Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.
Michelangelo "Look at 'em go..."
Mikey "...Whadda you dudes think they're up to?"
Donatello "Well, dressed like that and armed to the teeth, it doesn't take a genius to deduce it's nothing good."
Leonardo "Nah, it just takes a genius to constantly remind everyone he's a genius."
Raphael "Here we go..."
Donnie "What'd you say, Leo?"
Leo "Nothing, genius."
Leo "Come on, guys..."
Leo "...Let's see if we can get a closer look at those two."
Donnie "Hey, that's not true."
Donnie "I do not always remind everyone that I'm the smartest."
Leo "No? Then what do you call that?"
Donnie "Call wha—"
Raph "Yo, brains and brawn—less yappin'..."
Raph "...More ninja chasin'."
Donnie "Now, they're extremely fast."
Raph "No kiddin'..."
Raph "...These dudes take their ninja vitamins today, or what? They're like freakin' jack rabbits."
Mikey "Yeah, and I thought the tortoise beats the rabbit in the story."
Leo "Well, the tortoise in the story didn't spend all his free time gorging on pizza and playing video games."
Leo "Like Master Splinter always says, training is—"
Mikey "I know, I know, bro—training is everything."
Leo "Whoa, guys, hold up!"
Raph "They're heading into that alley!"
Donnie "Check it out—those dudes are on a chase!"
Mikey "Holy guacamole..."
"...First bunny rabbits, now human pinballs!"
Leo "The way he's moving... That looks like parkour."
Donnie "Parkour. It's French. Basically movements that focus on navigating around obstacles with speed and efficiency."
Raph "Great... So you two finally agree on somethin'. But what's this par... Park... Uh, French gymnast guy doin' runnin' away from two mystery ninja?"
Leo "Great question, Raph."
Raph "Cripes. Who'da thought nerd ninja and captain butt-kiss would be even more annoyin' when they're not arguin'?"
Leo ··Shh, guys... Listen.··
«...On y va!»
Raph ··Only French I understand ends in fries, but I know an unfair beatdown brewin' when I see one. C'mon guys, we gotta—··
Leo ··No, Raph... Stand down. Master Splinter doesn't want us exposing ourselves unnecessarily.··
Raph ··Splinter ain't here.··
Leo ··But I am. And I say recon only.··
Raph ··But, Leo, two against one. Man—that ain't cool.··
Leo ··Maybe not...··
"But this isn't our dance."
Raph "Oh, hell no!"
Leo "Raph! I said stay out of it!"
Raph "Do what you want, man. I'm gonna even the—"
Mikey "Whoa. Ninja grenade."
Raph "Dammit! Where the hell'd they go?!"
Leo "Guys! He's still alive!"
Leo "It's okay, man. We'll get you help. Just hold on."
«La... Unf... Guerre...»
«...Est en route.»
Leo "He's... Gone."
Raph "But... What was he sayin'?"
Donnie "Well, my French isn't nearly as good as my HTML, but I'm pretty sure he said..."
Donnie "...War is coming."
"Have you ever played baseball, Mr. Hob?"
Old Hob "Base... Huh?"
Baxter Stockman "Ah, yes, I keep forgetting that you've just recently joined the ranks of the bipedal and cognizant. The only type of ball you've most likely had experience with is of the rolled-yarn variety, I'm guessing."
Hob "Yeah, I know what baseball is—I ain't stupid. What's your point, Stockman?"
Baxter "My point is, in baseball, one is allowed three strikes before one is considered out."
Baxter "You have confronted our rat and reptile friends twice now, Mr. Hob, and both times, dare I say, you have swung and you have missed."
Baxter "As a result, you, my friend, are on the cusp of your very own third strike."
Hob "Don't push it, Stockman. I found 'em like I said I would, but turns out the dough you been supplyin' me ain't exactly enough to pay for the ninja help I need to take those chumps down."
Baxter "And what, precisely, do you require to avoid the proverbial third strike, hm?"
Hob "The way them freaks fight, I need an army. A badass friggin' army."
Baxter "How very interesting that you put it that way, Mr. Hob..."
[...]ntact April @
Arnold Jones "What the hell you got there, mutt?"
Casey Jones "It's... Nothin'. Just a phone number for a job I'm thinkin' 'bout 'takin'."
Arnold "A job?! Ha! Who you kiddin', huh? You can't even keep your dumb butt on that damn hockey team."
Arnold "Job, my ass."
Casey "Yeah, well..."
Casey "...What the hell d'you know, anyways?"
Casey "Stupid, worthless drunk."
Splinter "And the warrior who was killed—you say he was speaking French?"
Leo "Yes, Master Splinter. And before that, he was trying to escape the other two ninja using parkour moves."
Leo "His fighting style was something I've never seen before, though."
Raph "Whatever he was using, it ain't right what happened. We shoulda helped that guy out, Leo. Those other wimps had 'im outnumbered, man."
Splinter "Based on your descriptions, those two "wimps," as you call them, appear to have been Foot Ninja, just as I described to you before. If so, offering a fair fight is not part of their creed, my son."
Raph "Whoever they were, the whole thing was messed up. We shoulda done somethin'."
Splinter "As noble as your intentions would have been, Raphael, I believe it was for the best that the four of you remained neutral as you did."
Splinter "We may know who some of our adversaries are, but we cannot be certain who else may be an enemy to us—or an ally, for that matter."
Mikey "Say what?"
Donnie "No, Mikey—savate. The fighting style the French guy was using was savate. It's a French martial-arts system that's been around since at least the early 19th century."
Mikey "French dude rockin' French fu. Makes sense."
Leo "French martial artists, the Foot, Old Hob... The four of us—"
Leo "—Why would this be happening now, Father? After all this time?"
Splinter "If what I suspect is true, my son..."
Splinter "...Then we are fated to confront our foes from our previous lives once again."
Donnie "I... I just have a hard time believing that, Master."
Donnie "Fate? Destiny? It all just seems too deus ex machina to me."
Splinter "And yet, Donatello, here we stand."
Donnie "GEnetic mutations I can accept. Heck, multi-national ninja gangs, too, for that matter. But reincarnation?"
Donnie "I'm sorry, there's just no scientific basis for that."
Splinter "I understand your doubts, my son..."
"But science did indeed play a role in our return."
"It all began when I first awoke in the laboratory."
"The last thing I could remember was a shadowy image of a sword blade slashing toward my neck..."
"...And suddenly I found myself pierced by an entirely new type of sword."
"A sword that did not slay me, but freed me instead."
"For, as time passed, the scientists' injections opened my mind, nehancing my thoughts and unlocking the door to distant memories, showing me I was much more than a mere rat in a cage."
"And when I discovered the four of you—small turtles living contentedly inside a glass container—I knew, in my heart of hearts, that my prayers had been answered and that despite Oroku Saki's most heinous efforts..."
"...We had found each other again."
"I also began to realize that our reunion had a purpose. The scientists were working toward evil ends—a kind of secretive military domination that felt disturbingly familiar to me."
"Eventually, there was one who came to work at the laboratory who possessed an aura of goodness, and I did my best to warn her of the dangers I believed surrounded us all."
"Dangers that were further confirmed when the Foot Ninja, our mortal enemy from the distant past, infiltrated the laboratory..."
Splinter "...Which brought us to where we are today—a family reunited through both scientific wonders and cosmic mysteries. Different... And yet the same."
Donnie "But why this way, Father? If we were humans before, why are we like... Like this now?"
Splinter "I do not know, my son, but ultimately it is the spirit that matters most, not the vessel. Whatever the reason, I am inclined to believe..."
"...It is not a mistake."
Casey "This is a mistake..."
Casey "...No one's gonna hire me for no job."
Casey "Might as well get it over with."
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Casey "Um, hi. I... Uh... Called earlier. About an ad on the, uh, commons' bulletin board."
Trish "Oh... Yeah. You're here for my roommate. Hold on a sec."
April O'Neil "Hi. You must be Casey..."
April "I'm April."
Baxter "So, Mr. Hob, you say an army is what you require to finally subdue our renegade rodent and his reptile protégés, hm?"
Hob "Uh, if you're talkin' 'bout that scrawny rat and those slimy turtles, then, yeah... An army'd be real good."
Baxter "Well, as fortune would have it, StockGen has been developing an army of sorts in recent months, one that I believe can be helpful in your recovery efforts."
Baxter "Impressive, aren't they? We've been developing them as part of a program to locate and destroy I.E.D.s on the battlefield."
Baxter "Improvised explosive devices."
Baxter "A booby trap that goes boom."
Hob "Ah. Gotcha."
Baxter "Anyway, I've asked the technidians to recalibrate the devices to work in accordance with your particular mission."
Baxter "There is some manual control required, but even someone with your limited abilities can be trained to manipulate them as needed."
Hob "What's that mean?"
Baxter "Perhaps a demonstration is in order."
Hob "What the...?"
Baxter "Now, Mr. Hob, I'll show you just how much I can push things, you impudent fool."
Hob "Aw... Hell."
Baxter "That's right, Mr. Hob..."
Baxter >...Hell is about to be unleashed.<
Hob "What're you doin', Stockman?!"
Baxter >Quality assurance testing, Mr. Hob...<
Baxter >...After all I want to ensure your new army is fully functional.<
Baxter >I need to confirm that unlike your own services to this point, they come to me as advertised.<
Baxter >I just want to know that this time I'm getting exactly what I've paid for.<
Hob "Call these crazy things off!"
Baxter "These "crazy things," as you describe them, have a name. The long form is "Minefield Ordnance Unarming Systems Enhanced Robots." "
Baxter "I call them Mousers for short."
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.