|
Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids. |
Page 1[]
[The Den of Delights.] [Home of the Toad Baron.] Toad Baron "Alberto!" Toad Baron "To me..." Toad Baron "...Now!" |
Page 2[]
Alberto "I am here, master." Toad Baron "And none too soon, my dilatory drudge!" Toad Baron "Do you see what I see?" Alberto "Master?" Toad Baron "This! A follicular remnant on my raiments!" Alberto "I don't unders—" Toad Baron "Fox fur, you lummox! Feral and disgusting!" "I graciously open my Den of Delights to that canine ingrate Alopex and her human lackey, the so-called Angel, and what do I get?*" [*See TMNT Universe #9-#10—B.C.] Toad Baron "Hair of the dog and nary a thank-you, that's what!" |
Page 3[]
Toad Baron "Ah, look at me—throwing such a childish tantrum before our esteemed guests arrive." Toad Baron "These family reunions do so bring out the animal in me. My apologies, good Alberto." Toad Baron "Line brush, please." Alberto "Yes, master." Toad Baron "Vulpes lagopus, indeed. More like Vulpes vulgaris." Toad Baron "Speaking of my opulent abode, how goes preparations for my siblings' arrival?" Alberto "Excellent, master. The dining table is brimming with a succulent variety of delicacies to satisfy any palate." Alberto "And the ballroom has been arranged in such luxurious order, it practically screams its beauty." Frog minion "Aaaaggh!" Toad Baron "What in thrice-drowned Atlantis was that?!" Alberto "Oh, dear." Frog minion "Help us, master! They're everywhere!" Toad Baron "Hm. It appears we have rodent "royalty" in our presence. And in disorderly fashion, as always." Toad Baron "Salvage some order from the chaos, would you, please, good Alberto?" Alberto "Of course, master." Alberto "Franz! Bob! Cease this poltroonery and return to your duties at once! Our guests are arriving!" Bob "Y-Yes, Alberto." Franz "Ohhh, their slimy tails... So repulsive." Rat King "Repulsive? How droll—" |
Page 4[]
Rat King "—As if bulbous eyes and green leathery skin were physical traits to be lauded, hmm, my pet?" Toad Baron "Hello, brother. It is good as ever to see you—though, the invitation I sent was for only one... Not one thousand." GULP Rat King "Nine hundred ninety-nine, actually." Toad Baron "Yes. I see." Toad Baron "Although I wish I hadn't." KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK Toad Baron "Be that as it may, Rat King, I have only enough chairs for you and the other invited guests, so if you would be so kind as to leave your pets..." Toad Baron "...Or snacks..." Toad Baron "...Or whatever may be in the ballroom, I would certainly be obliged." Rat King "Of course, dear brother. Your home, your rules." KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK Toad Baron "And that would be my door." Toad Baron "And a guest who understands proper arrival etiquette." Toad Baron "Pardon me, please." Toad Baron "Goodness, look who it is!" |
Page 5[]
Toad Baron "It has been much too long, sister!" Jagwar "Not nearly as long as it took for you to answer the door." Toad Baron "Yes, well, I was a bit preoccupied with—" Rat King "Ah, Jagwar!" Rat King "Out of the heart of darkness, I see." Jagwar "Yes... And nearly out of patience. I've important business to return to and little time to waste—when do we eat?" Toad Baron "Oh!" Rat King "Always in a rush, eh, little sister?" Rat King "I'm more than happy to whet your anxious hunger with a little pre-feat appetizer." Jagwar "Right. I'll pass." SQUEEEEK Rat King "Suit yourself." Rat King "After you, m'lady." Rat King "Perhaps brother Toad's skittish cronies can provide a morsel or two more to your liking." Jagwar "Save the chivalry, Rat King. Let's just be done with this." Toad Baron "Buck up, Toad ol' boy... You can do this." Toad Baron "Remember—this madness happens only once every hundred years." Aka "I understand how you must feel, brother Toad..." |
Page 6[]
Aka "...Any amount of time spent with the Rat King tends to make one a bit addle-brained." Toad Baron "Aka! A beautiful sight to behold, indeed." Aka "Thank you. You're too kind." Toad Baron "Not at all, not at all, beloved sister." Toad Baron "And, please, forgive my silly grumbling. My Den of Delights is for all to enjoy." Toad Baron "As ever, I serve at your pleasure." Kitsune "I would utilize caution when dealing with sister Aka, brother..." |
Page 7[]
Kitsune "...Lest she return your warm kindness with cold betrayal." Aka "Oh, Kitsune, are you still angry with me for involving myself in your fight against Hamato Yoshi?*" Kitsune "Involvement, feh. Your interference not only caused me to lose control of the battle, it led to the loss of my most important thrall." Aka "Alopex?" Kitsune "Who else?" Toad Baron "Bah! Don't speak to me of that internal fox. She nearly turned my Den of Delights into a den of destruction." Toad Baron "Good riddance to bad company, I say." Toad Baron "Ladies, shall we join the others?" Kitsune "You go first, sister. One knife in my back from you is more than enough." Aka "As you wish." Toad Baron "Deep breaths, Toad... Deep breaths." |
Page 8[]
Rat King "Ah, the plot... I mean, the party thickens." Rat King "Greetings, sisters!" Jagwar "Hold steady, you damned fool!" Jagwar "If I wanted my wine on the floor, I'd pour it there myself." Alberto "Pull yourself together, Bob!" Alberto "This is the master's family—there's nothing to..." Alberto "...Fear." Gothano "Pardon me." THUMP Alberto "Bob?" |
Page 9[]
Toad Baron "Gothano, my tentacled brother! What a surprise entrance! Surreptitious as ever." Toad Baron "Please, have a seat." Toad Baron "Alberto, when you're done draggint that silly dolt out of here, return with a mop and a bucket post haste." Alberto "Right away, master." Toad Baron "Brothers and sisters, don't be bashful. While we await our sole remaining guest to arrive, please feel free to enjoy the sumptuous bounty before you." Toad Baron "The sublime deliciousness I have planned for one and all has only just be—" SQUEEK Toad Baron "Brother. Really?" SHMP |
Page 10[]
Manmoth "Hullo, family." SHNK Manmoth "One of yours, Rat King?" Manmoth "First rule of survival—waste not, want not." CHOMP Manmoth "Hm. Tastes like chicken." Rat King "Hmph. I could've told him that." |
Page 11[]
Toad Baron "There you are, big brother! Last to arrive but certainly not the least." Toad Baron "Not by a long shot." Toad Baron "Please, Manmoth, sit." Aka "Still adhering to the same hygiene habits as last time we gathered together, are you, brother?" Manmoth "Soaps and perfumes frighten away prey, Aka." Manmoth "I prefer nature's musk." Rat King "Really? And how's that working for you?" Toad Baron "Very well, we are all present now except for Chi-You." Toad Baron "But after five centuries of his absences at these gatherings, I see no reason to believe this year will be any different." Toad Baron "Unless, of course, anyone has new information regarding our missing brother?" Aka "Like Kitsune, perhaps?" Kitsune "Me? Why, no—poor Chi-You's disappearance remains as much a tragic mystery to me as anyone else." Rat King "Well, I can't speak for anyone else, but I find your sad concern to be inarguably sincere, sister." Rat King "I mean, it's not as if having Chi-You gone provides you with any kind of strategic advantage." Toad Baron "Yes, well... There will be plenty of time to discuss and debate strategy soon enough." Toad Baron "But first, good Alberto, please bring this meeting to official order." Alberto "Yes, master." Frog Minion "Please don't leave me, Al." |
Page 12 & 13[]
Alberto "Here ye, here ye, all present! The honorable Toad Baron welcomes you to his ineffable Den of Delights for the centenary meeting of the immortal Pantheon. As in meetings past, you are gathered together today to celebrate another 100 years of family successes... And to discuss strategies that will ensure centuries more of the same." Alberto "But first, as is the custom, formal introductions are in orer. Acknowledging from eldest to youngest, and without further ado..." [Aka. Kind spreader of wisdom and purveyor of understanding.] Aka "It is so nice to share time with you all again." [Manmoth. Savage hunter and survivalist extraordinaire.] Manmoth "Hmf. As if anything else matters." [Gothano. Keeper of secrets and caretaker of hidden knowledge.] [Chi-You. Bringer of order and a warrior unequaled.] Rat King "Um, considering we haven't seen him for 500 years, I'm thinking that last part might be up for debate." Unknown "Rat King!" [Rat King. Spreader of chaos and malicious mischief.] Rat King "What can I say? A hobby's a hobby." [Toad Baron. Seeker of pleasure and dynamic deliverer of the same.] Toad Baron "Cheers!" [Jagwar. Valiant soldier of strict honor and swift justice.] Jagwar "And you'll find out how swift if you don't get a move on." [Kitsune. Master of cosmic trickery and mystical deception.] Kitsune "And yet, I serve my family honestly." Alberto "And now that the proper introductions have been concluded, let the festivities begin." Alberto "Long live the Pantheon!" |
Page 14[]
Jagwar " "Long live the Pantheon?" A bit redundant considering we're immortals, no?" Rat King "Tell that to Chi-You." Rat King "Oh, wait—we can't, can we?" Rat King "Isn't that right, dear Kitsune?" Kitsune "Why is it you continue to look to me for answers whenever the conversation turns to Chi-You?" Kitsune "Am I my brother's keeper?" Kitsune "No. But we all know full well you were the last to see him." Kitsune "Yes, I don't deny it." Kitsune "Chi-You came to me in anger many years ago—upset because he believed we were not all properly adhering to the rules of the game.*" [*See TMNT / GHOSTBUSTERS - B.C.] "I did my best to assuage his baseless fury, but he stubbornly refused to hear me, instead storming away as sullenly as he'd arrived." Kitsune "I hadn't seen him since." Jagwar "Speaking of your silly game, what are these new playthings I keep hearing about?" Jagwar "The ones that have the lot of you so agitated?" |
Page 15[]
Rat King "Ah, yes—the mutants, amusing genetic anomalies, that bunch." Rat King "Some are pawns, some are more... But all are just simple game pieces to be discarded in the end." Aka "Oh, I disagree, brother. You grossly underestimate their abilities and their worth." Aka "I believe them to be the true children of the Pantheon, quickly adapting and evolving to this new world we continue to create together." Manmoth "Hrrm..." Manmoth "...Tell me that when they've survived the next 100 years." Kitsune "In truth, survival for them might not be so out of the question, brother—not so long as Aka continues to fight alongside them against her very own family." Aka "Only to balance the scales when necessary, child." Aka "I see immense value in the mutants—as well as the humans like April O'Neil—so I protect them when I can." Aka "But just because I abhor your unfair tactics, Kitsune, it does not mean I don't love you." Kitsune "Benevolent old fool, when will you ever learn?" Kitsune "Fairness plays no part in either love or war." Rat King "Hear, hear! And there's a thin line that separates them both..." Rat King "...Especially in the thin places." |
Page 16[]
Toad Baron "I, too, tried my hand at playing with a mutant." Toad Baron "As a matter of fact, I intended to present the creature as entertainment this very evening, but things didn't quite turn out as I'd hoped." Toad Baron "The little beasty was unexpectedly hard-headed—almost as if it had developed some sort of resistance to the mind-control ability we all share." Gothano "That is because Kitsune acted too soon." Toad Baron "What was that, ol' silent-but-deadly? Did you say something?" Gothano "The mutants are gaining strength because Kitsune continues to act rashly." Jagwar "Too rashly? Is anyone surprised? The spoiled brat's never had any discipline." Kitsune "How dare you speak of discipline, you small-minded buffoon!" Kitsune "You, whose mental capacity extends only as far as that abhorrent sword you carry." Jagwar "You know, I can happily fetch that same sword if you'd like to discuss this further." Kitsune "And once again, the savage proves my point so wonderfully for me." Kitsune "It's no wonder your influence is the weakest of all the Pantheon, Jagwar." Jagwar "I'll show you weak, little sister." Aka "Stop!" |
Page 17[]
Aka "Cease your juvenile bickering this instant!" Kitsune "But—" Aka "But nothing!" Aka "Need I remind you, this family, despite its many differences, meets only once every 100 years? once each century!" Aka "Outside these walls, feel free to quarrel and battle all you like, but as the eldest, I will not allow you to disrespect this sacred gathering." Aka "We are brothers and sisters, and for a few meager hours, it would be nice if we acted that way." Rat King "Actually, isn't that exactly how we're acting?" Aka "Enough, you! Must you always make trouble?!" Rat King "Well... Yes." Aka "Good. Now that we've all regained our composure, shall we continue our conversation like civilized beings?" Aka "Kitsune, all arguing aside, Gothano and Jagwar's concerns about your recent actions do have some merit. We all know you've been up to... Something for centuries." Aka "Something involving the mortal Oroku Saki that seems to have made you a bit reckless." Aka "What, pray tell, is it?" Kitsune "I... That is..." Kitsune "...Nothing, sister. It is nothing." Kitsune "Saki is dead. Gone." Kitsune "Whatever plans I may have had are gone with him." Manmoth "Lies!" |
Page 18[]
Manmoth "Do you think us so dim as to believe this pathetic sob story you concoct, Kitsune?" Manmoth "The truth—out with it, you wretched girl." BURRRP Kitsune "Very well, if you must know, I will tell you." Kitsune "For centuries, I have been working to create the perfect vessel for a being of unimaginable power." Kitsune "A being powerful enough to rule this world and reunite this family." Kitsune "A being whose time was... And will be again." Kitsune "Brothers and sisters, I aim to bring the Dragon back." Kitsune "I aim to bring Father home." Toad Baron "Haha haha!" Toad Baron "Oh, little sister, such a clever jest! "Bring Father home?" " Toad Baron "Ha!" |
Page 19[]
Kitsune "But... I do not jest, brother Toad! This is my true plan!" Kitsune "As the youngest, I have always been dismissed by the rest of you—the little witch girl with her "clever tricks" and her "precious spells." My powers have never earned your respect, and I have had to resort to obfuscation and cunning to protect myself." Kitsune "But I grow weary of the status quo we create for ourselves. We argue and fight, and each passing century this world becomes less and less ours. I desire for us to be a family again." Kitsune "And when Father returns, we can become that again—just us! He will burn humanity away from the face of this world and we will no longer have a reason to quarrel." Kitsune "We can just be us..." Kitsune "...Just as it used to be." Jagwar "Have you gone mad? No human mortal could contain the Dragon's spirit." Kitsune "My Warrior is no mere mortal, Jagwar—not after what I have done to him." Manmoth "Nonsense! The Dragon is more powerful than you could ever imagine in your wildest nightmares, girl. He is not to be tested!" Kitsune "Why so animated, brother? Does Father frighten even the Mighty Manmoth?" Toad Baron "But... But Father hated parties. He never allowed any fun." Rat King "Well, I'm certainly having fun!" Rat King "Nothing like a family party to stir things up, hey, brother?" Michelangelo ··...It's on my head!·· Rat King "What's this?" |
Page 20[]
Rat King "Levitating rats?" Mikey ··Now there's two of 'em!·· Raphael ··Quiet! They'll hear you!·· Rat King "Have you learned a clever new trick without me, my pets?" Mikey ··Uh-oh.·· Rat King "Or..." Raph "Nice goin', Mike." Mikey "Heh. Yeah..." Mikey "...My bad." |