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[Opening sequence and theme song.]


[Episode begins in the turtles’ lair, with Splinter coaching his sons through their chores.]

Splinter "Faster, Leonardo. Higher leaps, Raphael. Sweeping motions, Michelangelo. Yes, now you have the proper technique."

Michelangelo "Man, don't you just hate spring cleaning?"

Raphael "Wash the windows, scrub the floors, save the world. My entire life is work, work, work."

Michelangelo "Master Splinter, how come Donatello gets to cop out on this housecleaning bit?"

Splinter "Donatello has been excused to allow him to study for his upcoming exam in binary cyberion generators."

Raphael "That old excuse again?"

[Meanwhile, Donatello is at his desk in his room, working on his exam.]

Donatello "Ah, there. My final exam is completed. Now to mail it to the correspondence school.
[In disguise, he climbs a ladder to the surface. He runs to a mailbox and drops the envelope inside.]

This is the toughest part of this correspondence course.
"

[He dashes back across the street and drops into the manhole a second before a car drives over it. The sound of a ticking clock accompanies Donatello’s wait as he pulls dates off a wall calendar. He restlessly attempts to focus on other things. Finally, the calendar has gone from one to fifteen and he is pacing.]

Raphael "Hey, give it a rest, Donatello. Pacing back and forth won't get the mail delivered any sooner."

Donatello "I can't help it, Raphael. Today's the day I find out if I got my degree."

[Leonardo enters the lair with an envelope in his hands.]

Leonardo "Is this what you've been waiting for?"

[Donatello grabs the envelope and rips it open.]

Donatello "I don't believe it! It's from Professor Sopho himself."

Leonardo "Who's Professor Sopho?"

Donatello "He's only the head of the entire university. He says I've graduated with the highest grades ever."

All "Yeah! Outrageous, dude!"

Donatello "Hey, and listen to this. I've been invited to the university to receive my degree in person."

[Raphael looks at the envelope.]

Raphael "Yeah? Well, I hope you got the right dress for the occasion."

Donatello "Dress?"

Raphael "It's addressed to "Miss Donna Tello”."

Michelangelo "Whoa, it looks like the prof's expecting a dudette, not a dude, dude."

Raphael "And definitely not a turtle."

Leonardo "Too bad, Donatello. I guess you'll just have to forget about any personal appearances."

Michelangelo "Yeah, tough tortillas, bud."

[The three turtles leave the room.]

Donatello "No way. I've worked too hard for that degree. I deserve it! But how could I get it? How? Hold everything! I just thought of a way. And nobody has to know."

[He heads through the sewers in disguise and climbs a ladder to the surface. At an apartment building, he climbs the fire escape. A commercial plays on the television in Irma’s apartment as she works in the kitchen.]

Commercial "Attention, homeowners. Is your house burglar-proof? Take it from me. Every household needs the nation's number one alarm system."

[Donatello slides open a window and Irma spots the intruder.]

Irma "I'd rather use a number nine frying pan."

[Donatello has his back turned as he closes the window. Irma swings at his head but he sees her just in time and hits the floor.]

Donatello "Whoa!"

Irma "Donatello?"

Donatello "Irma, I must talk to you!"

Irma "Hey, drop in anytime."

Donatello "I need your help in picking up my degree at a university."

Irma "Why me?"

Donatello "Because they think I'm a Miss instead of a Mr. What do you say, huh? Will you pretend to be me?"

Irma "Gee, I don't think so."

Donatello "But, Irma, you'll love it. It's on a beautiful lake."

Irma "Oh, forget it. I get seasick."

Donatello "It's surrounded by pine trees and flowers."

Irma "I've also got allergies."

Donatello "And the campus is crawling with eligible men."

Irma "Oh-ho! What are we waiting for? Let's get going."

[Cut to a train. The pair are in a passenger compartment, though Donatello is hidden in a large trunk.]

Donatello "Now, remember. From now on, your name is Donna Tello."

Irma "Donna Tello. I kind of like that name. I might even keep it when this whole thing is over."

[The train comes to a stop at a station.]

Conductor "All out for Sopho University!"

Donatello "That's us, Irma. I mean, "Donna"."

Irma "So now what do I do?"

Donatello "You wait for someone to pick you up."

Irma "I'm not that kind of a girl."

[A large limousine pulls up and two muscular men in lab coats get out.]

Gray Glasses Scientist "Miss Tello?"

Donatello "Psst, that's you!"

Irma "Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah! That's me!"

Gray Glasses "Professor Sopho has requested we drive you to the university."

[The other man tosses her luggage trunk into the trunk of the car.]

Donatello "Ouch!"

Green Glasses Scientist "Did you say "ouch”?"

Irma "No, no, no, no. I said "out”. It's so nice to be out in the country."

[The car arrives at the university. Professor Sopho watches from a window.]

Gray Glasses "Here we are, dear old Sopho U."

Irma "My, what big buildings you have."

Green Glasses "The better to teach you with, my dear."

Gray Glasses "Teach with."

[They both laugh.]

Irma "Oh, brother."

[Cut to the Channel 6 news building.]

Burne Thompson "April O'Neil, get in here!"

April O’Neil "You bellowed, Mr. Thompson?"

Thompson "There's something mysterious going on at Bottomless Lake upstate."

April "Bottomless Lake?"

Thompson "Suddenly, thousands of fish are overflowing the lake. I want you to get up there pronto."

Vernon Fenwick "Sounds dangerous, Chief. Maybe I should go along just in case there's trouble."

Thompson "Oh, good idea, Vernon. Good, good, good, good. Some of those minnows might be mighty fierce."

Vernon "Fierce minnows? On second thought, I better stick around here and guard the home front."

April "Too late, Vernon. You've made your river bed, now lie in it."

[She drags him out of the office. Back at Sopho University, Irma is in her private room.]

Irma "We're here, Donatello. It's safe to come out now."

[Donatello opens the trunk and groans as he untangles himself.]

Donatello "Next time I travel in a trunk, I'm shipping myself "first class, fragile, this end up”."

Professor Filo Sopho "Miss Tello? It's Professor Sopho. May I come in?"

Donatello "Just a moment-- I mean, uh
[Switches to a high-pitched voice.]

Just a moment.
[Goes to Irma.]

You're on your own. Please don't blow it.
"

[He leaps into the closet a second before Sopho enters the room.]

Sopho "Welcome, Miss Tello. I'm honored to have you here at my university."

Irma "Honored? Honest?"

Sopho "Oh, yes. It's not often that I meet someone with your incredible scientific knowledge."

Irma "I'll bet you say that to all us unbelievably brilliant geniuses."

Donatello "I'm beginning to think this was a big mistake."

[The two lab coated men enter, pushing a food cart.]

Gray Glasses "Here's your lunch, Miss Tello. We prepared your favorite dish. Ta-da!"

Irma "Pizzas?"

Green Glasses "It's right here on your application. "List your three favorite foods.” "Pizza, pizza, and more pizza.”"

[Cut to the lair, where the turtles continue to do chores.]

Raphael "I've had it up to here with all this housecleaning. When do we get to stop?"

Leonardo "When the lair is clean enough for Master Splinter's liking."

Michelangelo "Hey, dudes. Work's a cinch when you do it to a cool beat.
[He’s listening to music on his headphones and skating across the floor with cleaning brushes strapped to his feet.]

Ha ha!
[He trips over a bucket of soapy water.]

Whoa! Or in this case, a warm soapy one.
"

[Back at the University, Donatello watches from atop a set of ceiling pipes as Sopho gives Irma a tour.]

Sopho "And this is the very latest version of a binary hexi-decimal retrieval transducer. But of course with your scientific expertise, you knew that right away."

Irma "Hey, you can't fool a whiz kid like me when it comes to biolateral translucents."

Donatello "Uh, she blew it."

Sopho "
[laughs]

With a sense of humor, too. I like that in a brilliant scientist.
"

Donatello "Whew. That was close."

Sopho "Now, come, my dear. Let me show you the rest of the university, hmm?"

[They leave the room and Donatello jumps down to the floor and walks over to the machine.]

Donatello "Hmm. There's something weird going on here. Why does a university need a hexi-decimal transducer?"

Gray Glasses "Hey, you! What are you doing here?"

Donatello "Uh, me? Oh, I'm here for the costume party. How do you guys like my turtle outfit?"

Green Glasses "There's something fishy about this reptile."

Gray Glasses "I say we cook his goose."

Donatello "You two wimps? You gotta be joking."

[They both rips off their coats and shirts to reveal huge muscles. Gray Glasses rips off a section of a machine and Green Glasses lifts another huge machine. Both stalk towards Donatello.]

Green Glasses "If we're joking, you're about to die laughing."

Gray Glasses "Whoever you are, get ready to say "bye-bye" in turtle talk. Do you mind is I go first?"

Green Glasses "Oh, be my guest."

[Gray Glasses swings a huge metal pipe at Donatello who steps up and hits the pipe with his .  That causes the pipe to vibrate, which in turns vibrates Gray Glasses.]

Green Glasses "All right, wise guy. Try this on for size."

Donatello "Heh. I can tell from here it won't fit."

[Green Glasses tosses the machine at him. Donatello leaps over it and the machine hits transducer and it explodes. Donatello jumps through a window and then grabs the sill but drops his bō.  It lands in the lake below. Cut to the Channel 6 news van driving along a road next to the lake. Hundreds of fish crowd together in the water.]

Vernon "Burne was right. There's so many fish in this lake, there's barely any room for the water."

April "Vernon, this could be the scoop of the year. Start unloading the equipment."

Vernon "Here's all the equipment I'll need. Fishing equipment."

[He exits through the back of the van wearing waders and carrying a fishing pole and net.]

April "Vernon! Come back! We've got a story to cover!"

Vernon "I've already got the story.
[He wades into the water and scoops up a net full of fish.]

"Heroic newsman catches record batch of fish. Film at 11."
[He goes after more fish, but a huge one jumps up and latches onto his head.]

Whoa!
"

[He falls and is quickly covered in fish.]

April "Vernon! Oh, no!
[She grabs the fishing pole and hooks Vernon.]

I can't let him out of my sight for a second! Aah!
"

[She pulls hard and falls. Vernon is yanked out of the water and lands on his head next to the van. Fish fall out of his waders.]

Vernon "Whoa!"

April "Vernon, can I do anything?"

Vernon "I think I need mouth-to-mouth resuscitation."

April "Whatever you say, Vernon.
[He tilts his head back and shuts his eyes. April picks up a fish and presses it to his mouth.]

Here.
"

Vernon "Wha--wha—"

[He gags and spits. Cut to the lair. Raphael and Leonardo are laying on the couch. Michelangelo walks past carrying a goldfish in a bowl.]

Raphael "Whew. Finally finished housecleaning."

Leonardo "Until next spring, that is."

Michelangelo "Ain’t those the facts, Max.
[The goldfish jumps up and spits water in Michelangelo’s face.]

Max has been acting totally freaked lately.
"

Raphael "Yeah, well, you know what they say, "The nut doesn't fall far from the shell”."

Splinter "Have any of you seen Donatello?"

Leonardo "No, Master, not for hours."

Michelangelo "If I know that dude, he's probably hanging out at the library."

[Shift to Donatello, still clinging to a ledge on the building.]

Donatello "Actually, Michelangelo's right. I am hanging out at the library.
[He pulls himself up and peeks through the library window.]

There's something oh so phony about Sopho U, and I intend to find out what it is.
"

Sopho "On these walls you'll find every book ever written on every field of science known to man."

Irma "Ahem!"

Sopho "And of course, women."

Irma "That's more like it."

Sopho "I assume you've read Stienmetz’s treatise on magnatronic circuitries of the filamentary synchronizing inductorscope?"

Irma "Well, actually, I was waiting for the movie."

[The ledge under Donatello’s feet starts to crumble.]

Donatello "Uh-oh.
[He falls.]

Whoa!
[His fall is cushioned by the fish.]

A turtle saved by a bunch of fish. Is that poetic justice or what? This whole setup gets fishier by the--whoa--minute.
[He tiptoes through the water, trying to avoid fish.]

I'm more convinced than--uhh--ever that there's something-- whoa-- slippery about this Sopho guy.
"

[Back at the lair, Max the fix appears agitated.]

Michelangelo "I'm worried, dudes. Maxwell is acting totally stressed."

Raphael "Maybe all those pizza crumbs are making him hyper."

Michelangelo "No possible way. I always scrape off the anchovies."

[Max leaps out of his bowl and hops through the lair.]

Leonardo "He's headed for the sewer!"

Michelangelo "Wait! Max! Where you going?
[He jumps into the water after Max. The water is full of fish.]

Come back!
"

Leonardo "Quick, Raphael. We've gotta rescue him."

Raphael "You mean Michelangelo or Maxwell?"

[The jump into the water, which is teeming with fish.]

Leonardo "Michelangelo! Hang on! We'll save youuuuuuu!"

[They are swept along by the water. At the university, the tour has concluded.]

Sopho "Well, that's it, Miss Tello. You've now seen the entire university. So what do you think?"

Irma "It's so I--I just don't know. What's the word? It’s so universal."

Sopho "Speaking of the universe, I have a rather earthshaking announcement to make at this evening's award ceremony. And it involves you."

[He kisses her hand.]

Irma "Me? What sort of announcement?"

Sopho "A genius like yourself should have already guessed. Until then, au revoir."

Irma "An announcement that involves me. I wonder what he could mean by that."

[Meanwhile, Donatello continues to investigate. He peeks through another window.]

Donatello "A giant galvanometric oscilloscope? Oh, this baby's big enough to change the molecular vibrations of the Earth's core.
[He opens the window and hops down into the room.]

Which explains all those fish in the lake. They must have been attracted by the high-magnetic frequency. But how is Sopho planning to use it?
[He turns on a monitor and watches the display.]

I don't believe it! Sopho is planning to use the giant oscilloscope to fling every creature from the face of the Earth and leave it as bald as his own head. I gotta do something about this. But first I've gotta find Irma and warn her.
"

[He runs towards the door but in the process breaks the light on the beam in front of the door. Alarms start blaring.]

Donatello "Uh-oh. Oh, great.
[A robot with large pincers comes towards him.]

A cybernetic security system.
[It tries to grab him but he dodges and it punches a hole in the door.]

Ha ha! Missed me!
[The other pincer grabs him.]

Whoa! Looks like I spoke too soon.
[It starts lowering him towards its mouth full of metal teeth.]

Whoa! Hey, I gotta get out of this thing. But how?
"

[He strikes the arm with his bō and it drops him.]

Donatello "Uhh! Well, that's one way of doing it.
[The pincers try to clamp onto him, but he spins, flips and leaps.]

Ha! You gotta be quicker than that to catch me.
[He lands on an overhead cable.]

Up here, fella! Yoo-hoo!
[The robot clamps onto the cable and is electrocuted.]

Now to find Irma and warn her.
"

[He runs out through the hole in the door. Cut to a ballroom. People in dress clothes are seated around tables. Above the dais is a banner which reads “Sopho U. Class of ‘94”. Seated at a long table on the dais are Irma, Sopho, and others. Sopho clinks his glass with a fork to draw attention.]

Sopho "Fellow scientists, welcome to Sopho U's graduation exercises. I have an announcement that will change the entire world as we know it. But first, please relax and enjoy your dinner.
[Everyone claps. Sopho speaks in an undertone.]

It will probably be your last meal on Earth.
"

Irma "What's that, Professor?"

Sopho "Oh--ahem-- I said "Let's all have a great deal of mirth”."

Donatello "This waiter’s outfit wasn't a bad idea. I might even pick up a few tips. There's Irma. But how can I talk to her when she's sitting right next to Sopho? And why am I talking to myself? I know. I'll write her a note.
[He starts writing.]

"Irma big trouble. You must leave now!" Signed D.
"

[He places the note between two slices of bread.]

Sopho "Why, Miss Tello, you've barely touched your Sopho souffle."

Irma "On my diet, souffle is a definite no-no."

Donatello "Perhaps a sandwich would be more to the lady's liking.
[She picks up the sandwich and takes a bite. Donatello whispers to her.]

That was a note! You were supposed to read it, not eat it.
"

Irma "I thought it was sliced awfully thin."

[Back at the lake, April stands in front of the water as Vernon acts as her cameraman.]

April "And that concludes our report on the fish-infested phenomenon of Bottomless Lake. This is April O'Neil signing off. Okay, Vernon, that's a wrap. Let's head back."

[Suddenly, the turtles pop up out of the lake.]

Michelangelo "What's your hurry, dudette?"

Leonardo "We just got here."

April "The turtles. Well, how did you get here?"

Leonardo "By way of the sewer system."

Raphael "Yeah, we took the scenic route."

April "Where's Donatello?"

Michelangelo "We haven't the foggiest notion. I really miss that brainiac."

Leonardo "I'll bet he could tell us what's going on here."

Michelangelo "Hey, the important thing is my little bud Maxwell is okay."

[He places Maxwell in his glass bowl. The radio in the news van comes on.]

Thompson "April! Vernon! Are you still there at the lake?"

April "Yes, Chief, what's up?"

Thompson "Professor Sopho has contacted all the media that he's about to make a big, big, big, big announcement. And I want you to cover it."

April "That's his university right there. Okay, Chief. We're on our way."

[Donatello meets up with April in a hallway.]

Donatello "Irma, you've gotta get out of here. This Sopho guy is a real crackpot."

Irma "Crackpot?"

Donatello "A whacko. A nutcase. A walking loony bin."

Irma "Oh, come on, Donatello. All geniuses are a little eccentric. Maybe you're just jealous that someone has finally recognized my superior intellect."

Donatello "Hey, whoa, Sopho thinks you're me, remember? It was my brain power that got you here."

Irma "Then how come I've got the feeling he's going to offer me a job?"

[She goes into her room.]

Donatello "No, Irma! Wait!"

Gray Glasses "So, it's you again. The turtle."

[Donatello rips off his waiter disguise.]

Donatello "I'm warning you. I may be green, but I'm also mean."

[Green Glasses comes up behind him a drops a large bag over his body.]

Green Glasses "But now you're bagged and you're also snagged."

[Gray Glasses wraps a chain around the bag holding Donatello. April, Vernon, and the turtles have arrived at the university in the news van.]

Leonardo "We'll stay here while you and Vernon check out this Professor Sopho story."

Michelangelo "That's cool with me and Max. These eggheads can be drier than a year-old pizza."

[April and Vernon arrive in the ballroom.]

April "Look, Vernon, it's Irma. What's she doing here?"

Vernon "I think we're about to find out."

Sopho "And now, fellow scientists, the announcement you've all been waiting to hear. I have selected Miss Donna Tello, a woman whose genius matches my own, almost, to be my partner in a momentous scientific experiment."

[There is a round of applause.]

April "Why did he call her Miss Donna Tello?"

Vernon "Better question; why would he want her to be his partner?"

Sopho "Together, we will create achievements undreamed of by ordinary mortals."

[Cheering and applause.]

April "Irma, what's this all about?"

Irma "April, did you hear the news? I'll bet when Burne Thompson hears about this job offer, he'll start to appreciate me. Professor, this is my best friend, April. Is it okay if she becomes a third partner?"

Sopho "Definitely not! There's only room for the two of us!"

[Sopho drags Irma away.]

Irma "Sorry, April! I tried! Where are we going?"

Sopho "I want you to witness the surprise I have planned for the scientific world. While you and I are safely ensconced in my subterranean laboratory, my galvanometric oscilloscope will spin all those inferior beings from the face of the Earth!
[They enter the elevator with the lab coated men.]

Then you and I shall return to the surface as its supreme rulers!
"

Irma "Oh, boy. Donatello was right. You are a nutcase."

Sopho "Perhaps you'd like the honor of speeding up the Earth."

[He pulls a remote controller from his pocket.]

Irma "I'd rather kiss a water buffalo."

[She pulls back on the elevator control lever.]

Sopho "You-- What are you doing?"

[The elevator starts rising quickly and then bursts through the roof of the building. The door dings and opens. Irma runs out.]

Irma "Bye!"

Sopho "Ha ha! See if I care! Then I'll rule the world without you! And don't bother trying to shut off the oscilloscope.
[He activates the remote.]

I'm setting it on permanent spin cycle!
"

[Donatello is chained to the oscilloscope’s base.]

Donatello "I've gotta get free somehow."

[Irma runs into the room and slams the door shut behind her.]

Irma "Donatello, you were right. I'm not a genius. I'm a jerk."

Donatello "Oh, Irma, it's not the end of the world. But it will be if we don't figure out a way to stop this oscilloscope."

[[Outside it switches from night to day in rapid succession.]

Michelangelo "Whoa! Righteous light show. Mother Nature can't decide whether it's night or day."

Leonardo "This is serious. Something is speeding up the earth's rotation.
[People come running and screaming out of the university building.]

April's in there. We've gotta get to her.
"

[Inside, April is trying to do a newscast.]

April "This is April O'Neil with the 6 p.m. news. Make that 6 a.m. news. No, um, 6 p.m. news."

Leonardo "Quick, April. You've gotta get out of here."

April "We can't leave without Irma. She's still in the lab with Donatello."

Leonardo ""

Michelangelo "So that's where the dude's been hanging out."

[Irma and Donatello both try to remove the chains.]

Donatello "Uhh! It's no use, Irma. I'll never get out of these chains."

[The door bursts open and the other turtles enter.]

Leonardo "Remember what Master Splinter taught us. Never say never."

[He slices the chain into pieces with his katana.]

Donatello "Leonardo. Raphael. Michelangelo. How did you fellas get here?"

Raphael "Simple. We just swam upstream with the rest of the salmon."

[Donatello races over to the control panel.]

Donatello "Quick. We've gotta get inside this thing and turn it off."

[Raphael uses his sai to slice through the panel.]

Raphael "Ta-da!"

Donatello "Wish me luck."

[He examines the machine’s insides.]

Leonardo "Well? Can you shut it down?"

Donatello "Not without special tools."

Irma "Let me have a look."

Donatello "Hold on.
[He takes a hairpin out of Irma’s hair.]

Maybe we have the right tool after all.
"

Irma "A hairpin?"

[Donatello inserts the hairpin and turns a screw. The change from night to day slows and then stops. Outside, birds are chirping. The gang all cheers.]

Irma "Well, what do you know? I guess I have a head for science after all."

[From inside the lair, the turtles and Splinter watch April’s report.]

April "And Professor Sopho and his two accomplices have been arrested and charged with world-wide revolution."

Splinter "You have done well, my students. Especially you, Donatello."

Donatello "Thanks, Sensei. I guess I really earned this degree."

Michelangelo "But the best part of all is that my finny-little bud Maxwell is back to normal again.
[Max squirts his face. When Michelangelo reaches a finger into his bowl, Max clamps onto it.]

Ouch!
"

Leonardo "Maybe he's not so normal after all."

Raphael "Like anything that attached to Michelangelo could be normal?"

Michelangelo "I am your leader! You are my pet! You will let go of my finger! Sit! Heel! Let go!"

[End Credits]

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