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Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids. |
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Turtle April "Nooooo!" Turtle April "Nononono!" Turtle April "Ahh!" April O'Neil "Nonononono..." April "...No more pizza at bedtime." [Strange dream.] [Like my reality isn't.] |
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April "Yeah, it's strange, all right..." KLK KLK KLK KLK Raphael "Hey, April—you got a hula girl to go with that palm tree?" April "She'd take one sniff and run away in fear!" April "My van's smelled pretty ripe since I met you guys..." Michelangelo "That's turtle power!" [Maybe people wouldn't shy away from the weird so much if they knew how much of our natural world is truly bizarre.] KLK KLK KLK Donatello "It's not one I'd brag about." Donnie "Sorry, April. My brothers aren't exactly masters of personal hygiene." [Any biologist knows that a microscope proves our world is filled with strange beings and crazy sci-fi environments.] [When you change the scale, your perception of "normal" adjusts.] Raph "Like you don't smell just the same as the rest of us, Donnie!" [So I'm used to weird.] Mikey "Hey, Donnie, why don'tcha knock it off with the clicking, willya?" Mikey "You're making my brain hurt!" Donnie "Sorry. It helps me clear my head." Donnie "Look, guys, I know you don't want to think about it, but we're too vulnerable living above ground at April's shop. Nothing's stopping Stockman from building another turtle tracker and finding the shop." [It is taking a little longer...] |
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[...To get over the novelty of having it talk to me.] Raph "Not the turtle tracker hunt again! That thing got destroyed!*" [*See TMNT MICRO-SERIES: DONATELLO.] Donnie "One was destroyed." [Yeah. I have talking humanoid turtles in my van.] Raph "Let it go, Donnie. Don't borrow trouble." Mikey "They're the ones in trouble! If they come a'trackin', they'll get a smackin'!" Mikey "Ninja style!" [Their verbalization alone is a biological anomaly.] Leonardo "Ninja style is subtle and invisible." [The ninja thing is another level fo weirdness altogether.] Donnie "If I could just analyze its circuitry to determine—" Mikey "English, dude!" [My turtles are a walking, talking, successful experiment in biochemical engineering.] Donnie "If I can play with it, it'll be easy-peasy to make it not work!" Donnie "Is that English enough?" [Or maybe just an accidental miracle.] |
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[We're taught, as scientists, to maintain a dispassionate observer role.] [It's how I handle stress—objectify and analyze. Use science to shield my heart.] [But I can't do that with the turtles. I feel too protective of them now.] [After all, I named them.] [The biologist in me is fascinated. How many variables were involved? The length of exposure to a mutagenic agent, interference from the Foot Ninja, contamination of the alley environment...] [...The friend in me wonders...] [...Becoming lucid... Aware... More human, did it hurt them?] STOCKGEN RESEARCH INC. ENGINEERING A FUTURE STOCKED WITH SCIENTIFIC INNOVATION [Now my turtles live like fugitives.] [We did that—good ol' StockGen.] [I used to believe in the purity of science.] [The process of experimentation and replication yielding reliable results. Adding to the wealth of human knowledge.] [Studying the beautiful mysteries of reality.] [But that's crap.] |
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[I'm finding out that corporate science is just as corrupt as any other big business.] [If they can track the turtles down, they'll probably vivisect them, sell what they learn, and justify it as science.] CAFE LAB [I can't let that happen.] [I want to leap into action and help!] [But that's my heart leaping, not my head. I need a plan.] [I already know StockGen's got a scientific dark alley—the turtles are proof.] [What's missing is evidence.] [Which has to be here somewhere.] [How can I find it? I'm no ninja...] [...And not, despite Casey's help, really a fighter...] CLEARANCE MARY WHARTON 37-003-23 LEVEL 05 STOCKGEN [...But I could...] [...Be a spy.] |
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Chet Allen "So this is the t-tracking unit?" Chet "How exactly does it detec the terrapi—" Chet "G-Good morning, April!" [Terrapin? Turtle?] [That's Donatello's tracker?] April "Got a new TV remote there, Chet?" Chet "Uh..." [Need a plan. Need a plan. Need a plan.] Chet "Well, y-you know... Always something new here. Heh." |
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[There's got to be something...] [...Something simple!] April "None of my business, I'm sure." April "Anyway, do you have the nutrient schedule for the—" [Fluid mechanics plus psychology equals...] Chet "Whups!" [...Pinball!] [Poor Chet...] [...Look what I made you do!] KRZZZZZT |
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BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP [This experiment...] STOCKGEN ☣ EXPERIMENT SERIES 2051-2076 FAILURE STOCKGEN ☣ EXPERIMENT SERIES 2051-2077 FAILURE STOCKGEN ☣ EXPERIMENT SERIES 2051-2078 FAILURE BWRRRRRRRRRR [...Is a big success.] BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP |
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STOCKGEN ☣ EXPERIMENT SERIES 2051-2078 FAILURE Chet "I—I—How c-could...?" April "I'm sure you didn't mean for that to happen." Chet "B-But I—" Chet "—I d-didn't!" April "No one's blaming you." April "Can I help you clean up?" "Everybody out! You can come back after we give the all clear." [I'll be back...] [...Tonight.] |
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April "—Not sure if they were planning to use it soon, but for now, it's safely stashed and you can have it in your hands by tomorrow!" Donnie "I told you we needed to pay attention to that turtle tracker tech!" Raph "Okay, Donnie, you're not as crazy as we thought!" Mikey "You did good, April!" Leo "Absolutely, April, but you shouldn't take any more big risks on our behalf." April "You really think you guys are the only ones who should take risks?" Leo "No, but—" April "Don't you want to get your hands on that tracker?" April "If I get caught, I just say I was curious about the damage and whoops! I used the wrong I.D!" Leo "O... Kay. Just be careful." |
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[Nothing to see here...] [...Just a jogger. Pay no attention.] [Nobody special.] [Move along, move along, just an ordinary coworker back to check on the damage.] [You see me every day. Don't bother looking at...] [...That?!] Stone Soldier "—How unhappy General Krang will be if the biological areas are not resecured soon." [Hold on! That guy is solid stone!] Chet "Everything seems f-fine. It was just a short-circuit." [And Chet's not surprised?] [I thought the turtle tracker was something—] [There's much bigger secrets here!] |
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Stone Soldier "I intend to be able to reassure him that all is well—" Stone Soldier "You!" Stone Soldier "What are you doing there?" Stone Soldier "Halt and identify yourself! What is your name?" Stone Soldier "I said halt!" [My name is "outta here."] VREEE-OOOOO-VREEE-OOOOO- Stone Soldier "What the—?" LAB |
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[I revise my earlier assessment.] [My name is now "totally screwed."] [No stone guy...] [...Maybe he thinks I bolted for the exit?] [Where am I?] [What is this?] [Genetic manipulation.] [The turtles were only the beginning...] |
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STOCKGEN ☣ EXPERIMENT SERIES 2051-2077 FAILURE [...And from the looks of the damage...] [...Somebody else got tired of being an experiment.] [I can't ignore what I'm seeing here.] KRAK Stone Soldier "I told you to halt!" |
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VREEE-OOOOO-VREEE-OOOOO-VREEE [This is frighteningly familiar...] [...Only I'm not dreaming this time.] [There's no way out except through him.] [Think, April. You may not have a shell, but you have a brain.] [Objectify and analyze.] KA-CHNKK PSSSSHH Stone Soldier "Ahh!" [Thanks for the self-defense lessons, Casey—] [Let's hope I ace my final!] |
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KLANGK KREESN [It's the oldest relationship in the natural world, right?] [He's the predator, I'm the prey.] [I am way outmatched.] [So I should be terrified.] [And I am. My brain just doesn't know it yet.] [Adrenaline is pretty cool stuff. Clears your head.] [Lets your body do what it needs to do in that "fight or flight" moment.] |
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VREEE-OOOOO-VREEE-OOOOO-VREEE-OOOOO- [Too bad it doesn't last forever.] [Pretty soon I'm gonna crash.] [Before that happens, I need to...] [...Escape.] Stone Soldier "What—?" Stone Soldier "In here! One of the experiments is out!" Stone Soldier "Secure it before—" THOK Stone Soldier "Graaaugh!" CRASH VREEE-OOOOO-VREEE-OOOOO-VREEEE-OOOOO-VREEE- |
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VREEE-OOOOO-VREEE-OOOOO- "There! Follow me!" [All clear?] [Thank God, all clear.] [At least for now.] VREEE-OOOOO-VREEE-OOOOO-VREEE- "You! Freeze!" |
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[I have no plan for getting out the door, but it doesn't matter. It's abandoned.] [Whatever that rocky guy was yelling about, they're all busy chasing it.] [So I'm out with the tracker and more questions than answers.] [Typical scientific scenario.] WELCOME TO STOCKGEN [It is creepy being out here this late...] [But I'm not afraid of anything anymore.] THMPP [Not after that.] THMMMP [Just sick and sad knowing what's really going on in there.] WHANNNG |
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[That's what happens when science goes bad.] [Who knows what other beings they might torture into existence?] [What I do know is who's going to be there to stop them.] [Four talking humanoid turtles...] [...And a hockey player with issues...] [...And me.] |