Thread:Gilgameshkun/@comment-16581186-20151129161318/@comment-995426-20151203194242

Sugilita:

Well, it's not like I ever wanted a shipping war or anything like that. Thing is, I don't care who other people ship on their own. That's a fandom thing, up to the whims of each fan. If you ever wanted further proof, look at the vast sea of Leo &times; Raph shippers on deviantART and other social media sites. If I can tolerate that, I can tolerate practically any ship people can imagine.

What I do care about, is...well, you've already heard me say it enough times, and I should hope you understand me well enough by now. I've always been a particular kind of TMNT fan, more inclined towards Mirage than Fred Wolf. And when a show pulls me in and I start really loving it for its literary merits, I at least want it to not make me feel like repeatedly banging my head against a wall. It should feel right to watch, and not start feeling horribly, horribly wrong. That seems like a simple, reasonable wish.

I'm probably always going to feel the way I do about what the show's become, but what I'm tired of is the discord between users. And above all, I want to feel safe and welcome here in my sincere interests (and dislikes), and since a few days ago I suddenly stopped feeling that. Instead, I started feeling (perhaps irrationally) like I'm considered a nuisance, like my most honest fan opinions are a burden at best tolerated but never quite respected. It's a complex mixture of feeling irritated, frustrated, betrayed, ridiculed and rejected, and it all makes me angry.

Meanwhile, I've been trying to keep myself focused more on other areas of the wiki. Been doing a lot of busywork, organizing categories, creating some new gallery pages, etc. It helps me feel a little calmer, but ultimately I'd feel a whole lot better if I felt like people actually respect me and take me seriously&mdash;the paradox being, I'm probably too angry lately to see when people actually try to do that.

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned burned out, and I keep hanging around and editing because I want that next Extreme Dedication badge. 153 days and counting, and maybe too obsessive-compulsive to appreciate whether it's even worth it.