Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.
Old Hob "Ya know what our problem is?"
Hob "See, you ain't never had much dealin' with 'em, and that's good."
Hob "You ain't never been nobody's pet..."
Hob "...And with good reason."
Hob "I mean look atcha. You ain't exactly warm and cuddly."
Hob "But me, I had plenty of dealin' with 'em. Too much if you ask me."
Hob "In fact..."
[...There was a time when the only thing I knew and trusted in this world was a human...]
[His name was Billy, or Danny... I dunno, my memories from back then are all outta whack. Anyway, we gota along like mayo and tuna.]
[Plenty of grub, warm spots for naps, and as much playtime as I could stand—what more could I ask for, right?]
[Everythin' was perfect, until...]
Billy's Mother (flashback) "Billy! Get your lazy butt in here, now!"
Billy's Mother (fb) "How many times have you been told?! How many times have I warned you about this?! The whole kitchen smells like cat turds!"
Billy (fb) "I'm sorry, Ma—I forgot again. It won't..."
Billy's Mother (fb) "You're damn right it won't happen again."
Billy's Mother (fb) "Where is he?! Where is that flea bag?!"
Billy (fb) "Please, Ma, don't—I won't forget again! I promise!"
Billy's Mother (fb) "I heard this all before, Billy, and you still can't remember to change that stinkin' litter box! I'm tired of it!"
Billy (fb) "Stop, you're hurting him!"
Billy (fb) "No! Hob!"
Billy (fb) "Please, Ma! He's gonna die out there!"
Billy's Mother (fb) "Your own damn fault..."
Billy (fb) "No!"
[And that was the end of that.]
[Livin' outside was rough. No more layin' around in the sun or playin' with balls of string.]
[The good thing about livin' in a city like this? There's always food around if you know where to look.]
[The bad thing? You ain't hardly ever the only one lookin' for it.]
[I learned pretty quick that if you want somethin' on the streets, you gotta fight for it.]
[And when you see something you want, you beter be ready to take it.]
[A snack's a snack, even if they're ugly green things.]
[But these ugly green things had a mangy little protector.]
[That green crap burned in my mouth, threw me off, let that rat get the best of me...]
[I'd been roughed up before—hurt pretty bad a few times, even. But this was different. Something was wrong...]
Hob "I don't know how it was for you—I know they stuck it in ya with needles, so maybe it was different."
Hob "Hey! I ain't lookin' for no shoulder to cry on here!"
Hob "This story's important—you need to understand what we're facin' and how it all got started, see?"
Hob "Now where was I?"
Hob "Oh yeah."
[So I figured I was dyin'—but then I didn't...]
[All I remember is the pain. Like gettin' run through a sausage maker—goin' in as one thing...]
[...And comin' out somethin' totally different.]
[When I woke up I didn't know what the hell was goin' on. One minute I'm catchin' dinner, the next I'm getting' my eye clawed out by a stinkin' rat, and now this—whatever this was.]
[I was huge...]
[Where I shoulda had legs I had arms...]
[Then things got really weird.]
Baxter (fb) "And pray tell how, in a massive city infested with millions upon millions of rats, do you propose we find this "Splinter" of yours?"
[I couldn't believe it—the noises comin' from the humans' flappin' lips that meant nothin' to me—I could understand it all now.]
[They were talkin' about a rat, and I knew in my guts that it had ta be the one I just scrapped with.]
Hob (fb) "I can help with that..."
Hob (fb) "I just wanna know one thing."
Hob (fb) "Does that filthy rat have ta be alive when I bring him ta ya?"
Baxter (fb) "My God..."
[Like I said, I didn't know what the heck was goin' on. I told this guy Baxter about the rat and the turtles he seemed real interested.]
[He said I'd be safe with him, and that they'd take good care of me—run some tests to make sure I was healthy. I didn't think I had a lotta choices.]
[Not alla the tests were bad—some of 'em even helped get me used ta this new body.]
[But most of 'em weren't so fun.]
[I hated the way he watched with no emotion. It got me thinking maybe this guy isn't all he says he is.]
[I'd been cared for in the past, and it never felt like this.]
[I'd been there almost a month, and every day I kept hearin' everyone talkin' about either "ooze" or "mutagen."]
[When they weren't pokin' at me, they were sure to be foolin' around with one'a the two.]
[And you better believe I was paying attention. That ooze stuff had some kind of healing power. And it was the main ingredient in the mutagen. Baxter said that was the stuff that made me change. I didn't understand nothin' else—just a bunch of technical crap.]
[But hey, I knew leverage when I saw it.]
[Bax thought he could do anything he wanted to me 'cause I was scared. I wanted him to think that... Put him at ease...]
[...While I started thinkin' about a way to get outta there—make some kinda move. I was done being his lab rat...]
[...And I had a score to settle.]
Baxter (fb) "Your reflex and strength tests have return some amazing results, Hob. You're getting more agile and stronger by the day."
Hob (fb) "I feel good, Doc—real good."
Hob (fb) "Howsabout ya let me outta this joint for a while? You wanna find that rat, right?"
Baxter (fb) "Out of the question. We still have multitudes of tests to run, and you out in the open is a huge liability. Forget it."
Hob (fb) "Look, I still got that filthy animal's scent. It won't be hard. I'll stick to the alleys and flush 'im out."
Hob (fb) "Plus..."
Hob (fb) "...Don't ya want something new to poke and prod at?"
Baxter (fb) "Hmmm..."
Baxter (fb) "Let me think it over..."
ALL BEEF HOT DOGS
[He didn't need to think long. He knew letting me go was a risk, but I was his best chance at findin' the rat, and that was too much temptation for ol'Baxie.]
[Bax said he'd give me cash if I needed it. I just needed to keep checkin' back with him at the lab.]
[But who was gonna take cash from me, lookin' the way I look? So I lived the only way I knew.]
[That got me thinkin', if that rat is anythin' like me, he could be a handful to take in.]
[I ain't sayin' I was scared, but I ain't stupid either. In this life, it's good to be prepared for anything.]
[A few extra bodies to throw at this problem couldn't hurt. But how was I gonna convince a human to join up with me?]
Man A (fb) "You're dead meat, pal..."
Man B (fb) "Teach you..."
Man A (fb) "Jeeeezuz, what is that?"
Man B (fb) "Some kind'a... Monster!"
[That's when it hit me. See, Bax and his nerds at the lab, they ain't scareda me 'cause they practically amde me. But to these other humans, I'm a monster.]
[One thing I know—the bigger and scarier you are, the more respect you get. Throw in some cash incentive, courtesy of Bax, and I'd have the extra bodies I needed to deal with the rat.]
[I was gonna make damn sure I wasn't alone and helpless ever again.]
[Lotta tough guys are lost without a leader. Get a scary guy like me barkin' orders at 'em and it doesn't take much convincin'...]
[Usually, there are some that need to be...persuaded.]
[The more guys I turned, the more powerful I felt. It was addicting. I was establishing turf, and fast. Not too long ago, there was a pwoer vacuum in this city.]
[Heh. Not so much these days, though.]
[The promise of violence and cash brought out just the types I was lookin' for.]
[The kind'a guys who will do whatever you tell 'em to do, no matter how stupid or dangerous.]
[And lemme tell ya, there was no shortage of 'em.]
[We were workin' the kinks out, gettin' ready for the real work—gettin' ready for the rat.]
[And I can't lie. Those fights were fun as hell.]
Hob "I went back to the lab to show Bax I meant business. I wanted him to see it—to see me and my boys."
Hob "He needed to know his days of pokin' me and puttin' me on that damn hamster wheel were over!"
Slash "No more pain..."
Hob "That's right, big guy, no more pain. Our days of bein' lab rats are over, you understand?"
Hob "Speakin' of rats—we got right to lookin' for that stinkin' rodent after my little visit with Bax."
Hob "I remember the first time I saw 'em all together..."
[I'll never forget that moment.]
[I knew they existed, but seein' em like this, together—it was a lot to take in.]
[I had a score to settle with that rat, but it still got me thinkin' about things.]
[They were a team... A family.]
[And that ticked me off even more.]
[Time passed, more fights were lost, and I started wonderin'... What did I have?]
Henchman (fb) "We ain't doin' this no more, Hob—you're not paying us enough for this crap! Look at us! We don't stand a chance against them freaks..."
Hob (fb) "Freaks?! That what you mutts cal me when I ain't around?"
Hob (fb) "If you buncha chickens had any guts at all we coulda took them filthy turtles! But ya don't! So if you want out, good riddance!"
Hob (fb) "I ain't runnin' no daycare here!"
[Things were startin' to become clear. I was like them turtles and their rat, but I was different—I was alone.]
[What's that old sayin' about fool me once or whatever?]
[Yeah, well—shame on me.]
[Bax made a show of me to his pal. He was coverin' his bases all the way home and I didn't fit into his plans no more.]
[I gotta hand it to Bax, though—I didn't think he had it in 'im to do the dirty work.]
[I guess he underestimated me too...]
[...He thought he had me, but nobody one-ups Old Hob.]
[Remember what I told ya about leverage?]
[When I caught the rat... Well, I was all alone in that lab. A kid in a candy shop.]
[I heard enough when I was trapped here. I knew there was some sort of gold in the rat's blood. Took some for a rainy day. Ooze too.]
[Bax thinks I'm just some stupid animal, but I was always one step ahead of him. And now I'm gonna show him just what I'm capable of.]
[I'm done with these humans—these weak, pathetic meat sacks. You can't trust 'em, you can't rely on 'em.]
[I got plans for us, see? Big plans...]
Hob "...And this whole city is gonna shake with fear when they see what's coming next."
Raphael "You got two minutes before my better judgment kicks in, Hob."
Hob "Hmph. Didn't think you'd show."
Hob "No, not now..."
Hob "...We got business with these boys."
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