[Opening sequence and theme song.]
[Episode opens on the Channel 6 news building.]
April O'Neil "Today it is my pleasure to interview Agatha Marbles, world-famous sleuth and crime-solver, and my favorite aunt."
Aunt Agatha Marbles "Why, thank you, April."
[A crash interrupts them. Burne Thompson comes sliding across the room, his foot caught on a banana peel.]
Burne Thompson "Whoa!"
Vernon "Cut! Cut!"
April "Mr. Thompson, are you all right?"
Thompson "What idiot dropped this on the floor?"
Vernon "April, what's your aunt doing?"
April "What she does best, Vernon-- finding clues."
Agatha "Hmm, the angle of the bite would indicate the perpetrator to be about five foot nine inches in height and a sloppy eater. Hmm, what have we here? Why, I do believe it's a fragment of banana."
Vernon "It--it was an accident. I was going to put it in the trash when it--it squirted out of my hand."
Agatha "Cased closed, Mr. Thompson. Here's your idiot."
Thompson "Oh, Vernon, we're going to have a little chitchat about littering."
April "That's one interview Vernon won't forget for a while."
Agatha "Speaking of interviews, when do I get to meet the legendary teenage mutant ninja turtles?"
April "Why, Aunt Aggie! How do you know that I know the turtles?"
Agatha "Elementary, my dear April. First, you developed a taste for bizarre pizza toppings. You've also become an outspoken advocate of turtle rights. And now we find a bit of slimosis sewerotta, better known as sewer slime, on your shoe, dear."
April "You got me, Aunt Aggie. Come on, let's go see the green teens."
[Cut to Leonardo and Michelangelo exiting a grocers.]
Leonardo "Okay, got the pizzas. Now we pick up Master Splinter's kimono at--
...the Quick Kimono Cleaners."
[An alarm starts ringing.]
...the Quick Kimono Cleaners."
Rodney "Time to amscray, Bruce."
Bruce "Right behind you, Rodney."
Shopkeeper "Somebody stop them! They've stolen all the kimonos!"
Michelangelo "Oh, no. They've got Master Splinter's kimono."
Leonardo "But not for long."
[He begins throwing pizzas at the kimono thieves.]
Rodney "Blah. Butterscotch and onions."
Bruce "Yuck. With anchovies."
Michelangelo "What a waste of fantabuloso food. I can't watch."
Rodney "Uh, enough is too much already."
Bruce "Let's take a powder. The boss is gonna be plenty hot. We only got one lousy kimono."
Michelangelo "Mega disaster, dude. We saved all the kimonos except one."
Leonardo "Right. Master Splinter's."
[Cut to the turtle’s lair.]
Splinter "It is an honor to meet the greatest detective in the world, Miss Marbles. Oh, please, excuse my appearance, but my kimono is out being cleaned."
Agatha "You flatter me, Mr. Splinter."
Splinter "No, not mister. Please, just call me Master."
Donatello "So, what's it like having the world's greatest gumshoe for an aunt?"
April "Fascinating. Just watch."
Agatha "Hmm. A pizza crust topped with a very unhealthy combination of chocolate fudge, peanuts, and bean sprouts."
Raphael "Funny, I thought bean sprouts were good for you."
Agatha "And, judging from the weight of this dehydrated crust, it's been lying on the floor for three whole weeks."
Donatello "Wow. That's unbelievable."
Agatha "Not to mention unsanitary."
Michelangelo "Hey, dudes, big trouble in sewer city."
Leonardo "Master Splinter, a couple of goons just stole your kimono."
Splinter "This is most distressing. That kimono was my most prized possession."
Michelangelo "Don't sweat it, Sensei. We'll get it back, uh, somehow."
Agatha "He's right, and we'll do it with a little old-fashioned detective work."
Raphael "A hot kimono? What makes me think this is the start of something wacky?"
[Shift scene to Don Turtelli’s penthouse.]
Don Turtelli "I told you mugs to swipe every kimono in town. So, how come you only copped one?"
Rodney "Well, you see, boss, there were these funny green guys in trench coats."
Turtelli "I don't care about no funny green guys. All I care about is kimonos."
Bruce "But used kimonos ain't worth nothing."
Rodney "Yeah, what do you want them for?"
Turtelli "Makes no nevermind why I want them. You just do what I say! And I say go back to that kimono cleaners, and clean it out!"
Bruce "You're the boss, boss."
[The turtles in trench coats accompany April and Aunt Aggie on the city streets.]
Agatha "The puzzling thing, of course, is why these thieves are stealing kimonos in the first place."
Donatello "Not much chance we'll ever find out, Aunt Aggie. Those crooks are miles away by—"
[An alarm starts ringing.]
Rodney "Oh, no, it's those same green guys."
Leonardo "Oh, no. It's those same crooks."
Michelangelo "Oh, no, and we're fresh out of pizzas!"
Raphael "Stop, you crummy kimono-nappers!"
Bruce "They're on our tail."
Rodney "Yeah? Now they're gonna be on their tails."
[He engages a control that spews oil out on the street. The turtles start sliding.]
Turtles "Whoa!"
April "They got away again."
Agatha "But this time they left a clue, the oil they used to give you turtles the slip."
Raphael "I'll do the jokes, if you don't mind."
Donatello "Good thinking, Aunt Aggie. Let's get that finger back to the lab and analyze it."
April "And I'll warn the entire city about this kimono crime wave. This is April O'Neil reporting live from the quick kimono cleaners, where a vicious gang just pulled another audacious kimono heist."
Rodney "Did you hear that? She said we was audacious. What's that mean?"
Bruce "It means daring."
Turtelli "Shut up, you two! I want to hear this!"
April "A special investigation is currently underway. Meanwhile, all citizens are warned to keep a close watch on their kimonos."
Bruce "What's a special investigation mean?"
Turtelli "‘Audacious’ he knows. ‘Investigation’ he don't. It means that dame knows something! Bring her in."
Rodney "What for, boss?"
Turtelli "Oh, just for laughs."
[He holds up a feather. Back to the turtles in their lair.]
Donatello "Sorry, guys, analyzing this oil may be tougher than I thought."
[Leonardo’s turtlecom beeps.]
Leonardo "Leonardo here. What's happening, April?"
April "I've got a hot lead. An informant says he knows where the stolen kimonos are. We're going to meet him at the warehouse on Elm Street."
Leonardo "Did you say we?"
April "Yes. Vernon's coming with me."
Leonardo "Be careful."
Raphael "Yeah, with Vernon around, you never know what's gonna happen."
Donatello "Ah, I've tried every test there is, but I just can't analyze this oil."
Agatha "Perhaps I may be of service. Sometimes human senses are more precise than electronic ones."
Splinter "Quite well put, Miss Marbles."
Agatha "If you'll permit me. Mmm. Just as I suspected."
Raphael "Oh, yuck! How can you eat that stuff, Aunt Aggie?"
Michelangelo "Yeah, it's not even on a pizza."
Agatha "This is a very rare olive oil, and it comes from only one place-- the island of Turtelli."
Donatello "Hmm. That's a coincidence. The only place in the city where Turtelli olive oil is shipped to is a warehouse on Elm Street."
Raphael "That's where April and Vernon are headed."
Leonardo "And I have a feeling it's right into a trap! Leonardo to April. Come in, April. Do you read me? April? April!"
April "Ooh! Uh-oh."
Leonardo "Look at this-- April's turtlecom and Vernon's camcorder. But no April or Vernon."
Michelangelo "I'm thinking that maybe the kimono creeps grabbed them."
Raphael "Easy, Michelangelo, you'll strip the gears in your brain box."
Agatha "Enough speculating, gentlemen. If we're to locate the villain's hideout, we must first find the right clue, and I suggest we start looking."
[Shift to Turtelli’s penthouse.]
Turtelli "Okay, little lady, sing. Tell me all you know about kimonos."
April "Never, you crook!"
Vernon "Uh, April, couldn't you maybe tell him a little something?"
April "Not in a million years."
Turtelli "Okay, lady, you had your chance. Now pay the penalty!"
April "Ha ha ha! Forget it! Ha ha ha! I won't talk, you fiend! Ha ha ha!"
Rodney "It's no good, boss, she'll never break. She's too tough."
Turtelli "Maybe, but this wimp should fold fast."
Vernon "Ha! No more, please! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! I'll tell you everything!"
Turtelli "Good. Now talk."
Vernon "Ha ha ha! Hoo hoo hoo!"
Bruce "Listen to that guy laugh."
Rodney "Yeah, and everybody says the boss ain't got no sense of humor."
Leonardo "Any clues, Aunt Aggie?"
Agatha "Nothing, I'm afraid. Not a thing. I certainly have no idea where those crooks have taken April and Vernon."
Michelangelo "Dudes, we're, like, up the sewer without a paddle."
Agatha "Whoa. However, if we can't find the kimono thieves, perhaps we can make them find us."
Raphael "Amazing. That's exactly what I was thinking."
Vernon "Ha ha ha! I'll talk! I'll spill my guts! And in the third grade ha ha ha! I cheated on an English test! And later, ha ha! I cheated on my income tax!"
Turtelli "This is hopeless. I'm wasting my time."
Rodney "Hey, boss. Come see this."
April "Great work, Vernon. He's completely worn down."
Vernon "Oh. Me, too."
Turtelli "What's going on?"
Rodney "Just take a gander, boss."
[A television commercial is playing. On screen is Donatello, in costume. The turtles are singing a jingle in the background.]
Turtles "Kimono Kal, he's your pal so kimono down to Kimono Kal."
Donatello "That's right, partners. I'm Kimono Kal, and I'm your pal. Here at the grand opening of Kal's Klassy Kimono store."
Turtelli "Did he say kimonos?"
Donatello "Yes, I said kimonos, so come on down. If we can't make a deal, I'll eat a silkworm."
Turtles "Kimono Kal is your pal so kimono down to Kimono Kal's."
Turtelli "Did you hear that? Get over to that joint and clean it out."
Bruce "Right, boss."
Donatello "Ah. That's hard work."
Agatha "You were most convincing, Donatello."
Raphael "Yeah. I'd buy a used kimono from you any day."
Michelangelo "Uh, about those silkworms, could I get them on a pizza to go?"
Leonardo "You convinced us, but will the crooks buy it?"
Agatha "Don't worry. They won't be able to resist this."
Rodney "There he is-- Kimono Kal."
Donatello "White kimonos, red kimonos, black and blue kimonos. You name it, I got it."
Bruce "Wrong, Buster. We got it."
Rodney "And we want every kimono in the joint right now."
Agatha "Now, remember, turtles, Donatello and I will be following you."
[Leonardo, Raphael, and Michelangelo climb into a wooden crate.]
Donatello "Well, these are all the kimonos I have left-- right here in this crate."
Bruce "Hey, these kimonos are heavy."
Rodney "Quit griping and get going."
Donatello "Your plan's working, Aunt Aggie."
Agatha "Right, the rats have taken the bait."
Bruce "One and two."
[They toss the crate into the trunk of their car.]
Turtles "Uhh. Ahh!"
Leonardo "And people wonder why I love this job."
Aunt Aggie "The game is afoot! After them!"
[Donatello and Aunt Aggie follow the car on the turtlecycle.]
Rodney "Hey, boss, open up. We got the kimonos."
Turtelli "It's about time you got here."
April "Quick, Vernon. The Don's gone. Let's make a break for it!"
Vernon "No, thank you. I'm staying right here."
April "Where Don Turtelli can keep tickling your toes?"
Vernon "On second thought, let's get out of here! Wait ‘til you see these, boss."
[They slide the box in front of Turtelli. The turtles break out of the box.]
Turtles "Hyah! Yip! Hooya!"
Turtelli "Green guys? You brought me a bunch of green guys?"
Agatha "The teenage mutant ninja turtles, to be exact. And Agatha Marbles, detective extraordinaire, at your service."
Turtelli "I don't care if it's ninja nut cakes and the Queen of Sheba, clear out of here, all of you."
Agatha "Not until you release my niece and her companion."
Leonardo "And return Master Splinter's kimono."
Turtelli "Forget it! Don Turtelli don't return nothing, not even library books. Rodney, Bruce, stomp those losers."
Rodney "One stomping coming right up."
Michelangelo "This is gonna be a piece of cake."
[The thugs charge, but the turtles leap out of the way at the last second. Bruce and Rodney’s heads go through a wall.]
Bruce "I think we did something wrong."
Rodney "You don't say."
Leonardo "Now, Don Turtelli, you're about to get turtle waxed."
Aunt Aggie "Oh, no, it's April and Vernon. They're out on the ledge."
April "Vernon, are you sure this is the way out?"
Vernon "Trust me, April. I have the instincts of a jungle cat."
Donatello "They have no idea where they are."
Raphael "Talk about the blindfolded leading the blindfolded."
Leonardo "We'd better follow them."
Turtelli "Now, come on, you bozos. Let's blow this place."
Leonardo "April, Vernon, can we talk?"
Vernon "Who's there?"
April "Leonardo, is that you? I can't see."
Leonardo "How's this?"
April "Oh, that's better. And that's worse!"
Vernon "April, what are you babbling about?"
April "This."
[She removes his blindfold. Vernon freaks out.]
Vernon "Ahh!"
April "Look out!"
[Vernon loses his balance and falls, taking April with him.]
Michelangelo "Oh, no! Disaster city! I can't look!"
April "Help!"
Leonardo "Where are they?"
Michelangelo "Well, like, maybe we beat them down?"
Raphael "Right. What do you think this is, a cartoon?"
April "Will you guys help us down? This awning broke our fall."
Vernon "We're lucky that's all that got broken."
Agatha "Oh, thank goodness you're all right. Now, let's get back up to Don Turtelli's penthouse and look for clues."
Donatello "We gotta find the crooks and all those stolen kimonos."
Raphael "Especially Master Splinter's kimono."
Leonardo "What's that, Michelangelo?"
Michelangelo "Just some trash."
Agatha "Oh, you never know. What looks like trash to the untrained eye is often a vital clue."
April "‘Shipping high at 77’. What does that mean?"
Agatha "It's nautical talk, dear. Shipping high means to sail at high tide."
Donatello "And high tide means the crooks are at the harbor right now."
Leonardo "Well, let's go."
Donatello "What are we waiting for?"
Michelangelo "This place is humongous. Like, where do we start looking?"
Agatha "I suggest we start with the freighter docked at pier 77."
Donatello "Of course. ‘Shipping high at 77’. Pier 77! Boy, how did you figure that out, Aunt Aggie?"
Agatha "Elementary, my dear Donatello. Besides, I saw the entire gang standing over there."
Bruce "That's the last of them, boss."
Turtelli "Good. Pull up the anchor and start the engines. Let's shove off."
April "Oh, no. They're leaving."
Leonardo "We've got to stop them."
Agatha "Don't worry. We'll throw a monkey wrench into their plans."
Raphael "If she pulls one of those out of her purse, I'm outta here. Turtle team one in position."
Leonardo "Turtle team 2 in position."
April "Turtle team 3 on our way. Look, Aunt Aggie."
Agatha "We just found Splinter's kimono."
Bruce "Hey, what are you doing here?"
Turtelli "I recognize those two. It's the news dame and that snoopy old lady. Let's get them."
Agatha "My, what nice-looking sailors. Let's take their picture, April."
April "Good idea."
Agatha "Say cheese, you cheese balls."
Turtelli "Whoa."
Bruce "I can't see."
Rodney "Me, neither."
April "Run for it, Aunt Aggie! Turtles, we need your help fast!"
Donatello "Help is on the way."
Raphael "Have we got the hang of these daring rescues or what?"
Leonardo "Quick! Into the pizza thrower!"
Michelangelo "If this wacky invention of Donatello's doesn't work, we'll be a duo of depressed dudes."
Rodney "No sign of them, boss."
Turtelli "When I find those two nosy females, they'll be real sorry."
Agatha "The turtles had better hurry."
Leonardo and Michelangelo "Turtle power!"
Rodney "Who said turtle power?"
Michelangelo "We did, dude."
Rodney "Aah! Help! Get me down."
Turtelli "Get those amphibians."
Donatello "It so happens we're reptiles."
Leonardo "Let's give this guy the hook."
Michelangelo "Aye, aye, skipper. Gangster away!"
Bruce "This is humiliating."
Turtelli "I better scram."
Agatha "Wrong, Mr. Turtelli. You're not going anywhere."
Turtelli "Aah!"
Leonardo "Your kimono-stealing days are over."
Turtelli "Oh, yeah? That's what you think."
[He dives into the cargo hold.]
Leonardo "We've got him now. There's no way out of that cargo hold."
Agatha "Are you sure?"
Turtelli "So long, suckers."
Leonardo "Quick. Into the sewer tubes."
Michelangelo "Cowabunga! Ride 'em, turtles!"
Turtelli "What the hook's going on?"
Michelangelo "It's wipe-out time!"
[Turtelli loses control of his boat due to the line Michelangelo hooked to it. It whirls around before crashing into a garbage barge.]
Turtelli "Whoa! Yuck. This is enough to make a guy go straight."
Agatha "Here it is-- Mr. Splinter's kimono."
Raphael "Yeah, thanks to you, Aunt Aggie, the city is once again safe for the kimono-clad."
Leonardo "Tell us, Turtelli, why did you want all those kimonos anyway?"
Turtelli "Well, if you have to know, there's a map woven into one of them. I had to grab 'em all to find the right one."
April "A map? To what?"
Turtelli "To a fabulous buried treasure."
Agatha "You mean the map on Mr. Splinter's kimono? The one that shows where the lost treasure of Emperor Nakamura is buried?"
Turtelli "Yeah, that's the one."
April "You know about the treasure?"
Agatha "I ought to. I led the expedition that dug it up last year."
Turtelli "You already found it? Oh, no."
Agatha "Oh, yes. It seems you went through all this for nothing, Mr. Turtelli."
Turtelli "Oh, why, I ought to—"
Agatha "Uh, tell me, do you think I should go back to wearing my hair this way?"
Turtles "Huh?"
[Cut to the lair.]
Splinter "You recovered my precious kimono. I cannot thank you enough."
Leonardo "Don't thank us, Sensei. Thank Aunt Aggie."
Raphael "Speaking of Aunt Aggie, where’d she go?"
Agatha "Oh, right here, Raphael. I've baked a very special pizza for all of you."
All "Hey! Great! All right!"
Michelangelo "Fabuloso!"
Agatha "Yack cheese, spinach root, and soybean substitute. It's quite nutritious."
Donatello "Uh, Aunt Aggie, you may be a terrific detective, but when it comes to pizzas—"
Michelangelo "You don't have a clue."
[End Credits]