Thread:The S/@comment-995426-20160811235231

On several fronts, I suppose. Not only did I misconstrue your intentions and statements, but on Monday I was having a pretty nasty panic attack that lasted all day. I know you said I should see a doctor&mdash;I do, and have been for most of my life. The problem with panic attacks is that they take so long to dissipate, and meanwhile I either sit and feel miserable, or I try to channel it into something productive. The problem with that is, in the process I become super manic, a lot more than I already usually am, hence the hastily thrown together forum thread proposal. And then when I suddenly saw a user barreling through articles and deleting categories, I had to comment on it, but I think I was a lot more brusque than I should have been. And when he became hostile towards me, it effectively boosted my panic attack, in the process destroying what clear judgment I had left.

The rest of that day was hell. The next morning was an aftershock panic attack. The next morning after that was another, smaller, aftershock panic attack. Then morning after that was more normal, and it's been flushed out of my system.

The problem with me having a panic attack, is that I can't exactly easily say I'm having one when I'm having one. They're already very unpredictable things, and advertising that I'm having one makes them even more volatile and unpredictable by adding even more variables to the mix in the way other people react to it. I can only talk about it in the open now that it's finally dissipated.

And the trigger for the first panic attack? When you told me all your frustrations. I felt really, really bad that I'd contributed to so much stress on your part. Over the past three days, it's all actually had me thinking more about my relationship to this wiki and what I should be doing in the future. But that's not the topic of this post. This is my apology, and I'm sorry for all that.

Anyway, do you remember at all me saying, a while back, that I never want to be made an admin here? (Or perhaps I told Trigger009.) The reason is because I cannot be guaranteed to be stable at all times. Most of the time, I'm fine, and edit with a bit of eager mania. But during a panic attack, the very core of my judgment is altered, and all bets are off. Fortunately, as long as no one's yelling at me, they're relatively rare and most never involve Turtlepedia. 