Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.

Page 1

Woody Dirkins "See you dudes later!"

Michelangelo "You know it, Woody! Thanks again!"

RUPERT'S PIZZERIA 555-270-1315

Mikey "What's a' matter, bro? You've been grumpy ever since we left Leo and Donnie."

Mikey "Well, grumpier than normal."

Raphael "I'm fine, Mike. Nothin's wrong."

Mikey "Doesn't seem that way."

Raph "Look, man... Just because Master Splinter and Leo think reestablishin' contact with Hob's a good idea, it don't mean I gotta like it, all right?"

Mikey "Yeah, yeah... No worries. Sorry I asked."

Mikey "I'm not gonna lie, though—I know you hate Old Hob, but I'm not sure why anymore."

Raph "You mean besides the fact that stinkin' flea-biter tried to waste all of us a bunch of times?"

Mikey "Well, yeah—he's done some messed-up stuff in the past, but him and Slash did help us against Shredder."

Raph "Don't kid yourself, little bro. Hob doesn't do anything unless it helps Hob. Period."

Mikey "I dunno, Raph—he did take a bullet rescuin' Leo. Could be he's really changed—"

Page 2

"—Could be he's practically a good guy now."

Page 3

"You're my hero, Casey Arnold Jones..."


Mrs. Jones (flashback) "...Do you know that?"

Casey Jones (fb) "C'mon, Mom, it's just a piece of paper."

Mrs. Jones (fb) "Are you kidding? This "piece of paper" is the ticket to your future, Case."

Mrs. Jones (fb) "You're gonna be the first Jones to go to college and I couldn't be more proud of you."

Mrs. Jones (fb) "A full scholarship. Wow."

Casey (fb) "Yeah, well, the hockey stuff's cool and all, but the school part..."

Casey (fb) "I dunno, Mom. I just ain't much of a student. What if I blow it?"

Mrs. Jones (fb) "Well, I seem to remember you weren't much of a hockey player when you started, either, but a little hard work took care of that, didn't it?"

Mrs. Jones (fb) "You'll do the same with your schoolwork, I know it. You can accomplish whatever you set your heart and mind to, Case. You always have."

Mrs. Jones (fb) "My hero!"

Page 4


Casey "I'm sorry, Mom..."

Casey "...So sorry."

Hun "Oh, boo hoo hoo... Cry me a river."

Casey "How'd you find me?"

Hun "Wasn't hard..."

Hun "...This is where you always go when you wanna feel sorry for yourself."

"Okay, let's make this quick..."

Page 5

Raph "...I don't wanna be in this dump any longer than we gotta."

Mikey "Okay, okay... You already told me like a bazillion times. Sheesh."


Old Hob "Who the hell is it?"

Mikey "It's Mikey and Raph, Hob. We're back and bearing gifts."


Slash "Mikey!"

Mikey "Yep, big guy! With pizza, just like I promised. Candy's got nothin' on what this box is packin'."

Slash "Pizza?!"

Hob "Dammit, Slash, I told you not to open the door for anyone."

Raph "What's wrong, fur ball? Got somethin' in here you don't want us to..."

Raph "...See?"

Page 6

Lindsey Baker "Mmff... Fmff..."

Pigeon Pete "Hi! I'm Pete."

Mikey "C'mon, Slash. We got some serious pizza scarfin' to..."

Mikey "...Do."

Mikey "What the...?"

Lindsey "Fmffmf... Mff..."

Pete "Hi! I'm Pete."

Slash "Look..."

Page 7

"...New friends."

Hun "Well, gotta say it's pretty convenient to find ya here, kid, in the graveyard. What with what's comin'."

Hun "Yeah? Guess you're finished with the Mr. Nice Guy act, huh?"

Hun "Hey, that was no act. I tried, I really did."

Hun "But I'm a businessman now. I made you a fair offer and you passed. Which means..."

Hun "...Yer as dead to me as your mom."

Casey "Whatever. And don't flatter yourself—you ain't no businessman."

Casey "You're just a small-time loser drunk pretendin' to be some big-time important gangster, Dad."

Hun "Not Dad. Not anymore."

Hun "It's Hun. Only Hun."

Hun "C'mon, kid—you can't seriously think you can take us?"

Casey "Maybe not—but you ain't exactly givin' me a choice, are you? 'Sides, that's the difference between me and you. I ain't afraid to die fightin' for what's right."

Casey "You're so scared of Shredder, you'll do whatever it takes to suck up to him, even ice me for not joinin' your little thug club."

Casey "Well, forget about it, 'cause I already told you—I won't."

Casey "So... Hun... We gonna do this, or what?"

Hun "Yeah we are."

Hun "Waste him."

Page 8

Casey "Batter..."

Casey "...Up!"




Casey "Unf!"


Casey "You wimps ain't ready to give up yet, huh?"

Casey "That's cool..."


Casey "...'Cause neither am I!"

"Man, this is totally messed up..."

Page 9

Mikey "...Who's this lady?"

Raph "And who's the bird with the gun?"

Pete "Hi! I'm Pete."

Hob "Give me that before you blow your own beak off, idiot!"

Pete "Uhh!"

Hob "To answer your questions, the broad in the chair's a scientist from StockGen. Name's Lindsey Baker."

Hob "The imbecile with the feathers is Pete. Pigeon Pete."

Pete "Hi! I'm Pe—"

Hob "Zip it, stupid—they figured that out already."

Hob "Damn broken record, I tell ya."

Raph "Not as broken as your brain."

Raph "Takin' a StockGen scientist hostage—"

Raph "—What the hell're you thinkin' about, Hob?"

Hob "The future."

Page 10

Hob "Oh, c'mon—don't act like you don't know what future I'm talkin' 'bout. I know why you're here and it ain't to throw some little kiddie pizza party."

Hob "You're here about the mutant army I'm buildin'. And guess what—so is she."

Lindsey "Fmmf mffmff..."

Hob "See, I've been busy while you bunch were off hidin' under rocks. That old rat was nice enough to score me some mutagen and me and Slash did a little experimentin' with it."

Pete "Hi! I'm—"

Hob "I said zip it, featherbrains."

Hob "Obviously didn't turn out that great."

Raph " 'Cause what could go wrong usin' a genius pigeon, right?"

Hob "Hey, it's New York—you work with what you got. And anyway, turns out mutatin' ain't as simple as point an' shoot."

Hob "Takes a real scientist to make it work—someone who's got plenty of experience with pokin' and proddin' lab animals."

Hob "Someone like good ol' Lindsey here."

Hob "I figured, what with StockGen nothin' but a pile of rubble these days, she'd be lookin' for a new job, and I was right."

Hob "So she's been here for the official interview and we were just gettin' to the salary negotiations when you two barged in."

Page 11

Raph "So, what the hell'd you tie her up for, then?"

Hob "Just wanted her undivided attention, that's all. No biggie."

Raph "Negotiations, my butt."

Raph "You okay?"

Lindsey "Ye-Yes. Just... Just give me a sec to... To get my bearings."

Hob "While you're at it, make up your mind about my job offer, willya?"

Hob "Just remember—this could be a really good thing for you, or really bad, dependin' on what you choose."

Lindsey "It's already really bad, in my opinion."

Lindsey "You didn't need to be so rough."

Hob "Rough? Heh. You hear that, Slash?"

Hob "If that ain't the pot callin' the kettle black, I don't know what is."

Slash "Pizza..."

Mikey "She's right, Hob. This is wrong."

Hob "What? Buildin' an army to protect mutants from scum like Stockman and Shredder, who only wanna make mutants slaves and playthings?"

Hob "That crap sound right to you?"

Mikey "You know what I mean."

Hob "No—no, I don't. Why don't you enlighten me, baby turtle?"

Page 12

Mikey "Well, besides the fact you took an innocent person hostage, I mean all the talk about armies. You say it's for protection but we all know armies are for hurtin' and killin'."

Hob "Who said anything about killin'? This is about keepin' mutants safe, kid... Helpless mutants like your buddy Slash over there."

Slash "Pizza... Good!"

Hob "Maybe kidnappin' was a little extreme—I admit it. But our guess ain't innocent. Not even close."

Hob "These StockGen eggheads got plenty of jollies torturin' me and Slash with their little knives and needles. Heck, they did it to you, once upon a time."

Hob "Which is why I know this'll snap her out of her "poor me" act real quick. A little piece of Splinter that our ex-boss had me huntin' down not too long ago."

Lindsey "Splinter?"

Lindsey "My God... You actually got some."

Raph "Waitaminute."

Raph "Is that what I think it is?"

Hob "Yep..."

Page 13

"...Daddy's blood."

Chun "I got 'im, man. Do it 'fore he gets loose!"

Casey "Chumps..."

Hob "Stop!"

Hob "I'll take it from here."

Casey "Wha... What's wrong, Hun? ...Gngg... Can't have anyone else gettin' credit for... Erf... Doin' Shredder's dirty deed?"

Hun "Dammit, boy... None o' this was necessary, you know that, right? All you hadda do was make the smart choice."

Casey "Heh. That's funny. I... Unf... Was just thinkin' the same thing 'bout you."

Hun "Yeah, well, when it comes down to kill or be killed..."

Hun "...I did make the smart choice."


Hun "What the...?"


Hun "Grrggk!"

Page 14

Chun "What's goin on with Hun?"

Hun "G-g-g-e-t-t h-h-e-r-r-r..."

Nobody "Nah..."

Nobody "...Don't think so."



Kirbyfan >What the devil are you doing, Nobody?! This was only supposed to be a long-range comm test!<

Nobody "I know, Harold, I know. I'm almost done."

Kirbyfan >Callsigns, dammit!<

Nobody "Uh, sorry... Kirbyfan."

Nobody "C'mon, Casey—we gotta boogie."

Hun "Raaaggh!"

Page 15

Nobody "Crap."

Kirbyfan >That suit is not ready for battle testing! Get back here!<

Nobody "Okay, Har... Kirbyfan, okay... Just give me a sec."

Casey "Angel...?"

Hun "You are dead!"

Nobody "Yeah?"

Nobody "Then I guess I'm gonna need a gravestone!"


Hun "Graaah!"


Hun "Yer next. Get ready to..."

Hun "...Suffer."

"Okay, I have to admit this is completely unexpected..."

Page 16

Lindsey "...When did you get a hold of this, Hob?"

Raph "Yeah, Hob. I was wonderin' the same damn thing."

Hob "Not that it matters, but I got it a while back, when I was still workin' for Stockman."

Hob "Just a little insurance policy I thought I might need someday."

Lindsey "You know, the Specimen 6... Er, Slash mutation was my most important project—the thing that was going to finally validate the theories I'd been working on for years."

Lindsey "Unfortunately, the psychotropic compound I'd developed for the Splinter project was lost in a break-in—as was Splinter—and both turned out to be irreplaceable."

Lindsey "Without the compound or any way to recreate it, Slash's transformation was incomplete and his primal instincts proved ungovernable."

Lindsey "We just couldn't rein in his violent outbursts."

Lindsey "So, Stockman ordered the project shelved and blamed me for its failure when, really, all that was missing was one crucial ingredient..."

Linsey "...This."

Lindsey "And with Slash here, I can finally finish my tests and prove I was right."

Hob "Hey, hey, whoa... No! No way I'm lettin' you stick that into Slash. You freakin' humans already messed him up enough."

Hob "You can test it on Pete. Much as I hate to admit it, he can't get much worse."

Pete "Thank you!"

Lindsey "You don't understand—Slash is the only test subject that makes sense. We can't use Pete for the same reason we couldn't use you... Because your mutations were not conducted in controlled environments."

Lindsey "Slash was mutated under close scientific observation... It has to be him."

Page 17

Hob "Forget it. Ain't gonna happen."

Hob "I got more saved than what's in that needle. We'll just start fresh and find somethin' else for you to do your voodoo testin' on."

Raph "Cripes—you're all a bunch of whack jobs."

Lindsey "Fine. But there's absolutely no way I can work properly in these conditions."

Lindsey "We'll need to significantly upgrade this place. Should only take a few months."

Hob "Months?! You gotta be freakin' kiddin'!"

Hob "I ain't waitin' that long for my army."

Lindsey "You won't have a choice if you want it done right. Unless, of course, you want to change your mind about Slash?"

Hob "Hell no."


Slash "Yes."

Lindsey "Wha—?!"

Hob "Whoa, whoa, whoa, big guy... What're you doin'?"

Hob "No more pain, remember? We'll wait if we gotta, okay?"

Slash "Slash... Hero. Like... Mikey."

Mikey "Oh, no, buddy, I'm not a hero. I'm just a kid like you. You don't gotta change to be like me."

Raph "Hold up, Mike. What if freaky Lindsey's got a point after all?"

Raph "Father wants an army as bad as Hob does, and we don't got months to wait, either."

Hob "Shut your trap, turtle."

Hob "You ain't helpin'."

Page 18 & 19

Slash "Slash help!"


Lindsey "My God."

Mikey "What's happening?!"

Raph "He's going nuclear!"

Slash "Graah!"


Slash "Head... Hurts!"

Mikey "I gotta help him!"

Raph "Mikey! Wait!"

Slash "Hurts!"


Mikey "Slash, buddy, calm down, it's m—hrk!"


Raph "Mikey!"

Raph "You're goin' down!"

Hob "What the hell's wrong with him?!"

Lindsey "I... Don't know. The psychotropic injection... It must be affecting his neurological system."

Hob "How do we stop him, dammit?!"

Raph "Crap!"

Lindsey "We... We always tasered him in the past."

Slash "Off!"


Page 20

Hob "I swear, you're dead if this don't work, egghead!"

Lindsey "We're all going to be dead if that doesn't work!"

Slash "Graahh!"

Mikey "Raph!"

Hob "Don't do it, big fella!"

Slash "Grnn?"

Slash "Mikey... Hob... What happened?"

Slash "My head..."

Slash "...Feels so strange."

Page 21

Mikey "I think that shot worked, dude. You sound different."

Slash "I... I feel different. There was all this pain, terrible pain, but now... Now things are so..."

Slash "...So clear."

Slash "It's okay, everyone. I'm all right now."

Slash "You can lower your gun, Hob. I won't hurt anyone."

Hob "Well, egghead, guess you got your proof. The rat's blood works."

Lindsey "I was right all along."

Raph "Great. You were right. Whoop-dee-do."

Raph "Only question I got is..."

Raph "...Where the heck do we go from here?"

"You're sure you're okay?"

Page 22

Nobody " 'Cause I can get you to the hospital if you need it."

Casey "Nah, I'm fine. How'd you find me, anyways?"

Nobody "You either shoot pucks or visit your mom's grave whenever you need to clear your head. Came to the cemetery when I didn't find you at the rink."

Casey "So where the hell'd that get-up come from?"

Nobody "From Donnie and April's geek friend Harold."

Nobody "Turns out I'm kind of a wiz with this tech stuff, believe it or not."

Nobody "The way you stomped off earlier, had a feelin' you'd find yourself some trouble—you're good at that."

Nobody "So I talked Harold into testin' the suit's radio..."

Nobody "...He's probably gonna set it to self-destruct if I don't get it back to him soon."

Nobody "Speakin' of self-destructin', I know this stuff with your dad's eatin' at you, man, but you seriously gotta step away before it kills you."

Nobody "You gotta rise above it, Casey."

Nobody "Forget the losers in your life and find your own way—a better way."


Nobody "That's what I'm doin'."

"Just remember, man, no matter how bad things get..."

"...You're never as alone as you think."

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