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 YOU'RE NOT ON 
 NICKTOONS 
 ANYMORE! 

Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.

Page 1

Michelangelo "So... Let's go over the plan one more time, just to be sure everyone's tracking."

Mikey "Donnie, you've got the illumination duties—"

Mikey "—We've been skulking in the dark long enough."

Donatello "Roger that."

Mikey "Raph, you've got the security detail—"

Mikey "—We're countin' on you to handle anyone who gets outta line."

Raphael "I'd like to see 'em try."

Mikey "And last but not least, Leo... It's your job to keep it all coordinated—"

Mikey "—Once we cross that line, we're gonna need someone in charge to make sure everything goes off without a hitch. That's you, Mr. Chunin."

Leo "Former chunin."

Mikey "Don't sell yourself short, big bro..."

Mikey "...You were totally born to lead."

Mikey "Okay, we all know what we have to do, so..."

Page 2





(Mario doll)

(two DualShock 4 Wireless Controllers for PlayStation 4)








A.G.G.R.E.[...]T.E


Mikey "...Let's make the most awesomest Christmas party ever!"

Page 3

Raph "Somethin' tells me we're gonna regret goin' along with this."

Donnie "I'm gonna need way more power."

Mikey "Okay, I got the eggs covered."

Mikey "Now where do I get the nog?"

Leo "I already do."

Leo "Well, guess we better get this place cleaned up if we're gonna have guests."

Raph "Yeah, you have fun with that, bro."

Raph "I need to take Pepperoni for a walk."

Raph "A long walk."

Leo "{Sigh}"

Page 4

Leo "By the way, Mikey, don't forget our agreement..."

Leo "...Just a few close friends, that's all."

Mikey "Oh, yeah, totally, dude. Just a few close friends—like April, Casey, Woody, Angel..."

Mikey "...The Mutanimals."

Leo "No way! No Mutanimals, Mike!"

Leo "That's just asking for trouble, you hear me?!"

WHITE GOLD Sugar

Mikey "Okay, okay... I hear ya, bro—loud and clear. No Mutanimals."

Mikey "Quit worryin' so much. It's just gonna be a small get-together like I said."

Mikey "Easy peasy. What could possibly go wrong?"

Donnie "Hey, guys..."

Donnie "...Has anyone seen my jumper cables?"

"So, the party's still on, huh?"

Page 5

CRUDE

Sniff Sniff

Casey Jones "How the heck did Mikey talk Leo into allowin' that?"

Raph "You know Mikey—when it comes to parties, there ain't no stoppin' him."

Raph " 'Sides, with everything that's been goin' on with Father, the rest of us could probably use a little partyin', too... Includin' Leo."

Casey "It ain't none of my business, but I think maybe yer all bein' too hard on Master Splinter. Guy's got a lot to deal with bein' boss of the Foot, and none of it's easy."

Raph "Yeah, he's dealin' with it, all right."

Raph "But I ain't here to talk about the stinkin' Foot Clan."

Raph "You comin' to the party or what, Jones?"

Casey "I—"

Link "Hey—which one of youse jacked my potato chips?!"

Casey "Yo! Dragons! Shut your traps!"

Link "Uh, sorry, boss. It's just... They was cool ranch."

Casey "I don't care if they're solid freakin' gold. I'm talkin' here!"

Casey "Anyways, what I was sayin' was, yeah, I'll be there. You need me to bring anything?"

Raph "Up to you, bro—I'm sure Mike's gonna have a pretty good spread either way. Just, whatever you bring to the part..."

Raph "...Make sure you leave the nuts at home."

Slash "A party?"

Page 6

Donnie "Stupid... Unf... Hole in the roof."

Donnie "I don't care what Leo thinks—I still say we should make Stockman pay for the repairs."

Donnie "Stupid... Whoa... Flyborgs."

COOO COOO

COOO! COOO!

Donnie "Move it, bird. You're standing in the way of progress."

Donnie "Ol' Donnie's got some serious Christmas lighting to install before the big party."

K-CHNK

Page 7

COO!

Pigeon Pete "What's that, pal?"

Pete "A ginormous Christmas shindig? Where?"

COOOcoooCOOO

Pete "Mikey's house? Tonight?!"

Pete "Oh, boy!"

Pete "Sorry to feed and run, fellas, but time's a'wastin'!"

Pete "Pete and the Mutanimals are gonna parrrteeee!"

SHOOSH

Pete "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy..."

Page 8

Harold Lillja "Oh, boy, would you look at that..."

Harold "...An email from Donatello."

Harold "I wonder what part of "I don't want anything to do with you blasted ninjas ever again" slipped his comprehension."

Libby Meitner "The mutant turtle? What's he want?"

Harold "It's an invitation to a Christmas party, if you can believe it."

Libby "A Christmas party? Sounds fun, actually."

Harold "Doubtful. Knowing his family, there's sure to be plenty of bloody mayhem to go along with the merrymaking. They're savages, Libby."

Libby "And everyone knows you're such a merrymaking sophisticate, dear."

Harold "Meh."

Libby "So, what did you tell him?"

Harold "Absolutely nothing."

Harold "When I said no more ninjas, I meant no more ninjas, and I'm not about to waste a single millisecond of my time typing a response."

Harold "I've got far more important things to do."

Libby "Solitaire? Seriously... Again?"

Libby "We're really going to have to work on developing your collaboration skills."

Libby "Merry Christmas, Harry."

Harold "Don't call me Harry."

Libby "Fine. Ebenezer, then."

peck

Page 9

Leo "Okay, I think that about does it. Clean as this place is gonna get without running a fire hose on it."

Leo "At least nobody's gonna need a tetanus shot after they leave."

Raph "Heh. You done good, bro."

Woody Dirkins "The Mikester's not kiddin'..."

Woody "...This place practically looks spit-shined!"

Woody "Maybe I shoulda brought caviar instead of pizza, huh?"

Mikey "No way, dude! No party's a real party unless it's a pizza party!"

Woody "I heard that."

Leo "I'll take your coat, Woody. And thanks for making it."

Woody "No problemo, man—I'm always stoked to hang out with my turtle amigos."

Woody "Speakin' of, where's Raph and Donnie?"

Leo "Raph's still on the roof doing who-knows-what. And Raph's—"

Raph "Right here."

Raph "And look who I found outside."

April O'Neil "Merry Christmas, guys!"

♥ ♥ ♥

Woody "Zoinks."

Page 10

Raph "Here you go, coat boy."

Leo "Gee. Thanks."

Mikey "April, remember Woody, our world-famous pizza guy and pal, right?"

April "Hi, Woody."

Mikey "And, Mikey, this is our other super-cool friend, Angel Bridge."


Woody "Totally an angel."

Angel "Pardon?"

Woody "I... It's, um, totally cool to meet you, Angel."

Woody "Mikester, please tell me you got mistletoe hangin' in your crib somewhere."

Mikey "Down, boy. Angel's tougher than Raph."

Woody "No worries, my green bro—it takes a lot to scare ol' Woody."

Slash "Hello, everyone."

Slash "Hope you don't mind my showing up uninvited like this."

Page 11

Slash "But I heard there was a party tonight."

Slash "I brought candy."

Mikey "Big guy!"

Slash "It's great to see you again, too, Mikey."

Leo "Wait. Who invited Slash?"

Raph "Got me."

April "Aww... Look at those two. How cute."

Angel "You okay, pizza guy?"

Woody "I... I think my spleen just burst."

Page 12

Mikey "It's okay, Woody—Slash is just a big sweet-toothed softie."

Mikey "He's not gonna hurt anyone unless by givin' 'em cavities."

Slash "My apologies for frightening you, Mr. Dirkins... Now and the first time we met.*"

[*See TMNT #15 - B.C.]

Woody "Uh... Yeah. No... No worries. If the Mikester vouches for you, I'm cool."

Woody "And just Woody's fine."

Slash "Okay, Woody."

Mikey "So where you been hidin' lately, big guy?"

Slash "Oh, you know—here and there. It's a big city and there's a lot to explore."

Mikey "Well, wherever you've been, I'm totally glad you found your way here tonight."

Slash "Me, too. It's wonderful to see you and the other Mutanimals after so long."

Leo " "Other Mutanimals?" "

Page 13

Pete "Surprise!"

Mikey "Wow! Where'd you guys come from?"

Sally Pride "Your basement. It was the only way we could fit Herman inside."

Herman the Hermit Crab "Sir, reporting to party hearty, sir!"

Leo "Umm... Not to be a party pooper or anything, but what I think Mikey means is, how did you find out about tonight?"

Raph "Yeah, I was wonderin' the same thing."

Man Ray "Oh, that. Pete said a little birdie told him."

Pete "Yeah—his name is Jimmy. He's my cousin."

Pete "I brought worm goulash and karaoke!"

Page 14

Mikey "Uh, thanks, Pete."

Mikey "I'll just put this way... Waaaay... Over here."

Pete "Hi! I'm Pete!"

Woody "Um... Okay."

Woody "And I thought the giant snapping turtle was scary."

Angel "Welcome to my world, pizza guy."

CHIPS

Casey "Yo, punks! Casey's here! It's time to..."

Casey "...Party."

April "Hi, Casey."

Casey "Whoa. Wow."

Mikey "Casey! So glad you made it, dude! What you got there?"

Casey "Uh, yeah... Just some chips. They're cool ranch."

Casey "I thought Raph said this was gonna be a small party."

Leo "Yeah, well—the best laid plans of mice and mutants..."

Leo "Coat?"

Page 15


Sally "How's the eggnog?"

Ray "Needs more nog."

Herman "At ease. I've got you covered, soldier."

Leo "I'm all for extra pepperoni, but that's a little ridiculous, Raph."

Raph "Hey, get outta there, girl!"

Lindsey Baker "So, April, I hear you've been working with Baxter Stockman again."

April "Yeah—actually, I have."

Pete "Anyone seen my goulash?"

Woody "You think Angel would go for a dude like me?"

Casey "Dunno. But I hope you got a good insurance plan if she does."

Angel "Quite the "little" bash you're throwin' here, Raph. When's Kitsune gonna show up? Or Hun?"

BURP

Raph "Way this night's goin', give it time."

Mondo Gecko "Whoa, man... Righteous sugar buzz."

Leo "Ohhkayyy..."

Page 16


Herman "So I sez to Hob, I sez, "General... If you really wanna win this war... Yer gonna need to contract more crabs."

Sally "Um. Ew."

Woody "Check it out. Mistletoe."

Angel "Yeah. So?"

April "What's this, Casey?"

Casey "Just a tape recorder I fixed at the Second Time Around store."

Casey "I saw a detective use one in an old movie and thought maybe you could use it for your research stuff."

April "That's so sweet. Thank you."

Woody "Totally worth it."

♪♫


Sally "I think I prefer his worm goulash to his karaoke!"

Mikey "Huh?!"

Seymour Gutz "You know, Leonardo, I could have sworn Mikey said he had three brothers."

Leo "He does, Seymour. I just realized Donnie's still M.I.A."

Donnie "Not anymore!"

Donnie "Everyone! Outside!"

Donnie "Quick!"

Page 17

"You're gonna love this!"

Raph "Are you sure this is safe, Donnie?"

Donnie "A good scientist is never sure, but I'm predicting this will be the greatest light show any of us have ever seen."

Donnie "Time to test my hypothesis."

Donnie "Harold's totally gonna regret he missed this."

FWASH

Page 18

John Bishop "What was that?"

Man "I'm... I'm not sure, Agent Bishop."

Man "We were triangulating in on the mutants' location, then there was a massive electrical anomaly and then... Nothing."

Bishop "Nothing?"

Man "Yes, sir."

Man "...Half the city's electrical grid just went down."

Raph "Nice goin', Griswold."

Donnie "Oops."

Pete "Hey. Battery operated."


Mikey "So, this didn't go the way I thought it would..."

Mikey "...Sorry for all the craziness, guys."

Leo "Sorry? You kidding, Mikey?"

Leo "This was the best Christmas party ever!"

Page 19

[Epilogue.]


PUNCH

(portrait of Albert Einstein)


Page 20

Mikey "Wha? Who...?"

Mikey "Whoa!"

Mikey "What is it? What is it?!"

Mikey "No way!"

Mikey "New chucks!"

Splinter "Merry Christmas, my sons."

Splinter "And to all... A good night!"

chomp

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