Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.
CURNOW FINE PRODUCTS
Leonardo "Good workout, guys!"
Donatello "Yeah... For some of us."
Donnie "This teamwork thing works a lot better when the entire team participates."
Leo "Yeah, I know, Donnie—but we all know Raph and Casey like to do their own things sometimes. Raph says it keeps them sane."
Leo "Well, as close as those two get to it, at least."
Leo "Besides, it's not like it's the first time we've worked together as a threesome."
Donnie "All I know is, Raph or not, I'm ready to lay down this bo staff and kick up my feet—you really whipped our butts today, Leo."
Leo "Wise man say, no pain, no gain."
Mikey "He must've been talkin' about hunger pains, 'cause I'm starving!"
Leo "Mike, when aren't you starving?"
Mikey "Hey, pizza's my life, and life is good!"
Mikey "Especially when it's covered in extra pepperoni."
Leo "Can't argue that one, little bro."
Leo "Okay, let's call it a day, guys. Nice job."
Mikey "How 'bout you call it a day and I call dibs on the TV?"
Donnie "Good luck with that. If Father's watching his soaps, you'll have to wrestle him for the remote."
Leo "Master Splinter, we're home!"
Splinter "And where are Raphael and Casey Jones, Leonardo?"
Leo "They said they had a new workout they were going to do today, Father."
Splinter "A new workout, you say? I wonder does this "new workout"..."
Casey "You idiot! We're five stories up!"
Raph "You just figure that out, Einstein?! Now I'll find out how tough you really are!"
Casey "Damn right, you will..."
Casey "...Especially if I don't get my dang bat back!"
Raph "So you lose another wittle baby bat? Boo stinkin' hoo. Big deal."
Casey "It will be, chucklehead..."
Casey "...If it hits somebody!"
Casey "Dude, that was totally insane!"
Raph "Yeah! Let's do it agai—"
Raph "What the...?"
FWP FWP FWP FWP FWP FWP
Kid "...Where'd ye come from, eh?"
Casey "Hey, I know that guy. He's—"
Raph "Forget the bum, Casey—we gotta get to that crash!"
Raph "Holy crap. Did the bat cause this?"
Casey "Whatever caused it, we gotta call 9-1-1, bro—we try to move these guys, we could hurt 'em even worse."
Raph "Can't worry about that now, man—you smell that gas? We gotta get these guys outta this wreck before it blows up or somethin'."
Raph "The driver's in rough shape. This ain't even cool, Casey."
Casey "Don't struggle, man—you'll make it worse. I got you."
[Louis Royo. Underworld arbitration specialist. A go-between thug in a suit.]
Louis "I'm all right..."
Kanada "Yo, Two Shoes, who the hell are these guys pullin' those mugs out? That some kinda watermelon suit that guy's wearin'?"
Timmy "Forget him, Kanada—we gotta vamoose before anyone in that car spots us. I recognize that limo and those guys inside are bad news. We are dead meat if we get blamed for this crash."
Kanada "Yeah. Okay. But I still wanna know why that rescue guy's all dressed up in green like that."
Timmy "Just zip it and keep walkin', dummy, or you're gonna need him to rescue your butt."
Timmy "Cripes, first flying bats and briefcases, now a watermelon guy—what's wrong with you?"
Kanada "Them things was flyin', Timmy, I swear!"
Raph "Crap, this guy looks worse than the driver."
Louis "What the...? Who... Who the hell are you? You them idiots standin' in the damn middle of the road before?"
Raph "What's he talking abou—"
Casey "Crap! Cop car just showed up, Raph!"
"We gotta boogie!"
Raph "Uh... Somethin' tells me that ain't gonna be easy, bro—I think another cop just pulled up."
Miller "Damn, is that Corbin? What's he doin' here?"
Casey ··Nice and slow. Slink away before they spot us...··
Corbin "Miller? What the hell?!"
"He ain't supposed to know about this!"
[Five minutes earlier...]
Fershid "So, tell me again, Mr. Royo, how many people know about this..."
[Fershid Diaz. Lieutenant for the Savate Ninjas. Delivering the goods.]
Fershid "...And how do you know we can trust them?"
Louis "I already told you, Fershid, only those who need to know, know. And you got five million reasons in that briefcase of yours to keep 'em honest."
Fershid "Or, perhaps, five million reasons for them to betray our deal. No honor among thieves, yes?"
Louis "No. Uh... I mean, yeah, I get what you're saying and all but, no, you got nothing to worry about."
Louis "I've dealt with these Foot Ninja cats before and, scary as they are, they got this honor code thing they follow like it's their damn religion or something."
Louis "If they say they'll deal square, then they'll deal square, I guarantee it."
Max "Yeah, maybe. But if it turns out they ain't on the up-and-up like you're sayin'..."
Max "...I'm bringin' along a little guarantee of my own."
[Max Frezatto. Savate Ninja strongman and bodyguard. Brawn, bullets, and braggadocio.]
Kanada "It just came from nowhere!"
Timmy "Well, pick it up!"
Kanada "You pick it up!"
Louis "Trust me, Max, you're not gonna need the heat. If the tribute is delivered to Shredder's people as promised, they'll play nice."
Fershid "And how do we know these "people" will transfer the goods to their master and not keep it for themselves instead, hm?"
Louis "None of them are nutso enough to cross their boss. That Shredder's one nasty piece of business, let me tell you. He's—"
Eric "Damn, I can't control it! I think we're gonna..."
FWP FWP FWP FWP FWP FWP
Timmy "Dammit, Kanada, I told you not to stand in the road!"
Kanada "Hey! A flyin' briefcase!"
FWP KLONG FWP FWP
Kid "Ten-penny can! Folks sure like to throw away easy money."
Kid "Oi, where'd ye come from, eh?"
Kid "Whoa! Now this is a right beauty!"
Kid "The perfect Tartan Week gift for ol' fight'n Ferguson. Nah doubt about it."
Kid "And this time o' day, Fergie'll be holdin' court at the Skara Brae, I'd wager."
Kid "I cannae wait 'till he sees this!"
Casey ··Nice and slow, slink away...··
Raph "We gotta get outta here before they see us. That's all we need—arrested for causing a car crash."
Casey "Whaddya mean? You heard that guy say someone was standin' in the road. No way those guys crashed 'cause of my bat."
Raph "Maybe not..."
Raph "...But you still shoulda held onto the stupid thing tighter, wimp."
[Detectives Frank Corbin and Richard "Dick" Miller." Veteran officers on the same crooked take. Two wrongs most definitely do not make a right.]
Corbin "It's okay, folks—we're police. We're gonna need you to stay back for your own safety."
Miller "Yeah. We got this, people."
Corbin "So, what, uh... Brings you here?"
Miller "Just happened to, um... Be in the area. You?"
Corbin "Uh... Same."
Corbin "What a freakin' mess, huh?"
"...You can say that again."
Timmy "Don't even say it again, Kanada. I don't wanna hear it no more."
Kanada "But, really, Timmy, that case was flyin' like one of them UFOs you see in the videos."
Timmy "You know, of all the dumbass things to come outta your mouth—and there's been plenty—that has to be the dumbest one of al—"
Kanada "Look! There it is..."
Kanada "...The case!"
Kid "♪ My bonnie lies o'er the ocean... My bonnie lies o'er the sea... ♪"
Kanada "Didn't you say that limo was from those Savate guys, Timmy? I'll bet it's got somethin' important in it. We should swipe it and find out."
Timmy "You know, that ain't such a bad idea, man. Let's do it."
Kanada "We just gotta be careful. I know that mug and he ain't as nice as he looks. Crazy English guy."
Timmy "He ain't English, Kanada, he's Irish. And just let me do the talkin', willya? I'll handle 'im just fine."
Timmy "Yo! Irish!"
Kid "Who... Me?"
Timmy "Yeah, ya oversized leprechaun, we're after your gold. Hand over that case you got there."
Kid "I'll have ye ken I'm Scottish! Come any closer and I'll know the both of ye clear to the Hudson!"
Timmy "You sure 'bout that, Rocky Dumboa?"
Kid "Aye... More'n sure!"
Timmy "Well, only one way to find out, huh, Kanada?"
Kanada "You know it, pal."
Skara Brae PUB
Timmy "Hold on to 'im Kanada, I'll grab the case!"
Kanada "I'm... Gah! Tryin'!"
Kid "No... That's... Urk! Not for ye!"
Kanada "It's loose!"
Timmy & Kanada "Oh crud."
Kid "Now ye're in for it!"
Raph "They, that pub your old man hangs out at—ain't it down this way?"
Casey "Yeah, the Skara Brae. Wonder if Angel's dad's bartending today?"
Fergie "And let that be a lesson to ye both..."
Raph "What the—?!"
Fergie "...Kid Kennedy is nae to be bothered by the likes of manky scoundrels such as ye!"
[Fight'n Ferguson. Former boxing champion. Scot, bantam weight.]
Casey "Whoa, most guys get hauled away in an ambulance after a swat from ol' Fergie. Those guys are lucky he took it easy on 'em"
Raph "Ol' Fergie? That guy in the glasses?"
Casey "Yeah—and there's Angel's dad with his peacemaker."
Raph "And the case from the wreck. Big question is..."
"...What the heck're they doin' with it?"
[Five minutes earlier...]
Malo "Man, I'm freakin' bored. Ain't nothin' fun to do 'round here when we got no dinero. Yo, Angel—you think your old man got any odd jobs need doin'?"
Chun "Yeah, how about it? Think we can get some green off that tight-fisted old geezer?"
Angel "Maybe, Chun—if your ugly face don't scare him away first."
Chun "Yeah, very funny, girl."
Angel "Not as funny as your face."
Fergie "So this fella walks into a bar and sees this giraffe lyin' on the floor. He says to the bartender—who, by the way, cannae hear two well—he says, "Hey, what's that lyin' over there?" "
Fergie "And the bartender, he says, "That's nae a lion—that's a giraffe!" "
Brooklyn "Heh. That was funnier last week, Fergie."
Fergie "The classics never die, boyo. Just like us."
[Brooklyn S. Bridge. Bartender at the Skara Brae. Yes, that's really his name.]
Brooklyn "Well, I ain't gonna die in this hole, that's for sure. You'll have to save those old jokes for someone else, old man, 'cause I'm workin' and savin' to get my but outta here."
Fergie "Aye, and ye be sure to tell me how that goes, Brooklyn."
Brooklyn "You'll know it when I'm long gon—"
Kid "No... That's... Urk! Not for ye!"
Fergie "That sounds like the Kid!"
Fergie "Keep an eye on me pint for a bit, will ye, mate?"
Brooklyn "Here we go again..."
Brooklyn "...Never a dull moment."
Fergie "And let that be a lesson to ye both—Kid Kennedy is nae to be bothered by the likes of manky scoundrels such as ye!"
Brooklyn "You boys okay?"
Fergie "Aye, we're fine. Just some wee mosquitoes that needed swattin'."
Fergie "This what all that ruckus was about, then, hey, Kid?"
Kid "Aye, Fergie. They was tryin' to steal yer present away from me, but I wasnae gonna let 'em. It's me Tartan Week gift to ye! It's a dandy!"
Fergie "Tartan Week? What are ye talkin' about, K—"
Fergie "Oh, sweet mother o' God, diamonds!"
Kid "See, Fergie! I told ye it was a dandy!"
Fergie "And I told ye I donae need presents. I just want ye to keep yerself out o' trouble, and now look what ye've gone and done."
Fergie "We need to get this loot inside, but quick."
Brooklyn "Jones? Is that you?"
Casey "Uh... Yeah, Brooklyn, it's me."
Brooklyn "You and your friend got anything to do with this briefcase bein' here?"
Casey "Umm... Maybe."
Raph ··Crap! He saw me.··
Brooklyn "Then you two need to get your butts inside right now. And don't give me no lip, boy."
Casey "Uhh... Yes, sir."
Raph ··Dude, this sucks! Splinter'll massacre me twice if he finds out about the crash, and me bein' seen!··
Casey ··Just c'mon or Brooklyn'll waste us before your dad even gets a chance.··
Brooklyn "And if either of you two idiots say anything to anybody about what you just saw, you'll be fish food before sunrise! Understand?"
Timmy "Yeah... No... No problem, man. Ours lips are sealed."
Kanada "Actually, my lips are swollen..."
SORRY WE'RE CLOSED
Brooklyn "Okay, now don't nobody get crazy. We gotta figure out what just happened. Pretty as those diamonds look, ain't nothin' good about this."
Fergie "Brooklyn's right. Case full o' loot like this lands in yer lap, trouble's sure to follow."
Fergie "Kid, where in the world did ye find these?"
Kid "They just fell out o' the sky, Fergie, I swear! Like magic!"
Brooklyn "And what are you doin', Casey and...weird-lookin' friend? What the hell is that, anyways—some kinda costume?"
Raph "Umm... Yes?"
Brooklyn "Whatever. Just tell me how the hell you two are caught up in this."
Fergie "Aye, lads—spill it or I'll pop ye, too! What bloody mess have ye gotten the Kid into, eh? Ye ken he's not all there—why bring him into yer thievery?"
Casey "Whoa, whoa, hold up Fergie! I never stole nothin' in my life."
Brooklyn "What about—"
Fergie "I seem to recall—"
Casey "Well, nothin' like this, anyways. Me and Raph, we're caught in the middle of this just like the Kid."
Casey "Those diamonds came frmo this crazy car crash a few blocks away."
Fergie "Well, then, how are those pair o' choobs I just walloped involved?"
Kid "I coulda taken care o' those two by meself, Fergie! I was in the zone—like in the good ol' days!"
Fergie "Easy, boyo... I ken full well ye coulda. I was just helpin' an' such so we didnae have to talk to the police like last time ye threw fists."
Kid "Oh... Okay, Fergie, long as ye ken."
Fergie "Aye, lad—I do."
Fergie "Now, let's figure this whole thing out, shall we? And don't think I donae ken you're one o' them muties, green fella. I'm only trustin' ye because you're with young Jones here."
Fergie "So, why don't ye honor me trust and tell us what's goin' on?"
Raph "It... It's like Casey said—we were goofin' around on the rooftops and he lost one of his bats, when we heard this car crash and went to help."
Casey "And that's when we saw that case flyin' through the air and land in the Kid's basket. But that's the last we saw it until we got here, I swear. We took off this way after the cops got to the crash."
Brooklyn "And, the crash—do you know who it was?"
Casey "Nuh-uh. Looked like a buncha wiseguys to me, but I ain't sure."
Casey "It was a helluva nice car, though—or it was, before it ate that telephone pole."
Brooklyn "Man... I'm tellin' you guys, there's a fortune in diamonds here. Millions of bucks worth, easy."
Brooklyn "It's gotta be gang loot. It'd be a real shame to waste it on lowlifes who ain't gonna use the money for no good purpose."
Brooklyn "No way those goons are gonna forget about this loot. They're gonna come lookin' for it and then they're gonna erase whoever it is who's got it. And that, my friends, is us."
Brooklyn "So, we gotta get rid of it."
Fergie "What are ye sayin', Brooklyn?"
Brooklyn "Glad you asked, Fergie."
Brooklyn "I know a guy—good fence who don't ask no questions. I think he can move these rocks for us."
Brooklyn "We all take a cut, say our good-byes, and buy our way outta this hellhole for good."
Raph "Wait a sec—ain't that stealin'?"
Brooklyn "Look... What's your name?"
Brooklyn "Look, Raphael, it ain't like we're swipin' it from the offering plate at church, right? This is bad money from bad people—but we'll be using it for good, which is, well... Good, right?"
Raph "I don't know..."
BANG BANG BANG
"Dammit, Brooklyn, open up! I know you're in there!"
"...Who the hell's that?!"
[Five minutes earlier...]
Corbin "So you don't know who caused the wreck? You're sure, sir?"
Max "Yeah, I'm sure. And what's with all this "sir" crap, Corbin?"
Corbin "Dammit, Max, keep it down. Miller's already wonderin' why I'm here—he figures out me and you know each other, the jig's gonna be up."
Max "Sorry, sorry, man. It's just this freakin' crash has me all outta whack. I was ready for the ambush, like we planned. Not this."
Corbin "Yeah, well, that's what was supposed to happen—this here's nothin' but a screw-up of epic proportions. We gotta find those diamonds."
Max "Makes more sense for a cop to be snoopin' around a crash scene. I'll snag Louis and sweep the neighborhood."
Corbin "And if one of us does find them?"
Max "Then we gotta do what we gotta do. I'll take care of Louis..."
"...Miller's your problem."
Miller "We got a real problem here, Louis."
Louis "Don't I know it. I'm a dead man if we don't find those diamonds, believe you me."
Miller "You weren't too worried about dyin' when we agreed to steal the damn things."
Louis "Well, things have changed, huh? Savates are gonna be all over this place any minute, and they're gonna blame me for this!"
Miller "Nothin's changed. I'll find the diamonds and we'll bug out, just like we planned. Just keep that grease ball Frezatto away and I'll do the rest."
Louis "And the other cop?"
Miller "Let me worry about him."
Corbin "You, Miller, this guy's good to go."
Miller "Uh, yeah... Same with my guy."
Max "So, can we, y'know... Go?"
Corbin "Yeah, sure. We... We'll stick around here and, uh... Make sure things are copactic with the paramedics and stuff."
Miller "Uh... Yeah. Maybe, um... Get another good look at the crash scene. Just in case."
Corbin "Yeah... Just in case. Right."
Max "C'mon, Louis. Let's go for a walk."
Louis "Max, what the hell are we doing? Shouldn't we be looking for the diamonds?"
Max "Yeah, but I gotta make a phone call first... Let Fabrice know what's goin' on."
Louis "Aw, crap... Fabrice. That guy's gonna kill us when he finds out."
Max "Yeah, well, he'll kill us worse if we don't call 'im. Give me your phone—I left mine in the car."
Louis "Sorry, pal—looks like mine didn't survive the crash."
Max "Okay... I know a booze joint over here. We can use their phone. I'll buzz Fabrice real quick and then—what the...?"
Max "This dive never closes, 'specially not this early."
BANG BANG BANG
Max "Dammit, Brooklyn, open up! I know you're in there!"
Brooklyn "Casey—quick! Hide that case behind the bar."
Brooklyn "The rest of you, just chill and act normal."
Casey "Uh... Yeah."
Brooklyn "As normal as you can, at least."
Brooklyn "Man, we are dead."
Brooklyn "You, Max, my man—what's up?"
Max "What's up? You got your doors locked right in the middle of happy hour—what's up with you?"
Brooklyn "Oh, nothin', man. Just a little private bash tonight. No big thing."
Nax "Private... What? Give me a stinkin' break, man."
Max "I gotta use your phone—quit blockin' the damn door, wouldja?"
Brooklyn "Uh... Yeah... Sure. C'mon in, Max."
Max "Don't mean to bust up your little party. We ain't gonna be here long."
Louis "Hey, barkeep, pour me a pint—the colder the better. And turn that TV up, willya?"
Casey "A pint? Yeah... Umm..."
Brooklyn "Don't worry 'bout it, Casey. You get the TV..."
Brooklyn "...I'll take care of the man's thirst."
Max "C'mon, Fabrice, pick up, dammit..."
>...Serious car crash near the waterfront earlier this evening. Police and rescue crews are busy on the scene.<
"...Who the hell are you yappin' with?"
[Five minutes earlier...]
Fabrice "C'est pas sorcier, Josette. Pick one channel and stay there."
Josette "But, Fabby Wabby, there's nothin' good on."
Fabrice "You click that thing so fast, how can you even know what is on, hm?"
>...Arriving on the scene of what appears to be a one-vehicle automobile accident.<
Fabrice "Wait! Switch back to that channel you just passed. Vite!"
Fabrice "Mince! That is my car! That is Ferhid and the... The..."
Fabrice "...You two... Leave me! I need to make a phone call."
Josette "But, Fabby, we wanna watch—"
Fabrice "Je m'en fous! Go! Now!"
Fabrice "Dammit! Why do none of them answer?!"
Fabrice "They better pray they are dead, because I am going to kill them!"
Fabrice "Who is this?!"
Max >It's Max, boss.<
Fabrice "Max?! I have been calling you—I heard about the car crash. What is this number you are using?"
Max >Bar down here near the docks...<
Max >...My phone got lost in the crash and I think Louis' got smashed.<
Fabrice "Louis is with you? What about the others?"
Max >Yeah, Louis is here, but Fershid and Conner got banged up pretty bad. Ambulance has 'em.<
Fabrice "And the... Delivery?"
Max >Uh, yeah...<
Max >...We're still lookin' for that.<
Fabrice "What?! C'est pas vrai!"
Fabrice "You can find a bar but you cannot find my diamonds?!"
Max >We're lookin' for 'em, boss—or, we will be. Just wanted to make sure you knew 'bout the accident.<
Fabrice "Je n'en reviens pas! This was no accident! Someone—I do not know who—is setting us up, I just know it!"
Fabrice "Leave that bar, Max—go back to the "accident" and I will send Victor with a troop of Savates to help you to either find my damn diamonds... Or kill whoever has them!"
Victor "What's going on, boss? You okay?"
Fabrice "No, I am not okay! There has been a problem with the delivery—a crash!"
[Victor. Savate second-in-command. Sick of being treated like number two.]
Victor "Yeah... I saw the news."
Fabrice "Then you know where you need to go. Take your best men and scour that scene."
Fabrice "I will not be disrespected this way, dammit! I wanted to cut a peaceful deal, but if it's war they want, I will give them war!"
Fabrice "Go, Victor. Bring me my diamonds..."
"...Or bring me some heads!"
Victor "Miller, is that you?"
Miller >Yeah, Victor.<
Victor "What the hell's going on?!"
Miller "Everything's screwed up. All I know is the diamonds ain't nowhere to be found and not for lack of searchin', neither."
Victor >And Louis?<
Miller "He's shadowin' Frezatto right now. Tryin' to keep the place to myself as much as I can. But, Victor..."
Miller >...Corbin's here.<
Victor "Okay, listen... Just keep looking and I'll be there with my guys shortly. We can't let Fabrice get those diamonds back or our whole plan's show to hell."
Victor "This is a colossal mess..."
"...And I intend to clean it up before it gets any messier."
[Five minutes earlier.]
SECOND TIME Around
Donnie "Man, what a mess..."
Donnie "...Whose turn is it to wash the dishes, anyway?"
Mikey "Raph's—who else?"
Leo "Well, he needs to get back here and do it before these things grow legs and run away. What're he and Casey up to, anyway?"
Donnie "Goofing off—what else?"
Splinter "Michelangelo. Return to the program you just passed."
Mikey "But, Sensei—"
Mikey "Man, I wish Donnie'd build us a DVR."
>...Serious car crash near the waterfront earlier this evening. Police and rescue crews are busy on the scene.<
>Witnesses claim a pair of early Halloween revelers in costume jumped in to help the injured passengers. Our camera caught the alleged masked samaritans as they departed the scene—<
Mikey "And Casey! Cool!"
Splinter "No. Not cool."
Splinter "Leonardo, take your brothers, find Raphael and Casey Jones, and bring them here as quickly—and quietly—as possible."
Leo "Yes, Sensei."
Splinter "Raphael threatens to expose us all with his ill-timed heroics."
Mikey "Uh, Master... You can have the remote control now."
Splinter "Michelangelo, now is not the time for..."
Splinter "...Hm, thank you, my son."
Splinter "Now, which channel are my stories on?"
Leo "Okay, the news lady said the wreck was near the docks. That's a start, but it really doesn't help narrow down where Raph and Casey are."
Mikey "Whoa, bros! Check it out!"
Donnie "You know, if you wanted narrowing, Leo, something tells me we just got it."
Leo "Agreed. Let's go."
Mikey "First Raph's on the TV and now Savate Ninja dudes are after him?"
Mikey "Man, he is gonna be so busted when he gets home."
Donnie "You mean, if he gets home, Mikey."
Max "C'mon, c'mon..."
Max "Corbin, it's Max."
Corbin >Max, where the hell are you?!<
Max "I'm at the Skara Brae—place is full of weirdos and Louis is busy with a pint. I'm workin' on shakin' him so I can head back that way and help you look for the stuff."
Corbin "Well, the stuff ain't here, man—even with that bastard Miller breathin' down my neck the whole time, I looked high and low and nothin'."
Corbin "There's some funny business goin' on here and I don't like it... Not one stinkin' bit."
Max "Yeah... Yeah, I hear ya."
Corbin >Look, just dump Royo and get your ass back here. We're gonna have to hit this from a different angle.<
Max "C'mon, Louis. Fabrice went nuclear and sent Victor and a bunch of his Savates to the crash. We're supposed to meet 'em there."
Louis "Oh, man, Victor? This is very bad, my friend, believe you me."
Raph "Did you hear that, Casey? Savates, man. We gotta go get my brothers—no way we can fight those yahoos alone."
Brooklyn "Who said anything about fightin'..."
Brooklyn "...I told you guys, I can turn these diamonds into dough. We all get rich and we all go our separate ways and not one drop of blood spilled in the process."
Brooklyn "Whaddya say?"
Raph, Casey, Kid & Fergie "No!"
Fergie "Listen, lad, we ken ye got good intentions, but the risk is nae worth the reward in me book."
Kid "Aye! We gotta do the right thing and give it to the cops!"
Fergie "Nah, Kid, the lads in blue will ask too many questions. I'm thinkin' the best plan is to dump the case—diamonds and all—back at the accident. Let the cops find it on their own."
Brooklyn "Yeah? And which one of us supposed to do that, Fergie?"
Kid "Kid Kennedy!"
"We have returned from our reconnaissance as ordered, Kai."
Ninja "The news reports are true—there was a car crash."
Karai "What about the diamonds?"
Ninja "Nowhere to be found."
[Karai. Foot Ninja second-in-command. Serious granddaddy issues.]
[Master Shredder. Foot Ninja leader. Sharp mind, sharp tongue, sharp armor.]
Karai "What would you have me do, Grandfather?"
Shredder "I would have you retrieve my diamonds, Karai. What else?"
Shredder "Take your best ninja—go to the crash site and seize the tribute that was promised to us. Do so by any means necessary."
Shredder "One way or another..."
Shredder "...Those French upstarts will pay!"
Karai "As you wish, Master Shredder."
Max "Yo, Louis, do me a favor, wouldja? Stand guard in the alley while I take a leak."
Louis "Seriously, Max? Now?"
Max "Yeah, man, I really gotta go."
Louis "Fine. Just make it quick."
Max "Oh, this won't even take a second."
Timmy "We gotta get the briefcase, Kanada."
Louis "Wait, Max, you hear that?"
Kanada "Yeah, but how we gonna get it from Brooklyn, Two Shoes?"
Louis "In the alley—someone knows about the diamonds. C'mon."
Max "Yeah. Right."
Timmy "We're gonna need a heater, man. Go into the Skara Braze guns-a-blazin'."
Kanada "But where we gonna find guns that fast?"
Max "Turn around."
Louis "Now what were you saying about a briefcase?"
Timmy "Briefcase? Don't know what you're talkin' 'bout."
Louis "You know what I'm talkin' 'bout, pinhead?"
Timmy "Uh... Yeah... Man... Um... The briefcase? Sure, we know."
Timmy "It... It's at the Skara Brae. Bartender's got it. H-Him and those feeb Irish twits."
Louis "That bastard."
Max "We gotta get back there."
Kanada "What about us?"
Max "What about you?"
Max "You got hones?"
Timmy "Y-Yeah... Sure. Here you go."
Max "Louis. You go ahead. I... I still gotta take that leak."
Louis "Uh... Yeah... Okay."
Max "Corbin, it's Max. I know where the diamonds are."
Louis "Miller, it's Louis. I know where the diamonds are."
Miller "The diamonds? Where?"
Corbin "The diamonds? The Skara Brae? I'll be right there!"
Fershid "Fabrice, this is Fershid. I know where the diamonds are, patron."
Fabrice "A pub? Damn!"
Fabrice "I am heading that way, Fershid! I will handle this personally!"
Fabrice "Take my diamonds, hein? They are as good as dead!"
Louis "Damn, what took you so long?"
Miller "Had to ditch Corbin. That the place?"
Skara Brae PUB
Max "Yeah. Couple of dumbasses told us the diamonds are in there, Corbin."
Corbin "Damn. Can't decide if that's convenient or inconvenient."
Corbin "Well, 'least we know where they are. Where's Royo?"
Max "In the pub, far as I know."
Corbin "That gonna be a problem?"
Max "No, no problem..."
Louis "...No problem at all."
Brooklyn "Guys? Really? I... I just can't believe we're flushin' this all away. We could be so stinkin' rich."
Fergie "Nah, Brooklyn, we'd be the poorer for it, no matter how much money it'd bring us. In yer heart, ye know that's true."
Brooklyn "But... But... Ah, hell, fine, take it. Go."
Fergie "We best be goin', Kid. Time to get these diamonds back where they belong."
Kid "Like real heroes, eh, Brooklyn?"
Brooklyn "Yeah... Yeah, Kid. We're real heroes."
Raph "Casey, this ain't right. What if the Savates find them old dudes? We gotta make sure they're okay."
Casey "Yeah, okay. Let's go."
Raph "Man, I wish my brothers were here. We got ourselves in deep this time, bro."
Casey "I know. We'll just ha—hey, waitaminute! Look!"
Casey "That ain't where the crash was. Where're those old coots goin'?"
Raph "Dunno. C'mon!"
Casey "Cripes! What a crazy day."
Raph "Yeah—why'd you have to drop that stupid bat, man?"
Casey "Shut up, Raph."
Malo "Hey, Angel, ain't that your amigo Casey and one of them mutant turtles?"
Angel "...But why the hell they runnin' away from my dad's bar like that?"
Kid "But, Fergie, I thought ye said we were gonna put the diamonds back."
Fergie "I did, boyo, but that was just so we could get away. If we give 'em back, we'll only be helpin' bad folks."
Fergie "We keep 'em, we can finally get ye that operation ye been needin'—get yer head back workin' right again. Wouldnae that be good now, mate?"
Kid "Aye, I suppose, but—"
Fergie "No buts, boyo. This... This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity knockin' on our door. We get the money, we get ye better, and we get home to Scotland like we've been wantin' for so long."
Fergie "Now, doesnae that sound lovely? These diamonds are the answer to our best dreams, Kid, truly."
Victor "Or, your worst nightmares."
Victor "I'm afraid Scotland's not in the cards for you, gentlemen."
Victor "Give me the diamonds, or your next trip will be to an early grave."
Casey "...I don't think so."
Leo "Neither do we."
Leo "What's this all about?"
Karai "About, reptile?"
Karai "This is about what rightfully belongs to the Foot Clan."
Raph "Casey, whatever you do..."
Raph "...Don't lose your bat now."
Casey "Yeah... Right."
Brooklyn "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Put the guns down, guys! What the hell?!"
Corbin "The diamonds, Brooklyn—we know they're here!"
Max "Yeah. Hand 'em over!"
Miller "You ain't gettin' jack!"
Angel "Hey, pops, what's up with Casey and—whoa!"
Brooklyn "Dammit, Angel, what you doing here?!"
Angel "I was comin' to borrow twenty bucks. But now it looks like I'm getting shot with you, instead."
Brooklyn "No one's gettin' shot!"
Brooklyn "Listen, all of you! There ain't no diamonds! Tear the place apart if you want—you ain't gonna find anything."
Fabrice "Tear the place apart?"
Fabrice "That sounds like an excellent idea."
Angel "Aw, man!"
Angel "This is exactly why I won't work here in the summer, Dad!"
Fabrice "Royo! Frezatto! You turncoats will pay!"
Miller "Dammit, Corbin, this ain't good!"
Corbin "Tell me about it! Don't know about you, but I'm done dealin' with these freakin' ninjas!"
Fabrice "You have brought certain war down upon us! You will die for that!"
Max "No, Fabrice, wai—grk!"
Miller "Next time, we work together. Deal?!"
Brooklyn "Angel, drop those sticks and pick up the phone!"
Brooklyn "Call the cops, call the fire department... Hell, call the marines!"
>SWAT 1, this is Central.<
>We need units en route to the Skara Brae Pub diverted to the surrounding docks.<
>Multiple calls coming in of a major disturbance there that may be related.<
"Roger that, Central."
Leo "Raph, what the hell have you gotten into?"
Raph "Can we talk about this later, Leo? Kinda busy right now!"
Karai "Fool! Do you not realize the calamity you bring upon yourselves should you refuse the tribute demanded of our master?!"
Victor "Save your breath, girl! Fabrice may bow down to you pathetic Foot, but I never will!"
Kid "Just like the ol' days, hey, Fergie?!"
Fergie "Aye, boyo!"
Casey "I hope I live long enough to have ol' days!"
Leo "This isn't our fight! We need to get Raph and Casey and get the heck outta here!"
Mikey "You don't gotta convince me, bro—tell it to these guys!"
Victor "The briefcase! Savate, get it!"
Karai "Foot Ninja! Retrieve the diamonds for our master!"
Casey "I got it!"
Foot Ninja "No, this belongs to our master!"
Foot Ninja "Foot!"
Foot Ninja "Catch!"
Casey "Foot, miss!"
Victor "Merci beaucoup!"
Victor "Je l'ai!"
Donnie "'Scuse my French!"
Raph "Foot, meet Foot!"
Foot Ninja "Uff!"
Kid "Look there, Fergie—it's yer Tartan gift!"
Leo "Batter up!"
Victor & Karai "I..."
Victor & Karai "...Have it!"
Karai "It is mine, fool!"
Victor "You'll have to take it!"
Karai "Very well!"
Karai "As I said, the case is..."
Mikey "Wise man say, forget luck, use a chuck!"
Mikey "Okay, who's next?"
FWP FWP FWP FWP
FWP FWP FWP FWP
Casey "You know, I coulda had a baseball scholarship, too."
Casey "And the crowd goes wild!"
Casey "You guys want this, huh?"
Casey "Then go get it!"
Casey "Yeah—not the first time I been called that! I'm outta here!"
Kid "Aye! Us, too!"
"This is the New York City Police Department! You will stand down! Now!"
Leo "Cops! Disappear, guys!"
Karai "Foot, vanish!"
Victor "Savate, fall back!"
"Stand down, team..."
"...Nothing here but a stinkin baseball bat."
[The next day.]
Miller "Looks like Fabrice and his boys ain't too happy, eh, Corbin? Too bad 'cause their trip up the river's just startin'."
Corbin "Yeah, we're lucky we're not in there with them. I'm tellin' you, no more ninjas."
Miller "I hear ya. Matter of fact, I got somethin' else in the works—no ninjas whatsoever."
Corbin "Do tell..."
Karai "Master, the new leader of the Savate is stubborn. He does not fear us the way his predecessor did. There will be no tribute from him."
Shredder "Then we will teach him how to fear us, Karai... And all others who dare stand in our way."
Shredder "The tribute would have bought the Savate protection from my wrath. But now that the diamonds are lost..."
Shredder "...The only payment I will accept is their very lives."
Josette "So you're really in charge now, Vikki-poo?"
Victor "Yes, Josette—at least until Fabrice finds his way out of prison. Which won't be for a very long time."
Victor "Until then, things are going to be different around here, you'll see."
Fergie "So this guy walks into a bar and sees this giraffe lyin' on the floor next to the bar."
Kid "Oi! I like this one!"
Brooklyn "Shoot me now."
Kanada "So, you still wanna look for that flyin' briefcase, Two Shoes?"
Timmy "Don't talk to me, Kanada. Ever again."
Casey "Dude, I never knew there was this many dishes in the world."
Raph "You ain't kiddin'."
Casey "Your dad's pretty mad, huh?"
Raph "Yeah. Still, coulda been worse."
Raph "I'd rather have dishpan hands than his walking stick up where the sun don't shine."
Casey "True dat."
Casey "So, you know whatcha wanna do when we get these things done?"
Raph "Oh... I got an idea or two."
Casey "Ha-ha! I win again!"
Casey "And you lose, lose, lose, you big freakin'..."
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