Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.

Page 1

[And so it begins.]

Old Hob "This how it's gonna be, Splinter?!"

[Dark clouds gather.]

Hob "You gonna hide like a coward behind those... Those freaks?"

[The skies rumble threateningly.]

Donatello "Who's he calling freaks? Has he seen himself?"

Michelangelo "Yo, pot, meet kettle!"

Splinter "Silence, Michelangelo."

[Followed by an unnatural calm.]

Splinter "Old Hob, this need not happen. We are not here to fight. We only want this neighborhood left in peace."

Hob "Yeah?"

[But then, the calm vanishes...]

Hob "Well, you can keep wantin', rat!"

Page 2 & 3

[... And lightning strikes.]

Hob "Waste 'em all!"

Page 4

Splinter "My sons..."

[The storm has broken—]

Splinter "...None must die!"

[—Its wrath unleashed.]

Donnie "I wish someone would tell them that!"


[And each of us...]

[...Must face its torrential rage...]

Leonardo "Don't worry about them, Donny! Just do it the way Master Splinter trained us!"


[...In his own way.]

Mikey "Train this!"


Page 5

[Our individual techniques are as unique as each new crash of thunder.]

Hob "Get in there! I want that stinkin' rat and those slimy reptiles dead!"

Donnie "Bo staff?"

[Coldly analytical and deliberate.]

Donnie "Bow tie!"


[Militantly disciplined and precise.]

Leo "Hyaa!"


Mikey "Sorry..."

[Absurdly unorthodox and carefree.]


Mikey "...No baby gangstas for you, dude!"

Page 6

Hob "Idiots!"

Hob "Guess if I want somethin' done right..."

[Wretchedly misguided and vengeful.]

Hob "...I gotta do it myself!"

[And with the bittersweet experience of centuries.]

Hob "I'm gonna tear you apart!"

[I have defeated Old Hob before.]

Hob "Glgk!"

[Then, as now, the battle was fierce.]

[But what once was solely a fight for survival...]

Page 7

[...Has become very personal.]

Leo "Keep pressing, guys!"

Mikey "You think they got the message?"

Donnie "Yep. It'll still be ringing loud and clear in their ears tomorrow."

Splinter "Then, we can only hope..."

Splinter "...That they need the sound."

Hob "You're dead!"

Splinter "No, Old Hob..."

Splinter "...Not today."

Hob "Ahk!"

Page 8

[Eventually, the tempest subsides.]

Hob "You... I'll gut you yet, rat. You'll see... All of you."

Hob "Just like that other stinkin' freak, you're all gonna disappear..."

Hob "...And be forgotten forever!"

Leo "C'mon, guys, let's—"

Splinter "No, we are done here, my sons. We must go."

[And what began with a ferocious roar...]

[...Ends in uncertain silence.]

Splinter "Raphael..."

"...We have not forgotten."

[It is simply the calm before the next storm.]

Page 9

[Eighteen months earlier.]


"Oh, my gosh..."

"...Those turtles are so cute!"

April O'Neil "What are these little guys here for, Mr. Allen?"

Chet Allen "Just Chet, um... P-Please."

April "I'm sorry. Chet."

Chet "Th... Thanks."

Chet "The turtles are part of a special study we've been working on for a little while now."

Chet "Something to do with, um... Genetic regeneration."

Chet "But I'm not really... Directly involved with it."

April "Hm. Interesting."

Chet "Y-Yeah. I do get to feed them sometimes. Maybe you can, um... Help me next time."

Page 10

April "That'd be cool!"

April "I guess there's more to this place then just bio-engineering livestock to feed starving third world countries, huh?"

Chet "Maybe it's, um... To make lots of turtle soup. H-Heh."

April "Eww. Who would want to eat those little guys. They're so adora—"

April "—Whoa!"

April "Is that a rat?!"

Page 11

Chet "Oh, don't worry about him. He's a part of another, um... Special project. He's always running around the place."

April "Free?!"

Chet "Yeah, w-we have a hard time keeping him... Contained. But like I s-said, he's harmless."

April "If you say so. Just please don't tell me he's part of some rat soup program or I'm gonna hurl."

Chet "Heh. Rat soup."

Chet "Come on, we sh-should get you to human resources. They should, um... Have your new intern badge ready to pick up."

April "And then I guess I'll be official, huh, Chet?"

Chet "Yeah..."

Chet "...W-Welcome to StockGen Research, Miss O'Neil."

April "Just April is fine, Chet. Thanks."

Page 12

Margaret >Doctor Stockman?<

Baxter Stockman "Yes, Margaret?"

Margaret >Sir, General Krang is calling from Burnow Island. He's on line one.<

Stockman "{Sigh} Thank you, Margaret."

Stockman "General Krang, how are you this fine day? How goes the war?"

Krang >Frankly, Stockman, the war and I will both be a lot better when I know things are advancing more rapidly on your end...<

Krang >You're past due in getting me the latest sitrep on the tests I ordered, and I'm tired of waiting.<

Stockman "I understand your concerns, general, but I assure you that, despite the minor delay in our report, everything is well under control."

Stockman "My technicians tell me we have made significant progress in both the terrapin/human exo-armor synthesis and rodentia psychotropic serum tests."

Krang >Spare me the academic drivel, Stockman...<

Page 13

Krang >...I want you to tell me how much blasted longer I'm going to have to wait to get what I'm paying you all this money for.<

Stockman "General Krang, I promise you..."

Stockman "...We will have everything you've acquisitioned from us completed in short order."

Krang >Including the mutagen?<

Stockman "Yes, General, including the super-soldier mutagen, and I will deliver them all to you personally just as soon as they are ready."

Krang >See that you do, Stockman. I've got a war to fight, and I will not accept any more delays.<

Stockman "Again, my apologies for our tardiness, but when all is said and done, General Krang, I'm confident you will find the wait was worthwhile—"

Stockman "—Very worthwhile indeed."

Page 14

[Three months later.]

Lindsey Baker "You really have taken to those turtles, April..."

Lindsey "...I'm expecting you to steal them and take them home any day now."

April "Ha! I wish I could, Lindsey—they're just so darn precious."

April "The rat, though? Not so much."

Lindsey "Splinter? He's not so bad once you get to know him."

April "Why do you guys call him Splinter, anyway?"

Lindsey "Oh, well, he's part of a psychotropic drug test we're running. The drug's effect is like splitting—or splintering—the animal's nature in two."

Lindsey "Basically, separating out a capacity for human-like cognition from the instinctual animal state. In theory, at least."

Page 15

April "Psychotropic drug test? What the heck does that have to do with bio-engineering meat?"

April "Lindsey?"

Lindsey "Uh, I just remembered, I'm supposed to be in a technical update meeting right now. I... Uh... I'll see you guys later."

April "Well, that wasn't too weird."

Chet "Y-Yeah, um... You know how those techy types can be."

April "Uh, Chet, we're techy types."

Chet "Um... Heh... Yeah."

Chet "So, um... April. Y-you should give these guys names too. You're around them so much."

April "Actually, I already have."

Chet "Re-Really? What are they?"

Page 16

April "Okay, let's see. The little guy standing all still and quiet is Leonardo."

April "The one studying that bug is Donatello."

April "And the one gorging himself on lettuce is Michelangelo."

April "Uh... I have history of Renaissance art 101 this semester."

Chet "Um... Okay."

Chet "So, wh-what about that guy?"

April "Oh, the feisty one?"

April "That's Raphael."

Page 17

[Present day.]

Raphael "C'mon, c'mon..."

Raph "...Bingo!"

Raph "Dinner is served."

Page 18


Raph "Damn."

Raph "This ain't gonna cut it."

Raph "Okay..."

Raph "...What's next?"

Page 19


Raph "Oh, now that's just wrong."


Raph "What the...?"

Page 20

Casey Jones "No, don't... Please!"

Arnold Jones "Shut up!"


Arnold "Get up! I said, get up!"

Casey "C'mon... Just stop! You... You're friggin' wasted again! Just go to bed an' leave me alone!"

Arnold "Get up, ya piece of garbage!"

Casey "Lemme go, Dad!"

Raph " "Dad?" "

Page 21

Arnold "No damn good, Casey! You was never no damn good! I hate that you was ever born!"


Arnold "Who the...?"

Raph "You know what I hate, jerkface? Stinkin' bullies."

Page 22

Raph "Let me show you how much."

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