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Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids. |
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[65 million years ago. The age of dinosaurs.] Savanti Romero "—Your luck has run out!" Savanti "Surrender or die—it's inconsequential to me!" |
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Leonardo (Mirage) "Pardon me if I choose neither!" Savanti "Come to me—!" KA-ZAARK [His name was Savanti Romero and he was once a Time Master...] [Apprentice to Lord Simultaneous himself, he began to abuse his power, warping time and space for his own gain. For these transdimensional crimes he was stripped of everything he was—] [—His rank, his wife, even his body was transformed before he was banished to the primeval wastelands of ancient Earth. This was the end of his story. He never successfully escaped his exile...] [At least, that's how it had been...] [But what had always been was about to be changed by two time travelers.] [Now you might think that I'm about to tell you the story of Savanti's escape...] [But I'm not.] [I'm going to tell you the story of his two most unlikely, and totally unwitting, saviors. Two people who will very nearly destroy all of reality...] [...Well, maybe I shouldn't be throwing the word "people" around.] |
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[Presently in 2016. The Natural History Museum, New York City.] NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM THE MYSTERIES OF THE ANCIENT SORCERESS Leonardo (IDW) "If you brought us here just because you're excited about some new dinosaur bones, I'm going to be a little ticked, Donatello." Donatello "Oh, no. It's not a dinosaur. It's this exhibit with the mummified woman." Raphael "Oh, the one from the ads all over town? "Come discover the mysteries of the ancient sorceress." " Donnie "That's the one. They believe the mummy is from the Cretaceous period, millions of years before humans ever evolved." Raph "Once you've seen them live and in flesh, these dino bones just aren't impressive." Michelangelo "I was actually a little disappointed when we went back in time and didn't find a bunch of skeletons roaming the earth! Haha!" Leo "Donnie, I get that this mummy is strange, but you could have checked it out on your own." Donnie "It's not the mummy I want to see, Leo. It's the strange animal bones they found with her." Mikey "Guys, check this out. This plaque says that this pteranodon is 86 million years old." Leo "Yeah. So?" Mikey "Well, Donnie and I came here a year ago. Shouldn't it say 86 million and one years old now? Hahaha!" Donnie "Good one. Hey, Mikey, you know they say that if a pteranodon was alive today you wouldn't be able to hear it go to the bathroom... Besides the "P" is silent. Get it?" Mikey "Haha ha!" Leo "Would you guys knock it off and get serious?" Donnie "Right. That exhibit is over this way." |
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Leo "You know, Donatello, I take it back. This mummy is pretty cool. I've never seen anything like it." Donnie "Well, enjoy that while you can because what I'm about to show you is... Well, less "cool" and more like... "Totally disturbing." " Donnie "Recognize these guys?" Raph "That isn't—" Mikey "Bebop and Rocksteady? But—that's impossible! Right?" Donnie "Well, no. Not right. It's possible..." Donnie (n) "What my brothers and I don't know is that we're about to go on one of our craziest adventures yet." Donnie (n) "My name is Donatello and I'm going to try my best to help you understand what might become a very confusing tale." Donnie (n) "But, again, just as this isn't a story about Savanti, this is also nto a story about us..." Leo "Hold up! Are you saying Bebop and Rocksteady went back in time...?" |
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[Not yet they haven't. They will soon, but in this very moment they are actually halfway across the world.] [Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.] Rocksteady "You can't do this to us." Bebop "It was an accident." Rocksteady "Come on, Reggaeton. All this for one little slip-up? So one of your ships sinks? You've got another one...!" |
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TATATATA TATATATA TATATATA Rocksteady "You twerps are really asking for it!" WHAM grrNNN Rocksteady "Sonofa—hey, Bebop, I think that was Fabianna and Raz. Think they're okay?" Bebop "Please, Reggaeton. Haven't we been good soldiers? I mean, other than wiping out most of your war-robot things." Bebop "You can't kick us out of the Lamina Negra Commandos!" Reggaeton "I'm not kicking you out, you idiots, I'm killing you!" Reggaeton "And stop calling me Reggaeton!" BLAM BLAM BLAM |
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Ping Ping Ping Rocksteady "But it's a wonderful Latin music style that often speaks about the trouble of inner-city life." Bebop "Yeah, it suits you." Reggaeton "Musical style gang names are stupid!" Reggaeton "Send them all out!" Reggaeton "I'm going to make feijoada soup out of you, and use your skulls to serve it in!" BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA |
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BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA BOOM grrrrrrrrrrr RROOOOAARR Reggaeton "No, wait! I like the name! Meu Deus!" |
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Bebop "This sucks! Here we are again! Kicked out. On our own. It's the story of our lives and it stinks, Rocksteady!" Rocksteady "Makes you wonder, why'd those guys whip us all the way down here to Africa if they was just gonna kick us out of the gang?!" Bebop "Isn't it obvious? They wanted us cause we're bad-ass mutants. That was the whole point of us becoming mutants, so that this sort of thing wouldn't happen again." Bebop "But look around you, Rocksteady, here we are. Loser-ville, Africa. Population: Us... Plus all the other people that live here." WHOP Rocksteady "Hey, at least we always got each other. Let's go grown our sorrows, huh, pal?" Bebop " "Each other..." " Rocksteady "Let's just get out of here. We'll snag some quick cash, scare a couple of people, knock over a couple of stores, and be outta here by tomorrow night. Fly back to New York." Bebop " "Fly back"? What, like, book a flight? Look at us, Rocksteady!" Rocksteady "Oh, I see your point." Bebop "Yeah, we look nothing like out old ID's anymore. We won't make it through security. Think, dip-stick!" HOME Bebop "Fact the facts, man. It's over." Bebop "There's no more Foot Clan. No more mighty mutant Foot monsters... No more Bebop and Rocksteady." |
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[Meanwhile. The Natural History Museum, New York City.] Mikey "Guys, you should check this out." Mikey "It's this gemstone thing. It's a trip." Mikey "There's some kind of swirling energy in it..." Leo "Mikey, what are you doing?" Raph "I'll get him off there." Donnie "Hold on, Raph, I think I can see what Michelangelo is seeing." Mikey "...It's like it wants me to..." Mikey "...Touch." Renet "Ooph!" Renet "What the heck?! This certainly doesn't look like the Neurial Empire, much less the year 6056. Must have made a wrong turn at the—" Leo "Renet?" |
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Renet "My gosh, you guys like totally scared me! What are you doing here?" Donnie "Us? What are you doing here?" Renet "Right. That's an even better question." Renet "What is this place and why do you guys have so many dead dinosaurs?" Raph "Renet, this is a museum." Renet "It's morbid is what it is." Mikey "Whoa! Renet, dig the new look!" Renet "It's good to see you guys again. How are you?!" Leo "Oh, you know us, Renet, just hanging out with dinosaur bones, discovering our enemies' fossilized remains from 80 million years ago." Mikey "You know, the usual." Donnie "Actually, Renet, I think I know what's brought you here." Renet "Hold on, Donatello, just tell me what you all were doing the moment before I got here." Donnie "That's what I'm trying to tell you, Renet, I think you were summoned when Mikey touched..." Donnie "...This." Donnie "Have you seen anything like it?" Renet "Oh, yes, though not too often." Renet "It's a beacon, a kind of automatic teleporter." Renet "I don't know much about it." Renet "It's future Time Master technology and very rare. And it activated when you touched it?" Donnie "Yeah." Leo "Are you saying that this mummy was a Time Master like you?" Renet "She certainly was... It's also clear that she knew you guys." Raph "What? How could she have known us?" Renet "When you touched the beacon it activated." Renet "Surely people have touched the beacon before you, but it activated when you touched it." Renet "She knew you guys, obvs... I wonder if I know her. It's not like there are millions of Time Masters. I bet I've met her." Donnie "The thing is, Renet, we have only ever known one Time Master." Renet "Right... Oh..." Donnie "Yeah." Raph "What? What is it?" |
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Renet "This mummy is me... This is my dead body..." Renet "I wonder... How long it will it be before I die?" Mikey "Um... So you're saying that at some point future Renet will travel back in time to the Cretaceous period and like, die and become this mummy." Mikey "And she'll leave that beacon for us to find and summon a younger version of herself?" Leo "Uh... Yeah, that's exactly right, Mikey." Mikey "Hey, don't look so surprised. I'm not a total idiot, you know." Renet "If future me went back to the Cretaceous, it can only be for one reason... Savanti Romero!" Renet "He must have survived after we saw him get hit by that cosmic energy and fall into the ocean." Donnie " "Cosmic energy?" " Raph " "Fall into the ocean?" " Mikey "Also, "he"? And "survive"? And "we"? " Leo "Renet, who's Savanti Romero?" Renet "Don't you guys remember?" Renet "Savanti tried to use my Time Scepter to focus a bolt of cosmic energy that would cause all of the volcanos to blow..." Raph, Donnie, Mikey & Leo "Ummm..." Renet "...You know, thus upsetting Earth's revolution around the sun, thus stopping the asteroid from hitting the Earth, thus the dinosaurs never went extinct and humans never evolved! But we went back and stopped him!" Raph "What? Renet, that sounds completely crazy!" Mikey "Yeah, Renet, you cray cray." Leo "Although that sounds exciting, all we did was go back to the Cretaceous and narrowly escaped being captured by the Utroms. There was nobody named Savanti." Renet "And I was there?" Leo "Well, yeah... Sort of." Renet "Oh! I see. What you're talking about, with the Utroms, that hasn't happened for me yet." |
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Leo "Wait. If that hasn't happened, what about the Battle Nexus Tournament? Has that happened for you?" Renet "With you guys in it?" Donnie "Renet, those are the only times we've met you. If they haven't happened for you—" Raph "How do you know who we are?" Renet "Oh, we've met bunches of times, but it's possible that it was alternate-dimension versions of you that I met." Renet "The multi-verse is vast. May alternate dimensions. Many versions of you guys. Only one of me, though, by the way. Time Masters are special that way." Mikey "That's it. I think you just broke my brain." Raph "If you go back to stop this Savanti guy and you lose, then what happened to Savanti? And what are Rocksteady and Bebop doing here?!" Renet "I summoned myself here with the beacon so that we can find that out together. Savanti surely took my Time Scepter." Donnie "So he could be anywhere in time and space!" Renet "Oh, it's worse than that, Donatello. He's a Time Master, he could even be in a different dimension." Renet "But there is hope. He has my time scepter. The very same one I hold in my hand, albeit a future incarnation of it." Renet "That means this Scepter and the one he has are linked. With all of my time traveling, me and my Time Scepter are repeated all across time and space and dimensions." Renet "I'm capable of tracking every repeat—" Renet "A-ha! I knew it!" Renet "I knew there must be a reason I created that beacon to send me back here." Renet "My stolen Scepter exists her and now on Earth!" Donnie "It's in New York?" Renet "I said "Earth," not New York. Now let's go get it." Renet "I can't wait to see the look on Savanti's face..." |
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[Rio de Janeiro. In the home of Bebop and Rocksteady.] Rocksteady "Hey, Bebop, remember, like a week ago, that guy that wanted us to join his gang?" Bebop "How could I forget? Must have been a mutant like us." Bebop "He looked like the devil. He made a good choice." Bebop "But we were loyal to the Commandos so we blew that chance." Rocksteady "Yeah. We messed that creep up good too... I wonder if he's still hiring." Bebop "Didn't we jack some crazy wand thing off him?" Rocksteady "Oh, yeaaaahh. I think we still got that thing somewhere." Rocksteady "Maybe it's worth something." Bebop "I suppose if we returned it, said we were sorry, he might let us in his gang." Rocksteady "Yeah. See, that's the spirit..." Rocksteady "A-ha! Got it!" Bebop "Weird devil guy, here we come!" Bebop & Rocksteady "What tha...?" |
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Bebop & Rocksteady "It's the turtles!" Mikey "Bebop and Rocksteady?!" Donnie "Whoa whoa whoa. What are they doing here?" Renet "Where is Savanti?" Raph "Look! They've got the Time Scepter!" Bebop "Oh, you little creeps are going to get it." Rocksteady "After what you did to us last time, I've been just itching for a chance to mash you little dweebs into green goo." Mikey "Oh! Isn't that nice? He's got such a wonderful way with words, that Rocksteady." Leo "All right, bros, remember, fight smart." Leo "Use their strength against them." Leo "We gotta get that Scepter." Rocksteady "Does he mean this thing? Ha! We already destroyed twenty heavily armed military robots and killed about fifty dudes tonight." Bebop "Crushing youse creeps will be the icing on the cake." Raph "Dude, your breath is kickin'!" |
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Bebop "We'll make turtle soup out of you. And then serve it in your skulls!" Donnie "Serve it? To who?" Rocksteady "Each other, and we'll like it." Leo "They must end up using the Scepter to go back to the Cretaceous." Renet "Wait, it was their bones we saw at the museum?" Leo "Well, yeah." Renet "In this timeline? That's odd." Donnie "Why is that odd?" Renet "I'll have to explain later." |
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Rocksteady "You really want this thing? You got it!" Donnie "Guys! Pull the chain!" YANK BA ZAAM! Mikey "Daaaaannnnngggg—" |
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Bebop "Ghaaaaaa! Ah! Aaaahhhh!" BLOP Bebop "What the hell just happened? Hey! You hit me on the head!" Rocksteady "Bebop, look around. I don't think we're in Africa anymore." Bebop "We're back! We're home, Rocksteady! New York." Rocksteady "This Scepter thing must be some kind of magicky-travel... Thing." Bebop "Oh, man! It is good to be back." Bebop "Feels almost like a second chance being back here." Rocksteady "I think we're not far from our old hideout on 113th. We could probably lay low there." Bebop "Good idea." Bebop "Hold up. Check it out. Someone's in there." Human Bebop "...Well you could have fooled me. The way you treat this place and my things. See this? This is mine. See this—" Human Rocksteady "Oh, shut up! You're the one who isn't pulling his weight anymore..." (Mutant) Rocksteady "Heh heh. Sounds like a fight. Let's give em a scare." |
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Human Bebop "Oh, yeah. Where would you be without me? Huh?" Human Rocksteady "Jeez! Just shut up, would you. I'm so sick of this." (Mutant) Bebop "Snorf" Human Rocksteady "What the?" Mutant Bebop "I'll give you wimps to the count of seven to get... Out..." Mutant Bebop "Uh... Rocksteady? Do you see what I'm seeing?" Human Rocksteady "B-B-B-Bebop, how does that thing know my name...?" Human Bebop "..." [New York City. In the year 2000.] [Did you think they were going back to the age of the dinosaurs? Dudes, if it were only so simple.] |