[Opening sequence and theme song.]
[Episode opens on the city skyline and pans over to a temperature gauge atop a building as the radio DJ speaks.]
Radio DJ "Hey, all you ill-guided juveniles! You're listening to the hottest sounds around, and I do mean hot. It's a hundred twelve degrees. Count 'em. Ha, ha! So here's a cool little number-- the Eskimos with ‘Pass the Blubber to Me, Bubba’!"
[Inside Plinks Pizzeria, April and the turtles in their disguises enjoy lunch.]
Michelangelo "Whoa, dudes. There's nothing better to beat the heat than a steaming pizza!"
April "Oh, Michelangelo, how can you eat hot pizza on a day like this?"
Michelangelo "Come on, April, hot pizza is always cool."
Donatello "Yeah, especially if it's cooked by Wolfgang Plink. The man's a genius."
Raphael "The Picasso of pizza."
Donatello "That's why Plinks is the hot place."
April "Oh, you can say that again. The air conditioning must be on the blink."
Michelangelo "Hey, here comes the dude himself."
Wolfgang Plink "You fortunate people have the privilege of sampling my latest Wolfgang Plink creation; tofu and the fresh shrimp."
Michelangelo "Get serious."
Donatello "Ooh, smells more like old socks."
Plink "It has spoiled! How could such a thing happen? Good heavens! It is completely gewerkenstinken! How can this be? My refrigerator was just repaired today."
Raphael "Whew! It's times like these that I appreciate living in a sewer."
[Three thieves burst into the building, pointing guns at the customers.]
Short Thief "All right, here! Nobody's going nowheres till we get your money and jewelry, that is."
Turtles "Money and jewelry?"
Donatello "Well, that lets us out."
April "This is no joke. It's a holdup!"
Brown Haired Thief "Hey, what are you guys dressed up for, a trip back to Casablanca?"
Leonardo "You like these outfits any better?"
Donatello "Haee-yah!"
Brown Haired Thief "Whoa!"
Michelangelo "Now chill out, dude."
Brown Haired Thief "Whoa-aah!"
Short Thief "Get those lizards!"
Donatello "Lizards?"
Leonardo "All right, turtles. Time to work off some of those calories."
All "Wa-hee! Wa-hee! Yah! Yah!"
Michelangelo "Whoa! Awesome arsenal!"
Donatello "Dinner is served!"
Thieves "Ooh! Unh! Aah!"
Plink "Mmm, a new Wolfgang Plink taste sensation-- anchovy pizza topped with a chocolate fudge."
Michelangelo "Could I order one to go?"
April "
And so once again, the mysterious ninja turtles have protected the lives and property of the citizens of our city. This is April O'Neil, Channel 6 news, reporting from what used to be Plinks.
Well, Burne, what did you think?"
[on air]
And so once again, the mysterious ninja turtles have protected the lives and property of the citizens of our city. This is April O'Neil, Channel 6 news, reporting from what used to be Plinks.
[at the news station]
Well, Burne, what did you think?"
Burne Thompson "I thought it lacked some basic ingredients."
Irma "Are you talking about the story or the pizza?"
Mr. Thompson "I'm sorry, April. You just didn't dig deep enough."
Vernon "What's the matter, April, afraid you'd ruin your manicure?"
Irma "You are wrong, Mr. Thompson! That story had everything-- pathos, passion, uh, pepperoni."
Mr. Thompson "But it didn't have turtles. If you had gotten some film on these so-called heroes, that would be a story."
April "Well, you see, they asked me not to—"
Mr. Thompson "In my day, we didn't make excuses. We made news. Reporters were tough back then. We'd do anything to get our story."
Vernon "Right. And if he weren't so old and out of shape, he'd find out who those turtles are in no time."
Mr. Thompson "Old and out of shape, am I?"
Vernon "Uh, what I meant was—"
Mr. Thompson "I'll show all of you that I can get the poop on those trouble-making turtles. I don't care what slime I have to crawl through, what maniacs I'll have to face, or what death-defying risks I'll have to take."
Vernon "Boss, you're my kind of newsman."
Mr. Thompson "And you're coming with me."
Vernon "Me? Ohh! No, but I—I –"
April "Wait! What story am I assigned to?"
Mr. Thompson "Who cares? Do a story on why everyone's air conditioning is broken."
April "Air conditioning? Ha!"
Irma "Well, why not? It ought to be a hot story."
April "Hmm. You know, Irma, you might be on to something."
[Shift to a trunk full of old clothes. Vernon helps Burne dress the part of a news hound.]
Vernon "There. The finishing touch."
Mr. Thompson "Now that's what a real news hound looks like."
Vernon "Are you sure you're still up to this, boss?"
Mr. Thompson "Of course I am. A good reporter remembers everything."
Vernon "Uh, everything?"
Mr. Thompson "Well, almost everything."
[Cut to the turtles lair. There is ice on the walls and they have lit a fire in the middle of the main room.]
Raphael "Brr! It's chilly for this time of year, wouldn't you say?"
Donatello "It's colder than a turtle's tail fin."
Michelangelo "Well, I think it's totally cool. Whoa! Unh! And also totally painful."
Donatello "It makes no sense. Why is it so c-cold down here and so hot up there?"
Splinter "Most unusual. I fear something is afoot."
Leonardo "Hey, fellas, it's April."
Raphael "Well, it's about time. I've had it with January."
Leonardo "April-- on the turtlecom."
April "Turtles, come in, please."
Leonardo "What's up, April?"
April "Can you meet me back at Plink's Pizza in ten minutes?"
Leonardo "Sure thing."
Michelangelo "All right! When in doubt, pig out!"
April "And I found out that Channel 6's air conditioning was repaired by the same outfit that fixed Plinks-- S & K Refrigeration."
Leonardo "They don't do very good work."
April "Hunh, that's for sure. Every unit in a ten-block radius is out, and they've all been serviced by S & K."
Donatello "Somebody should file a complaint."
April "I tried, but they're not listed in the phone book."
Donatello "Hey, I saw their truck parked here earlier. They might still be in the area."
April "You fellas check out the east side of town. I'll take the west."
Leonardo "You got it. Turtles, let's get our shells in gear!"
[The turtles drive off in their van, while April on her motor scooter goes in the opposite direction. Cut to Burne and Vernon, walking along a city street.]
Vernon "Uh, boss, do you really think we should be in this neighborhood at night?"
Mr. Thompson "Of course. That's how I'll get the inside dope on those turtles. This place is crawling with informers."
[A mouse runs over Vernon’s foot.]
Vernon "Ohh! It's crawling with lots of things."
Mr. Thompson "Will you pull yourself together? There.
I told you. Now to make contact with him. I'm looking for the giant turtles."
[Spots a man standing on the corner.]
I told you. Now to make contact with him. I'm looking for the giant turtles."
Spy "Is the tablecloth red?"
Mr. Thompson "It must be some new underworld slang. The turtles are green."
Spy "That is not the password. Who are you? How much do you know?"
Mr. Thompson "Actually, I don't know anything."
Vernon "He's my boss. I know even less than he does."
Spy "We shall see. We have ways of making you talk."
[Thugs come out of the alley and drag Burne and Vernon away.]
April "Bingo, fellas! I found the repair truck. Corner of 4th Street and Main. I'm gonna check it out."
Leonardo "April, don't! Wait!"
April "Okay. I won't wait.
Excuse me. I'd like to ask you a few questions. Bebop!"
[Walks up to someone at the back of the truck.]
Excuse me. I'd like to ask you a few questions. Bebop!"
[Inside S & K Refrigeration building, April is tied to a chair with a gag over her mouth.]
Shredder "Don't worry, Krang. The girl can do us no further harm. She's unable to warn the turtles."
April "
What are you doing? Let me go!"
[muffled]
What are you doing? Let me go!"
Krang "And what of operation ice station?"
Shredder "Never fear. We have more freon stolen from the city's air conditioning units ready for transfer to the Technodrome."
Krang "Freon? Get real! That primitive fluorocarbon is too unstable. We must implement plan B."
Shredder "Plan B?"
Krang "Plan B is to obtain a supply of nutrifreeze, an experimental gas ten times more powerful than freon. I want you to break into the nutrifreeze plant and steal it."
Shredder "You heard him. To the nutrifreeze plant."
Bebop "Uh, right, boss."
[The turtles pull up to the refrigeration building.]
Leonardo "We're too late."
Donatello "April's gone."
Michelangelo "Whoa, it looks like some dude really peeled rubber."
Donatello "I smell freon. It must have come from the refrigeration truck."
Michelangelo "Hey, check it out-- a trail of gas."
Leonardo "It must be April. I bet she was captured and she leaving us a trail."
Donatello "Captured? By whom?"
Raphael "By those S & K creeps, who else?"
Donatello "I wonder what S & K stands for?"
Raphael " I'm willing to bet it's not sensitive and kindly."
[Cut to the sounds of laughter coming from a small building.]
Vernon "Ha ha ha ha ha! No! I can't stand it. Please, no!"
Mr. Thompson "I tell you we don't know anything. Please."
[Their shoes are off and the thugs are tickling them with feathers.]
Both "Ha ha ha ha! Ho ho, ha ha ha ha! No! Oh, I can't stand it."
Spy "Enough. If they knew anything, they'd have talked by now. No one can withstand three hours of intense tickling."
Mr. Thompson "See? I told you we didn't know anything."
Spy "Unfortunately, now you do. It will be necessary to liquidate you."
Vernon "Ohh!"
[There are sounds of tires screeching, and then a vehicle bursts through the doors.]
Spy "We've been discovered. Quickly. We must escape."
Vernon "We're saved? I can't believe it."
Mr. Thompson "I told you, Vernon. We old pros are survivors."
Don Turtelli "The word is out on the street that you're looking for me."
Mr. Thompson "Why, no. I'm looking for those darned turtles."
Turtelli "That's me. I'm Don Turtelli. So who sent you?"
Mr. Thompson "No one sent us. Honest."
Turtelli "No? I got ways to make you talk."
[He snaps his fingers and two mobsters climb out of the car. Then Turtelli pulls a feather from his jacket.]
Vernon "Ohh! Oh, no. Not again."
[Cut to Nutrifreeze Inc.]
Bebop "Ow."
Shredder "Careful with that, you numskull."
Rocksteady "Ah, gee, I was just doing what you told me."
Bebop "He never told you to brain me."
Shredder "That's enough! You must handle this nutrifreeze carefully."
Bebop "It's extremely volatile. Oh, uh, what's that mean?"
Donatello "It means prone to explode just like us."
Shredder "The turtles! Foot soldiers, attack!"
Rocksteady "Come on, Bebop. Let's soften them up first."
Turtles "Hyah! Hyah!"
Mutants "Unh! Ooh!"
Michelangelo "Hey, dudes!"
Rocksteady "If at first you don't succeed, um oh, oh, um –"
Shredder "Try again, you imbeciles!"
Rocksteady "Oh, yeah. That's it."
Michelangelo "Time to boogie, dudes."
Raphael "Uh-oh, I hear the patter of little Foot soldiers."
Leonardo "I have an idea. Hyah!"
Michelangelo "Whoa, I can dig it. It's like roundup time. All right! The Foot soldiers are ready for shipping just in time for the holidays."
Shredder "Stop them! Operation ice station must not fail!"
Rocksteady "You heard the boss. Let's make turtle mush."
Shredder "No, you nitwits. Not with the nutrifreeze."
Rocksteady "Time to get crunched, shell heads."
Leonardo "Wrong, mutant-breath."
Mutants "Ahh!"
Michelangelo "Whoa. Nuclear nose job. What's happening? I feel like frosty the snow turtle."
[The nutifreeze sprays Michelangelo, who becomes encased in ice.]
Leonardo "It's that nutrifreeze. It froze Michelangelo solid."
Donatello "What are we gonna do? We can't leave him like this."
April "Aah! Turtles!"
Leonardo "It's April! Let's go."
April "It's a trap. Quick. Run for it."
Shredder "Welcome, turtles. Too late, you meddling reptiles. As Michelangelo would say, chill out, dudes."
[Shredder sprays all of the turtles with nutrifreeze, encasing them in ice.]
Leonardo "I--I can't move."
Shredder "It will be a cold day when you can get the better of me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
April "Unh! You'll never get away with this, Shredder."
Shredder "Oh, tsk tsk. Such atrocious dialogue from such a pretty face. Hurry. We must get the nutrifreeze to the modules."
Rocksteady "Ooh, let me blast those turtles, boss. I love it when they can't fight back."
Shredder "Do as I say. Time is of the essence. Au revoir, turtles, till we meet again. Ha ha ha ha ha!"
[Turtelli’s limousine slows down and Burne and Vernon are tossed out.]
Both "Ooh! Unh!"
Vernon "I still don't understand. Why did those mobsters let us go?"
Mr. Thompson "Well, a good newsman knows when to hold and when to fold."
Vernon "And when to blubber like a baby?"
Mr. Thompson "Well, it worked, didn't it?"
Vernon "Look. It's the turtles!"
Mr. Thompson "Vernon, this is it. The story I've searched for. Now's my chance to expose those slimy, green lawbreakers for what they are. What--what's going on?"
[They are caught in a tractor beam and pulled up into an alien ship.]
Vernon "Stop! Put us down! We're TV people."
Leonardo "The ice--it's starting to melt."
Michelangelo "Oh, what happened, dudes? I must've zoned out."
Donatello "The last thing I remember, Shredder was headed for the sewers."
Leonardo "And he had April with him."
Donatello "We've got to stop Shredder before he puts nutrifreeze to some horrible use."
Michelangelo "Oh, like what?"
Raphael "Well, it isn't to open a chain of frozen yogurt stands."
Shredder "Rocksteady, where did you park those transport modules?"
Rocksteady "Hmm. Let me see. Pawn ticket for one stun laser. That ain't it. I lost the ticket, boss."
Shredder "Why must I be cursed with a couple of dipsticks like you?"
Bebop "Hey, boss, look."
Shredder "The modules. Rocksteady, Bebop, bring Miss O'Neil and come with me. Foot soldiers, operate module two."
April "You might as well give up, Shredder. You're through."
Shredder "Really. Name one person who can stop me."
April "I'll name four—"
[The turtles come speeding towards them, riding their cheapskates.]
Michelangelo "Cowabunga! Wow, talk about fighting dirty."
Shredder "Module two, fire proton rocket."
Donatello "A rocket!"
Leonardo "It's every turtle for himself!"
[Inside the space ship, Burne and Vernon are being scanned.]
Mr. Thompson "Where are we?"
Vernon "I think I'd rather not know."
[Three aliens in space suits start speaking to one another in a strange language.]
Mr. Thompson "Who are you, people? What do you want?"
Vernon "Oh, no. It can't be."
[The aliens remove their helmets, revealing three Elvis look-alikes.]
First Elvis Alien "Zorkon gleek norkit, hound dog."
Mr. Thompson "What are you planning to do to us?"
Third Elvis Alien "
Kitchy kitchy koo."
[Pulls out a feather.]
Kitchy kitchy koo."
Burne and Vernon "Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!"
[Inside the transport module.]
Shredder "Well, Miss O'Neil, I hope you're not counting on the turtles saving you this time. Ha, ha! By now, they're nothing more than chunks of turtle meat splattered on the sewer walls."
Rocksteady "Yeah. Pretty gross, huh?"
April "Shredder, you're fiendishly inhuman."
Shredder "Thank you."
Raphael "Please take your seats. We will be experiencing some turbulence."
Shredder "What?"
Raphael "Thank you for flying super side airline."
[The turtles have attached ropes to the back of the transport module and are skiing along behind it.]
Michelangelo "Cowabunga, companeros!"
Shredder "It's those blasted turtles!"
Donatello "Look at us, fellas! Bet you can't hit us."
[Waves at module two, which fires a missile at them.]
Leonardo "Watch out, turtles!"
[The turtles dodge to the side and the missile hits module one.]
Michelangelo "Way to go! Direct hit!"
Rocksteady "Ooh, we're slowing down, boss. What do we do now?"
Shredder "Prepare to eject. A word of advice-- when this module crashes, try not to go all to pieces."
April "Aah!"
Raphael "Those creeps. They've left April."
Michelangelo "Uh, isn't that what we wanted?"
Leonardo "Not if she's inside when the nutrifreeze goes boom."
Donatello "Not to worry. It would take a tremendous impact to cause that."
Raphael "Will that do?"
April "Thanks, guys."
Leonardo "Hang on, April. We're going to make turtle tracks."
[They zoom out of the tunnel on their cheapskates just before the nutrifreeze explodes. It covers the city in ice and snow.]
Michelangelo "Whoa. That nutty nutrifreeze."
[The space ship lowers Burne and Vernon back to Earth.]
Vernon "Unh! Ohh! How unbelievable. I could've sworn we were beamed aboard that spaceship only an hour ago."
Mr. Thompson "But it was summertime. We must've been gone for months. Vernon, I'm about to file the story of the century."
[Cut to the Technodrome.]
Krang "Well, Shredder, thanks to your incompetence, operation ice station is a failure."
Shredder "Failure? We've cooled the place off, haven't we?"
Bebop "Can we take a break now, boss?"
Shredder "Oh, shut up and keep running."
[Back to the Channel 6 news station.]
April "But, Mr. Thompson, are you sure you want to reveal this story?"
Mr. Thompson "Do I? Just stand aside and watch how a real reporter digs up the facts."
[Music starts to play and Burne beings his report.]
Mr. Thompson "This is Burne Thompson with the news. In the tradition of responsible reporting that is the hallmark of Channel 6 news, here is tonight's top story. Elvis clones from Mars invade earth! Ha ha ha ha!"
April "Really, Mr. Thompson, you must get a grip on yourself."
Irma "Yeah. Get real."
Mr. Thompson "Ha ha! But's it's true, every word of it. Keep watching the skies, and don't trust anyone with sideburns! Ha ha! Ho ho, ha ha ha ha!"
Raphael "Heh, heh! Who says there's nothing funny on television?"
[End Credits]