Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.

Page 1

WeLCoM MiꞰy!

Michelangelo "You guys totally made me a cake!"

Mikey "That's so... Cool."

Mikey "Thanks, everyone."

Sally Pride "Actually, all credit goes to Pigeon Pete here."

Sally "His idea and his handiwork."

Pigeon Pete "Hi! I'm Pete!"

Sally "Word of advice—look, but don't eat."

Sally "Pete's not exactly what you'd call culinarily sophisticated. He thinks giving folks worms is a good thing."

Page 2

(portrait of Ace Duck (Archie))

(portrait of Cryin' Houn' (Archie))

Sally "I'm Sally Pride, by the way. Great to finally meet you, Mikey."

Mikey "Nice to meet you, too, Sally."

(portrait of Cudley the Cowlick)

Sally "And, for the rest of our Mighty Mutanimal crew, we've got..."

Sally "Man Ray."

Man Ray "A pleasure."

Sally "Seymour Gutz, a.k.a. Mutagen Man."

Seymour Gutz "H-Hi."

Sally "Herman the Hermit Crab."

Herman the Hermit Crab "An honor to have you with us again, sir!"

Sally "Mondo Gecko."

Mondo Gecko "Dude."

Sally "Lindsey Baker, our token human."

Lindsey Baker "Very funny, Sally."

Sally "And—"


Pete "Hi! I'm Pete!"

Page 3

Sally "Okay, Pete—don't you have some grasshopper goulash cooking in the kitchen?"

Pete "Why? Do you smell somethin' burnin'?"

Sally "And, of course, your bosom buddy Slash."

Sally "Slash has told us quite a bit about you, Mikey. That's for sure."

Mikey "Mostly good stuff, I hope."

Slash "Mikey, I would never say anything bad about you."

Mikey "I'm just kiddin', big guy. It's totally great to see you again."

Slash "Same here, my friend. It's been too long."

Old Hob "Damn right, it has..."

Hob "...I was startin' to think I might've seen the last of you greenies, what with all the scuttlebutt about a big throw-down between your old man and the Shredder."

Mikey "Oh... Hey, Hob. How are you?"

Hob "I still got my head... And so do you, which means we're both doin' better than some other folks we know, hey?"

Mikey "I... Guess."

Hob "Listen, gang—I'm gonna talk in private with our ninja pal here for a few. Don't eat all the cake before we get back, all right?"

Ray "Yes, well..."

Ray "...I don't think that'll be a problem."

Page 4

Hob "Yo, Chef Boy-Birdy, hit the road. We need some privacy."

Pete "Sure thing, boss. This needs another ten minutes 'till it's perfect, anyways. Some of their little antennas aren't even crispy yet."

Hob "Yeesh."

Hob "I guess what don't kill us makes us stronger."

Hob "Anyway, I wanted to tell you how glad I am to have you here with us, kid."

Hob "Havin' you on board is gonna make the Mighty Mutanimals even mightier."

Mikey "Yeah, well, I haven't really said I was joinin' up, Hob."

Hob "Buce a nice guy like you doesn't strike me as Foot Clan material—especially when you got the choice to work with a crew that's got nothin' but hero-ing on their agenda."

Hob "My gut's tellin' me we're a better fit for you than that psycho crew Splinter's in charge of now."

Mikey "They're not all psychos."

Hob "I'm sorry—what?"

Mikey "I said, you're wrong about the Foot Clan all bein' psychos."

Hob "Yeah? Then why're you here and not there, huh?"

Mikey "I got my reasons, not that it's any of your business."

Mikey "But just 'cause I'm here doesn't mean I think my family aren't still good guys..."

Mikey "...Even if they are in the Foot now."

Mikey "Now, if it's cool with you, I'm gonna go have some worm cake with my friends."


"So, basically yer sayin' nothin's changed..."

Page 5

Casey Jones "...That lousy drunk's still on the loose and you got no idea where?"

Kara Lewis >'Fraid not—<

Kara >—Really wish I had better news for you, Mr. Jones.<


Casey >Just Casey's fine, Detective Lewis.<

Kara "Kara. And don't let yourself get too down, Casey. It's a Big Apple, remember? Takes time to find scum like Hun in a city this size."

Kara >But I'm on the hook for his escape, so I'm not gonna quit until I've got that bastard back in custody.<

Kara >I promise you'll be the first to know when I do.<

Casey "Thanks."

Kara >There is one thing, though...<

Kara "...The mayor's hot for us to keep this under wraps 'cause of the whole "mutant issue" that's attacked to it—issued a gag order on us and the press... The works."

Kara "Guess he doesn't want a citywide panic or something."

Kara >It complicates things a little, but I doubt it'll last long—not in the age of twits and tweets.<

Casey "Heh. Yer probably right."

Casey "Thanks for the info Detec... Er, Kara."

Kara >Any time.<

Casey "Damn."

Raphael "Yo, who's Kara..."

Page 6

Raph "...And does April know you're up here talkin' to her on the phone?"

Casey "Oh. Hey, Raph."

Casey "Kara's just a cop who's lookin' for my dad. It's nothin'."

Raph "Any good news?"

Casey "Nope. Cops don't got a line on him yet."

Raph "Well, don't sweat it—thugs like him can stay outta trouble only for so long, you know? It's in their D.N.A. or somethin'."

Casey "Says the guy whose old man's tryin' to turn a buncha ninja killers into saints."

Raph "You got a point there, ain't gonna lie."

Raph "Anyways, that all you're doin' up here by yourself, bro?"

Raph "Gettin' bad news from the cops?"

Casey "Nah. I was lookin' at the start, too."

Raph "Really? All I see is mostly smog and planes."

Casey "Yeah, me, too."

Casey "Maybe I should borrow April's telescope next time."

Page 7

Raph "How are things goin' with you and April, by the way? I'm surprised you ain't hangin' with her tonight."

Casey "Me and April are fine."

Casey "We just been doin' our own things since we got back into town."

Casey "She's got that old scroll to investigate and I'm busy helpin' at the store... And other stuff."

Raph "Well, unless you're the world's worst hammerer, I'm guessin' those bandages mean you been doin' more of the other stuff than the store stuff."

Casey "Yeah. Maybe."

Casey "What about you, man? Yer a card-carryin' member of the Foot Clan and everything now."

Raph "Yeah, yeah, I know—it's freakin' nutso. Could be worse, though."

Raph "I mean, I ain't exactly jumpin' for joy 'bout the whole thing, but if someone's gotta have all that power, I'm glad it's Master Splinter at least."

Raph "Mikey's what's got me really worried these days."

Raph "He wasn't down with the Foot thing and decided to take off on some loner quest just like you—tryin' to fight crime like one of those vigilante guys from his comic books."

Raph "It's just... The kid's though and all and I respect that he's gotta do his own thing right now, but, man, it really borhters me that he's not with us."

Page 8

"Who knows what kinda danger he's gonna run into out there by himself?"

Pete "You are history, Michelangelo!"

Pete "And I win again! Woo hoo!"

Mikey "Dude, I can't believe it! That's like the seventh game in a row you've beaten me."


Sally "Get used to it, kid—Pete's been undefeated the whole time I've known him."

Ray "It's certainly an oddity. For all his... Ahem... Quirks, Pigeon Pete has remarkable board game skills."

Mondo "No joke. Pete gets lost goin' from the bathroom to the kitchen sometimes, but the dude never loses at checkers."

Ray "Our scientist friend hypothesizes that it's an anomaly in his mutated brain structure."

Lindsey "Did I say anomaly?"


Lindsey "Annoying is more accurate."

Page 9

Mikey "Hey, just gives me somethin' to shoot for."

Mikey "C'mon, Pete—let's do this again. You're goin' down this time."

Hob "Sorry... Dethroning Pigeon Pete's gonna hafta wait—"

Hob "Word's come down that there's a big arms shipment bein' moved through the docks tonight and the Mighty Mutanimals are gonna make sure it don't move far."

Mikey "Really?"

Hob "Well yes. What'd you think this was, kid—a professional checkers-playin' club? We got real work to do."

Hob "Time to take some guns off the streets."

Mikey "He's serious?"

Slash "Yes, Mikey—we're real heroes. Isn't it great?"

Mikey "But... Nobody's gonna die, right?"

Hob "C'mon, Mikey—do heroes kill? No, they stop bad guys from killin'."

Hob "Got this puppy from our friends at Null.* They pack a punch, sure, but only to stun, promise."


Mikey "Then what're we waitin' for, dudes and dudettes?"

Page 10

"Let's go stop some bad guys!"

Elizabeth O'Neil "You know, if I hadn't watched you doing this ever since you were a little girl..."

Beth "...I'd be more than just a little worried to find you burning the midnight oil with your head buried in books on a Saturday night when I know for a fact you don't have any homework due."

April O'Neil "Oh, sorry, Mom—didn't hear you come in. I was lost in thought there for a second."

Beth "I noticed."

Beth "With your graduation coming soon, I'm guessing this is a personal project, hm?"

April "Thanks."

April "Yeah, I guess you could say it's personal. I'm still trying to decipher the scroll poor Professor Miller gave me.*"

[*See TMNT #46 - B.C.]

April "I thought the trip Casey and I took out west was gonna clear things up, but I feel like all it did was create more questions."

April "After so many years of studying to be a scientist, to suddenly have my life revolve around magic and the supernatural, I..."

April "...I just don't know what to think anymore, Mom."

Beth "Well, the world's definitely a mysterious place. Maybe magic and the supernatural are just kinds of sciences you don't understand... Yet."

Beth "And speaking of mysteries, the news says the police still have no idea who killed Professor Miller."

Beth "But you know, don't you?"

April "Yeah—I'm pretty sure it was the Foot Clan. But please don't worry about the same thing happening to me, Mom."

April "Master Splinter's in charge of them now so they're done doing that kind of stuff."

Page 11

Beth "Ninja stuff?"

April "Well... The assassination part of it, at least."

Beth "Lovely."

Beth "In other news, how are things with you and Casey? He was working in the store earlier but took off soon as it got dark."

April "Oh, we're fine. Just concentrating on our own things right now, I guess."

April "No big deal."

Beth "No big deal, huh?"

Beth "Did I ever tell you that your dad and I almost separated when you were little?"

April "What? Really?"

Beth "Yep. You were probably two or three at the time."

Beth "John and I were both busy building our careers while trying to raise you, and somewhere in all that our occupational and paternal ambitions started overriding our marital ones."

Beth "I really thought our marriage wasn't going to survive."

April "What happened?"

Beth "Well, thankfully, I was wrong. It wasn't easy, but we did make it, and in the end it was never really a question of not loving each other anymore—just about setting priorities."

Beth "Besides the fact your dad and I still adored each other, we realized we had a shared treasure in you, kiddo, and that we both had way more to lose than gain from a divorce."

Beth "Sometimes people just need space to step back in order to see the entire picture and find out what's really important in their lives..."

Page 12

"...And figure out what they should really be doing."

Mikey "Man, this is so great. Doin' the right thing for a change."

Hob "Speakin' of doin'..."

Hob "...Get to it, Mondo."

Mondo "Gettin' to it."


Man A "Yo, you hearin' that?"

Man B "Yeah? Dat rollerskates or somethin'?"


Mondo "Puh-lease..."


Man A "Hrrf!"

Mondo "...As if."

Page 13

Hob "All yours, Ray."

Ray "Roger."

Ray "All right, Mutanimals!"

Ray "Take them down!"


Page 14

Man C "Uh, Mr. Lupo..."

Lupo "Oh, you gotta be freakin' kiddin' me."

Lupo "More stinkin' mutants buttin' in where they don't belong?*"

[See TMNT #51 - B.C.]

Lupo "Stop 'em, boys!"



Ray "Herman, lay down suppression fire!"

Herman "10-4!"


Man C "Look out!"

Ray "All right, while they're down!"

Ray "Slash and Sally, left flank! Mikey and Seymour, to the right!"

Ray "Herman and I are heading straight up the gut!"

Page 15



Sally "Strike one!"


Sally "Strike two!"


Sally "And three!"

Sally "They're out!"

Slash "Yes!"


Seymour "It's... It's an honor to fight alongside you, Michelangelo. Slash really has told us a lot of good things about you."


Mikey "That's 'cause Slash is like my brother from another mother!"


Seymour "That's so nice. I've always wanted a close friend like that, but... Well, I'm just not too pleasant to look at."


Mikey "What're you talkin' 'bout, dude? You got the Mutanimals, don't you?"

Mikey "Besides..."


Mikey "...You ain't seen ugly until you've seen General Krang, trust me."

Seymour "Th-Thanks, Michelangelo."

Mikey "Call me Mikey, bro."

Page 16

Lupo "Back off!"



Ray "Something tells me that's the crate we're looking for, Herman."

Herman "Affirmative, sir!"

Ray "I'd call that mission accomplished, my friends."

Hob "So would I..."

Hob "In damn fine fashion, to boot."

Hob "Nice work, Mutanimals."

Hob "This the one, Ray?"

Ray "I think so, Hob. Yes."

Hob "Good. I'll take care of this..."

Page 17

"...You get the troops home for a well-earned celebration."

Alex Winter "What the hell?"

Winter "Command, this is Winter."

Winter "Subjects just engaged in a direct firefight with unknown human entities. No mutants were KIA or WIA. Over."

>Any idea what the fight was about? Over.<

Winter "Looks like it was about procuring weapons."

Winter "Somebody's arming up for a serious street war. Should I investigate? Over."

>Negative. Stay on mission—observation only.<

>Leave the street wars to the police.<

"Lupo did what?!"

Page 18

Darius Dun "Please tell me this is your twisted idea of a joke, Jammer."

Jammer "No, I swear, Mr. Dunn, it's all true..."

Jammer "...We just got word that Lupo and his boys got taken out at the docks, and the whole shipment got compromised, too."

Darius "And whom do we have to thank for this... Compromise?"

Jammer "I ain't exactly sure... I don't got any names yet. But I heard it was a bunch of them mutant freaks."

Darius "Mutants?"



Darius "First you fail to eliminate that Foot rodent and leave behind two of my blasted cloaks in the process, and now that imbecile Lupo loses my weaponry to those abominations!"

Darius "Do you realize how much this is costing me?!"

Jammer "Boss, I—"

Darius "No more, do you hear me?!"

Darius "If those damned ninjas and mutants want a war, then I'll give them a war like they've never seen. No more hiding in the shadows for us, Jammer..."

Darius "Get me the inventor!"

Page 19

Sally "Man, the looks on those scumbags' faces when Herman blasted them the first time..."

Sally "...Priceless!"

Herman "Heh. It was pretty invigorating, ma'am, I won't lie."


Seymour "And let's not forget Michel... Er, Mikey. He performed outstandingly well on his first mission with us."

Mikey "Ah, it was nothin'. Just followin' your awesome lead, pal."

Pete "Speakin' of awesome..."

Pete "...Check out my newest masterpiece! Who's up for some victory pizza?"

Lindsey "One hundred percent insect-free. I checked."

Seymour, Mikey, Slash & Sally "Pizza!"

Slash "Um... Lindsey?"

Lindsey "Okay. Ninety-nine point nine percent."

Hob "Now this is what I dig seein'..."

Page 20

Hob "...My Mighty Mutanimals chowin' down after a big win."

Hob "I don't know 'bout anyone else, but you bunch are my heroes for sure."

Sally "Come on and join us, boss. Ol' Pete's outdone himself this time."

Hob "Nah, you guys go ahead. I was just checkin' to see everyone got home okay, but I've still got a few things to take care of down at the docks before morning."

Mikey "Like what?"

Hob "Oh, just boss stuff. Don't worry your little turtlehead about it—I'll be back before you know it."

Mikey "Hey, big guy. What exactly does Hob do with the weapons and stuff?"

Slash "I've never been with him after a mission, but I'm assuming he destroys them—I mean, that makes the most sense. Why?"

Mikey "I dunno. Just seems like somethin' he'd let you guys be a part of."

Slash "Well, whatever he does, I'm sure it's in our best interests."

Slash "Old Hob can be crude, but he's a good guy just like us now, Mikey."

Mikey " 'Scuse me for a sec."

Slash "Sure, Mikey."

Page 21

Mondo "What the...?"

Page 22


Mikey "Oh..."


Mikey "...No."

Mikey "Our best interests, my foot."

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