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Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids. |
Deadheads is issue #3 of The Mighty Mutanimals, published in August 1992 by Archie Comics.
Appearing in Deadheads[]
Major characters[]
- Death
- Dreadmon
- Jess Harley / Leatherhead
- Jack Finney / Man Ray
- Jagwar
- Juntarra
- Mondo Gecko
- Screwloose
- Wingnut
- Yaguaro
Minor characters[]
Locations[]
- Jaguar temple
- Desert
- Skull temple
Synopsis[]
Death, on his steed Beelzy, gallops towards the open mouth of a gigantic skull, with his still unconscious captive Juntarra. Above them, the Eagle watches. Beelzy leaps into the opening and then drops for a long ways before touching down in a cavern below. Death gives Beelzy a treat – a very large scorpion.
Death then drops Juntarra into what looks like a large turtle shell and tells her, though she’s still out of it, that her son Jagwar and his friends have taken the bait and are on their way. Taking her was part of his plan, but they are ahead of schedule and he’s going to have to slow them down a bit. He begins tossing things into a large cauldron and says he’s going to send the Mutanimals a few surprises.
Cut to the Mutanimals, as they climb the stairs to a temple with a Jaguar shaped head. Jagwar tells his friends that it is the home of his father, Yaguaro, and is the second stop on the Path of the Four Winds. He explains that here, in the West, is where those who take the Path now face his father, who is the Jaguar-Spirit. Yaguaro acts as a guide, for it is here that one faces… death. Mondo Gecko wants to know if he means the Reaper who kidnapped Juntarra, but Jagwar says no, that creature and his mother are far to the East. They are in the West and still must travel the Path to the North before the Path to the East is open to them.
Man Ray wants to know why they can’t skip the mystic stuff and go directly to the East. The answer is that the mystic path is real, and the only way to reach the East is by completing the entire Path. Jagwar asks why Man Ray does not believe. Man Ray complains that it feels like a waste of time and resources, that if they hadn’t gone to the South, then the giant snake wouldn’t have destroyed Wingnut’s metal wings. Man Ray also says that he has a hard time accepting the idea that the supernatural is real.
Jagwar assures him that it is real, that many worlds make up the one world. Then he tells the group they must relax and open their minds to the Jaguar-Spirit, so that he may guide them so that they may face death. While the others close their eyes to meditate, Man Ray is wide-eyed, thinking that this must be some sort of test to see if they’re afraid of death. He muses that is no problem for him, because he’s not afraid of death.
Suddenly, the Jaguar-spirit appears to Man Ray, surprising him. Yaguaro asks if he is not afraid of death even as he claims not to know what death is. Man Ray very complacently states that it doesn’t make sense to be afraid of something that you don’t understand. Man Ray’s spirit is then drawn from his body and Yaguaro explains that it is astral projection. Yaguaro is sharing with him the ability to leave his body behind, to travel throughout space and time so that he may prove that he does not fear death.
The pair proceed on to a spiritual journey of Man Ray’s life, back to the summer of ’87, when he was Jack Finney, a grad student. He was on the New Jersey shoreline where one-third of the Atlantic Bottle-Nosed Dolphin population was dead or dying. He didn’t know what was killing them, whether it was pollution, a virus or something contagious. He didn’t care about the risks to himself, he just wanted the raw data necessary to save the dolphins. Man Ray says he wasn’t afraid to die if it meant saving so many lives. The glowing gel he’d touched turned out to be a mutagen – an alien metamorphic compound that played with his genetic code and transformed him.
Nor was he afraid of death one evening in 1988, when he discovered a strange glowing gel floating in some sewer pipe discharge. He was suddenly hit by a flood of water and washed into the river; absolutely certain he was about to die but more curious than afraid. As Man Ray he faced death several times, going on to recount battles against Cap’n Mossback and against the aliens Scul and Bean. He is about to continue when the Jaguar-Spirit grabs his tail in his mouth and yanks him back to his body, telling Man Ray that he senses great danger.
Man Ray falls back into his body and shouts that there’s great danger, awakening the other Mutanimals from their meditation. Dreadmon asks what they are in danger from and Man Ray points up at the sky where a flock of bat-winged skulls are diving in for an attack. Mondo smacks one of the deadheads with his skateboard and Wingnut smashes two of them together. A trio of deadheads are biting Man Ray and Leatherhead tries pulling them off. Dreadmon chomps down on one and Jagwar asks how it tastes. The answer from Dreadmon is it tastes like zombie-head paste-balls.
Screwloose says he’s starting to have fun, but then a deadhead chomps down on the seat of his pants and carries him away. Embarrassed, Screwloose yanks himself loose and starts falling. He’s freaking out because he can’t fly, but Leatherhead catches him. The last deadhead comes zooming back, completely focused on Screwloose. When it nears, he catches it by its spinal cord and smashes it against a tree. Man Ray says it’s over, but Mondo tells him not to jump to any conclusions, as an enormous burning skeleton pushes its way through the trees.
The Skeleton begins hurling fireballs in every direction, shouting that the Earth should burn. Jagwar yells that they need to stop it before it burns down anymore of the rainforest. He and Dreadmon charge at the monster, but it hits them with flames and singes their fur. Mondo asks if anyone know how to rain dance, which gives Man Ray an idea. He asks Jagwar if he knows if there are any lakes or rivers nearby. There is, not even a half a kilometer beyond the trees. Man Ray says that all they need to do now is get the Skeleton’s attention. Leatherhead wants to know how, and Man Ray says by calling it names. He goes on to shout at the Skeleton, calling it “Sparky”, “Burn-out”, “Overgrown Matchstick” and “Fat Cigar Butt”. The Skeleton gets right up in his face and demands to know what Man Ray called him. Man Ray says he’s a “big weinie-roast” and the Skeleton starts chasing him. Man Ray races ahead of it as the Skeleton throws fireballs. They reach the lake and Man Ray dives in.
The Skeleton jumps in after him and immediately begins to evaporate in the water. As Man Ray swims back to the shore, the other Mutanimals cheer him. The Jaguar-Spirit has watched the events unfold and tells himself that death has no hold over Man Ray. Screwloose tell the others that something about the deadhead attacks doesn’t sit right with him and Wingnut asks why. To Screwloose, the fight against them seemed too easy, that rather than stopping them, it seemed as though they were only meant to slow them down.
Back at the Skull cave, Death laughs at the fun he’s had and begins cleaning out the cauldron. As he ponders what else he can cook up, Juntarra wakes and sneaks away. She realizes that there is no way out other than to climb, but before she can, she’s stopped by a cigar-smoking, horn-headed man in a business suit.