donatello "Did that make sense to you?"
Raphael "It's not supposed to. Michelangelo said it."
Splinter "Michelangelo, why aren't you helping the others work on the starcruiser?"
Michelangelo "I wish we'd never started, Sensei. We spent all our money on that starcruiser. So now I can't have a new belly board."
Splinter "The path that leads to what we truly desire is long and difficult. But only by following that path, do we achieve our goal."
Michelangelo "What? Follow a path? I guess he wants me to take a hike."
[On television, April reports the news.]
April O'Neil "Police are baffled by the strange disappearance of a tanker truck filled with tomato sauce. But first, this commercial."
Commercial "Tired of the same old pizza?"
Michelangelo "Whoa, where have I seen those hands before?"
Commercial "At Weird Pizza To Go, there's no ingredient too outrageous. Our chefs will custom build a pizza just for you no matter how revolting."
Michelangelo "All right!"
Commercial "Just one bite, and you'll say this pizza is weird. Try our double jalapeno special. Guaranteed hot on delivery. Just call 555-yuck, and say ‘make it weird to go’!"
Michelangelo "That's it! A new pizza parlor is sure to need a delivery boy. Uh, or turtle. Bodacious concept! A few nights work and I'll have enough for that new belly board."
[Cut to the Weird Pizza building. The curtains part and Shredder places a ‘help wanted’ sign in the window.]
Rocksteady "Whee! Oh, this is fun."
Shredder "Rocksteady, Bebop, if you blister heads had stolen a decent car, I wouldn't have to find a delivery boy!"
Bebop "Oh, give us another chance, boss."
Rocksteady "Yeah, this time we'll swipe a police car."
Shredder "Silence! It's the comlink."
Krang "Shredder, how long do I have to wait before your pizza parlor delivers the turtles to me?"
Shredder "Soon, Krang. This idea is foolproof. The turtles won't be able to resist a pizzeria where they can order any ingredients they want. When I get a really weird order, a pizza only a turtle could love, I will have them."
Krang "How can you be so sure?"
Shredder "Because I plan to top their pizza with a homing device disguised as an anchovy. Ha ha ha. It will lead me straight to the turtles' lair."
Krang "I see only one problem."
Shredder "What problem is that?"
Krang "Nobody likes anchovies."
Shredder "The fool. He cannot recognize true genius."
Rocksteady "Yeah, we know just how you feel, boss."
Michelangelo "‘Help wanted. Apply at rear.’ Total opportunity! Getting this job will be a piece of cake or even better, a slice of pizza."
[He knocks on the back door. A small rectangle opens and Shredder answers, but doesn’t recognize Michelangelo because the turtle is in his ‘human’ disguise.]
Shredder "Well, what is it?"
Michelangelo "Hi, I'm here to apply for the job. If you want your pizza delivered, I'm your, uh, man."
Shredder "Our pizza parlor relies on its weird image. You look pretty normal to me."
Michelangelo "Oh, radical misperception, dude. I'm weirder than you know. And besides, I've got my own delivery car."
Shredder "Your own car? Why didn't you say so? You're hired."
Michelangelo "Where have I seen those eyes before?"
Shredder "Here's your uniform. Wear it proudly."
Michelangelo "Whoa, it fits perfectly. Now all I need is a delivery car."
[Back at the lair, Donatello is beneath the starcruiser, continuing his work. Michelangelo sneaks up and climbs in the driver’s seat, starting the cruiser and driving off.]
Donatello "Huh? Hey, come back! I haven't finished fixing the air brakes!"
[Michelangelo begins his new job. There is loud yelling and laughing coming from the apartment where he delivers his first pizza.]
Michelangelo "Weird Pizza delivery."
[At the next apartment, the door is opened by a pregnant woman.]
Michelangelo "Somebody order a pickle and ice cream pizza?"
Pregnant Woman "Thank you, young man."
Michelangelo "Channel 6? Whoa, I sure hope nobody recognizes me. Weird Pizza delivery."
Vernon "I'll tell the world."
Michelangelo "One whole-wheat pizza with a plain cheese topping. That is weird."
Vernon "Well, thank you."
Michelangelo "Ahem."
Vernon "I suppose you want a tip."
Michelangelo "No."
Vernon "Here's one anyway. Get another job."
Michelangelo "Mondo traffic jam! And my hot pizzas are cooling off fast. As I always say, if you can't get through traffic, go over! Starcruiser to Houston control, we have liftoff! Whoa! Uh-oh, no air brakes! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Looks like I'm gonna wipe out! Whoa! Whoa, bodacious break. The engine stalled. Waah! Bummer, it's flooded. You know, I'll bet Donatello wasn't using genuine Dimension X parts on this babe."
Leonardo "Well, whatever Michelangelo’s up to, it hasn't made the papers, yet."
Raphael "Have you checked the funnies?"
Donatello "Fiber."
Leonardo "Why would he take the starcruiser like that? Without telling anybody."
Donatello "We'll think better on a full stomach. It's pizza time!"
Raphael "Hey, Donatello, I thought you fixed this."
Donatello "Whoa! I did, and now it's fixing us."
Leonardo "I'll handle this."
Raphael "This beats everything. Now what are we gonna have for dinner?"
Leonardo "Sorry about the pizzamatic, fellas. But it was self-defense."
Donatello "Hey, guys, what about this? ‘Weird Pizza To Go. Custom-built pizza. No ingredient too outrageous’."
Raphael "Sounds like our kind of place."
[The turtles go topside in their disguises.]
Leonardo "This way, guys."
[The telephone rings inside Weird Pizza.]
Shredder "Weird Pizza. What's your pleasure?"
Donatello "I'd like to order a pizza. Peanut butter and avocado with extra pickles."
Shredder "Extra pickles? I see. What's the name on the order?"
Donatello "Donatello. Uh, and deliver it to the phone booth on 13th Street."
Shredder "Donatello, huh? Well, you'll get what's coming to you, soon."
Donatello "Where have I heard that voice before?"
Shredder "This will lead me straight to the turtles' lair! Those poor fish are hooked. Where is that delivery boy?"
Michelangelo "Yo, Here I am, boss. Sorry. I had a little car trouble."
Shredder "I've no time for excuses. Deliver this pizza to the phone booth on 13th Street."
Michelangelo "The phone booth? But that's where we always—"
Shredder "You always what?"
Michelangelo "Ohh, never mind. Couldn't we just mail this one in?"
Shredder "You're a delivery boy, so don't just stand there. Deliver!"
Michelangelo "Whoa, talk about your labor-management dispute."
Rocksteady "Okay, there he goes!"
Bebop "Drive careful now. Don't want to attract attention."
[Rocksteady backs the stolen tanker truck into something and there is a loud crash.]
Rocksteady "Gee, do you think we attracted any attention?"
Bebop "Nah."
[A knock on her window draws April over.]
April "Michelangelo! What are you doing here?"
Michelangelo "I've got a problem, April, and I need your help. The guys ordered a pizza, and I have to deliver it. But I don't want them to know I've got a job."
April "You've got a job? What for?"
Michelangelo "It's a long story. But I need to ask you a favor."
April "Hmm. Let me guess. You want me to deliver it for you."
Michelangelo "You catch on so fast."
April "Won't they think it's a little weird that I'm delivering weird pizzas."
Michelangelo "Oh, tell them you're doing, like, an undercover report on bogus pepperoni."
April "How do I get into these messes?"
[April drives off in the Channel 6 news van.]
Michelangelo "And don't forget we split the tip!"
Bebop "I wonder why the delivery guy stopped here."
Rocksteady "Hm, maybe he was visiting his mommy."
Bebop "I wish I could visit my mommy."
Rocksteady "Why don't you?"
Bebop "I try. But every time she sees me, she runs away screaming."
Raphael "Boy, if it takes this long to deliver one pizza, I'm glad we didn't order two."
Leonardo "It's here."
[The turtles dive back into the sewers as a telephone company truck arrives to pick up the phone booth.]
Driver "Okay, this is the last phone booth on the list."
Donatello "How are they going to deliver a pizza to the phone booth when there's no phone booth."
Leonardo "Looks like we'll have to go to Weird Pizza and pick up the pizza ourselves."
April "This is 13th Street. I don't see a phone booth anywhere. Maybe Michelangelo meant 13th Avenue. A phone booth. This must be the place."
Bebop "The delivery guy must be in that van."
Rocksteady "This is it, Bebop. We're finally going to capture them turtles."
April "Yoo-hoo, is anybody here? I've got your pizza. The Rat King!"
Rat King "Pizza. Ha ha ha, great. I just love junk food. Hmm, avocado and peanut butter? Crunchy or smooth?"
April "Um, crunchy."
Rat King "Ooh, yeah. That's my favorite."
April "April calling Michelangelo. Come in, Michelangelo."
Michelangelo "Hey, April, what's shakin'?"
April "Bad news. The Rat King stole the pizza."
Michelangelo "Oh, no. Mondo disastro! I'd better go back and tell the boss."
April "I hope he doesn't get mad at you."
Michelangelo "No, he seems like a totally mellow dude."
April "I hope so. April out."
Rocksteady "Hey, boss, it's me. Rocksteady and Bebop. The signal's coming from right under us."
Shredder "The pizza is already in the sewer heading for the turtles' secret lair."
Michelangelo "Closed? They can't be closed! I haven't been paid yet!"
Shredder "The homing device hidden in the anchovy is working perfectly. It’ll lead me straight to the turtles' lair with enough Foot soldiers to stomp them into mush."
Michelangelo "Oh, no! I've been working for Shredder. He's been using pizzas to trap us turtles? I guess that kills my chances of getting a raise."
Shredder "Come with me!"
Michelangelo "I'd better warn the others fast. Ow! Ugh! Hey!"
[He runs into his brothers.]
Raphael "Smooth move, Michelangelo. What are you doing with that stupid cap on?"
Leonardo "And why did you take the starcruiser?"
Michelangelo "Oh, I took the starcruiser to earn some extra dough delivering pizzas."
Raphael "Extra dough? You mean pizza dough."
Michelangelo "Never mind that, dudes. I just found out I've been hauling pizzas for Shredder."
Leonardo "Shredder?"
Raphael "Boy, I know the villain business has been bad lately, but that's ridiculous."
Michelangelo "No, listen, Shredder put a homing device in the pizza, disguised as an anchovy. It was supposed to lead him to our lair."
All "Ahh! Ahh!"
Michelangelo "Shredder's gonna be really steamed. When he finds out he's following the Rat King."
Leonardo "He's gonna be even madder when he finds out we're following him. Come on!"
Rocksteady "Okay, set it down easy. Ow! Ooh! Ah! Eee! The Footski's all ready, boss."
Shredder "Excellent! The turtles will soon taste my wrath for the last time. Launch the Footski!"
Leonardo "Look, they're heading into the sewers."
Donatello "How low can you get?"
Leonardo "We'll make this the most unpleasant experience Shredder's ever had."
Donatello "Making a sewer unpleasant? What a stretch."
Shredder "Ha ha! We're not far now."
[The turtles begin taking out Foot soldiers with traps, unbeknownst to Shredder.]
Leonardo "Let's see if we can net a few small fish."
Shredder "Faster. Faster."
Bebop "We can't go no faster, boss. We're on the same Footski as you."
Donatello "This ought to dampen their enthusiasm."
Bebop "Huh? What was that? I thought we brought more Foot soldiers than that."
Shredder "Quiet, you nincompoop. I'm trying to hear the homing blip."
Donatello "Better not let all the water out."
Rat King "Patience, my faithful subjects. You'll soon share in the leftovers."
Shredder "We've tracked you to your lair at last."
Rat King "This is my pizza. You can't have any. Except the anchovy. I detest anchovies."
Shredder "What are you doing in the turtles' lair?"
Rat King "Do I look like a turtle? I am the Rat King. This is my domain."
Shredder "Tell me where the turtles are, or I'll order my Foot soldiers to attack."
Rat King "Heh heh! What nonsense. My royal army of rats will make short work of your Foot soldiers, wherever they are."
Shredder "My Foot soldiers! What's happened to them?"
Bebop "I tried to tell you, boss. They're gone."
Leonardo "Just like your chances, Shredder."
Donatello "We flushed your Foot soldiers down the sewer."
Raphael "You're in over your head in these sewers, shred-man."
Michelangelo "Yeah, dude. A turtle's sewer is his castle."
Shredder "We're surrounded. Trapped like rats."
Rat King "Now, just a moment. I resent that remark."
Leonardo "Surrender, Shredder."
Shredder "Say cheese, shellback."
Rat King "Give me back my pizza."
Leonardo "I've been pizza-faced. Ooh, crunchy."
Bebop "Wait for us, boss!"
Shredder "Shredder never surrenders!"
Rocksteady "But sometimes you give up. Mama!"
Rat King "Don't you just hate it when people drop in unannounced? Ahh."
Shredder and Mutants "Ohh! Ohh!"
Turtles "Let's go! Get them."
Bebop "I knew we shouldn't have tried to hang thirties."
Leonardo "They went out through the manhole!"
Shredder "The turtles! Let's get out of here!"
Leonardo "We've got to stop them!"
[As Shredder starts the tanker truck, Michelangelo sticks a hose into the cab.]
Donatello "What's that you say? Heavy on the tomato sauce?"
[He opens the valve and sauce pours into the cab. Shredder and his mutants shout and leap out of the truck. They spot the starcruiser.]
Bebop "Look, boss. A car."
Rocksteady "Let's swipe it."
Bebop "Great! Somebody even left the key in it."
Leonardo "That somebody had to be Michelangelo."
Michelangelo "Oops."
Donatello "Hey, that's our starcruiser!"
Michelangelo "Yeah, like, bring back our wheels!"
Shredder "Next time, turtles, beware the revenge of Shredder!"
Bebop "Hey, look. Four-wheel drive."
Shredder "Aah! Aah! Stop this thing, you idiot!"
Bebop "I can't, boss. No air brakes."
Shredder "Yeow!"
Leonardo "Now we'll never get the starcruiser back."
Donatello "After all that work we put in to fixing it up."
Raphael "Yeah. And it only had eighty-three trillion actual miles on it."
Michelangelo "Hey, chill out, dudes.
At least it wasn't a total loss."
[He holds up the fuzzy dice.]
At least it wasn't a total loss."
[End Credits]